How to Come Back After a Career Break

0:00 This is Beyond Confidence with your host, Divya Parikh. Do you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do you want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional, and financial goals? Well, coming up on Divya Parikh's Beyond Confidence, you will hear real stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers who have stepped into discomfort, shattered their status quo, and are living the life they want. You will learn how relationships are the key to achieving your aspirations and financial goals. Moving your career or business forward does not have to happen at the expense of your personal or family life, or vice versa. Learn more at www.diviapark.com, and you can connect with Divya at contact at divyapark.com. This is Beyond Confidence, and now here's your host, Divya Park.

0:47 Good morning, listeners. It's Tuesday. So great to be here with you. So many times what happens is that due to different reasons, you... may have to take care of a loved one, or you decide to spend some time with family, or you decide time to raise your kids. And that causes a career break. And the key is that we are apologetic about that break in the career. So today we are going to be talking about how not to be apologetic and how you can use that break to step into the version that you are and be confident about it. Also, AI is moving at such a rapid pace that it's going and growing leaps and bounds.

1:39 So it's critical that you are on a path that is timeless and future-proof your career and your business. And if you're ready for that, go get the book, The AI Agency. And thank you for getting it because... What's amazing is now AI has moved from not just having chats. Chats are going to be a thing of yesterday. It's going to go into agents. From agents, we are going into orchestration of agents and building loops and harnessing AI. So if you're ready for any of that, get the book. And of course, we'd love to hear back from you as to how we can support you. Let's bring in our guest.

2:29 Good morning. Good morning. Welcome, Anne-Marie. Excited to have this conversation with you. So share with us as to when you were a little girl, did you have any dreams of becoming something different? Because as children, we have so many aspirations and dreams are just open. Oh, that's a great question. Well, aside from a typical childhood dream of wanting to be in the circus or something, I started out my college career wanting to be an obstetrician.

3:11 And I changed paths during college to become more focused on business and entered the corporate world. And what changed? You know, I paused and reflected on the demands, particularly for an obstetrician. And I. Made a decision that if I wanted to be able to balance work and to have a family someday in the future, maybe that wasn't the best path for me. And I quickly found out that was not necessarily true because I saw a lot of women and men balance that quite well later. But as a 19-year-old on your own making those decisions, that seemed like the best path at the time.

4:03 Well, absolutely. And that's the key, having confidence in your decisions. Because, yes, a lot of people can do it, but not every decision that's working for someone else is the right decision for you. Exactly. Yeah. So as a business attracted you, was there someone in your life that was instrumental in bringing about the decision or for that matter, somebody that left a really strong positive mark on you where you're like, even to this day, yes, I remember that moment. I remember that person. Yes, most definitely. My dad, who's still with us and doing very well at 97. When I was a senior in high school, my dad was a Chicago policeman and also a security guard at the University of Chicago. And he had done that for many years. And while I was attending a really excellent girls' high school in Chicago... Um, the college counselor wasn't counseling us, um, to look at the university of Chicago. And, um, my dad was really the one who said to me, I, I think you need to apply there. And, and, um, see what happens.

5:27 And I did, and I ended up having a, an academic scholarship and, and that's where really like my, the expansion of my academics, but also the type of people that I knew. And it's where I met my husband and it's really what launched my career and, and helped me also to a few years later, turn around and get my MBA at Northwestern. Oh, fantastic. And we hope that your dad is doing well and keeps doing well because it's so wonderful to have parents with us because they are priceless. And especially if you are sharing that bond with them. So as you stepped into your corporate career, what turns and twists did it take?

6:26 I was very fortunate when I stepped into my corporate career to be a part of an executive training program at a Fortune 500 company. And so I always appreciated that the CEO who started that program and I was in the first class, let's say our cohort, was so focused on us as young professionals and on growing us in every part of the business. So it was a multifaceted business and We had to go to each part of the business and learn it. And that's something that I took with me throughout my career, that it's not just enough to know what your job is and what you're doing and your responsibilities, but it's very important to know about everyone else who's contributing to the work that you're doing and why their work is important and to let them know that their work is important too.

