Nov. 18, 2025

Emotional Intelligence in Action: How Real Leaders Move People and Make Change

We’ve all heard about emotional intelligence, but most leaders haven’t been taught how to use it in real-time, especially when the pressure is high and the outcomes matter most.
In this powerful episode of Beyond Confidence, host Divya Parekh welcomes TEDx speaker and changemaker Suzanne Smith for a grounded, practical conversation about how emotional intelligence manifests in action, not just theory.

Beyond Confidence is broadcast live Tuesdays at 10AM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Beyond Confidence TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

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The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are

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solely those of the hosts and their guests, and not

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This is Beyond Confidence with your host d W. Park.

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Do you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do

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you want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional,

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and financial goals? Well? Coming up on ZVO parks Beyond Confidence,

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you will hear real stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers

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who have stemps into discomfort, shattered their satus quo, and

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are living the life they want. You will learn how

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relationships are the key to achieving your aspirations and financial goals.

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Moving your career business forward does not have to happen

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at the expense of your personal or family life or

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vice versa. Learn more at WWWA You don't divpork dot

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com and you can connect with div ants contact dants

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givpark dot com. This is beyond confidence and now here's

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your host div Park.

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Good morning listeners, It's tisdom morning and so thrilled to

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be here with you. So I want to check it

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with each and every one of you and kind of

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think about hm, hm. Is there a time where you're

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missing signs when you're mentally fatigued or sliding into reactive mode, or.

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When is that one time like you come.

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Back and say, oh I wish I didn't speak or

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I wish I didn't take that action in the heat.

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Of the moment. I think so most of us do that,

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and it is.

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Bringing in that awareness and the key over here is

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that understanding ourselves. So these are some of the things

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we'll be talking about today with our wonderful guests. So

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let's bring some that in.

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Thank you so much. I'm so thrilled to be here, too.

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Happy ASZM so Lausually we kind of begin at the beginning.

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You know, do you recall any moment or a person

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who left a positive mark on you when you were

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a child or young.

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Such a great question, and I want to kind of

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recall back to my childhood. So when I was growing up,

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my parents would actually we'd have dinner at the dinner

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table every single night, and so my parents would of

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course talk up to all my sisters. So there was

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four of us, and we would run through our days,

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and so if we had a good day, everybody celebrated.

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If we had a bad day, let's say we got

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a bad grade on a test or something happened, we

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didn't make particular team. Essentially, what we would do is

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we would debrief and actually my mom the therapist, would say,

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you know, share your feelings. We'd get our feelings out,

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and of course doing that in a family was important

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to build a support system. And then my dad would

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ask a question which I think I still use this

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question to this day, is what are you going to

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do differently tomorrow? And so that has really stood the

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test of time. I still, you know, go to the

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dinner table with my family when I need to to

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get that support, feel the feelings I need to feel

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when I've had a bad day, and then figure out

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how I'm going to do things differently the next day.

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Such a powerful question, and so many times what happens

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is in today's busy schedule, maybe a you know, well,

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the parents are coming in late, or even if you're single,

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or like sitting with friends, you're sitting in front of

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the TV, and then that takes away, yes, the advantage

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of sitting together and having that human to human connection.

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So it definitely is clear versus in that you know,

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you grew up in a very strong family. So as

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you grew up, did you have any aspirations or dreams

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what you wanted.

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To become and you would grow up and grew up.

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It's a great question. I think that for me, you know,

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just like every little kid, I wanted to be president,

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for whether I wanted to be a priest. I had

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all sorts of different possibilities in front of them, and

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so never really thought that there was anything I couldn't do.

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The thing that really stuck was I was very interested

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in politics and loved reading about presidential leaders or you know,

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leaders from across the globe. So it could be Churchill,

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it could be Alexander the Great, it didn't really matter.

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And so I loved kind of reading about those political

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leaders and how they got a ton of people to

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follow them, how they kind of built that influence and

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so that was kind of my passion when I was young.

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And how did it pan out as it became another.

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A great question. I have actually run for office a

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couple of different times, and so that has definitely been

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one of the things I am most proud of is

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kind of the opportunity to serve other people. I've also,

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you know, since then, have been involved in politics. So

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I as a lobbyist early on in my career and

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now I work with nonprofits and businesses as well as

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individuals kind of pursue their passions around policy change. And

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so I still feel like I'm in the middle of it.

