Sept. 1, 2026

The Success Trap Nobody Talks About

Show Notes
Transcript

Success can look impressive on the outside yet feel exhausting within. Divya Parekh and Becky Estby explore the hidden costs of achievement, why women often confuse exhaustion with commitment, remain in roles that no longer fit, and define success by others’ expectations. This episode offers a fresh perspective on courage, identity, leadership, and creating a life that feels as meaningful inside as it appears outside.

Beyond Confidence is broadcast live Tuesdays at 10AM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Beyond Confidence TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

Beyond Confidence Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beyond-confidence--1885197/support.

WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.830 --> 00:00:04.250
This is Beyond Confidence with your host, Divya Parikh. Do

2
00:00:04.269 --> 00:00:06.429
you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do you

3
00:00:06.469 --> 00:00:09.320
want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional,

4
00:00:09.539 --> 00:00:13.599
and financial goals? Well, coming up on Divya Parikh's Beyond Confidence,

5
00:00:13.759 --> 00:00:17.219
you will hear real stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers

6
00:00:17.420 --> 00:00:20.820
who have stepped into discomfort, shattered their status quo, and

7
00:00:20.879 --> 00:00:23.260
are living the life they want. You will learn how

8
00:00:23.300 --> 00:00:27.079
relationships are the key to achieving your aspirations and financial goals.

9
00:00:27.460 --> 00:00:29.760
Moving your career or business forward does not have to

10
00:00:29.800 --> 00:00:32.380
happen at the expense of your personal or family life,

11
00:00:32.659 --> 00:00:37.630
or vice versa. Learn more at www.diviapark.com, and you can

12
00:00:37.670 --> 00:00:42.990
connect with Divya at contact at divyapark.com. This is Beyond Confidence,

13
00:00:43.250 --> 00:00:45.549
and now here's your host, Divya Park.

14
00:00:46.750 --> 00:00:52.270
Good morning, listeners, and welcome. I want to talk today

15
00:00:52.289 --> 00:00:57.899
about community. What does community mean for you? So just recently,

16
00:00:57.979 --> 00:01:02.759
we wrapped up our couple of cohorts, masterminds that we run.

17
00:01:03.820 --> 00:01:12.280
And on the last day of our mastermind, our coaches

18
00:01:12.400 --> 00:01:15.030
and entrepreneurs said that we don't want this to end.

19
00:01:15.560 --> 00:01:21.890
We want it to continue. Because in this Especially with AI. Yes,

20
00:01:21.930 --> 00:01:24.890
you can sit and chat with AI. And yes, I'm

21
00:01:24.930 --> 00:01:30.079
a huge proponent of AI. Along with the human connection.

22
00:01:30.900 --> 00:01:35.659
So it's important to focus on that human connection. And

23
00:01:36.040 --> 00:01:38.640
it was just amazing. The word that came out of

24
00:01:38.739 --> 00:01:44.260
it was hang. That we want to hang out together.

25
00:01:45.549 --> 00:01:50.260
We want to stay connected together. So never, ever underestimate

26
00:01:50.359 --> 00:01:55.299
the power of human connection, whether we will be in

27
00:01:55.400 --> 00:01:59.269
full AI area or whether we are going to be

28
00:01:59.790 --> 00:02:06.049
surrounded by bots or robots, that human connection is the

29
00:02:06.930 --> 00:02:09.430
way to go. And one thing that I want to

30
00:02:09.469 --> 00:02:12.810
share with you is that if you are looking to

31
00:02:12.870 --> 00:02:17.590
grow your career, grow your business while keeping that humanity

32
00:02:18.280 --> 00:02:23.610
while keeping that focus on how humans are still in

33
00:02:23.629 --> 00:02:27.409
the lead position, whether it's AI or bots, then the

34
00:02:28.050 --> 00:02:31.500
AI agency is the book for you. I want to

35
00:02:31.539 --> 00:02:34.569
thank each and every one of you since you've got it.

36
00:02:35.419 --> 00:02:42.080
And who have not got it, get it just for

37
00:02:42.120 --> 00:02:46.729
that reason. And always, always remember to be kind, sharing,

38
00:02:47.969 --> 00:02:52.680
whether it's a simple smile or acknowledging someone. So never,

39
00:02:52.719 --> 00:03:00.379
ever forget that human connection. Let's bring in our guest. Welcome, Becky.