7:23 Absolutely. I. Really like the point that you made that it's important to know what the other people are doing. And when you understand what they're doing, you're more compassionate and have that empathy as to, for example, just to, it refreshes my days from the corporate there. When you know what they're going through, then you make an effort to deliver your report on time because, you know, your output can be the input for someone. And sometimes, especially quality would be at the last and they got shortchanged the most.

8:04 So definitely, and also allows especially young professionals to see how the business is running. So there's definitely two aspects to that, which are very powerful. So as you grew in your career in the corporate space, what are some of the lessons that you learned and the obstacles that you might have faced? I think one of the best. Lessons that I learned as a young manager was that you don't have to have all the answers. And I think that's still something that happens in every organization, not just corporate today, where you know, someone performs well and then is promoted into a management position. And it's almost like they're afraid to ask for help or ask questions lest they be thought to have been promoted without, you know, a good reason. So I learned that early in my career.

9:04 And later in my career, I actually created a training program because I started working in a big organization that was growing and And I was part of a startup within the corporate world and saw what was happening to these young managers who wanted to do a good job and who wanted to lead their teams. But they had been, as I said, promoted because they did a good job at the operations that they were working on. And so it allowed them the permission to ask questions and And to basically have a guidebook for some of the basics of management. And I felt that that was really one of the better outcomes from something that was a lesson I learned that then I could bring to others and hopefully keep them from having to learn that lesson the hard way.

10:02 No, definitely. And that is such a powerful thing because as you mentioned, they're individual contributors and coming with that mindset in the management. So it's a two-edged sword. One, they're hesitant to ask questions. And also, they think that they're supposed to know all the answers. Because now their peers or people who are working with them are looking up to them to guide them and to develop their careers. And another issue that happens so many times is that because as young managers, they think like they're not showing anything.

10:46 output so far. And then that makes them feel like, oh, I'm not producing anything. So I'm not doing anything. And they do not see that significance of leading. That's so critical. And as a result, they end up in the pitfall of the blind spot of even micromanagement. Have you seen that with your clients and in your, as you train people? Yes. I mean, I'm sure you've seen this too, Divya, where, you know, the micromanagement is very tempting. especially when there's a challenge. Because if you're in the leadership position, people feel that it's their responsibility, of course, when there's a challenge.

11:27 And the micromanagement seems to be the first level of involvement and resolution to jump in there and take responsibilities from people or reassign responsibilities so that micromanagement, which really keeps people from. Growing, right? So the other piece of that is a better approach is to ask good questions. So if there's someone who is not perhaps doing such a great job, I find that it's helpful to advise people that chances are they want to do a good job. And asking them You know, how do you think you could be doing this better?

12:18 How do you think we could be doing this better? And pulling those answers helps people to actually think through it and come to their own conclusions and come to their own resolutions. And when those resolutions are viable, they're much more actionable. Someone is much more likely to do what they have said than something that is told for them to adopt. Yeah, no, definitely. That's such a relevant point, empowering people to think for themselves, helping them rather than delegating, rather than being directive, you are coaching. So I really like that, you know, building the coaching leaders. Yes. You have mentioned coaching.

13:10 that so many times women have to take breaks, whether it's maternity leave and they're so scared, like, oh, I'll be gone. And there's so many things going to happen. Or a lot of women decide to raise kids in it. Nowadays, I'm seeing a lot of men as well. So did you personally take a pause in any of your life during the career? Yes, yes, definitely. So Divya, I had the... and the good fortune when I had our oldest daughter to have been working in the corporate world for six years and I had already established a reputation and a strong career with strong results.

13:57 However, at that. Time in 1995, which is a long time ago, right? Long before any accommodations were being made for anyone. It really did come down for a lot of people to either be home full-time or in the corporate world full-time. And when I told my boss that I was going to stay home full-time, she said, well, what do we need to do to keep you? And I said, well, if I could be part-time and work from home, I would stay. And she said, let's make it happen. And so I was very fortunate to be able to not only be part-time for the sake of my career, but most importantly for my children. So I got to spend that time with my children while also continuing to advance in my career and have interesting opportunities. And so it really was a win-win. Now, I'm not going to tell you that it wasn't difficult or I was smashing full-time jobs into part-time hours, right? But it was win-win situation and gave me the time I wanted with my children.

