Nov. 18, 2025

Emotional Intelligence in Action: How Real Leaders Move People and Make Change

Emotional Intelligence in Action: How Real Leaders Move People and Make Change
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We’ve all heard about emotional intelligence, but most leaders haven’t been taught how to use it in real-time, especially when the pressure is high and the outcomes matter most.
In this powerful episode of Beyond Confidence, host Divya Parekh welcomes TEDx speaker and changemaker Suzanne Smith for a grounded, practical conversation about how emotional intelligence manifests in action, not just theory.

Beyond Confidence is broadcast live Tuesdays at 10AM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Beyond Confidence TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

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WEBVTT

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The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are

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solely those of the hosts and their guests, and not

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those of W four WN Radio It's employees or affiliates.

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be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing

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W four WN Radio.

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This is Beyond Confidence with your host d W. Park.

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Do you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do

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you want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional,

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and financial goals? Well? Coming up on ZVO parks Beyond Confidence,

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you will hear real stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers

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who have stemps into discomfort, shattered their satus quo, and

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are living the life they want. You will learn how

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relationships are the key to achieving your aspirations and financial goals.

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Moving your career business forward does not have to happen

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at the expense of your personal or family life or

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vice versa. Learn more at WWWA You don't divpork dot

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com and you can connect with div ants contact dants

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givpark dot com. This is beyond confidence and now here's

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your host div Park.

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Good morning listeners, It's tisdom morning and so thrilled to

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be here with you. So I want to check it

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with each and every one of you and kind of

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think about hm, hm. Is there a time where you're

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missing signs when you're mentally fatigued or sliding into reactive mode, or.

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When is that one time like you come.

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Back and say, oh I wish I didn't speak or

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I wish I didn't take that action in the heat.

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Of the moment. I think so most of us do that,

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and it is.

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Bringing in that awareness and the key over here is

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that understanding ourselves. So these are some of the things

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we'll be talking about today with our wonderful guests. So

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let's bring some that in.

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Thank you so much. I'm so thrilled to be here, too.

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Happy ASZM so Lausually we kind of begin at the beginning.

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You know, do you recall any moment or a person

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who left a positive mark on you when you were

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a child or young.

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Such a great question, and I want to kind of

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recall back to my childhood. So when I was growing up,

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my parents would actually we'd have dinner at the dinner

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table every single night, and so my parents would of

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course talk up to all my sisters. So there was

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four of us, and we would run through our days,

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and so if we had a good day, everybody celebrated.

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If we had a bad day, let's say we got

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a bad grade on a test or something happened, we

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didn't make particular team. Essentially, what we would do is

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we would debrief and actually my mom the therapist, would say,

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you know, share your feelings. We'd get our feelings out,

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and of course doing that in a family was important

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to build a support system. And then my dad would

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ask a question which I think I still use this

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question to this day, is what are you going to

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do differently tomorrow? And so that has really stood the

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test of time. I still, you know, go to the

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dinner table with my family when I need to to

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get that support, feel the feelings I need to feel

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when I've had a bad day, and then figure out

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how I'm going to do things differently the next day.

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Such a powerful question, and so many times what happens

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is in today's busy schedule, maybe a you know, well,

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the parents are coming in late, or even if you're single,

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or like sitting with friends, you're sitting in front of

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the TV, and then that takes away, yes, the advantage

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of sitting together and having that human to human connection.

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So it definitely is clear versus in that you know,

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you grew up in a very strong family. So as

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you grew up, did you have any aspirations or dreams

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what you wanted.

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To become and you would grow up and grew up.

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It's a great question. I think that for me, you know,

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just like every little kid, I wanted to be president,

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for whether I wanted to be a priest. I had

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all sorts of different possibilities in front of them, and

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so never really thought that there was anything I couldn't do.

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The thing that really stuck was I was very interested

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in politics and loved reading about presidential leaders or you know,

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leaders from across the globe. So it could be Churchill,

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it could be Alexander the Great, it didn't really matter.

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And so I loved kind of reading about those political

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leaders and how they got a ton of people to

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follow them, how they kind of built that influence and

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so that was kind of my passion when I was young.

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And how did it pan out as it became another.

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A great question. I have actually run for office a

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couple of different times, and so that has definitely been

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one of the things I am most proud of is

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kind of the opportunity to serve other people. I've also,

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you know, since then, have been involved in politics. So

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I as a lobbyist early on in my career and

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now I work with nonprofits and businesses as well as

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individuals kind of pursue their passions around policy change. And

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so I still feel like I'm in the middle of it.

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Not necessarily intellected office, but I certainly am in the

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middle of politics and trying to work the system in

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order to improve the lives of people.

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That is so phenomenal because you're serving people, You're helping

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them get d they want to go.

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And so what.

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Happens is that whether it doesn't matter whether you're in

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the corporate as a leader, you know, running an organization,

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or you're a professional doing an individual contributor work, or

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you're a student or.

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Wherever you're at, so many times what happens.

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Is that so many professionals and people or doctors, anyone.

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They miss out on so many signs.

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Ah, and they slide into react more very fast.

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So it happens then like you know, what is happening.

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That they've that click right, Ara mcdalan goes straight into

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action so fast.

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What could they do in that moment?

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You know, it's interesting. This is one of the reasons

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why I've really paired whether it's a policy class at teaching,

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or a class on ethical leadership, or even a social

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entrepreneurship class with emotional intelligence, because I think they go together.

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Though they call emotional intelligence a soft skill, I think

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it's very hard to do, and to your point, in

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this day and time, I think it's harder to do.

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We don't necessarily have as many leaders who model that behavior.