40
00:03:01.180 --> 00:03:02.210
Good morning, Divya.

41
00:03:03.120 --> 00:03:09.969
Good morning. So, Becky, do you recall a moment or

42
00:03:09.990 --> 00:03:15.780
a person or a situation or experience that left you

43
00:03:16.080 --> 00:03:19.659
such a positive mark on you that it still stays

44
00:03:19.710 --> 00:03:22.150
with you as fresh on the day it happened.

45
00:03:23.969 --> 00:03:24.530
Yeah.

46
00:03:24.710 --> 00:03:27.590
You know, there's so many people that I, I would

47
00:03:27.629 --> 00:03:30.189
love to name right now, but I think what comes

48
00:03:30.229 --> 00:03:33.469
to mind is my, one of my early bosses, uh,

49
00:03:33.990 --> 00:03:36.689
she was a mentor, a friend, and I just learned

50
00:03:36.780 --> 00:03:42.340
so much from her about leadership, about courage, about being

51
00:03:42.379 --> 00:03:47.370
a woman in leadership. And, um, yeah, to this day,

52
00:03:47.469 --> 00:03:50.210
I just, you know, I always think back to this day,

53
00:03:50.229 --> 00:03:52.110
I would call her if I was really in a

54
00:03:52.129 --> 00:03:56.349
bind and needed, needed some advice. She's just, she's that

55
00:03:56.409 --> 00:04:00.090
person that doesn't let you apologize. That'll kind of hit

56
00:04:00.129 --> 00:04:02.580
you between the eyes with, you know, what you need

57
00:04:02.620 --> 00:04:03.039
to hear.

58
00:04:03.060 --> 00:04:04.360
Um, but you.

59
00:04:04.240 --> 00:04:07.199
Accept it because she does it with a loving, loving heart.

60
00:04:07.280 --> 00:04:10.939
So yeah, her name is Ann. She's the, she's just

61
00:04:11.000 --> 00:04:12.599
the person that comes to mind for me.

62
00:04:13.439 --> 00:04:17.089
Hmm. So let's give a shout out to Anne and

63
00:04:17.509 --> 00:04:24.879
all those mentors and women out there who are helping others,

64
00:04:25.879 --> 00:04:30.660
who will hold others accountable with a loving heart. Because

65
00:04:30.759 --> 00:04:33.779
so many times what happens, Becky, as you said that,

66
00:04:33.800 --> 00:04:37.680
you know, she gives you straight. And it's important. And

67
00:04:39.120 --> 00:04:41.699
what is it about that, that even though she gave

68
00:04:41.740 --> 00:04:46.069
you straight, you... still cherish it and treasure it?

69
00:04:46.850 --> 00:04:47.250
Yeah.

70
00:04:48.149 --> 00:04:50.560
I cherish it because I knew I could trust her.

71
00:04:50.569 --> 00:04:54.899
I knew that she had my back.

72
00:04:54.680 --> 00:04:58.360
No matter what. And as long as I was honest.

73
00:04:57.939 --> 00:05:01.040
And forthright with her, she was going to have my

74
00:05:01.100 --> 00:05:02.959
back in any situation.

75
00:05:02.990 --> 00:05:05.709
And so she could give it to me.

76
00:05:05.649 --> 00:05:10.490
Straight because she showed me that she cared about me.

77
00:05:10.509 --> 00:05:13.290
You got to care about people And you got to

78
00:05:13.310 --> 00:05:16.930
be able to trust people in order to follow them.

79
00:05:17.670 --> 00:05:19.180
And she definitely built that.

80
00:05:20.899 --> 00:05:27.740
No, trust. It's a word that is so fragile, takes

81
00:05:27.759 --> 00:05:32.610
years to build and can be shattered in moments. So

82
00:05:32.990 --> 00:05:37.449
given that, share a bit about your career journey as

83
00:05:37.529 --> 00:05:39.889
to where did it traverse and how did you get there?

84
00:05:40.879 --> 00:05:47.439
Yeah, well, my journey started out actually because of a cow, literally.