15:10 After about 12 years of that, of the part-time, with my husband's career advancing and my career advancing and both of us traveling and as many, many households find, the chaos became too much for two parents to be gone and to be working. And so I did stay home full-time for five years. Um, and during that time, um, you know, really grew as a person. I was already involved in the community, became more involved in the community and loved that time with my children. And then when I came back into, um, to my career, it was as an entrepreneur.

15:51 So this brings up a lot of questions for me. So one of the questions that listeners may be thinking that you took the courage and ask That, you know, I want to work. Could it be part-time? So there's so much hesitation for people to ask that. Thinking, because so many times what happens is there's focus on overthinking that what if they say no? And now they know my intent. I have shared that I'm going to be working part-time. Will that impact my promotion? And so many inner critical questions going on. So how would you advise those women or men as to what would be the first step to be sure in their own decision to go for it?

16:39 Well, I think just as you alluded to, Divya, if you don't ask, the answer is always going to be no. So if it's something that you're really passionate about, what I advise is to go to your boss with a plan of how this could work. whether it's job sharing or whether it's being part-time or whatever your intent is, whatever it is that you'd like to ask for, go armed with information that will make it easy for your manager to say, yes, or let's try it. And that's also a proposal that can come with your request is, you know, what if we tried it for 30 days and see how it goes? So So preparing in a way to help your manager say yes is really, really important.

17:35 Absolutely. So what I'm hearing is make their job easier. Make it so easy that the only option that is left for them is to say yes. Right. And are there any key elements that people need to take under consideration when they're doing this? I think if there's history in the organization of these types of arrangements, then of course it's going to make it easier. And now, of course, we do have a lot of history. Nobody is grateful for COVID, but it certainly did open up flexibility and options that many organizations had never considered before. So Where there's a history that you can point to that other people have successfully managed similar roles, that's always very, very helpful. And as you were saying, agreeing with me that coming in with a plan and making someone's job easier to say yes to your request is a very important step. But probably the most important thing that you can do is be.

18:49 Someone who is reliable, be someone who's really great at your job. And that will make you more indispensable and more likely to be considered for special arrangements. And this brings us to a great point. You said that someone who's dependable and is almost indispensable. So before you go and ask, it's important to build that reputation and brand and create that space where people see you for what you are. And then it's much easier for them to make those accommodations.

19:29 And also don't be afraid. You were saying many people are afraid to ask. Many people are also afraid to sing their own praises, right? And so another strong effort, if you're going to be asking for some sort of flexible arrangement, is to remind your boss or your manager of the contributions that you've made up to this point and help them remember that you are reliable and hopefully indispensable. Yeah, no, definitely. So that's the one scenario we covered. And then you mentioned about another scenario that you had left for some time and then you came back as an entrepreneur. But let's say if somebody is just taking a year off or two years off to be with their kids or it could be something else. It could be during the layoffs. And then that impacts the confidence at its root. So how can people maintain their confidence through this time? And what narrative they can build when they come back?

20:41 You know, maintaining your confidence during that time can be anything from continuing education, whether that's reading a book that you can get from the library, listening to podcasts like yours, staying current with what's happening with your career sector. That can be something that can be done really fairly easily in today's world during your pause. But the reality is that some people, you know, don't have time to do that during their pause, even if it's a small piece of it, because they're very focused on their loved one, whether it's an aging parent or whether it's children or whatever the case may be. But building that confidence is like building a muscle, right? So if you can maintain pieces of your, I'm going to say, talents or the things that you bring to your career, if you can maintain some of that, for sure, it's excellent if you can do that. But if you lose it and you feel like, gosh, I don't know if I can do this.

22:00 I don't know if I can go back. I feel like I'm stale. You know, all of those negative comments, part of it is that narrative. Part of it is reframing the narrative into, you know, I've done X before, so certainly I can make myself attractive to come back into the workplace. Sounds a lot better then gosh, I don't know if anybody's going to want me, right? So reframing your narrative is very important. But also taking small steps, even baby steps and small wins, build that confidence muscle.

