Sept. 9, 2025

The Lie That’s Shrinking Your Success

In this bold and timely episode of Beyond Confidence, host Divya Parekh exposes what most leaders overlook: impostor syndrome isn’t just a personal struggle—it’s a silent business drain.
From missed promotions to underpriced services and lost innovation, the ripple effect is massive.

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The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are

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This is Beyond Confidence with your host d W Park.

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Do you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do

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you want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional,

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and financial goals? Well? Coming up on Dvparks Beyond Confidence,

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you will hear real stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers

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who have steps into discomfort, shattered their status quo, and

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are living the life they want. You will learn how

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relationships are the key to achieving your aspirations and financial goals.

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Moving your career business forward does not have to happen

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at the expense of your personal or family life or

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vice versa. Learn more at www dot Divpork dot com

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and you can connect with diva Ant contact dant divapark

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dot com. This is beyond confidence and now here's your host,

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div Park.

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Good morning listeners, it is Tuesday morning and I get

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to be with you. So for past several weeks, I

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was having a working vacation and the beautiful thing about

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that was the house was right on the ocean and

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one of my cousins had invited to her place she

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had rented for summer. So just being there, being part

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of nature, it helps you connect with yourself and realize

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that where does life begin, where does life go? Is

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life take us? And it gets you to be a

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little bit more introspective. And today we're going to be

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talking about some tough things and think about the cost

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that no one puts on the balance sheet. That's what

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we are going to be talking about today. And yes, everyone,

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every one of us experiences it. And if you don't,

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more power to you. But I do want to share

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that that having coached thousands of people, having been in

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different areas, like you know, from being an associate professor

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or to being an entrepreneur to working in the corporate world,

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we all go through it at some point in time

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and now you might be curious, what is this cost?

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What is this hidden text that I'm talking about that

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none of us even put in our budget, We don't

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put it on our balance sheets. It is impostors syndrome.

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And I have been working on that for quite some time,

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including myself, so just a few probably, like you know,

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a few years back, I was thinking, hmm, what's on

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my bucket list? Let's think about doing the tech talk.

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So I've done keynote, speaking, I have done a lot

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of speaking engagements, and yet there is something about the

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tech talk where there needs to be brevity, where you

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need to take people on a roller coaster, like you know,

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you have to put your point across with clarity and brevity.

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So I kept on thinking, hmmm, maybe that's not my

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cup of da Maybe I'm not cut out for that.

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Maybe maybe maybe maybe, And that was the hidden texts

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I was paying And why do I say that? Because

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it kept me from realizing my potential, like, okay, let

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me go out and do that tech talk. I did

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do that, but I had to cross that barrier, and

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when I did, it was so liberating because I moved

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beyond that stretch zone. I moved beyond that comfort zone.

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I stretched a little bit, I experienced discomfort. But when

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I was on the other side, I didn't care how

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many people liked it, how many people applauded it. What

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mattered to me was that I did it. And that's

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the question to ask yourself. I'm going to ask you.

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I'm going to invite you to ask yourself, where are

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those hidden texas that you're pink And you keep on

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paying all those h in texas. And when you keep

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on paying all those hidden texas, what happens is that

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you keep on increasing the cost. And when I say

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it's increasing the cost, what it means is what is

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it costing you to not come face to face with it.

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Let me share with you another story. A client of mine,

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we'll call her Sarah, incredible leadership coach. Her clients just

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loved her, and she had testimonials a mile long. Yeah,

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And every time she would mention her price, she would say,

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like when she sensed hesitation on a potential client's face

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or some objection in the voice, and she would just

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kind of go and say, oh, you know what, but

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if that's too much, we can adjust. And guess what happened.

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Every client took the discount. Who doesn't like discounts. I

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like discounts. And why was she losing out? Not because

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she was not talented, not because she was not creating transformations.

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She was losing out because she was doubting her own

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worth in the moment, just as I had doubted myself

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my capacity, and then I could do it. And when

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we calculated with all the discounts that she had given

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to her clients, you want to take a guess, Take

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a number how much money she left on the table?

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Not ten thousand, not twenty, not thirty forty thousand dollars

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on the table just one year. So that's the imposture text.

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And it doesn't show up in your budget, it doesn't

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show up in quick books, it doesn't show up in

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different areas. But guess where it shows up. It shows

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up in lost revenue, lost authority, lost moment. And I

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could keep on going with stories after stories after stories.

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So I'm going to invite you to kind of think about.

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Where are you using.

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That you're not paying attention to that imposter syndrome. Check

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it out throughout the day. Is it that goal that

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you keep on putting off because guess what ninety two

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percent people fail to keep the New York's resolution. And

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why do I call it New York because you know

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the ball drops everybody knows and.

