March 24, 2026

What Reality TV Teaches Us About Trust, Resilience, and Authenticity

What Reality TV Teaches Us About Trust, Resilience, and Authenticity
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Reality TV mirrors real life under pressure—revealing how people handle failure, trust, and uncertainty. In Beyond Confidence, Divya Parekh and Dr. Steven Stein discuss how resilience, authenticity, and relationships are tested in high-stress situations. The episode shows that pressure exposes true character and offers lessons for leadership, growth, and navigating setbacks.

Beyond Confidence is broadcast live Tuesdays at 10AM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Beyond Confidence TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

Beyond Confidence Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beyond-confidence--1885197/support.

WEBVTT

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The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are

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solely those of the hosts and their guests and not

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those of W four WN Radio. It's employees are affiliates.

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We make no recommendations or endorsement for radio show programs, services,

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or products mentioned on air or on our web. No liability,

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explicit or implied shall be extended to W four WN

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Radio It's employees or affiliates. Any questions or common should

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be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing

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W four WN Radio.

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This is Beyond Confidence with your host d W. Park.

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Do you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do

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you want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional,

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and financial goals? Well? Coming up on ZVO parks Beyond Confidence,

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you will hear real stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers

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who have steps into discomfort, shattered their status quo, and

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are living the life they want. You will learn how

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relationships are the key to achieving your aspirations and financial goals.

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Moving your career business forward does not have to happen

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at the expense of your personal or family life or

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vice versa. Learn more at www dot Gvpork dot com

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and you can connect with div ants contact Dants givpark

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dot com. This is beyond confidence and now here's your

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host TV.

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Park Good Morning listeners back on Tuesday. So just want

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to share like Amazon DC this past weekend and vent

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and saw cherry blossoms just so beautiful. Yes, on one hand,

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there are allergies from pollen, but at the same time

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that you experienced from nature, it is so wonderful. And

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when we talk about reality and TV and all of that,

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so on one hand, there's nature and then we have

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the reality of ourselves and that and that's where we

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are going to go in today and talk about it.

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So I hope, well, while you are enjoying the outdoors

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that you are also being careful with jeez, let's get started.

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Welcome doctor Stevens. Hi there, nice to be with you,

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Nice to meet you, and good to have you on

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this show. So let us know. How did you get

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into reality TV shows?

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Well, it was a little unusual. I'm a psychologist. I

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started out as a regular psychologist working with adolescents and adults,

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but I also got into the business side of things

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and was involved in psychological testing, and we set up

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a company that was automating psychological testing, and along the way,

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I got a call from a colleague who had an

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unusual request. We had developed something that measured emotional intelligence,

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which was brand new at the time, and he wanted

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to know if our test, our emotional intelligence would work

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in an unusual circumstance and turned out to be was

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that he was screening applicants for a show that I

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never heard of it all the time, but it was

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called Survivor and we all know that show today. So

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I initially got involved helping to do assessments for Survivor

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than the Apprentice through my colleague, and then I got

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more directly involved in shows as they developed, and reality

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shows grew like mushrooms.

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Oh wow. And a lot of people are kind of

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just kind of talking about reality TV shows. It's because

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it's happening in real time to real people. People are

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very much engaged. So can you kind of tell us

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that why reality TV may be more revealing the psychological

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aspects of human beings than what we all think about it.

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Yeah, reality TV to me is like a psychological laboratory.

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You know, I get to do things that I couldn't

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do at a university setting, you know, the ethics committees

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wouldn't allow you to do those things, but lu because

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they're unsafe, but they didn't have the proper protections around it,

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medical care, psychological care. So basically we're conducting sort of

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experiments with people in real time. And that's what makes

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it so exciting that we get to see it's almost

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like a mirror of society, but it's blown up. You're

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under pressure, you have to make decisions quickly, you have

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to form relationships, and we learn a lot about how

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people react in these situations that help us understand things

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that go on in our real lives. And again, I

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see it as kind of a mirror of what goes

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on in the real world.

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So tell us how the whole process works, because I'm

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curious now.

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Well, it starts with casting or screening, and for the

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popular shows, there's often thousands of people who want to

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be on these shows. There's a big draw to being

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part of it for a number of different reasons. So

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I'm involved in that element of a casting making sure

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it's safe for the people who do get selected. I'm

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also involved in preparing them for what they're going to

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experience when they're on the show. When things get out

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of hand, or if they get overstressed. I help them

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during the production, and I debrief them once they finish,

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once they're eliminated from the show, and sometimes do follow

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up down the road if that's required, or I will

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refer them to someone. So there's a number of steps

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that I will help walk them through on the shows.

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But basically, you know, the shows vary. There's dating shows,

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there's competition shows, there's social interaction shows, talent shows, there's

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a variety of different reality type shows. But you know,

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they all share some common things, and one of those

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is that you're performing under pressure one way or another.

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And what I've identified is ten archetypes, ten types of

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almost like personalities that people take on when they're in

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these shows. And again, these archetypes reflect some of the

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things we do in real life. And that's whether we're

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leaders or whether we're just trying to get by day

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to day. We share a lot of these common sort

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of traits with what we see on TV.

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Absolutely, so share with us when you are talking about

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that casting that you know you are making an effort.