22:42 So if you've been out of the workplace, even if it is, as you said in this example, just a year or two, perhaps you feel like your technical skills aren't what they need to be. you can sharpen those technical skills in so many ways. You know, community college, online, through podcasts, through YouTube. There's so many ways to sharpen that. And those little baby steps are wins for your confidence and build that confidence muscle. If you are concerned that you can't get back into the workplace because you've let your contacts lag, again, even in just a year or two, Well, you can very easily reach out to people and try to reconnect. Not everybody is going to say yes, but some people are. And focus on those people who have given you energy in the past and who really helped you with your career in the past.

23:43 Yeah, no, that's definitely powerful, that keeping your edge sharp throughout everything. And keeping track of it. And there's also like so much value in building that narrative. So especially during interviews and as you're talking with the recruiting and hiring recruiters and hiring managers as to why did you take the gap and how that has not impacted you and how you have kept that edge sharp. So do you have any examples or stories where people did that and that you can share with our audience? Oh, absolutely. And I think that Divya, if you don't mind, I'll take it beyond just a year or two. So someone who's been out of the workplace for quite some times, five years, seven years, 10 years, it's very common for men and women to say, well, I've lost my edge.

24:44 I've been out so long. Who's going to want to have me back? And they say, you know, well, I've been on a break. I have a gap, is what they'll start out thinking and often saying, unfortunately. When in reality, there are a lot of hidden skill sets within the pause. And I think it's one of the most important things and one of the more important parts of my book is talking about how do you uncover those hidden skill sets and You know, if you're somebody who takes a year break to take care of an elderly parent, let's say.

25:25 So it's one year. And you say, well, you know, I have this gap now of one year. Well, let's unpack one day. Let's unpack one day of your caring for your elderly mother. You are probably navigating complex health care systems. You are negotiating help and care for your loved one. You are managing time schedules. There are so many things. And in a lot of. Cases, you're learning new skills. You're not necessarily sharpening the skills that you had in your former career, but guess what?

26:06 You're building on them. You still have many of those valuable skills from before you took your pause. But on top of that now, You've added to those skills. You're building on those. And again, it's reframing the narrative and reframing the way that you're discussing these things to help employers to see the value of your pause as not an empty time waste, but rather as a time when you were building and adding on to your former skills with additional skills. And for someone who's been out You know, for women who were professionals and take a pause and then want to come back into the workplace, you know, that is a great, great sector of women to rehire for employers because they were superstars before they left. They gained all of these other skills while they were on their pause, and that makes them very likely to be superstars in your organization. And You know, I'm sure you hear this all the time, Divya, from business owners. The desire for employees who have what many refer to as soft skills, and I like to call them critical skills, right?

27:28 These are people who are generally reliable and who will come into the organization and will work hard and bring in, like I said, their former experience as well as everything they've added on. Yeah, definitely. And there's so many different ways that can be done. So thank you for sharing that. And tell us a bit more about your book. Oh, I'd love to. So I actually completed my PhD a few years ago and a little later in life than most people get their PhD, but it was something I always wanted to do.

28:10 And my dissertation research was on women who are returning to the workplace. So I started my research with a much wider lens, just women in the workplace and the challenges that are faced in the workplace, and then narrowed that down to women returning to the workplace. And so what I found, Divya, was that when I was conducting interviews and conducting focus groups, the women that were participants really got so much energy from recalling and talking about their professional life before they paused. So they were all people who had paused and then come back. And I would hear things like, you know, nobody's ever asked me that.

29:00 I haven't talked about it in years. Or in a couple of cases, women said, I knew you were going to ask me that. So I sat down and thought about it. And it was so fun for me to sit down and think about all of the accomplishments that I had and the fun I had with my colleagues. And it was just a real boost to energy and empowering for people to think about that time before they paused. And then there were, in the focus groups, a lot of nodding of heads and, yes, me too, me too, about a number of topics that are not often just discussed in everyday conversations. where there was a lot of benefit for these women to hear that they weren't alone and that others had experienced the same challenges that they did.

