Dec. 16, 2025

Why You Keep Hitting an Invisible Ceiling (And How to Break It)

If you’ve ever felt stuck, blocked, or like you keep bumping up against a limit you can’t see, this episode is going to flip a switch in your mind.
Here’s what no one tells you:
The real glass ceiling is rarely out there.
It’s inside you.
And most of the time, you don’t even realize you’ve built it.

Beyond Confidence is broadcast live Tuesdays at 10AM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Beyond Confidence TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

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The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are

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solely those of the hosts and their guests, and not

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This is Beyond Confidence with your host d W. Park.

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Do you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do

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you want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional,

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and financial goals? Well? Coming up on ZVO parks Beyond Confidence,

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you will hear real stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers

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who have stepped into discomfort, shattered their status quo, and

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are living the life they want. You will learn how

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relationships are the key to achieving your aspirations and financial goals.

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Moving your career business forward does not have to happen

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at the expense of your personal or family life, or

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vice versa. Learn more at www dot Divpork dot com

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and you can connect with tv ANTS contact dantsdvpark dot com.

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This is beyond Confidence and now here's your host, TV PORNK.

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Good morning listeners, And it's that time of the year

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where we are coming close to ending one year and

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getting ready to step into the new year, and it's

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important that we take a look at how the year

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has been and how are we going to step into

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the new year. So today we will be touching some

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of those things. So let's jump into it and see

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what the show is going to be all about today.

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Hither Diva.

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So great to see you, Good to have you, Tanya,

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Thank you absolutely. So. Usually we start out, do you

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recall a moment, whether it was you know, when you

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were a child or when you were young, when a

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person or in a moment left a positive.

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Mark on you, left a positive mark absolutely. I was

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eleven years old and I had Well, let me give

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you a little backstory because it'll make this make sense.

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So I was born homeless. My mother didn't have a

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place to take me to when she gave birth to me.

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A woman, an angel I call her, saw my mom

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crying on a park bench and helped my mother find

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her way to a government housing the government housing authority

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which placed us in government housing. So I grew up

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in a government housing project. And as a child, I

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had been abused. I had experienced colorism because my fair

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skin didn't match up to the darker complexed African American

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folks in my community. I had been bullied. I don't

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know my father, so I was fatherless. And a combination

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of all of these things left me feeling different and

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looking for where my place of belonging would be. As

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I in third grade, I was bullied as a child.

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I was bullied in the cafeteria by the popular girls

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in school. And that third grade incident left a mark

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for me, and I made a decision about where I

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felt I belong and do not belong in the world,

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and most of us do as kids because belonging diva

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is one of the most important needs we have, biological

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needs we have. And so I was looking. I determined

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in that cafeteria that I didn't belong, that I don't

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matter at all. Okay, girl, yeah, yes, exactly. So I

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made a decision that I don't belong. Now fast forward

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to I'm mage eleven. To answer your question, I made

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eleven and I am invited to attend Christmas Eve dinner

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at the home of a couple who attended our church,

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and they happened to be a white family and we

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were we so from my government housing project to their

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home out in the suburbs was probably a thirty minute drive,

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but it felt like I had driven across country via

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And when we arrived at their house, we approached a

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driveway and the house from the end of the drive.

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From the end of the driveway to the house, it

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felt like it was four city blocks along. It just

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felt like the driveway went on for forever. And then

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the home looked like a mansion to my eleven year

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old self. And then we enter the home. I know

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now that it was it's a center center hall colonial home,

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but back then I thought it was a mansion. And

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they opened the door and there's this Christmas tree with

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all these beautiful porcelain ornaments, and there were the green

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and red Christmas decorations on the dining table and throughout

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the home, and the mantle was dressed beautifully with greenery

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and ornaments, and it was spectacular to my eleven year

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old brain. So I'm fascinated by this, and so Eventually,

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as the evening went on, I got curious about mister

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Bill and Betty, and I said, so, what does mister

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Bill do for a living? He's a lawyer. Oh what

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does Betty do? She stays at home, she cares for

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the kids. So my eleven year old brain becomes the

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computer and says, wow, so mister Bill earned all of this.

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I want to be a lawyer, right, And so at

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age eleven, there was something else I learned about myself

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that day, that there are the haves and the have not.