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You know, the VEC Murphy also former Surgeon general. So

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if we have a loneliness epidemic, So to the point

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that you made earlier, I think people are disconnected from

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each other. You know, we came out of that COVID

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cocoon and we kind of lost kind of our sense

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of connection with each other. So I did it before COVID,

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but I think it's even more important right now to

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double down on emotional intelligence. And so one of the

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first things I do is just bring a level of

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awareness to leaders, whether they're students or their are execs,

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that kind of talks through what emotional intelligence is. Most

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people think it is just at the self awareness level

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and just knowing yourself that that's enough. But as you know,

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and as you've taught through the podcast, it's then shifting

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from self awareness to self regulation. And once you know

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yourself really well, then you can actually shift to social

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awareness and kind of commanding a room, trying to get

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teams to work together in a fluid motion. And then

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as I was mentioning earlier about the politicians, you then

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figure out social influence. How do you get people to

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follow you, you know, how do you have a good idea,

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how do you communicate it, how do you build buy

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in so that other people want to follow you? And

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so all those things kind of are a roadmap I

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think for any leader to get too closer to who

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they're supposed to be their purpose in life. And so

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that's why I teach it in pretty much every class

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and really help people at least get farther along on

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their journey towards greater emotional intelligence.

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So you've talked about being in politics helping other people.

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What led you to becoming a professor?

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You know, I come from a long line of teachers,

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so both my parents a number of my ants for teachers,

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So I come from a long line of educators. You know,

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it's really where I come alive in the classroom. I

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also jokingly say it's my fountain of youth. So being

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around all these young people, millennials, gen zers, it definitely

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keeps me alive and keeps me connected to what's happening

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in the now. And so I love teaching. It's really

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one of my favorite favorite things to do. It's my

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favorite place to be in front of a classroom.

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Yeah, no, definitely, And I can relate to it. I

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used to be in academia sometime back. And then you see,

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as you talk on the fountain of you and the

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youngsters right like, the way they're looking at the world

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is so different than people who are little seasoned or

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people who may have a little disjointed perspective look at

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the And of course, you know, I'm not saying that

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youngsters are not jaded. Our fear is not there, yen.

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There is just something different about that curiosity and openness.

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So then you were talking about you have worked with leaders,

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do you recall a time then self event is change

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the outcome for them.

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So to me, self awareness is really about having a

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direct connection to who you are, where your gifts are,

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and then how you want to apply them into that

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particular situation. And so the better you are at that,

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the more you're self aware of where you know your

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strengths are, where your blind spots are. We use a

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technique called Jahari's window, so that you even are working

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on where your mysteries are. You know, so the things

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you didn't know about yourself, but through you know the

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course of life, you learn these new things about yourself.

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And so part of what I try to do is

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help people one take personality tests and really understand and

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kind of what their personality is. The second thing is

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really understanding their triggers, knowing kind of what are some

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things that you know trigger them specifically, you know, are

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kind of hard things that they specifically you know, cause

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them to react in ways that may be different than

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other people. And the other thing is really kind of

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then communicating those because it's not enough just to be aware,

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you then need to communicate that to other people. So

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one of my favorite techniques. In fact, I was debriefing

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with the principle of a school and I presented to

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her yesterday to her teachers a couple of weeks ago,

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and she told me yesterday that one of the things

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I use is green, yellow, red. And so essentially, if

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you my husband's a pilot, and so he actually taught

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me this, and I've been using it with others. But essentially,

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part of your job is to telegraph to other people

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how you're doing. And so when he gets in the cockpit,

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he's actually working with someone he's never met before, so

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they don't have any kind of relation ship before this.

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So they could have had bad sleep the night before,

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they could have had an argument with their partner, they

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could have eaten some bad food, and so they may

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be in the yellow. So that means he can one

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hundred percent depend on them to do their job because

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they're not in their best spot. And so just even

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telegraphing kind of how you're doing to other people is

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very helpful. And so i'man there in the green and

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everything's great, smooth sailing. If I'm in the red, it

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means I'm not feeling really well, or I've had a

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bad day, or maybe I've at the end of the

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day and I'm tired, And then if I'm in the yellow,

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I'm kind of in that place where I could get

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triggered and the other person needs to help me. So

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one of the things I love about this system is

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it really does connect you to a co pilot where

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we're all responsible for each other. So it's not enough

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just to be self aware. It's also your responsibility to

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help other people through whatever they're being hit with any

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given day. So to ask other people kind of where

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they are makes a big difference in their world because

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they see, they feel seen and heard, but then you're

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helping them with wherever it is they need to go

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in that particular day. So I love that technique, and

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that one's probably the one that stands out the most.

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And of course, the principle yesterday said that that's still

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being uttered in the hallways of the school. They're telling

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each other if they're in the green, yellow, or red.

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Yeah, that is definitely a very powerful technique and I

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can definitely relate to it because I use it with

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my clients for the work that and reporting back to

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your boss or something like that, you know, share with

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them because people don't have time. And a lot of times,

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you know, as people are joining professions, like in a

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new job, like go, how can I create a system

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to communicate with my peers or to communicate with my

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boss or the stakeholders? And I always say that, you know,

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keep it simple because people know what's red, yellow, green,

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we all aren't aware and so connected with it. So

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definitely resonate with what you're sharing. So it's a really

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good point that you brought in. Now, let's say you

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are somebody comes and tells you that they're in a

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yellow or they're in green. So you kind of known

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that this person could get triggered and it's possible that

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their emotions may spike. So what another person do? So

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let's say John John shares that I'm in yellow, I'm

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in Really, what could Jane do to handle the situation?

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So you know, this is not you know, rocket science,

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but really it's breathing and pausing. You know, the reality

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is is that we have emotional reactions to things, and

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so when we go to that emotional place, we're not

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thinking rationally. So if in that moment, you just take

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a pause, and there is a you know, connection between

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stimulus and response, and there is a pause between the two.