29:51 And it was very helpful to talk about these things. So While the data was, of course, important for my dissertation completion, what was most important to me was the energy and the empowerment that women felt in these discussions. And I felt like that needed to be brought to a bigger audience, to as many women as I can possibly reach. And so the book is really... about remembering who you were in your former career and why you left, because there's lots of reasons why people left, but examining that a little more closely. And then talking about that time that you were on the pause, the great things that you experienced, the contributions you made, the gifts that you received, but also the challenges. And those were the things that I was saying earlier. was very helpful for people to hear and have camaraderie around. And then how to take those things, those hidden skill sets that we were talking about, how to take all of that, how to take your pause and your previous experience and articulate it in a way for employers to be able to say, yes, you're going to make a great addition to our organization.

31:15 So practical skills. At all as well. And probably one of the most important parts is that I bring women's voices to the world. So I tell other people's stories in each section of the book to help illustrate the experience. You mentioned that there are challenges, and of course there are going to be challenges after putting your career on a pause and coming back. What might be some of those, and how can our audience... deal with them. Yes. And Divya, you already mentioned the lack of confidence. That's very common. But the identity loss is very common. So anyone who was a professional and dedicated to their career, whether it's whatever work they were doing, that becomes a part of your personality. And for many people, that loss of identity is very difficult when it happens and And it's very difficult to get back. So that's, that's would be one of the challenges. There are also challenges that, that haven't, you know, aren't discussed as much. That would be like grief, isolation, those types of challenges, you know, and, and I think that it's helpful to, to know that others have faced similar challenges. So for grief, you think

32:50 of someone passing away, but in this case, it might be grief of losing your professional role. It might be Grief of, you know, losing your role as daughter, son to your parent who's aging. It might be losing the role of mommy or daddy as your children grow. You know, there's so many, so many different challenges that are experienced during that time. Yeah, no, definitely. And it's great that you have captured those in your book because it's a much needed book. resource that our audience can definitely benefit from. So if somebody wanted to connect with you, where can they connect?

33:35 Where can they find you? Where can they find your book? Well, thank you. Thank you for letting me talk about that. You can find me at annemariepeters.com, spelled just like on the screen there. And the book is available now on Amazon. So you can look up We'll be right back, which is the title of the book, or look up my name. And you can also get to the book through my website, which is scrolling now at the bottom of our broadcast. So I also offer, there's reflection questions, which I think are key to really growing with the book. and, um, and recreating those memories and looking forward with new tools.

34:28 Um, and that is downloadable. On my website and, um, something that I felt was important just to give to free, give for free to readers so that they had a companion, um, to, uh, walk alongside them with the book. Oh, that sounds fascinating. Fascinating. So if you're looking to connect with Anne-Marie, reach out at annemariepeters.com. And hopefully this will be a valuable resource for you. And know that, that it's okay if it needs, if the life is calling for it. And if you need to, it's okay to take that pause and come back to your career.

35:13 So any... last minute reflections you'd like to share? Yes. It's a hard decision to leave the workplace for whatever reason you're considering, but you can come back. And while that pause can be challenging, it can also be very rewarding too. And many times people find that their next chapter is, when they return is their best chapter ever. And they're not walking that journey alone. That's what I want people to know. I see them and they're not walking that journey alone and we can get there together.

36:05 That's powerful. Yes. And as you mentioned, you found in your dissertation, there's some common challenges that most people face and you're not alone. We all have ups and downs in our lives. So thank you for joining us, Anne-Marie, and sharing your wisdom. And thank you, wonderful audience, for being part of our show. You know, you can reach out to me anytime. Here to serve and support you. Because let us know, how can we help you live the life you deserve? Know that we love you. And we're there for you. And also, Juan, thank you for being a tech genius and making the show possible. Be well and take care until next time.

36:55 Thank you for being part of Beyond Confidence with your host Divya Parikh. We hope you have learned more about how to start living the life you want. Each week on Beyond Confidence, you hear stories of real people who have experienced growth by overcoming their fears and building meaningful relationships. During Beyond Confidence, Divya Park shares what happened to her when she stepped out of her comfort zone to work directly with people across the globe. She not only coaches people how to form heart connections, but also transform relationships to mutually beneficial partnerships as they strive to live the life they want. If you are ready to live the life you want and leverage your strengths, learn more at www.diviapark.com. And you can connect with Divya at contact at divyapark.com.

37:39 We look forward to you joining us next week.