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You're looking at how how they will respond under pressure,

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Like you know, that is the main criteria So how

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do you go about selecting people? What are some of

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the criterias?

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Well, casting you know, it's a lot like maybe casting

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a Broadway show. You want different characters. You know, good

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shows very diverse. We get people from different backgrounds, socio

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economic backgrounds, different gender identities, different all kinds of different beliefs, conservative, liberal.

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We sort of mishmash people that wouldn't ordinarily encounter each

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other in real life. And that's the other thing that

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makes it so interesting when you mix all these people

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together who've never met anyone like the other kind of

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person before. How do they interact? How do they deal

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with that? And then you add on to that the

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pressure of a competition. So are they going to cooperate?

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Are they going to compete? Are they going to fight?

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Are going to work together? All of these are elements

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that go into making us want to watch what happens

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next to these shows. It's all the human element help people,

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and the emotions are real. You know, people talk about

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reality TV being fake, but it's not. The emotions are

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not fake. Emotions are real. What's set up? Are the

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situations right? We'll put them in a situation where we

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set up a competition, that is set up, but what

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happens next is real. They cry, they get anxious, they

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yell at each other. Those emotions have to be real.

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They're not actors. They're behaving the way that the situation

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almost demands them to behave.

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Ah. That is because so many times when these are

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set up shows, it's had to know what's reality and

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what has been staged. So what you're sharing is that

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these emotions are real and now there's definitely competition, and

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that competition could be whatever the amount of price there

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is or whatever the reward there is at the end

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of it. Yeah, something very key point that you know

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whether they will collaborate, whether they'll do so during these

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high pressure and high stake competitions. What have you observed

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in terms of trust and loyalty in building relationships.

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Well, you know, the people who are able to build

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trust and loyalty are the words who tend to go

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further in the game and maybe even win it at

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the end, because if they don't trust you, they're going

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to get rid of you. They're going to throw you out.

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If they think that you're backstabbing or that you know

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that you're not loyal to the group, then they're going

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to dispense get rid of you. And you know, it's

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almost like what happens again in real life when someone

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at work is not loyal or not trustworthy, we tend

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to exclude that person. We maybe we can't get rid

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of them, but they're not close to what's happening. They

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don't know what's going on in the organization. The same

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thing here. You have to build trust, and that's why

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some of the basic elements are important, like empathy, flexibility,

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some of the elements of emotional intelligence that we've been

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studying for years are really significant in these situations, just

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like they are in real life.

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So are you at liberty to share any stories where

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you have seen this in action.

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Well, we see the action all the time and all

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the shows basically, yeah, we see people who lose it,

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who get emotionally frustrated. You know, in a cooking show,

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for example, one person who wanted to assert himself as

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the leader. It's not always good to tell everybody you're

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the leader, but this person wanted to make everyone know

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that they thought they were the leader, and he would.

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They had a competition to make a five star breakfast,

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top top of the line breakfast and they put them

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in teams. So as a leader of the team, he

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was the first out to pick ingredients for this breakfast.

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And what he went and did was he grabbed the

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whole bowl of eggs, right, and eggs are the main

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thing for breakfast, so none of the other teams were

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able to get eggs, so they were all furious and

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going crazy. Even his team went to what are you doing,

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Like why are you doing this? And he acted like, well,

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I'm just trying to make my best breakfast and this

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is what I need. So we call that the chaos agent.

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That's someone who just you know, by doing what they do,

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caused chaos with everybody else. And again in the office,

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you know, you might get somebody who does something, plays

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the radio too loud, or does something that creates chaos

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for everybody else, and that person usually gets themselves in

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trouble and often doesn't last very long in the game.

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M hm. And you also mentioned about Survivor, which is

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such a very different show. I mean, I haven't watched

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a whole lot of it, but you know occasionally I

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have watched that. So those are pretty drastic conditions and

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extreme conditions. How do things play out over there, and

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how does emotional intelligence work well.

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Again, those conditions add to the stress, right and the

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fact that you're competing with others that you might get eliminated.

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This might be your last week or day on the show.

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Emotional intelligence plays out because those people who are strong

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in things like empathy and assertiveness, they know how to

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work with the people to understand what the other person's

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needs are. If I know what's important to you, I

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can let you know that I believe in that, and

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I can help you, and that will help me stay

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on longer. If I don't care about you, I only

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care about myself, then you're not going to care about me,

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and if you have the opportunity, you're going to get

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rid of me. So the conditions, it just amplifies everything

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in organizations. You know what we've done training, and some

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of the best training are simulations, and those simulations add

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an element of stress. For example, in one type of

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simulation it's called paper planes, where you have people set

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up a factory where they're buying, they're building and selling

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airplanes and you set up different departments. But then you

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put pressure on where the quality control isn't working or

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they can't produce enough airplanes. You add pressure to the game,

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and you find that changes the whole dynamic of what's

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going on. And what you want to see is how

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do people deal with each other under that kind of pressure.

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Do leaders emerge or do people just go with each

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other's throats and fight and everything falls apart? And that's

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where you see real leadership buildings. As psychologists, we call

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it emergent leadership. You throw everybody together and they're all equal.