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Now remind you, I felt like I was someone who

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didn't matter. Now at age eleven, I see that there

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are people who have and people who have not, and

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I determined I was a have not right, but mister

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Bill was a lawyer that I'm going to figure out

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how I am going to become a lawyer. And I set,

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at age eleven a trajectory in my life to become

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a lawyer. My high school had a law in Public

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Service Magnet program, so I was able to participate in

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the law program in high school. By age sixteen, I'm

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working in a law firm as a court runner. By

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age eighteen, I determined I didn't want to be a lawyer,

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because all that experience helped me to know that lawyering

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wasn't for me. But what happened, though, is that I

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was able to see a goal, to set a goal

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and achieve it, and I knew that there was a

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world out there, there was so much bigger than me,

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and I wanted to play a part in it. I

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wanted to fit in it. And so that experience of

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going to Christmas Eve dinner was life changing for me.

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Oh that's beautiful story. And that eleven year old girl,

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oh so beautiful she is making I can see you

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right there, Tanya, you know, making up your mind, and

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it seems like you had a beautiful vision, like you know,

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this is where I want to go. I'm going to

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go after it. So I can definitely see that desire

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and that boning fire within that little girl.

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So tell us.

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As that little girl grew up, she decided not to

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be a lawyer, But did she decided to go after that?

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Thank you for that?

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So yes, I actually by age eight. By age seventeen,

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I realized I didn't enjoy working at the law firm.

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But I became very interested in the media, and my

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mom found a summer program where I could train for

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working with the media. So we did television, radio, newspaper

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training and I got wonderful experience of working with some

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of the best and most prominent African American folks in

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the media in the city of Pittsburgh where I grew up.

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And so I actually started working at the law firm

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at age seventeen. I'm sorry. While I was working at

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the law firm at age sixteen, on the weekends, I

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got a job at the radio station and by college

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studying young, Yes, I started working really young. So I

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was having career experience in high school while many my

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friends were, you know, in sports. So unfortunately I missed

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the opportunity to play sports, which I really would have loved.

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But I did. I was very studious. I excelled at school,

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and I was beginning to recognize again because what was

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fueling me was IM have not. So I'm now in

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my life seeking to disprove this thing that was as

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operating as a self limiting belief. Okay, So I actually

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I started working in radio. I went to du Cane

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University undergrad and I studied corporate communications and English. I

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started in journalism, then I switched to corporate communications. That's

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where I got my degree, and I have a dual

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degree in English as well. I worked in radio for

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about four years. I climbed my way from being an

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audio journalist to being a producer in four years, and

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I discovered that I really liked what was happening behind

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the scenes of radio. I loved the marketing aspect, understanding

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the consumers, understanding what consumers want. While I was in college,

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I secured an internship with the market research company that

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did market research for radio. So that set me on

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the trajectory to later pursue an MBA. And then after

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I got my MBA, I got a job that was

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unlike any other, and I worked in various other industries

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after I left the radio company. I worked for Chrysler

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in their marketing and communications department. I worked at Toyota,

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I worked for an hotel chain, all in marketing. But

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after I got secure my MBA, I leveraged this. I

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secured this amazing job for an office furniture company, completely

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different than any work I had ever done. I was

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actually reporting directly to the senior vice president of sales

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and marketing and operations, and I was working in a

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processed job, less creative. I was a consultant and it

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was amazing. The bottom line here, though, was I discovered

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interior design while I was working at this office furniture company,

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and this now solidified for me, this incredible exposure to

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something beyond any level of creativity I had known at

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this point. And I knew I had a talent for it,

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but I didn't know that it was a career. I

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didn't know there was training for it. I didn't know

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people got paid to do it. I just knew wealthy

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people have folks that do things for them, and that's

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what I thought it was. So I left my corporate job.

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I learned in the field how to operate and excuse me,

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how to sell using designed services to support clients through

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the office furniture company, and then I left and started

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my business. So that in two thousand and two, and

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I have been an interior designer since. Yeah.

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What a powerful story. So sometimes it's what happens is

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we don't have those hot conversations. If you're up for it,

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I want to have some hot conversation today because you

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are a beacon of hope and light for so many

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out there. So you decided that you were have not,

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but you didn't let that stop you. And so many

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times what happens is that people doesn't matter where they're at,

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men or women or whatever age they're in, they decide

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they put themselves in that sandbox and restrict their playing

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area that Okay, you know, I'm a have not or whatever,

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like you know, I'm a victim or i'm I am,

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I'm and this is what is the case and I

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can't do anything. But you didn't think that. So these

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are the internal ceilings that so many of us have

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that and doesn't matter where we are at, and like

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you know, we do have like all of us have

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that to some former shape.