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Not necessarily intellected office, but I certainly am in the

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middle of politics and trying to work the system in

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order to improve the lives of people.

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That is so phenomenal because you're serving people, You're helping

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them get d they want to go.

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And so what.

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Happens is that whether it doesn't matter whether you're in

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the corporate as a leader, you know, running an organization,

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or you're a professional doing an individual contributor work, or

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you're a student or.

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Wherever you're at, so many times what happens.

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Is that so many professionals and people or doctors, anyone.

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They miss out on so many signs.

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Ah, and they slide into react more very fast.

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So it happens then like you know, what is happening.

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That they've that click right, Ara mcdalan goes straight into

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action so fast.

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What could they do in that moment?

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You know, it's interesting. This is one of the reasons

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why I've really paired whether it's a policy class at teaching,

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or a class on ethical leadership, or even a social

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entrepreneurship class with emotional intelligence, because I think they go together.

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Though they call emotional intelligence a soft skill, I think

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it's very hard to do, and to your point, in

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this day and time, I think it's harder to do.

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We don't necessarily have as many leaders who model that behavior.

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You know, the VEC Murphy also former Surgeon general. So

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if we have a loneliness epidemic, So to the point

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that you made earlier, I think people are disconnected from

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each other. You know, we came out of that COVID

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cocoon and we kind of lost kind of our sense

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of connection with each other. So I did it before COVID,

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but I think it's even more important right now to

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double down on emotional intelligence. And so one of the

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first things I do is just bring a level of

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awareness to leaders, whether they're students or their are execs,

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that kind of talks through what emotional intelligence is. Most

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people think it is just at the self awareness level

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and just knowing yourself that that's enough. But as you know,

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and as you've taught through the podcast, it's then shifting

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from self awareness to self regulation. And once you know

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yourself really well, then you can actually shift to social

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awareness and kind of commanding a room, trying to get

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teams to work together in a fluid motion. And then

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as I was mentioning earlier about the politicians, you then

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figure out social influence. How do you get people to

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follow you, you know, how do you have a good idea,

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how do you communicate it, how do you build buy

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in so that other people want to follow you? And

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so all those things kind of are a roadmap I

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think for any leader to get too closer to who

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they're supposed to be their purpose in life. And so

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that's why I teach it in pretty much every class

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and really help people at least get farther along on

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their journey towards greater emotional intelligence.

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So you've talked about being in politics helping other people.

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What led you to becoming a professor?

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You know, I come from a long line of teachers,

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so both my parents a number of my ants for teachers,

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So I come from a long line of educators. You know,

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it's really where I come alive in the classroom. I

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also jokingly say it's my fountain of youth. So being

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around all these young people, millennials, gen zers, it definitely

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keeps me alive and keeps me connected to what's happening

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in the now. And so I love teaching. It's really

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one of my favorite favorite things to do. It's my

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favorite place to be in front of a classroom.

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Yeah, no, definitely, And I can relate to it. I

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used to be in academia sometime back. And then you see,

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as you talk on the fountain of you and the

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youngsters right like, the way they're looking at the world

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is so different than people who are little seasoned or

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people who may have a little disjointed perspective look at

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the And of course, you know, I'm not saying that

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youngsters are not jaded. Our fear is not there, yen.

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There is just something different about that curiosity and openness.

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So then you were talking about you have worked with leaders,

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do you recall a time then self event is change

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the outcome for them.

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So to me, self awareness is really about having a

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direct connection to who you are, where your gifts are,

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and then how you want to apply them into that

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particular situation. And so the better you are at that,

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the more you're self aware of where you know your

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strengths are, where your blind spots are. We use a

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technique called Jahari's window, so that you even are working

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on where your mysteries are. You know, so the things

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you didn't know about yourself, but through you know the

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course of life, you learn these new things about yourself.