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Right at work, somebody's called the boss, so we expect

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them to be a leader, even though they may not

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be a good leader. But in this situation, everybody starts

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out equal. But what we always find is somebody emerges

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as a leader according to everybody. Everyone sort of agrees,

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Oh yeah, Johnny, I'll follow Johnny. I'm not going to

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follow Bill, but I will follow Johnny. And it's emotional

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intelligence is found to be really important in distinguishing those

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emergent leaders. Like what causes someone to be seen as

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a leader by everyone else versus somebody else who's just

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arrogant or who just self centered and narcissistic, and nobody

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wants to follow that person. Again, just like in our

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office at work, we have people at work that we

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can't stand, we would never want to do or follow them.

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Sometimes we have to because they're designated as a boss.

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But there may be other people we work with that

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we really like and get along with, and if they

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ask us to do a favor, we're more than happy

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to do it with them because we trust them, we

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have that connection with that person. The difference is in

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reality TV, it's compressed, the pressure is amplified, the time

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frame is shorter, so you see these things play out

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in ten weeks or less. Everything happens, the leader emerges,

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people get excluded, people get included, Teams form alliances, build,

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all this stuff happens in a very short time.

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Yeah, and that is such a powerful example that you

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gave about emergent dators. And this is not different in

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organizations either, because as I've helped organizations, there could be

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a product deadline that they're releasing the product to the

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market and they have to bring it in and then

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sometimes what happens is in the last few weeks something breaks,

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and that is they have to go and fix the

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features and it's going to impact the whole timeline and

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all that. So what you're talking about runs very parallel

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to the leadership and real life situations, not only, and

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sometimes it can be as simple as things happen, Like

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just now, one of my clients was just kind of talking,

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you know, they had been planning about something, he was

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fully involved, and something happened at his home where he

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had to rush to his father's side. So life is

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like that as well. And that's why you call it

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reality TV show and talking about you said something about

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emergent leader and so many times, you know, we'll give

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it the name of gravitas or executive presence. What are

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some of the characteristics of that emergent leader.

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Well, one of the things we've found to be really

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important is the idea of emotional intelligence. The person who

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is an emergent leader is the person who listens to

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everybody else, maybe doesn't always agree with them, but knows

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how to use empathy, knows how to understand what's important

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to them. So I may be able to say to you, yes,

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I know you want this right now, I understand what

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you need. I want to help you with that, but

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we have to put that off till later because we

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have to do something else first. So that ability to empathize,

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to understand what people want. Another important thing is assertiveness,

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the ability to not be afraid to say what you want,

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where you want to go, or where you want to

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lead the team, so that everybody knows. It's kind of

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like an openness you mentioned trust before. Trustworthy leaders are

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those who are are open right, they're transparent, We know

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what they want want. If they have a hidden agenda,

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we lose trust. So being able to express yourself and

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express your emotions. Emotional expression is another part that we find.

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If I'm upset about something, I want you to know

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I'm upset about it. I don't want to just hide

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it and not tell you, and you'll never know that

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you did something wrong that way, and you'll always be

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second guessing what I want from you. So if I

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can express myself clearly and be assertive and tell you

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what I'd like more of and maybe less of, and

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I understand where you're coming from, so I take your

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needs into account, these are the things that build emergent leaders.

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We see them just rise to the top. It's amazing

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when you see it, especially in such a brief time period.

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In a matter of a week or two, people start

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to rise up because when they use these skills, everyone

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else sort of gravitates towards them and ignores the self centered, selfish,

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over competitive kind of individual.

303
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Yeah, no, definitely. What you said was very powerful that

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you can be assertive with empathy because you're telling them

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that I understand and we need to do this later,

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or letting them know what's important to you, or understanding

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what's important to them. It's finding that balance. And so

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many times what happens, Stephen, is that people are thinking that,

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oh that if I'm being assertive, I might be seeing

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seen as being pushy or as being aggressive. What would

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you tell our audience about it.

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Well, the way that we've looked at it, and there's

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been a lot of psychological research on it, we look

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at it as a continuum. So on the one end,

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you're very passive, you don't tell people what you want

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at all. On the other hand, you're aggressive, right, you're

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over telling you too much in an unpleasant way. In

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the middle, we call it assertiveness. An assertiveness is being

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able to express what you want and if you may

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not agree or may have different beliefs than I have,

321
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I can still be your friend and get my point across.

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And that's what it means. To be a sort of

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it's a skill and it's a skill that you can learn.

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It's been taught to people that I can you know,

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I can say, I know what's important to you, DeBie.

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I know you want to go home as soon as

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you can because you have something to attend to. But

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it's really important for the group of the project if

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you stay in extra ten minutes, and we'll all benefit

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if you help us get this project finished in that

331
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period of time. So it's being able to ask you

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to do something, taking into account what's important to you

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and hopefully getting your cooperation.

334
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Yeah, so there is a very black and white distinction

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over here. You're not saying that, hey, you're part of

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the program, you have to stay for that ten minutes.

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What you're doing is you're acknowledging what's important to the

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other person. If you were to dissect what you said,

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not only you're acknowledging, then you're also giving them the

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why you're not just coming here and like saying command

341
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and control. It's about what's needed and why that cooperation

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is needed. And that's completely a different ballgame. Where you're

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respecting the other person, you're building the trust because you're

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letting them know why it's needed. So so many times

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what happens is that a lot of people are not trained,

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especially in today's AI world. It's so important that we

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keep on building these skills. They're going to be sent backs,

348
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whether it's reality TV show or real life world or

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organizational world, and they're going to be sent backs. So

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what are some of the key elements of building that

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resilience to write through that?