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And so I think just holding back and really listening

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to yourself from my perspective, I also this is where

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your triggers can be very helpful. Knowing what those triggers are.

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For example, I actually take some buffer between meetings so

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that I'm not rushing to a meeting and I'm not

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running late to a meeting, because I know one of

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my triggers is rushing to things, you know, So I

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like being very planful and I like to be able

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to think about the meeting beforehand, so I go into

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the meeting prepared. So that's one of the things I do.

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So I think doing things proactively, I think is really helpful.

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So that individual knowing their triggers, knowing the ways that

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the instances where they typically could get into the yellow,

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and trying to prevent that. But if they're in the yellow,

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just pause as much as possible, breathing as much as possible,

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buying some time. So I encourage people, you know, just

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to bring a drink of water or something like that

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and just take a drink before they actually, you know,

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say anything or react to anything. Some people who are

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introverts will write things down first before they actually say them.

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And then also too, you know, sometimes if you get

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an email you don't like, you can also just send

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the email back saying received, we'll get back to you tomorrow.

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I'm also a big fan of if there's an email

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you need to send and there's a little bit of

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an edge to it, wait till the next day. And

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most of the time you're not going to feel the

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same energy around that relationship the next day as you

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did in that moment, So we instantly go to that

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hot moment. I studied under behavioral economist Dan Arielli at Duke,

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and he talks about those hot moments and so typically

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we shift away from those with time. So just giving

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your body time to get past the emotional reaction and

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get back to the rational mind and be my big

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piece of advice.

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Yeah, powerful, thank you for sharing. You also talk about

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social awareness zen, and so many times what happens is

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regardless wherever you are at, like you know, you step

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into the zoom room or the actual room, there can

302
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be different virtual environments, hybrid environments and queues are so

303
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much harder to see. What are some of the ways

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leaders can better read the room.

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I love this one because to me, this gets back

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to how do you build a team. So leaders are

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definitely individual workers, but as they move into leadership role,

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they're actually being asked to be group workers and bringing

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groups of people together and getting them to agree upon

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an idea and then move together on that idea. So,

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particularly in the hybrid situation post COVID, you know, we

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have teams all over the world, and so how do

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you build that instant connection? So the first thing I

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always recommend to people is icebreakers, And I know people

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think they take too much time, but the reality is

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kind of getting that early connection with people is very helpful.

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So two days Togo, when I did a training on

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design thinking, I just had people kind of share the

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emotion that they had, but I also had them pair

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it with the noun. And the thing that it did

321
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is actually forced people to listen. You know, So, Hi,

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I'm Suzanne and I'm excited like electricity or I'm sleepy

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like a bear. And it's interesting because you're connected to

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the adjective, but you're in so you feel that emotion,

325
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but for whatever reason, connecting it to a noun, people

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pay more attention to it, and you hear giggles around

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the room, and you hear different things, and that kind

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of connection brings people together and you actually feel it

329
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over zoom as well. And then people are starting to

330
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use their emojis and they're connecting with people and you

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just know that this person's tired or because they have

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a and so you're going to you know, be not

333
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as you know, requiring as much of them in that situation,

334
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or if someone's really excitable because they're excited about this situation.

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And so I think a good icebreaker is a good

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way to go. And on my website social impact Architects

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dot com, we've got lots of different icebreakers we use

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just to get people kind of brought into the room

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and connected to thinking about the purpose of the meeting today,

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So pushing past the meeting they came from or whatever

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situation they were in before, and getting them connected to

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being in a team in that moment. And then the

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second thing that we try to do is get people

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to participate, so the brainstorming process, so finding ways through

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design boards, online jam boards, getting people to connect with

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post it notes to get them involved in the conversation.

347
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And then a voting process, So how are they voting

348
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to make sure that the idea that is the best

349
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idea kind of wins out? And so using kind of

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group facilitation tools and there's just as many online as

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there are in person to really help people contribute to

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the group process and then feel like they now own

353
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that process because it's been something that they've worked on

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together as a team.

355
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Love that, especially with the noun.

356
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There, So what is yours today? What would your adjective

357
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and noun be?

358
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That's a that's a really good thing. You're putting me

359
00:20:32.160 --> 00:20:37.720
in the hot seat. So here's what I would say. Well,

360
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I would say that I'm excited as a new boat

361
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flying off the nest.

362
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That's a good one. That's a really good one.

363
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Because I love learning, and as you're talking about it,

364
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knowledge gets me excited, and it's not just about the knowledge,

365
00:20:54.279 --> 00:20:57.000
but it's like, how can I use Because that's the

366
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beauty of these conversations. Every conversation, I'm growing and I'm

367
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learning and then I'm able to.

368
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Pass that on to.

369
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My clients or to my workshops and the teams that

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I work with. So that is beautiful. So now kind

371
00:21:15.720 --> 00:21:18.720
of think about it, right, Let's say you talked about

372
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building the teams, and as a leader, you may find

373
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that somebody's checked out or feels misunderstood or unheard. How

374
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can a leader pick on those subtle cues Because a

375
00:21:33.119 --> 00:21:36.119
lot of people who don't want to say anything because

376
00:21:36.119 --> 00:21:38.359
they don't want to be seen as weak or like, oh,

377
00:21:38.400 --> 00:21:41.880
I'm not able to handle the stress, or like, you know,

378
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this could go against my promotion or something like that.

379
00:21:45.160 --> 00:21:48.519
So what are some of the subtle cues? Yeah, so

380
00:21:49.720 --> 00:21:52.319
I kind of call these cat cues. If you've got

381
00:21:52.319 --> 00:21:55.720
a cat, you know that cats are very good at

382
00:21:55.720 --> 00:21:58.680
telegraphing to you what their needs are. You know, So

383
00:21:58.839 --> 00:22:01.359
if they want to be quiet, they want to be quiet.