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And so part of what I try to do is

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help people one take personality tests and really understand and

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kind of what their personality is. The second thing is

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really understanding their triggers, knowing kind of what are some

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things that you know trigger them specifically, you know, are

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kind of hard things that they specifically you know, cause

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them to react in ways that may be different than

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other people. And the other thing is really kind of

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then communicating those because it's not enough just to be aware,

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you then need to communicate that to other people. So

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one of my favorite techniques. In fact, I was debriefing

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with the principle of a school and I presented to

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her yesterday to her teachers a couple of weeks ago,

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and she told me yesterday that one of the things

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I use is green, yellow, red. And so essentially, if

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you my husband's a pilot, and so he actually taught

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me this, and I've been using it with others. But essentially,

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part of your job is to telegraph to other people

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how you're doing. And so when he gets in the cockpit,

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he's actually working with someone he's never met before, so

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they don't have any kind of relation ship before this.

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So they could have had bad sleep the night before,

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they could have had an argument with their partner, they

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could have eaten some bad food, and so they may

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be in the yellow. So that means he can one

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hundred percent depend on them to do their job because

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they're not in their best spot. And so just even

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telegraphing kind of how you're doing to other people is

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very helpful. And so i'man there in the green and

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everything's great, smooth sailing. If I'm in the red, it

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means I'm not feeling really well, or I've had a

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bad day, or maybe I've at the end of the

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day and I'm tired, And then if I'm in the yellow,

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I'm kind of in that place where I could get

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triggered and the other person needs to help me. So

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one of the things I love about this system is

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it really does connect you to a co pilot where

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we're all responsible for each other. So it's not enough

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just to be self aware. It's also your responsibility to

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help other people through whatever they're being hit with any

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given day. So to ask other people kind of where

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they are makes a big difference in their world because

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they see, they feel seen and heard, but then you're

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helping them with wherever it is they need to go

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in that particular day. So I love that technique, and

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that one's probably the one that stands out the most.

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And of course, the principle yesterday said that that's still

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being uttered in the hallways of the school. They're telling

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each other if they're in the green, yellow, or red.

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Yeah, that is definitely a very powerful technique and I

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can definitely relate to it because I use it with

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my clients for the work that and reporting back to

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your boss or something like that, you know, share with

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them because people don't have time. And a lot of times,

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you know, as people are joining professions, like in a

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new job, like go, how can I create a system

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to communicate with my peers or to communicate with my

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boss or the stakeholders? And I always say that, you know,

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keep it simple because people know what's red, yellow, green,

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we all aren't aware and so connected with it. So

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definitely resonate with what you're sharing. So it's a really

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good point that you brought in. Now, let's say you

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are somebody comes and tells you that they're in a

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yellow or they're in green. So you kind of known

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that this person could get triggered and it's possible that

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their emotions may spike. So what another person do? So

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let's say John John shares that I'm in yellow, I'm

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in Really, what could Jane do to handle the situation?

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So you know, this is not you know, rocket science,

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but really it's breathing and pausing. You know, the reality

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is is that we have emotional reactions to things, and

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so when we go to that emotional place, we're not

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thinking rationally. So if in that moment, you just take

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a pause, and there is a you know, connection between

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stimulus and response, and there is a pause between the two.

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And so I think just holding back and really listening

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to yourself from my perspective, I also this is where

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your triggers can be very helpful. Knowing what those triggers are.

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For example, I actually take some buffer between meetings so

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that I'm not rushing to a meeting and I'm not

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running late to a meeting, because I know one of

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my triggers is rushing to things, you know, So I

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like being very planful and I like to be able

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to think about the meeting beforehand, so I go into

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the meeting prepared. So that's one of the things I do.

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So I think doing things proactively, I think is really helpful.

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So that individual knowing their triggers, knowing the ways that

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the instances where they typically could get into the yellow,

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and trying to prevent that. But if they're in the yellow,

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just pause as much as possible, breathing as much as possible,

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buying some time. So I encourage people, you know, just

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to bring a drink of water or something like that

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and just take a drink before they actually, you know,

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say anything or react to anything. Some people who are

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introverts will write things down first before they actually say them.

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And then also too, you know, sometimes if you get

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an email you don't like, you can also just send

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the email back saying received, we'll get back to you tomorrow.

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I'm also a big fan of if there's an email

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you need to send and there's a little bit of

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an edge to it, wait till the next day. And

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most of the time you're not going to feel the

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same energy around that relationship the next day as you

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did in that moment, So we instantly go to that

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hot moment. I studied under behavioral economist Dan Arielli at Duke,

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and he talks about those hot moments and so typically

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we shift away from those with time. So just giving

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your body time to get past the emotional reaction and

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get back to the rational mind and be my big

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piece of advice.