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Yeah, So for resilience, there's three main components we see

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that are for resilience, or heartiness as we call it.

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One is the ability to have commitment, which is have

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a purpose, big global purpose, like what is your goal?

356
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What are you there? What do you stand for? What's

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important for you? If you're always ground it in your purpose,

358
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that makes it a lot easier to deal with the

359
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bumps of the road. You're not going to get thrown

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off because you know your purpose is big, is to

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get this whole project done, and there's going to be

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bumps along the way. The second component is control and

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what that means is understanding what I can control versus

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what I can't control. I can't control the weather, but

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I can put on a raincoat, right, So understanding that

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difference is really important. And third is what we call challenge.

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So you give me this project, and my god, it's overwhelming.

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That's not the way I approach it. I see it

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as a challenge. I step back and instead of my

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emotions taking over, I think of it as a game

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as a strategy. Okay, this is the goal, this is

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what we have to do. What are the best way?

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What are the pieces I need to put this puzzle together?

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Three c's are what helped make us more resilient, make

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us get over those bumps in the road, those those

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difficult things that we have to deal with. The ability

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to be committed to have a big goal or purpose

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in life, purpose what we deal with, control what we

379
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can control versus what we can and challenge. The ability

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to see this as a game to be played, something

381
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that I can do and I can win at.

382
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Yeah, what a great way to look at life. And

383
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when you're looking at that, you know all those three

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pillars bring you together to live the life most joyously

385
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and with a focus on growth rather than the downward

386
00:22:46.680 --> 00:22:49.480
spiraling because and it's so easy for us to spiral

387
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down the negative abyss, because so many people just look

388
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at life as if they're looking down into ABIs. So

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as we talk about that, you talk about purpose, you

390
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talked about being assertive, and during all of these times,

391
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you know, like authenticity has been a new word that

392
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has kind of being a buzzword for a lot of years,

393
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that oh, yeah, you know, I need to be authentic,

394
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I need to be true to myself. And then there's

395
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also the perception of the image that they're building. How

396
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can people balance between the two.

397
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Yeah, between the image that you want to project and

398
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being authentic, true to yourself. I think it's important to

399
00:23:31.200 --> 00:23:33.720
be true to yourself, to be authentic and not to

400
00:23:34.599 --> 00:23:37.960
act as though you're someone or something else. It just

401
00:23:38.000 --> 00:23:41.079
doesn't seem to work. So I try to be as

402
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much as I can the same person when I'm in

403
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the office as when I'm talking to you, or when

404
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I'm at home or wherever I am. And that's part

405
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of your values. I think it's important to have very

406
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firm values, things that you believe in. Getting back to purpose.

407
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If you have strong values and you operate from the values,

408
00:24:01.119 --> 00:24:04.000
then it's much easier for you to be authentic. And

409
00:24:04.039 --> 00:24:06.960
you know, it transcends even when you make small decisions.

410
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It makes it easier for you to make those decisions

411
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if you have strong values that you're operating from, because

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then you can always judge does this fit Do I

413
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feel good? You know, your stomach gets a feeling when

414
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you have to make these decisions and you want to

415
00:24:22.279 --> 00:24:24.960
get that extra test. Does it feel good? Is my

416
00:24:25.000 --> 00:24:28.799
stomach queasy? Or am I okay with this decision? And

417
00:24:28.839 --> 00:24:32.160
it's whether it fits into your core values. So I

418
00:24:32.160 --> 00:24:35.680
think authenticity is really important because if you don't have that,

419
00:24:36.359 --> 00:24:39.119
we go back to trust and you start losing the trust.

420
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And especially if you're a leader, if you're a fake,

421
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if you put on a fake you know everything's wonderful,

422
00:24:45.279 --> 00:24:49.119
everything's great, you know everything's worth and it's not. People

423
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will see through that and they won't trust you. They'll

424
00:24:52.079 --> 00:24:55.400
learn not to believe you. So it's important to even

425
00:24:55.480 --> 00:24:59.920
acknowledge when things aren't going well and let people know that,

426
00:25:00.559 --> 00:25:02.160
but you're going to deal with it. You don't want

427
00:25:02.160 --> 00:25:04.920
to be pessimistic. You want to be optimistic, but you

428
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want to be honest. So you give the message that

429
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things aren't going as well as we'd like right now,

430
00:25:11.160 --> 00:25:13.359
but we're going to put something in place to help

431
00:25:13.400 --> 00:25:15.279
deal with it. And we want you to be part

432
00:25:15.319 --> 00:25:18.720
of the solution, and we want you to contribute ideas

433
00:25:19.039 --> 00:25:21.720
in what you have to contribute to help us get

434
00:25:21.839 --> 00:25:23.599
through this difficult time.

435
00:25:25.680 --> 00:25:29.799
So why is it so uncomfortable? You mentioned that it's

436
00:25:29.799 --> 00:25:33.200
important to be true to yourself, and yet we see

437
00:25:34.319 --> 00:25:36.319
so many people don that.