384
00:22:01.680 --> 00:22:04.559
If they want attention, they want attention, And if they

385
00:22:04.599 --> 00:22:07.640
want food, they're going to actually vocalize it. So I

386
00:22:07.680 --> 00:22:11.200
do think that for me, I pay attention to past

387
00:22:11.279 --> 00:22:15.000
behavior and you know, have they always been quiet? And

388
00:22:15.039 --> 00:22:18.319
so if they're always a quiet person, then it's really

389
00:22:18.359 --> 00:22:22.079
about trying to build kind of ways in that group

390
00:22:22.119 --> 00:22:24.599
process so that they can be heard. So one of

391
00:22:24.599 --> 00:22:26.640
the things I do is I usually send the agenda

392
00:22:26.680 --> 00:22:29.160
out ahead of time. Most of those people like to

393
00:22:29.200 --> 00:22:31.880
process ahead of time. So any activity that we're going

394
00:22:31.920 --> 00:22:34.640
to do, I'll kind of telegraph ahead of time, like,

395
00:22:34.680 --> 00:22:36.920
this is the activity we're going to do. You're going

396
00:22:36.960 --> 00:22:38.920
to get some time in the meeting to actually think

397
00:22:38.960 --> 00:22:42.039
about it before you have to speak. But if they

398
00:22:42.079 --> 00:22:45.519
are unusually quiet, as an example, and they're coming into

399
00:22:45.559 --> 00:22:48.799
the room and they're quiet, to me, that's really an

400
00:22:48.839 --> 00:22:51.240
opportunity to check in with them, because they're probably in

401
00:22:51.279 --> 00:22:54.160
the red or the yellow, and so I probably would

402
00:22:54.160 --> 00:22:58.200
not poke the cat at that time. I probably would

403
00:22:58.319 --> 00:23:00.599
check in with them and just say, tell me what's

404
00:23:00.640 --> 00:23:02.759
going on for you. And it could be a situation

405
00:23:02.839 --> 00:23:05.240
that they have going on personally, it could be related

406
00:23:05.279 --> 00:23:08.480
to the process. Maybe they're in the minority view and

407
00:23:08.519 --> 00:23:10.799
they feel like the direction we're going is too fast

408
00:23:10.880 --> 00:23:13.680
or too slow. And so sometimes those cues I think

409
00:23:13.720 --> 00:23:17.359
are really helpful to remind me as a leader that

410
00:23:17.920 --> 00:23:21.720
everybody's input really matters. All the research and group process

411
00:23:21.799 --> 00:23:24.599
shows that the more diverse a group is, the better.

412
00:23:25.119 --> 00:23:27.359
But there is such a thing as groupthink, and people

413
00:23:27.400 --> 00:23:29.640
will all of a sudden get onto an idea and

414
00:23:29.680 --> 00:23:33.799
you can have alignment almost too quickly. We call it

415
00:23:33.839 --> 00:23:37.799
go fever. In the entrepreneurial area where you get this

416
00:23:37.920 --> 00:23:43.920
go fever and you don't allow for outside voices. So

417
00:23:43.960 --> 00:23:47.799
sometimes I'll also use techniques around devil's advocates, so making

418
00:23:47.839 --> 00:23:52.680
sure that any negative ideas or any challenging or risk

419
00:23:52.759 --> 00:23:55.359
ideas get to come into the room too, because it

420
00:23:55.359 --> 00:23:57.559
could be that that person's withdrawn because they don't feel

421
00:23:57.599 --> 00:24:00.359
like their voice is heard. And so I use do

422
00:24:00.359 --> 00:24:03.279
it from a positive perspective and kind of make fun

423
00:24:03.279 --> 00:24:05.319
of it, saying what could go terribly wrong with this

424
00:24:05.440 --> 00:24:09.359
idea versus you know, tell me all the challenges, so

425
00:24:09.640 --> 00:24:11.759
you don't put that person in a role of being

426
00:24:11.759 --> 00:24:16.000
a negative nancy, so to speak, and allow people to share,

427
00:24:16.160 --> 00:24:19.640
like what could go wrong with this idea or what

428
00:24:19.680 --> 00:24:21.160
are some of the key risks that we need to

429
00:24:21.160 --> 00:24:24.319
mitigate with this idea as a company or as an individual.

430
00:24:25.200 --> 00:24:28.799
So typically if someone's acting unusual in their behavior, I'll

431
00:24:28.839 --> 00:24:31.119
check in with them, but also try to use group

432
00:24:31.160 --> 00:24:35.799
facilitation techniques to try to pinpoint kind of why they're

433
00:24:35.799 --> 00:24:40.160
different than normal. And so you know, that's kind of

434
00:24:40.200 --> 00:24:42.440
my ways of kind of getting underneath the surface of

435
00:24:42.480 --> 00:24:43.119
what's going on.

436
00:24:44.400 --> 00:24:49.119
Yeah, it's very powerful because what you're doing is you know,

437
00:24:49.160 --> 00:24:51.240
I'm just kind of putting them on spot that hey,

438
00:24:51.440 --> 00:24:54.599
you're not feeling good, because that could lead them to

439
00:24:54.680 --> 00:25:00.359
making uncomfortable versus you're just kind of checking in creates

440
00:25:00.400 --> 00:25:06.240
that safe space for them to open up. And as

441
00:25:06.240 --> 00:25:11.039
you're talking about this is again you're creating influence and

442
00:25:13.799 --> 00:25:21.319
influences about alignment. And when we talk about alignment, let's

443
00:25:21.319 --> 00:25:23.240
say you are in a tough meeting or a cross

444
00:25:23.240 --> 00:25:29.039
functional decision and the emotions are running high. The room,

445
00:25:29.240 --> 00:25:32.400
whether its zoom room or real room, it's emotionally charged.