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Yeah, powerful, thank you for sharing. You also talk about

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social awareness zen, and so many times what happens is

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regardless wherever you are at, like you know, you step

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into the zoom room or the actual room, there can

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be different virtual environments, hybrid environments and queues are so

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much harder to see. What are some of the ways

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leaders can better read the room.

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I love this one because to me, this gets back

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to how do you build a team. So leaders are

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definitely individual workers, but as they move into leadership role,

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they're actually being asked to be group workers and bringing

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groups of people together and getting them to agree upon

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an idea and then move together on that idea. So,

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particularly in the hybrid situation post COVID, you know, we

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have teams all over the world, and so how do

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you build that instant connection? So the first thing I

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always recommend to people is icebreakers, And I know people

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think they take too much time, but the reality is

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kind of getting that early connection with people is very helpful.

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So two days Togo, when I did a training on

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design thinking, I just had people kind of share the

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emotion that they had, but I also had them pair

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it with the noun. And the thing that it did

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is actually forced people to listen. You know, So, Hi,

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I'm Suzanne and I'm excited like electricity or I'm sleepy

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like a bear. And it's interesting because you're connected to

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the adjective, but you're in so you feel that emotion,

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but for whatever reason, connecting it to a noun, people

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pay more attention to it, and you hear giggles around

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the room, and you hear different things, and that kind

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of connection brings people together and you actually feel it

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over zoom as well. And then people are starting to

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use their emojis and they're connecting with people and you

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just know that this person's tired or because they have

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a and so you're going to you know, be not

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as you know, requiring as much of them in that situation,

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or if someone's really excitable because they're excited about this situation.

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And so I think a good icebreaker is a good

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way to go. And on my website social impact Architects

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dot com, we've got lots of different icebreakers we use

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just to get people kind of brought into the room

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and connected to thinking about the purpose of the meeting today,

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So pushing past the meeting they came from or whatever

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situation they were in before, and getting them connected to

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being in a team in that moment. And then the

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second thing that we try to do is get people

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to participate, so the brainstorming process, so finding ways through

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design boards, online jam boards, getting people to connect with

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post it notes to get them involved in the conversation.

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And then a voting process, So how are they voting

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to make sure that the idea that is the best

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idea kind of wins out? And so using kind of

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group facilitation tools and there's just as many online as

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there are in person to really help people contribute to

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the group process and then feel like they now own

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that process because it's been something that they've worked on

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together as a team.

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Love that, especially with the noun.

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There, So what is yours today? What would your adjective

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and noun be?

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That's a that's a really good thing. You're putting me

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in the hot seat. So here's what I would say. Well,

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I would say that I'm excited as a new boat

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flying off the nest.

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That's a good one. That's a really good one.

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Because I love learning, and as you're talking about it,

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knowledge gets me excited, and it's not just about the knowledge,

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but it's like, how can I use Because that's the

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beauty of these conversations. Every conversation, I'm growing and I'm

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learning and then I'm able to.

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Pass that on to.

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My clients or to my workshops and the teams that

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I work with. So that is beautiful. So now kind

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of think about it, right, Let's say you talked about

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building the teams, and as a leader, you may find

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that somebody's checked out or feels misunderstood or unheard. How

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can a leader pick on those subtle cues Because a

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lot of people who don't want to say anything because

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they don't want to be seen as weak or like, oh,

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I'm not able to handle the stress, or like, you know,

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this could go against my promotion or something like that.

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So what are some of the subtle cues? Yeah, so

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I kind of call these cat cues. If you've got

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a cat, you know that cats are very good at

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telegraphing to you what their needs are. You know, So

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if they want to be quiet, they want to be quiet.

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If they want attention, they want attention, And if they

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want food, they're going to actually vocalize it. So I

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do think that for me, I pay attention to past

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behavior and you know, have they always been quiet? And

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so if they're always a quiet person, then it's really

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about trying to build kind of ways in that group

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process so that they can be heard. So one of

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the things I do is I usually send the agenda

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out ahead of time. Most of those people like to

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process ahead of time. So any activity that we're going

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to do, I'll kind of telegraph ahead of time, like,

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this is the activity we're going to do. You're going

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