438
00:25:36.400 --> 00:25:40.599
Mask because they're afraid, you know, they're afraid to look weak.

439
00:25:41.440 --> 00:25:44.920
They're afraid to not look you know. And it's not

440
00:25:45.000 --> 00:25:47.279
true because in the old days, we did a I

441
00:25:47.279 --> 00:25:49.920
wrote up a sort of a trajectory of leadership going

442
00:25:49.960 --> 00:25:53.960
back one hundred years and one hundred years ago. You know,

443
00:25:54.039 --> 00:25:57.160
Henry Ford or some of those leaders were strong. They

444
00:25:57.279 --> 00:25:59.359
never change, you know, going down with the ship is

445
00:25:59.359 --> 00:26:02.960
what they said. You can any color or car you want,

446
00:26:03.000 --> 00:26:05.680
as long as it's black. They would never change their

447
00:26:05.720 --> 00:26:09.720
mind once they said something. If they're backtracked, they would

448
00:26:09.720 --> 00:26:11.839
be weak, and they didn't want to look weak to

449
00:26:11.880 --> 00:26:16.519
the people. But that's all changed as we progressed, you know,

450
00:26:17.240 --> 00:26:20.240
more modern leaders, Bill Gates and other leaders have showed

451
00:26:20.319 --> 00:26:23.519
us that hey, we can change direction, we can do

452
00:26:23.640 --> 00:26:27.640
things differently. When the world changes, we can change with it.

453
00:26:27.920 --> 00:26:31.759
You know, Microsoft avoided going dealing with the Internet For years,

454
00:26:32.039 --> 00:26:35.359
they didn't want to invest in the Internet as a company.

455
00:26:35.799 --> 00:26:40.200
But once things started moving in that direction, once Netscape

456
00:26:40.240 --> 00:26:43.359
came out, they changed their whole philosophy and turned it

457
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around so they were able to be flexible and move.

458
00:26:47.839 --> 00:26:51.640
And I think now we're showing that good leaders show

459
00:26:51.680 --> 00:26:57.559
their vulnerabilities because they're not superman or superwoman. They have vulnerabilities.

460
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And the people that we respect and that we leave

461
00:27:00.319 --> 00:27:04.000
and we trust can show those vulnerabilities. They can admit

462
00:27:04.039 --> 00:27:08.680
they make mistakes, they can show that they don't know everything,

463
00:27:09.000 --> 00:27:11.200
that they rely on other people to help them out.

464
00:27:12.079 --> 00:27:15.000
So what we're seeing is a real shift in leadership.

465
00:27:15.400 --> 00:27:19.640
And those masks are not working. They're making people think

466
00:27:19.680 --> 00:27:22.680
that you're dishonest or untrustworthy.

467
00:27:24.160 --> 00:27:28.519
So as you mentioned that leadership has shifted, people's expectations

468
00:27:28.559 --> 00:27:32.200
have shifted. Coming back to the reality show, we see

469
00:27:32.240 --> 00:27:34.759
a lot of authenticity over there. Like you said that,

470
00:27:34.839 --> 00:27:40.880
you know, they are in that compressed pressure and under

471
00:27:40.920 --> 00:27:43.880
that they have to make decisions. So tell us, like,

472
00:27:43.960 --> 00:27:49.200
you know, some of the practical lessons that people can

473
00:27:49.240 --> 00:27:53.759
take away from that is how to make those decisions

474
00:27:54.119 --> 00:27:57.079
that high pressure And then how does that authenticity payout.

475
00:27:57.880 --> 00:28:00.119
So one of the things we've seen is that that

476
00:28:00.160 --> 00:28:04.480
ability to connect with people is really important building allogancy right.

477
00:28:05.279 --> 00:28:08.880
Another thing is ability to strategize, to sort of plan ahead,

478
00:28:09.359 --> 00:28:11.880
to think of, okay, you know if I go here,

479
00:28:12.079 --> 00:28:15.079
or you know, what's likely to happen two steps from now,

480
00:28:15.119 --> 00:28:17.920
one step, two step, three steps. So, but being willing

481
00:28:18.039 --> 00:28:23.039
to change, because flexibility is also really important. Sometimes people

482
00:28:23.079 --> 00:28:25.119
come on to a show and they figure they got

483
00:28:25.160 --> 00:28:27.640
this roll down I'm going to do. They have blinders

484
00:28:27.640 --> 00:28:30.119
on this is how I'm going to behave and you

485
00:28:30.240 --> 00:28:33.319
throw them a curveball right, and they're lost. They don't

486
00:28:33.359 --> 00:28:36.160
know what to do. So you have to have flexibility.

487
00:28:36.200 --> 00:28:38.640
You have to be willing to change, change on a

488
00:28:38.680 --> 00:28:42.200
moment's notice, change direction of your plan or who you're

489
00:28:42.440 --> 00:28:45.039
aligning with and so on. So these are you know,

490
00:28:45.079 --> 00:28:48.240
some of these factors are really important. Ability to connect

491
00:28:48.240 --> 00:28:55.000
with people, build relationships, be flexible, ability to change quickly, strategize,

492
00:28:55.440 --> 00:28:58.000
look at the big picture and think of where you

493
00:28:58.039 --> 00:29:01.839
see yourself going or how to be you know, those

494
00:29:01.839 --> 00:29:03.799
are some of the key things. Another thing that also

495
00:29:04.440 --> 00:29:07.640
helps is having a sense of humor. We like people

496
00:29:07.759 --> 00:29:11.160
who make us laugh, right, we're not as threatened by

497
00:29:11.200 --> 00:29:15.880
those people. If you're always serious and always competing. Again,

498
00:29:16.000 --> 00:29:18.680
trust comes into it. Is that person only looking out

499
00:29:18.680 --> 00:29:20.720
for themselves or do they care about me at all?