446
00:25:33.839 --> 00:25:36.960
So what would that alignment look like in such a situation.

447
00:25:39.720 --> 00:25:43.000
So I think for me, it would be really mapping

448
00:25:43.039 --> 00:25:47.079
the room and understanding where people are on certain elements

449
00:25:47.079 --> 00:25:52.799
of this and allowing people to speak to whatever is

450
00:25:52.839 --> 00:25:56.559
concerning to them. You know, again, it's a group process,

451
00:25:57.160 --> 00:26:00.319
and so sometimes what I'll do is all them to

452
00:26:00.319 --> 00:26:04.319
put on a posted note. Sometimes I'll also call a

453
00:26:04.319 --> 00:26:07.599
spade as fade and have the tough conversation myself if

454
00:26:07.640 --> 00:26:09.920
I feel like the group, the room isn't moving, or

455
00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:12.799
I feel like the room needs an opportunity to kind

456
00:26:12.799 --> 00:26:16.079
of give voice. And so that's really what leaders do.

457
00:26:16.319 --> 00:26:19.920
It's not a comfortable situation. Sometimes, you know, leaders oftentimes

458
00:26:19.960 --> 00:26:25.039
have to you know, push into the discomfort that the

459
00:26:25.079 --> 00:26:28.160
group is feeling and really allow people to kind of

460
00:26:28.200 --> 00:26:32.839
share where their biggest concerns are. And so typically the

461
00:26:32.880 --> 00:26:35.839
groups I work with, they have ground rules, they have

462
00:26:36.880 --> 00:26:41.079
group processes already, and so part of what I'll push

463
00:26:41.119 --> 00:26:43.200
them back to is, you know, we have a group

464
00:26:43.240 --> 00:26:47.720
process around you know, rumbling, and so rumbling is this

465
00:26:47.839 --> 00:26:50.759
idea that you know, we try to work through issues

466
00:26:50.799 --> 00:26:54.680
that we don't have agreement on, and so everybody gets

467
00:26:54.680 --> 00:26:56.519
a voice, you know, everybody gets a chance to kind

468
00:26:56.559 --> 00:26:59.799
of share their view and then really you know, coming

469
00:26:59.839 --> 00:27:03.440
to some type of a conclusion together. And so typically

470
00:27:03.440 --> 00:27:06.119
what I find in those situations is that people are

471
00:27:06.240 --> 00:27:11.119
just misjudging the situation, where they're moving towards feelings around

472
00:27:11.119 --> 00:27:14.920
things versus the facts. And so sometimes I'll also even

473
00:27:14.960 --> 00:27:18.599
call a time out on the conversation and say, let's

474
00:27:19.039 --> 00:27:21.039
what are some of the big questions we have about

475
00:27:21.039 --> 00:27:22.720
this decision, and we're going to come back to it

476
00:27:22.759 --> 00:27:26.559
in a week, and let's gather more facts, because oftentimes

477
00:27:26.599 --> 00:27:30.359
people have disagreement more around the emotions of a decision

478
00:27:30.559 --> 00:27:34.119
versus the facts and the rational side, and that's usually

479
00:27:34.119 --> 00:27:38.119
where they're misqueuing, is that different people have different facts.

480
00:27:38.200 --> 00:27:39.880
You know, the CFO will look at it from a

481
00:27:39.920 --> 00:27:43.119
different fact base than a programmed staff member or the

482
00:27:43.160 --> 00:27:45.880
CEO will, And so if they each share the facts

483
00:27:45.960 --> 00:27:50.240
that they know, then oftentimes they'll understand where the conflict exists.

484
00:27:51.880 --> 00:27:54.640
Absolutely. And so many times what happens is there can

485
00:27:54.680 --> 00:27:59.400
be some pushing and posturing. So have you ever experienced

486
00:28:00.079 --> 00:28:03.839
a case where it was going on and you kind

487
00:28:03.880 --> 00:28:08.200
of like quite in the situation and you helped leaders

488
00:28:08.279 --> 00:28:08.960
build a buy in.

489
00:28:10.680 --> 00:28:13.279
Yes, So that's actually one of the hallmarks of our

490
00:28:13.279 --> 00:28:16.680
strategic planning process is really building a process where it's

491
00:28:16.680 --> 00:28:20.160
bottom up. So we are moving away from a more

492
00:28:20.240 --> 00:28:23.960
hierarchical structure where the top really decides things, to a

493
00:28:23.960 --> 00:28:26.559
structure where more people want to be part of the process.

494
00:28:27.400 --> 00:28:29.599
So I tell leaders right now that the gen Z

495
00:28:29.759 --> 00:28:33.319
students I have from day one, they believe they're a leader,

496
00:28:34.039 --> 00:28:36.359
and so they want to be part of the process

497
00:28:36.480 --> 00:28:40.160
of building a strategic plan, building values, building a culture,

498
00:28:40.720 --> 00:28:43.119
and so inviting them to be part of the process,

499
00:28:44.240 --> 00:28:48.440
building a planning process that actually allows for input along

500
00:28:48.480 --> 00:28:51.759
the way, so that opportunity to brainstorm really big and

501
00:28:51.759 --> 00:28:54.680
then over time kind of converge to where we're going

502
00:28:54.720 --> 00:28:57.960
to focus our time and energy and really suggest the

503
00:28:57.960 --> 00:29:01.960
priorities for the organization. Allows individuals to have had the

504
00:29:02.039 --> 00:29:06.240
opportunity to give input see where the priorities oftentimes have

505
00:29:06.319 --> 00:29:09.880
had to make choices. The tension around not being able

506
00:29:09.920 --> 00:29:12.839
to do everything and knowing that they're in the minority