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Thirty feet December, right, we're all just up. You're ready,

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like you know, we're welcoming new Year and we are

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ready to go. You've got my long resolutions and only

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ninety two percent people fail, only ninety two percent, yes,

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but there are that eight percent that stay the course,

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that stretch themselves. I would say that most people fail

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almost one hundred percent. People fail sometimes in their lives

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and it's okay, but failing because things did not work

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out is different than failing because of imposter syndrome. So

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think about how much is it costing you? So that's

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one stat.

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I gave you another stat KPMG, Like you know, they

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do a lot of research, and what have they shared.

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That's seventy five percent, Yes, seventy five percent of executives

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admit to experiencing imposter syndrome at some point in their career.

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And what happens. It may be a mispromotion. It maybe

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you're not speaking up when you could have taken that initiative,

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missed opportunities and when you have missed opportunities. It can

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have long term ramifications because remember, a decision not taken

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is a choice. A decision taken is a choice. An

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action not taken as a choice, an action taken is

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a choice. So what happens is that we are thinking, oh,

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this is fearful, I'm not going to take that step,

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and I'm staying comfortable, yes, in my cocoon. But I

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want to tell you you that unless that butterfly really

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breaks that pecoon, that helps it strengthen its wings because

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if it did not push through it, if it did

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not feel that discomfort, its wings wouldn't strengthen and it

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wouldn't fly and it would drop dead. So yes, we

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feel that is comfort. Yes, we have this impostor syndrome.

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What would you like to call it, Let's call it

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a gremlin. Gremlin impostor. It shows up and it holds

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you back. So going to share another stat with you,

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another Deloitte study. So Deloit is a consulting farm and

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then they do a lot of research and a lot

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of surveys and all that. So they have done a

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thorough study and linked imposter syndrome with underpricing, missed opportunities

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and stall promotions. These are just a few things. So

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all right, imposter syndrome is there. So now you've taken

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a moment, you've taken a stock of your life, and

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you have seen where am I holding myself back? What

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am I not doing? What opportunities am I missing out?

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Is it because I have evaluated everything? Is it because

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I've made informed decision? Or is it because I am

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contracting and not expanding? Are you shrinking from success? So

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the key is you've got to ask yourself are you

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keeping silent? Are you hesitating? Are you overworking? Where are

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all of these It's costing billions when we total it up,

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and it's in thousands of dollars probably to you and

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billions to the companies. So I'm going to go back

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to one of my other clients, Jason. He worked for

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a tech company, mid level manager. You know, he had

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been there for at least four or five years, and

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he had been doing good. He was getting kudos, and

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yet there was something that he was not getting promoted.

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He went through two cycles of promotion, but one of

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his peers got promoted, and his boss kept on telling him,

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you got to prove, you got to show some innovation.

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You got to look around, because that's where when we

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were sitting in the calibration room, and when we were

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in the calibration meeting, we were looking let's call him Jason, Jason,

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we were looking at your performance review, and let's call

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the other person John. When we were looking at John.

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The difference between the two of you was then John

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had done something innovative. John had done something to improve

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the processes that he was working on, and that helped

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a lot of other people, and it helped cut down

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on the cost. Of course, it just put him in

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another category. So Jason comes to the coaching we explore

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and he says, you know, I don't think so Devia.

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I'm able to see things. I just don't have it

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in me. Here's what I want to tell you. Just

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like Jason had it within him, you have it too. Yes,

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you do, because I sincerely believe every person, yes, every

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person on this planet has unlimited potential. You have the

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answers within you. You have that potential. It's about looking

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within and finding that impostor gremlin and facing it through.

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So he comes and we work through it, and I'm

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going to share with you some tips how to work

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through it. So let's just fast forward his story. One day,

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he comes to me and says that as we have

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been working through this, I've been looking at the process

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that I'm working on and how could we cut costs

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and speed up the delivery timelines. And there was this

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innovation meeting. Even after him being prepped and all that,

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he just froze and couldn't speak. He said like, oh,

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I'm not just senior enough to say this. He stayed quiet. Yeah,

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And then they had another consultant because they needed to

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improve the processes. The consultant came and pitched almost exactly

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the same idea. Guess what at hundreds of thousands of dollars.

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Of course he wouldn't have got that, but he would

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have got a very hefty chunkin pay, raise and title

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which would have amounted to be calculated almost two hundred

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thousand dollars with price stocks and all that. And then

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he came back and said, that could have been me.

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So what happened here? Innovation died in that silence. And

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then they got to it. We said, and I'll come

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back to Jason's story, and also I will come back

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to Sarah's story. It's not done yet. But I want

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to show you what can happen when you give into

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that gremlin, impostor so. And let's look at it. Why

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does this gremlin have so much power? Right? It's like

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these people know they're capable, they're ambitious, they're already outperforming.