500
00:29:21.160 --> 00:29:23.880
But if I can make you laugh and I'm funny,

501
00:29:24.160 --> 00:29:26.480
then you're going to care more about me, right, because

502
00:29:26.519 --> 00:29:30.160
I'm doing those kinds of things that other people enjoy.

503
00:29:30.680 --> 00:29:33.200
So those are some of the factors I see help people,

504
00:29:33.640 --> 00:29:34.799
you know, get ahead of the pack.

505
00:29:35.839 --> 00:29:40.079
Yeah, and that definitely makes sense. So you alluded to

506
00:29:40.599 --> 00:29:45.440
our that there are archetypes. Do you want us share,

507
00:29:45.559 --> 00:29:47.759
like you know a few which are common and prevalent

508
00:29:47.839 --> 00:29:48.680
to the most people.

509
00:29:49.240 --> 00:29:52.599
Sure. So everyone, of course is familiar with the villain, right,

510
00:29:52.680 --> 00:29:57.480
the person who goes in there planning to stab everybody

511
00:29:57.519 --> 00:30:01.279
in the back. And sometimes the villain gets ahead and wins.

512
00:30:01.319 --> 00:30:04.359
But if people catch on to the villain, they get

513
00:30:04.440 --> 00:30:06.599
rid of them, they want to throw them out. The

514
00:30:06.640 --> 00:30:08.440
other person we see a lot of we call the

515
00:30:08.480 --> 00:30:11.680
hot mess express. This is that person who's emotional all

516
00:30:11.720 --> 00:30:17.319
the time. They're crying, they're yelling, they're just emotional about everything. Again,

517
00:30:18.240 --> 00:30:20.960
sometimes they're useful, but a lot of times we don't

518
00:30:20.960 --> 00:30:23.200
want those people around us because all they do is

519
00:30:23.559 --> 00:30:27.680
have emotions. We have a social butterfly. Somebody wants to

520
00:30:27.720 --> 00:30:30.680
be friends with everybody, right, they just go but they

521
00:30:30.720 --> 00:30:34.279
don't really build alliance with anybody. They're not really close

522
00:30:34.359 --> 00:30:38.000
to any one person. They're so busy being social butterflies

523
00:30:38.039 --> 00:30:41.240
with everybody, and people catch on to that and they say, well,

524
00:30:41.279 --> 00:30:44.839
you're not really my true friend. You're friends with them

525
00:30:44.880 --> 00:30:48.640
as well, So they sometimes get caught and get thrown out.

526
00:30:49.880 --> 00:30:53.319
There's the underdog, right, the person who's very quiet, and

527
00:30:53.359 --> 00:30:55.599
we see them in the office too. They're quiet, you

528
00:30:55.640 --> 00:30:59.720
don't suspect anything of them, but they're listening and they're watching.

529
00:31:00.319 --> 00:31:02.400
And then, you know, give them some time. After a

530
00:31:02.440 --> 00:31:05.559
couple of weeks, they come out, you know, and they

531
00:31:05.599 --> 00:31:08.640
know so much and they play the game really well

532
00:31:08.720 --> 00:31:11.559
because they've been paying attention to all the things going

533
00:31:11.599 --> 00:31:17.400
on around them. The chaos agent, the person who just

534
00:31:17.599 --> 00:31:20.799
causes trouble without even meaning to. Right. They like the

535
00:31:20.799 --> 00:31:22.640
person who took all the eggs. He just thought he

536
00:31:22.759 --> 00:31:26.400
was taking it for himself because chaos among everyone else.

537
00:31:26.880 --> 00:31:28.759
So these are some of the art types that we

538
00:31:28.839 --> 00:31:32.640
see in many of these shows, and actually that's what

539
00:31:32.680 --> 00:31:35.000
makes them interesting. We want to see how these characters

540
00:31:35.359 --> 00:31:39.240
play out with each other against each other, how do

541
00:31:39.279 --> 00:31:40.359
they fit together?

542
00:31:43.000 --> 00:31:46.000
So you have given us a lot of food for thought.

543
00:31:46.720 --> 00:31:50.480
Are there any of your favorite leadership lessons or any

544
00:31:50.799 --> 00:31:53.799
takeaways that you know over the years that you've developed

545
00:31:53.839 --> 00:31:58.000
that you've seen work beautifully over and over again that

546
00:31:58.079 --> 00:32:01.000
our audience can take and appline them immediately.

547
00:32:01.680 --> 00:32:04.119
Well, there's a few things, probably. I mean one I

548
00:32:04.160 --> 00:32:07.200
mentioned which is empathy, which is listening to other people.

549
00:32:07.319 --> 00:32:10.279
Just take before you speak, take a little extra time

550
00:32:10.359 --> 00:32:13.640
to listen to where they're coming from before you say anything.