507
00:29:12.880 --> 00:29:17.079
associated with certain things. Another technique that I use is

508
00:29:17.079 --> 00:29:19.759
fist to five and I've been actually using this with

509
00:29:19.920 --> 00:29:23.240
policymakers too, and so it's fist to five and so

510
00:29:23.319 --> 00:29:26.359
everybody in the room actually votes on where they are

511
00:29:26.440 --> 00:29:29.160
on the idea. So fist means I'm totally against it,

512
00:29:29.240 --> 00:29:32.039
I think it's terrible. And then you've got one and

513
00:29:32.119 --> 00:29:35.440
two and they basically mean that I'm against it, I

514
00:29:35.440 --> 00:29:38.319
think it's a terrible idea. Three kind of means I'm

515
00:29:38.359 --> 00:29:41.000
in between, I'm not really sure. Four and five means

516
00:29:41.000 --> 00:29:44.200
I actually really support this idea. So what I often

517
00:29:44.240 --> 00:29:46.880
will do is have people give me a sense of

518
00:29:46.920 --> 00:29:49.799
where they are, and everybody has to vote with their

519
00:29:49.839 --> 00:29:52.319
hand and we get a sense of is there consensus

520
00:29:52.319 --> 00:29:54.599
in the room that it's a bad idea or consensus

521
00:29:54.599 --> 00:29:56.839
in the room that there's a good idea, and so

522
00:29:57.240 --> 00:30:00.559
I check in with the minority view, say tell me

523
00:30:00.599 --> 00:30:02.480
why you think this is a bad idea, or tell

524
00:30:02.480 --> 00:30:04.799
me why you think this is a good idea. And

525
00:30:04.839 --> 00:30:08.599
again you're really talking about facts at that time. And

526
00:30:08.680 --> 00:30:10.759
so someone who thinks it's a bad idea may say, well,

527
00:30:10.799 --> 00:30:13.359
we've got five big priorities right now and it is

528
00:30:13.359 --> 00:30:15.160
the end of twenty twenty five, how are we going

529
00:30:15.200 --> 00:30:17.839
to get them all done? And the CEO can say,

530
00:30:18.160 --> 00:30:20.400
what are those five priorities and let me shift some

531
00:30:20.480 --> 00:30:22.960
of them to twenty twenty six. Then, because this thing

532
00:30:23.000 --> 00:30:25.839
is really important. So it's really getting to the heart

533
00:30:25.960 --> 00:30:29.880
of where the conflict is and again why people kind

534
00:30:29.880 --> 00:30:31.960
of feel the way they do. With the hope that

535
00:30:32.039 --> 00:30:35.160
you move the group to all fours and fives, and

536
00:30:35.200 --> 00:30:38.519
then you're moving the group process to a place where

537
00:30:38.519 --> 00:30:43.400
everybody intellectually and emotionally believe that the decision is the

538
00:30:43.519 --> 00:30:46.119
right decision for the organization. And you're not going to

539
00:30:46.160 --> 00:30:48.079
get everybody, but if you can at least get the

540
00:30:48.119 --> 00:30:51.039
majority in that direction, I think you can get to

541
00:30:51.039 --> 00:30:52.119
a good group process.

542
00:30:53.440 --> 00:30:57.240
Very powerful. So then and you talk about your four

543
00:30:57.319 --> 00:31:01.039
pot EQ, which is the emotional and how to framework.

544
00:31:02.039 --> 00:31:05.400
Can you share with our listeners and audience very quickly

545
00:31:05.440 --> 00:31:05.880
about it?

546
00:31:06.799 --> 00:31:11.920
Yeah, So the first is kind of social, you know,

547
00:31:11.960 --> 00:31:14.039
for you to think about it from a self perspective,

548
00:31:14.680 --> 00:31:17.119
and so you've got self awareness and then you've got

549
00:31:17.119 --> 00:31:21.200
self regulation and so those are kind of the baseline levels.

550
00:31:21.599 --> 00:31:23.640
And the better you are at that, the better you

551
00:31:23.680 --> 00:31:27.279
are at really understanding other people. And so then you

552
00:31:27.319 --> 00:31:32.480
shift into social awareness and social influence, and so you're

553
00:31:32.519 --> 00:31:35.720
really thinking about awareness at the very top, social as

554
00:31:35.759 --> 00:31:38.920
well as self and then you're really thinking about management

555
00:31:39.039 --> 00:31:41.880
and how to kind of manage and lead associated with

556
00:31:42.039 --> 00:31:45.000
regulation and then influence, and so those are kind of

557
00:31:45.000 --> 00:31:47.279
the quadrants we look at. And one of the things

558
00:31:47.319 --> 00:31:49.160
I do in trainings is allow people to kind of

559
00:31:49.240 --> 00:31:52.680
vote on which area is their strength. Most people will

560
00:31:52.720 --> 00:31:55.160
put self awareness as their highest strength. I just did

561
00:31:55.200 --> 00:31:57.400
a law firm a couple of weeks ago. And then

562
00:31:57.440 --> 00:32:00.200
the one that people have the most weakness to is

563
00:32:00.319 --> 00:32:04.440
usually self regulation because they feel like that's an area

564
00:32:04.480 --> 00:32:07.079
where you know, they need more tools, they need more

565
00:32:07.119 --> 00:32:12.240
techniques around self regulation, sometimes social influence. So social influence

566
00:32:12.319 --> 00:32:15.240
is one where we get into things like executive presence,

567
00:32:15.599 --> 00:32:18.559
you know, how you actually kind of can move a room.