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Right, So tell us that did you ever experience that?

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Or and yeah, how did you kind of like handle that?

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Yes? Yes, So at the top of my career, I

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was named one of the top twenty African American interior

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designers in the United States. So I'm at the top

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of my career and I received this acknowledgment. I didn't

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know what to do with it. Divya, I didn't know

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how to be one of the top twenty African American

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interior designers in the United States. Why Because I believe

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that didn't matter. So how could I possibly there's an

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internal conflict? Now, how could I possibly be hold this honor?

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Now?

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I have been an achiever my entire life. Of course

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I had to be an achiever because I'm trying to

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disprove that I don't matter. But now I got this

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acknowledgement that I do, and it caused an internal conflict.

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And the bottom line is it caused me to fall.

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I fell. I hit my rock bottom because I didn't

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know how to reconcile these two things that made no sense.

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I have not I don't matter while I'm being told

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I'm one of the best in the country. I hit

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rock bottom, and I now had to rebuild my life, Diviya.

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And as I began rebuilding my life, I trained with

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some of the best spiritual leaders in the world. I

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trained with some of the best emotional intelligent coaches in

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the world. I trained with traditional therapist, I had traditional

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experience traditional therapy. I trained with some of the best

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corporate and executive leadership coaches.

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In the world. So what I'm hearing is that that

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there was this, and I want to call it out,

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is that, yes, even though you were moving forward in life,

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there was an internal conflict like Okay, I'm moving forward

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and yet you didn't expect or you could not reconcile

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that acknowledgment from outside. So what's that telling me? And

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as I've seen for myself and for my clients and

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my experience, that having the internal validation is the primary thing,

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like you, and then that's where, like you know, we

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create invisible ceiling. So tell us more about that, like

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in the invisible ceiling and absolutely and how.

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You did you go?

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Like, you know, you invested in yourself, you hit your

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up bottom, but you decided not to give in. So

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there's so many people who give in. What would be

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your message to them? And I'll ask you multiple questions here.

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Yeah, so let me make what I was saying makes sense. So,

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as I was doing all this training, Divia, I began

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to see other people who were very much like me

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doing similar training and we're hitting similar ceilings. And the

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ceilings are the research I've now done as I have

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evolved become a life coach, transformational life coach, is I

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began to research what are the ceilings that we set

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for ourselves and how do they form. One of the

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first ceilings that we set for ourselves is the one

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that we typically set as I did as a child,

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when we're a child, when we're little, and it is

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inside the construct of defining how we belong in the

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world or how we don't. So for me, my ceiling

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was is I don't matter, And I say is. I'll

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come back to that in a second. I don't matter.

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Someone else might feel I'm unwanted. Those are the people

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who fear being abandoned. Someone else might feel I am powerless.

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Someone else might feel I am not seen, I'm not heard,

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I'm invisible. Someone else might feel I don't matter. I'm sorry,

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I am not enough. I'm not enough. That's not the

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same as good enough, good enough as a statement of deserving.

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I'm talking about the belonging ceilings, and I am not enough.

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It's just like absolutely not enoughness, Like that's intense and profound.

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I'm bad, I'm too much. These are others. So we

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have these ceilings of belonging, and those are typically where

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a shame lives. And then we have other ceilings that

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are circumstantial, a ceiling that might be I'm not smart enough,

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I am to overweight, I am to underweight, I am

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I'm not a winner. These are things that are circumstantial.

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They change depending on the circumstance. So these are the

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types of ceilings that we set for ourselves, and we

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set those really early in life. So now to understand

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what happens to us to follow up, what happens to

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us when we hit these ceilings is we do something

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because we're just trying to survive the world. So we

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set us, we set a patterns. These become our belief system.

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But then we also set together create practices to survive

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in life, and those practices become the people pleasing the overachieving,

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which was mine. I also do people pleasing to the overachieving,

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the people pleasing things like that, and so.

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That that's what happens inside feeling right, right, what you're

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saying is that you know you're compensating for those beliefs

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that this is where I lack, this is where I do,

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So how do I get that external validation? So to

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do that, either you're overcompensating or underplaying yourself. Absolutely, Oh,

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some great points there, Tanya, Yes, thanks Stuvia, that's absolutely right.

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And so now they have said the ceilings, and you

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mentioned when you were at the rock bottom, what was

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going through your heart and soul and how did you

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you know, move through it because there's nowhere around it.