551
00:32:13.720 --> 00:32:16.680
Another element that we found is important as what we

552
00:32:16.759 --> 00:32:20.160
call self actualization, and what all that means is really

553
00:32:20.240 --> 00:32:23.400
that you're willing to learn, that you're interested in learning,

554
00:32:23.440 --> 00:32:27.440
whether it's reading, whether it's watching YouTube videos, or wherever

555
00:32:27.480 --> 00:32:30.599
it is you want to learn more. You always feel

556
00:32:30.640 --> 00:32:33.599
that there's more you can benefit from it. And even

557
00:32:33.640 --> 00:32:36.480
on the shows, I find those are the best contestants,

558
00:32:36.880 --> 00:32:38.960
not the person who comes into a cooking show saying

559
00:32:39.000 --> 00:32:41.119
I'm the best cook in my city, I'm going to

560
00:32:41.160 --> 00:32:44.119
win this thing, but the person who says to me, oh,

561
00:32:44.160 --> 00:32:46.759
I can't wait to learn from the master. Those judges

562
00:32:46.799 --> 00:32:49.279
are people I've admired, and I don't even care if

563
00:32:49.319 --> 00:32:52.079
they hate my cooking. If they teach me something, I'll

564
00:32:52.119 --> 00:32:55.400
be so happy. And you see these different types, and

565
00:32:55.440 --> 00:32:58.720
they often get ahead because they're willing to take criticism

566
00:32:59.119 --> 00:33:02.200
and learn from it and move further up the ladder.

567
00:33:02.319 --> 00:33:09.759
So be empathic, learn self actualize, and you know, be

568
00:33:09.799 --> 00:33:12.400
willing to grow as part of it, and be assertive

569
00:33:12.480 --> 00:33:14.559
in terms of what you want and need. I think

570
00:33:14.559 --> 00:33:17.559
those are some key leadership things that we've seen in

571
00:33:17.559 --> 00:33:20.519
real life and on reality shows. M H.

572
00:33:21.720 --> 00:33:24.960
And tell us about the books or a book that

573
00:33:25.039 --> 00:33:25.920
you might have written.

574
00:33:26.759 --> 00:33:29.720
So I've written several books. The EQ Edge is on

575
00:33:29.839 --> 00:33:33.279
emotional intelligence, and it's a real how to book. What

576
00:33:33.359 --> 00:33:35.519
are the factors of emotional intelligence and how do you

577
00:33:35.599 --> 00:33:38.039
develop them? Which is a really important part. How do

578
00:33:38.079 --> 00:33:42.400
you develop empathy? How do you develop interpersonal skills? How

579
00:33:42.400 --> 00:33:45.519
do you develop assertiveness? So in my book The EQ Edge,

580
00:33:46.079 --> 00:33:48.359
we show you that we give you exercises ways that

581
00:33:48.440 --> 00:33:52.319
you can improve all those things. My newer book, Heartiness

582
00:33:53.000 --> 00:33:55.680
is when I mentioned about the three c's, how do

583
00:33:55.759 --> 00:33:59.640
you deal with difficulty difficult situations in life? How do

584
00:33:59.640 --> 00:34:04.319
you become more resilient. Some people talk about post traumatic growth.

585
00:34:04.759 --> 00:34:10.719
We talk about heartiness, which are actual skills using control, commitment,

586
00:34:11.119 --> 00:34:15.039
and challenge to make you deal with life better, to

587
00:34:15.079 --> 00:34:18.880
get over life's bumps in a much more successful way.

588
00:34:19.960 --> 00:34:22.920
Mm hmm. And where can people find it?

589
00:34:23.800 --> 00:34:26.920
They can find it on Amazon dot com is probably

590
00:34:27.000 --> 00:34:32.360
or any many bookstores carry EQ Edge and Hardiness. They're

591
00:34:32.639 --> 00:34:34.239
available in a lot of places.

592
00:34:36.119 --> 00:34:37.559
And then can they connect with you?

593
00:34:39.199 --> 00:34:46.480
My website is www dot Stevenstein dot com and my

594
00:34:46.599 --> 00:34:50.880
books and some videos and podcasts and a series of things.

595
00:34:50.920 --> 00:34:51.840
Are there?

596
00:34:52.880 --> 00:34:55.119
Are there any of the thoughts messages you'd like to

597
00:34:55.119 --> 00:34:56.079
share with her audience?

598
00:34:56.920 --> 00:34:59.559
I just sort of want people to know that reality

599
00:34:59.599 --> 00:35:02.719
TV an all junk. You know, a lot of people

600
00:35:03.199 --> 00:35:08.800
I think it's just, you know, frivolous pastime. But there

601
00:35:08.800 --> 00:35:12.519
are some benefits if you learn how to watch it,

602
00:35:12.679 --> 00:35:15.320
be a more sophisticated watcher of it. You can learn

603
00:35:15.360 --> 00:35:17.840
from it, and hopefully in the near future will have

604
00:35:17.880 --> 00:35:21.199
a new book out called The Psychology of Reality TV

605
00:35:21.639 --> 00:35:24.559
that will actually go through these archetypes and teach you

606
00:35:24.639 --> 00:35:27.280
how to use them in your life, to watch them,

607
00:35:27.679 --> 00:35:30.199
recognize them when you see them on TV, and what

608
00:35:30.239 --> 00:35:32.119
you can take away from them because they all have

609
00:35:32.480 --> 00:35:35.079
a good side and a bad side. So if you

610
00:35:35.159 --> 00:35:37.159
learn how to use the good side of each of these,

611
00:35:37.599 --> 00:35:39.800
it can probably help you a lot at work and

612
00:35:39.880 --> 00:35:40.360
at home.