568
00:32:19.480 --> 00:32:22.720
And so social awareness is reading the room, social influence

569
00:32:22.759 --> 00:32:24.359
and is how do you move the room? How do

570
00:32:24.400 --> 00:32:27.440
you get people to kind of shift, you know, I

571
00:32:27.480 --> 00:32:29.400
call them if you're a star wars stand I call

572
00:32:29.400 --> 00:32:31.440
them the Jedi mind tricks like how do you get

573
00:32:31.440 --> 00:32:34.440
people to move? And the things you can do to

574
00:32:34.519 --> 00:32:37.559
kind of influence them to follow you or to follow

575
00:32:37.599 --> 00:32:38.119
the idea.

576
00:32:40.519 --> 00:32:44.759
Yeah, no, definitely, And at the core of all of

577
00:32:44.799 --> 00:32:47.720
these things, as you have talked about self regulation and

578
00:32:47.880 --> 00:32:53.079
self awareness, decision comes right. In today's world, there are

579
00:32:53.240 --> 00:32:56.000
so many options and so many people get caught in

580
00:32:56.200 --> 00:33:03.160
paralysis analysis, so that decision fatigue, I mean, that is real.

581
00:33:04.200 --> 00:33:07.960
So how could people use, even if it's some one

582
00:33:08.200 --> 00:33:12.759
or two skills to work through that situations.

583
00:33:14.680 --> 00:33:17.440
So a couple of things. One is just knowing where

584
00:33:17.480 --> 00:33:20.240
you are and where your where your triggers are. And

585
00:33:20.319 --> 00:33:24.559
so I recommend people not make a decision when they're

586
00:33:24.599 --> 00:33:27.240
in the red or the yell of themselves. That's not

587
00:33:27.400 --> 00:33:29.160
typically going to be a good decision. It's going to

588
00:33:29.160 --> 00:33:32.200
really come from an emotional space, and our brains are

589
00:33:32.240 --> 00:33:35.279
just not functioning at a high level at that place,

590
00:33:36.400 --> 00:33:38.519
So we really try to flip people to a much

591
00:33:38.599 --> 00:33:42.799
more rational level. And so what I typically tell my

592
00:33:42.920 --> 00:33:46.599
students as well as the executives is really good decisions

593
00:33:46.599 --> 00:33:50.880
are an alignment between your head, your heart, and your gut.

594
00:33:52.119 --> 00:33:55.119
And so your your head is really the rational side.

595
00:33:55.839 --> 00:33:59.440
So have you done your due diligence, have you, you know,

596
00:33:59.640 --> 00:34:02.119
checked in with people, have you talked to other people

597
00:34:02.119 --> 00:34:05.000
who've had this decision, you know, so making sure that

598
00:34:05.039 --> 00:34:08.199
you're gathering all the information that you can to make

599
00:34:08.239 --> 00:34:12.320
a rational decision. Your heart is really connected to does

600
00:34:12.360 --> 00:34:14.639
this feel good? You know, how is this going to

601
00:34:14.639 --> 00:34:18.079
affect other people? It's really connected to your ethics, your purpose,

602
00:34:19.199 --> 00:34:21.840
those are the things that it just feels like it's

603
00:34:21.840 --> 00:34:23.920
the right decision. And then your gut is connected to

604
00:34:24.000 --> 00:34:27.199
your values, you know, is it in alignment with your values,

605
00:34:27.719 --> 00:34:30.920
whether it's your organizational values or your individual values or both.

606
00:34:32.480 --> 00:34:35.079
And for me, if I have alignment between those three,

607
00:34:35.199 --> 00:34:37.440
I have a pretty good confidence level that the decision

608
00:34:37.480 --> 00:34:40.440
is a good decision. And so sometimes that takes a while.

609
00:34:41.159 --> 00:34:42.920
I have to gather more information, or I have to

610
00:34:42.960 --> 00:34:46.320
talk to other people, or if it doesn't feel right

611
00:34:46.360 --> 00:34:49.199
to me in my gut. Usually I have to go

612
00:34:49.320 --> 00:34:52.360
back and look at my values and see what value

613
00:34:52.360 --> 00:34:55.599
am I forfeiting to do this thing, and is that

614
00:34:55.679 --> 00:34:58.840
the right decision for me? So I think for me,

615
00:34:58.920 --> 00:35:01.519
I always recommend kind of connection between headheart and gut.

616
00:35:02.519 --> 00:35:07.800
Yeah, no, definitely. It addresses all the key as areas.

617
00:35:08.280 --> 00:35:12.079
And so this way you can create as much as

618
00:35:12.119 --> 00:35:15.519
you can in the moment regret proof because a lot

619
00:35:15.599 --> 00:35:18.199
of my clients will come and say, what but I

620
00:35:18.239 --> 00:35:20.920
don'tant to waste my time? And how can I make

621
00:35:20.960 --> 00:35:23.559
it regret proof? And there's only so much you can make,

622
00:35:23.599 --> 00:35:25.519
and it's also allowing yourself.

623
00:35:25.119 --> 00:35:27.039
That space to fail.

624
00:35:27.280 --> 00:35:31.719
So I've thoroughly enjoyed our conversation, Suzanne. How can people

625
00:35:31.760 --> 00:35:33.920
connect with you? Where can they find you?

626
00:35:36.320 --> 00:35:40.960
So my business website is called Social Impact Architects dot com.

627
00:35:41.559 --> 00:35:44.519
We've got all sorts of different resources there. I actually

628
00:35:44.559 --> 00:35:47.880
have a weekly blog on seb stac that is one

629
00:35:47.880 --> 00:35:50.159
of the top blogs on social change, and so we

630
00:35:50.239 --> 00:35:53.400
have a whole different blog every single week. In fact,

631
00:35:53.440 --> 00:35:55.639
we had in the month of August we did a

632
00:35:55.679 --> 00:35:59.719
special edition on emotional intelligence into each of these and

633
00:35:59.760 --> 00:36:03.079
so if you're interested in learning a bit more tips

634
00:36:03.119 --> 00:36:07.480
and tricks and also how you can actually incorporate this

635
00:36:07.559 --> 00:36:10.960
into your workplace. And because I typically work with nonprofits,

636
00:36:10.960 --> 00:36:13.320
they're all free at charge. You know, They're all things

637
00:36:13.320 --> 00:36:16.639
that I have tried with my clients. And so you know,

638
00:36:16.760 --> 00:36:19.320
there's doesn't cost you anything to do red, yellow, green.