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So one of the things that happened as I was

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in my rock bottom was I became a student, and

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becoming a student ultimately helped me sort of rebuild. So

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I say that I I had to experience hitting bottom

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twice in my life. First, when I was born, I

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had to rebuild, and then as I when I got

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to my top, I had to hit rock bottom again

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to rebuild. So I rebuilt my life twice. And that's

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how much I had to learn. But as I was learning,

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I recognized that what I was learning was too good

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to keep to myself. Diviya, it was important that I

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share this with others. It was important that I help

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other people go through this, go through a journey in

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life to become self aware, first of all, because I

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believe that's the first step to being able to shift.

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What we have as the ceiling, and the ceiling is

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the belief systems that we have. The ceiling is attached

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to the belief systems. It's very rarely that the ceiling

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is external. Usually the things that we think are our ceilings.

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We don't have the opportunities that we think we have.

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We may not get the promotion, we.

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May not.

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Find the man of our dreams. You know, we have

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these beliefs that are these external experiences, and we define

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them as our ceilings, but really the ceiling is what's

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happening internally. It's the emotional ceiling based on our belief systems,

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and that's the invisible ceiling that I'm referring to today.

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Yeah, and that definitely makes sense because what happens is

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that those limiting beliefs and invisible ceilings as you are referencing,

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keeps you safe because then you're not showing up fully

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and then the chances of failure are less because in

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your mind you are mitigating the risk. So what happens

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is that, like you know, you talked about a couple

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of things that you are doing. So what are some

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other common internal barriers you have seen, especially high achievors

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doing that? Oh?

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Yes, So other common barriers that I see with high

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achievers are perfectionism, over identifying with achievement. So we have

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to achieve in order to be successful. We talked about

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people pleasing, we talked about approval seeking. We didn't talk

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about that, but that's attached to people pleasing. There are

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those who seek approval, They need approval from their boss,

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their colleagues, etc. Those are sort of the very common

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patterns for high achievers almost anyone, but especially for high achievers.

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They also experience these ceilings and can also get stuck

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inside those ceilings. And one thing that I think I'd

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like to mention as well, Divia, is that you know,

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success for high achievers is often defined by what we fear,

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not what we excel at. So we set our success

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based on So an example might be if if if

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I because I feel I fear not mattering, then success

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for me is when I achieve something that pseudo pacifies

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for me internally that I matter. But we're just trying

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to seek to prove and disprove the thing that we

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have as our limit. Anyway, we're not breaking it, we're

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just proving it. And what happens is no. And here's

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how you can tell when you have an internal ceiling.

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When you can transfer your life from one situation to

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the next. Let's say it's one job to the next,

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and you find you have the same complaints, you find

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you have the same experience, and you know that that

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ceiling is an internal ceiling, not an external one.

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Ah. So that's how you are defining the difference between

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a real external obstacle and an internal obstacle.

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Correct.

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So now people have these invisible ceilings, right, and now

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that's what it is doing, especially in the light of

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what you said that, Like, you know, it could be

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that you go from one job to another job you

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are like, Okay, you know what, this situation is not

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right for me, so let me move to another job.

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And you're having similar complaints. So given this, what happens

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where they're making the same decisions, which, as you said,

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like you're not making decisions out of what they fear,

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not what they excel at.

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What happens when they're making the same decisions. So I

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think the one of the things is to recognize I've

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mentioned self awareness, and that is really key to via

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the I'm going to offer a couple of tools for

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self awareness because it is the critical first step. So

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asking yourself a few very important questions, what is really

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happening around me, the thing I'm complaining about, the thing

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i'm the I fear most, the thing that I am observing,

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What's really happening? Did the boss say that you're not

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going to get the promotion? Really? Or did that interviewer

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who interviewed you say that you weren't qualified for that position? Really?

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I'm making up scenarios, right, So what's what really happened?

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What did the boss really say? What did the interviewer

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really say? So analyzing the situation for what it really is,

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that's step number one to self awareness. Step number two

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to self awareness is going inward in asking yourself what

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are you avoiding? What are you avoiding? Are you avoiding?

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And this is where you might get an inkling. At

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least I believe it's possible that this is where you

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might get an inkling of what your shame based self

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limiting belief is. I don't matter, I'm unwanted, I'm powerless,

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because you'll find that that's where what you're avoiding most.

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And then another question, the third question I recommend you

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ask is what what am I complaining about? What's my

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