613
00:35:41.400 --> 00:35:46.639
Yeah, no, definitely, I think so what you mentioned about

614
00:35:46.679 --> 00:35:49.440
that each side has a good and a bad, so

615
00:35:49.480 --> 00:35:51.400
from you can learn from the good and from the

616
00:35:51.440 --> 00:35:52.440
bad you can learn what.

617
00:35:52.519 --> 00:35:55.880
Not to do exactly exactly. You know, you could be

618
00:35:55.920 --> 00:35:59.199
a strategist, a great strategist, but at the same time

619
00:35:59.639 --> 00:36:02.000
you're not paying attention to other people. You're ignoring them

620
00:36:02.000 --> 00:36:05.760
because you're so busy with your own strategies, so you

621
00:36:05.840 --> 00:36:08.840
have to be Again, it's good to have strategy, but

622
00:36:08.880 --> 00:36:11.679
it's not good to ignore other people or not pay

623
00:36:11.719 --> 00:36:15.599
attention to them. Or you could be the comic relief

624
00:36:15.639 --> 00:36:18.360
person being funny all the time, but then you don't

625
00:36:18.400 --> 00:36:21.719
take anything seriously, so you could lose on that count.

626
00:36:22.039 --> 00:36:24.039
So there's a good and a bad to each of

627
00:36:24.079 --> 00:36:26.239
these art types. They can help you or they can

628
00:36:26.280 --> 00:36:29.119
sink you. It's a matter of learning how to navigate them.

629
00:36:30.079 --> 00:36:34.840
Absolutely. And you mentioned about like strategy, that you know,

630
00:36:34.840 --> 00:36:37.440
if you're not paying attention to other people, if you're

631
00:36:37.480 --> 00:36:39.920
not listening. If you're not considering other people, then your

632
00:36:39.920 --> 00:36:44.320
strategy may not be right because you're not considering all

633
00:36:44.320 --> 00:36:49.440
the factors. So thank you for giving us the wisdom

634
00:36:49.480 --> 00:36:53.280
that gets today. I'm sure, just like me, our audience

635
00:36:53.280 --> 00:36:59.360
will find it very, very valuable. Any last minute thoughts, Oh.

636
00:36:59.159 --> 00:37:02.320
Thanks very much for having me. It's been a pleasure

637
00:37:02.360 --> 00:37:04.159
speaking with you. Oh.

638
00:37:04.199 --> 00:37:10.280
I totally enjoyed that conversation. Thank you, Doctor Stephen. So wonderful. Audience.

639
00:37:10.320 --> 00:37:12.719
I'm sure that you know you'll head out to Amazon

640
00:37:12.880 --> 00:37:19.400
check out doctor Stephen's books because I can definitely see

641
00:37:19.440 --> 00:37:21.480
that there's going to be a ton of value in it.

642
00:37:21.880 --> 00:37:24.400
I myself will be heading that way after this show.

643
00:37:25.679 --> 00:37:28.960
And thank you for being part of our show and

644
00:37:29.239 --> 00:37:32.079
let us know how we can serve and support you

645
00:37:32.159 --> 00:37:35.400
to live the best life you can because you deserve it.

646
00:37:36.039 --> 00:37:38.840
And thank you on for making the show technically possible.

647
00:37:39.719 --> 00:37:41.519
Be well and take care until next time.

648
00:37:42.519 --> 00:37:44.960
Thank you for being part of Beyond Confidence. With your

649
00:37:44.960 --> 00:37:47.280
host d V Park, we hope you have learned more

650
00:37:47.320 --> 00:37:50.000
about how to start living the life you want. Each

651
00:37:50.000 --> 00:37:52.960
week on Beyond Confidence, you hear stories of real people

652
00:37:53.039 --> 00:37:56.599
who've experienced growth by overcoming their fears and building meaningful

653
00:37:56.639 --> 00:38:00.679
relationships during Beyond Confidence. Div Park's share is what happened

654
00:38:00.719 --> 00:38:02.880
to her when she stepped out of her comfort zone

655
00:38:02.920 --> 00:38:05.760
to work directly with people across the globe. She not

656
00:38:05.880 --> 00:38:08.920
only coaches people how to form hard connections, but also

657
00:38:09.000 --> 00:38:13.119
transform relationships to mutually beneficial partnerships as they strive to

658
00:38:13.159 --> 00:38:15.599
live the life they want. If you are ready to

659
00:38:15.639 --> 00:38:18.360
live the life you want and leverage your strengths, learn

660
00:38:18.400 --> 00:38:22.519
more at www dot dwpark dot com and you can

661
00:38:22.519 --> 00:38:26.920
connect with vat contact at dvpark dot com. We look

662
00:38:26.960 --> 00:38:28.679
forward to you're joining us next week