639
00:36:20.280 --> 00:36:23.199
You know, it doesn't cost anything to do icebreakers, it

640
00:36:23.199 --> 00:36:26.480
doesn't cost anything to do kind of group facilitation. And

641
00:36:26.519 --> 00:36:28.960
so I give you my best techniques and tools that

642
00:36:29.000 --> 00:36:32.000
I've used with my clients or even I use myself

643
00:36:32.079 --> 00:36:35.599
to self regulate in those blogs. And so we can

644
00:36:35.639 --> 00:36:37.440
put that in the show notes and people can go

645
00:36:37.519 --> 00:36:39.239
directly there if they want to read a bit more

646
00:36:39.280 --> 00:36:40.559
about each of them individually.

647
00:36:41.679 --> 00:36:45.719
Absolutely well, thank you, any last words for our audience.

648
00:36:47.079 --> 00:36:49.280
I think, to me, this is just something to continue

649
00:36:49.320 --> 00:36:52.880
to explore. People think you either have emotional intelligence or

650
00:36:52.920 --> 00:36:55.039
you don't, and to me, it's a muscle that you

651
00:36:55.079 --> 00:36:57.880
develop over time. You know, every day I get better.

652
00:36:57.960 --> 00:37:00.559
Just like my dad said, you know, what are you

653
00:37:00.559 --> 00:37:03.119
going to do differently tomorrow? And so you're going to

654
00:37:03.159 --> 00:37:05.159
have a bad day every once in a while where

655
00:37:05.519 --> 00:37:08.280
something gets to you and it's your opportunity to kind

656
00:37:08.280 --> 00:37:10.519
of analyze that situation and see what can I do

657
00:37:10.599 --> 00:37:14.199
better differently tomorrow. And so just to be kind to yourself,

658
00:37:14.239 --> 00:37:18.280
give yourself grace, give other people's grace as well, and

659
00:37:18.320 --> 00:37:21.039
then use those opportunities for those connections to learn more

660
00:37:21.119 --> 00:37:22.880
about yourself as well as other people.

661
00:37:24.159 --> 00:37:28.400
That's such a beautiful word. Where we can end is grace,

662
00:37:28.559 --> 00:37:32.519
giving yourself grace, giving others grace, because this is a

663
00:37:32.519 --> 00:37:35.159
lifelong journey. It's not just about like you know, you're

664
00:37:35.199 --> 00:37:42.159
one and done, leaving room because I'm not going to

665
00:37:42.159 --> 00:37:45.280
speak for anyone else for me. The more I learn,

666
00:37:45.400 --> 00:37:47.719
the more I realize I don't know what I don't know,

667
00:37:49.320 --> 00:37:53.400
and then there is more to learn. And mastery is

668
00:37:53.440 --> 00:37:57.920
not just having the knowledge and the experience. Mastery is

669
00:37:57.960 --> 00:38:02.079
also knowing that there can be more depths and bringing

670
00:38:02.119 --> 00:38:05.760
in that curiosity and openness to life and to your shelf.

671
00:38:05.880 --> 00:38:13.360
So thank you Suzanne for joining us and sharing your insights.

672
00:38:15.320 --> 00:38:19.039
We appreciate that, and thank you wonderful audience for being

673
00:38:19.079 --> 00:38:21.880
part of our Johnny because without you, the show would

674
00:38:21.920 --> 00:38:25.159
not be possible. So reach out to us, let us

675
00:38:25.199 --> 00:38:28.159
know how we can serve and support you to live

676
00:38:28.239 --> 00:38:31.039
the life you deserve and lived the life you want,

677
00:38:31.639 --> 00:38:34.400
and thank you on a tech Wizard for making the

678
00:38:34.440 --> 00:38:35.239
show possible.

679
00:38:35.800 --> 00:38:37.559
Take care and be well until next time.

680
00:38:38.840 --> 00:38:41.440
Thank you for being part of Beyond Confidence. With your host,

681
00:38:41.519 --> 00:38:43.920
d v Park, we hope you have learned more about

682
00:38:43.920 --> 00:38:46.559
how to start living the life you want. Each week

683
00:38:46.559 --> 00:38:49.639
on Beyond Confidence, you hear stories of real people who've

684
00:38:49.679 --> 00:38:53.840
experienced growth by overcoming their fears and building meaningful relationships.

685
00:38:54.199 --> 00:38:57.559
During Beyond Confidence, Vpark shares what happened to her when

686
00:38:57.599 --> 00:39:00.000
she stepped out of her comfort zone to work directly

687
00:39:00.119 --> 00:39:03.119
with people across the globe. She not only coaches people

688
00:39:03.159 --> 00:39:06.639
how to form hard connections, but also transform relationships to

689
00:39:06.719 --> 00:39:10.119
mutually beneficial partnerships as they strive to live the life

690
00:39:10.119 --> 00:39:12.480
they want. If you are ready to live the life

691
00:39:12.519 --> 00:39:16.239
you want and leverage your strengths, learn more at www

692
00:39:16.320 --> 00:39:20.800
dotwpark dot com and you can connect with vat contact

693
00:39:20.840 --> 00:39:24.199
at dvpark dot com. We look forward to you're joining

694
00:39:24.280 --> 00:39:25.039
us next week.