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Why does it strike more and more and harder and harder.

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Here's the thing. The higher you rise, the more you're scrutinized,

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and the more visible you become, louder that grammar and

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whispers you don't really belong here, Jason Sarah, you don't

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belong here? What if they find out? And here's what

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I'll share with you that neuroscience has shown that what

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happens is like there is fear, there is stress. Our

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lizard brain amygdalah boom boom boom boom boom. What it

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does it do? It fires off on arms, Yes, alarms, alarms,

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alarms that oh gosh, it's pressure. So when it's pressure,

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you're going to make mistakes. And even if you have

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made few mistakes in your life, see, there is that

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proof and proof that you're not worth it. There is

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that proof you're not capable. So what happens is that

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when there are high stakes moments, even high powered executives,

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even experienced at leaves, even people who have done it,

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they get struck by it. So remember, as Aristotle said,

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courage is the first virtue because it makes everything else possible.

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So you could say, like, all right, the monster gremlin

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impostor showed up. I'm going to let my knowledge sit idle,

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I'm going to hide my talent. I'm going to shrink mythority.

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So that's not going to work. And why is that?

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Who are people missing out on this? Because they're going

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with the wrong solutions. And here's what I'll show it

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to you. They're waiting like, oh, and I'm confident, I'll

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speak up, I'll log in more hours, I'll collect more certifications.

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And I'm not saying those certifications cannot bring that to you.

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They can, but they gotta be the right certification. Or

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somebody may be thinking, oh, when they get even more accolades,

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or when this happens. When this happens, which is external,

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my feeling of feeling the fraud that I'm not the

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right person or I don't belong here will go away.

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Then it will vanish. It doesn't. That's the bad news.

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But it's important to talk it through. It's important for

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us to have this hard conversation. So what happens? All right,

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I'm waiting up, So now they armor up, they hight

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the doubts and project a fake confidence. But guess what happens.

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There's that disconnect because you're not connecting with the people.

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And yes, you can fake it till you make it.

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It's one of the ways to do it. But it's

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not coming from inside out. Because people are not connecting

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with you. There is not that element of trust. And

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sometimes because of the gremlin impostor a lot of entrepreneurs,

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like Sarah or Jason, they either miss out on opportunities

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or say yes to everything. And when you're saying yes

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to everything, guess what bonout is waiting in the wings,

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and you try to over deliver and start making mistakes

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because you're so exhausted and burnt out in trying to

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prove that you belong there. None of this works. You

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cannot add more work, you cannot keep on saying yes,

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you cannot not strategize. So how can you go about

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dealing with this gramlin impostor. It's about reclaiming your authority

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in the moment. Yes, yes, And as we talked about.

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So the key is the first step is recognizing the trigger. Right, Okay,

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when am I when this gremlin is showing up? So

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when it shows up, do not confuse that's who you are.

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It's just tim brain firing off and alarm. H says like, okay,

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let's come back to Sarah. Then was she triggered. I'm

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going to take Sarah's story and walk you through when

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people when she presented the value, let's say a potential client,

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you know, Sarah said that for working with me for

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six months, here's what I'm going to be working with you.

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Here are the areas here how we will help you

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achieve your goal. And even though she had testimonials a

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mile long, and she would say like, oh, this is

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how this was done with this client, this is how

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this was done with this client. Then they would say, really,

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I think so you are charging a whole lot more

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than the other coaches. So then what's popping in her

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mind is that, oh, am I charging too much? I'm

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not supposed to charge. So here's the thing. This dollar

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store with a dollar store like you can get now,

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maybe things are not a dollar some like you know,

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dollar twenty nine or five dollars or something like that.

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Then there is Target. It is the quality, it's the value,

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and then if you go to nor Storm it's the

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is even higher. And are there customers for each store? Yes,

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customers are there. So it's about knowing your worth and

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not what other people say, attaching your identity to it,

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not attaching the character. So the key is the context.

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Remember to focus on the context, not on the character.

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And when I talk about the character, is that that thought?

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When you identify with those thoughts, then you are like, oh,

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that's me versus. The same thing with Sarah is like, Okay,

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who do I want to be? So that's the first step.

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We started out with him, did she wanted to be

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dollar store, Target or Norstrom? She decided she wanted to

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be Norstrong. So then the next step what we did was, okay,

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I've decided, now why are some of the things in

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nor Storm more expensive? Because maybe they have the designers

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that are not present in Target. And why are those

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designers more valuable than in the Target Because they may

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be exclusive and it will not be valuable to everyone.

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And it's okay. So that's the key. So we sat

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down and we walked on who was her ideal client.

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All right, my ideal clients are executives in C suite.

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Executive That's what Sarah said. So any of those executives

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who are working in C suite do make good money,

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and if they are sitting there and bargaining with Sarah,

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then those are not her clients. So then what we

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did was the next step was to check that trigger. Hmm,

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all right, the gremlin has shown up. Let's pull out

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a fact. Challenge that fear. So that's the next step

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that you go ahead and you work through it and

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you challenge that gremlin. Okay, you're saying that, like you know,

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Sarah said that, Like, the thought that comes to me

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is that I'm charging a whole lot more. So then

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we sat down and evaluated what was the value she

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was providing. The value she was providing was a whole

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lot more. Not only was she giving the courses, not

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only was she giving the coaching, not only was she

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giving them the support between sessions. So she was giving

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a whole lot more than the other coaches when she

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sat down and compared. So the factor it was okay

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for her to charge more, and if that meant letting

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go of the clients that's all right sometimes and now

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you may ask me a question over here, Diviyah. Now

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that is going to be costing money, but think about it.

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Would you rather have a client where you can make

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difference in their lives and who recognizes your value Because

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00:26:17.039 --> 00:26:23.559
when people recognize their value they're getting, they're going to

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00:26:23.720 --> 00:26:27.000
put in that much time, They're going to be more invested,

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they are going to be working on their transformation. So

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I asked Sarah, what's important to you, and she said,

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the client's transformation is the most important to me. So

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I said, okay, here are two different things. What do

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you want to do? And she said, I'll let the

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client go who is sitting and bargaining, because then they

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will be bargaining in themselves like oh, you know, I'm

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stuck here, so they may not take that stretch action.

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And it's important to have the stretch goals and stretch action.

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So she started that. And remember that the gremlin impostor

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will ramble. Yes, it trembles. It gives oh a lot,

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00:27:14.039 --> 00:27:17.000
lot a lot, like you know, oh, this is happening,

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This is happening, This is happening in your thoughts. And

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as a result of what happens is you stop articulating clearly,

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so when the gremlin pops in, separate it out, acknowledge it,

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thank you you have shared it with me, and then

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think about the main point you want to make in

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a meeting. So that's just one example. So going back

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to Sarah's story, so when somebody would just kind of

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ramble on like saying, oh, this was not worth it,

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and Sarah would just say, one thing, I understand and

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I may not be the brew of coffee that you

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00:27:59.160 --> 00:28:03.839
may like, and it's okay. So here's how I provide

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the value and here's what it is. So she did

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not go and too over explanation mode, she did not

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become overwhelmed, just stated a few things. She was very clear,

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and as a result of what happened, people who couldn't

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see the value walked away. People who could see the

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value did it. And that next year when she implemented

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are authority reset tool, and if you would like to

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00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:42.200
have that authority reset tool, reach out to me either

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00:28:42.319 --> 00:28:46.279
on LinkedIn or with the email contact at vipark dot

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com and I will send it to you. So the

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00:28:50.440 --> 00:28:54.599
key was that even though she let it go, she

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00:28:55.000 --> 00:29:00.279
ended up making sixty thousand dollars more. And that is

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00:29:00.400 --> 00:29:04.359
that you're not apologizing for who you are. You're not

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00:29:04.640 --> 00:29:13.079
being I'm not asking you to be bligerent or I'm

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not asking you to be arrogant. You're still humble. All

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00:29:17.279 --> 00:29:20.799
you're doing is you're sharing the value. And when you

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share and don't sell, it's okay. Same thing in the

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sales call. Make your point, and you make that little transformation,

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little change, one step at a time. Start out with small.

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I want to come back to Jason's story. So Jason's

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00:29:41.119 --> 00:29:46.400
boss said that, like, you know, because you didn't speak up,

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we'll have to delay your promotion for the next cycle,

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which was in six months down the road. And then

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what I told Jason was like, listen, nobody can take

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away your potential, the knowledge you have, the experience you have.

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People may take away the titles. People may take away

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your money, but that knowledge and experience, that doesn't go anywhere.

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So when you invest in your shelf, there's nothing more

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powerful than that because you carry that with you wherever

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you go. Stocks may go out, stocks may go down, yes,

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00:30:20.880 --> 00:30:22.640
money may stay in the bank, money may go out.

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So he invested more time in himself and he took

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that stretch action. He took that stretch goal and when

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he did that, he found another area because guess what,

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he had the idea. So once he recognized his potential,

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he found another process where he could improve which the

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consultants had not, and we work through things and then

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he was able to come up with a strong plan.

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So then he talked with his boss and said that,

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The Lie That’s Shrinking Your Success

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