85
00:05:47.759 --> 00:05:51.970
My father was a farmer and I graduated from college

86
00:05:52.009 --> 00:05:54.410
and I actually graduated with a teaching degree and I

87
00:05:54.470 --> 00:05:58.050
was going to become a teacher. And then meanwhile, I

88
00:05:58.110 --> 00:06:01.000
was doing temporary work in business and I just really

89
00:06:01.100 --> 00:06:06.199
enjoyed the business aspect and decided to pursue business instead.

90
00:06:06.259 --> 00:06:08.000
And I was working temporarily.

91
00:06:08.649 --> 00:06:09.189
At the time.

92
00:06:09.269 --> 00:06:14.129
And my father knew this CEO of a company who

93
00:06:14.170 --> 00:06:16.709
he bought a steer from. And he told, he announced

94
00:06:16.730 --> 00:06:18.350
to me one day that he was going to call

95
00:06:18.389 --> 00:06:20.370
the CEO and tell him to give me a job.

96
00:06:22.089 --> 00:06:23.009
I was horrified.

97
00:06:23.040 --> 00:06:27.139
You know, at the young age of 22, it's like, no,

98
00:06:27.220 --> 00:06:30.000
you can't call him. Well, he did call him. And

99
00:06:30.620 --> 00:06:35.220
that CEO got me with their recruiter and And then

100
00:06:35.339 --> 00:06:38.430
I was able to take a receptionist job. So I

101
00:06:38.490 --> 00:06:41.730
started out at the reception and I quickly saw that

102
00:06:41.750 --> 00:06:45.689
they had a need for human resources. So I had

103
00:06:45.730 --> 00:06:47.430
the courage to approach.

104
00:06:47.089 --> 00:06:49.529
The CEO and say, hey, if you let me go

105
00:06:49.629 --> 00:06:50.470
get my.

106
00:06:50.209 --> 00:06:54.279
HR certification, I believe I can help you with your

107
00:06:54.339 --> 00:06:55.819
human resources department.

108
00:06:56.279 --> 00:06:58.339
And he let me do that. And that started my

109
00:06:58.399 --> 00:06:59.639
long career in HR.

110
00:06:59.879 --> 00:07:00.139
Yeah.

111
00:07:02.319 --> 00:07:06.110
And so many times what happens is that, especially women,

112
00:07:07.209 --> 00:07:10.209
and there are quite a few men also, but usually

113
00:07:10.250 --> 00:07:12.769
women shy away from asking what they want.

114
00:07:14.480 --> 00:07:16.300
Absolutely, they do.

115
00:07:17.480 --> 00:07:22.240
And so often they don't get to where they want

116
00:07:22.259 --> 00:07:24.399
to get because they're afraid to ask.

117
00:07:24.550 --> 00:07:27.579
And I always felt like I needed to be ready.

118
00:07:27.699 --> 00:07:30.610
So I did a lot to make sure I felt

119
00:07:30.699 --> 00:07:36.069
ready for that next step. But I also knew that

120
00:07:36.750 --> 00:07:40.829
I deserved to get there. And if you sit and wait,

121
00:07:41.290 --> 00:07:46.389
oftentimes it's not going to come to you. Sometimes people

122
00:07:46.470 --> 00:07:50.360
don't even recognize something that you could do. And so

123
00:07:50.420 --> 00:07:53.120
you have to show them that, hey, I believe I

124
00:07:53.160 --> 00:07:54.879
can do this. Just give me a chance.

125
00:07:57.589 --> 00:08:02.269
Indeed. And what do you think gets in the way

126
00:08:02.290 --> 00:08:03.209
for them?

127
00:08:04.709 --> 00:08:09.240
Well, I think girls are socialized very young to be

128
00:08:09.279 --> 00:08:15.000
good girls and to, you know, to please others, take

129
00:08:15.060 --> 00:08:18.459
care of others. And so there, you know, there's studies

130
00:08:18.519 --> 00:08:22.269
that show that very early in school, if a question

131
00:08:22.329 --> 00:08:24.790
is asked, boys will raise their hand and they're not

132
00:08:24.850 --> 00:08:26.449
afraid to answer whether they're.

133
00:08:26.290 --> 00:08:28.689
Right or wrong. And girls will be like.

134
00:08:28.709 --> 00:08:32.419
Ooh, I'm not 100% sure, so I'm not going to

135
00:08:33.299 --> 00:08:36.080
raise my hand. And so it starts very young. And

136
00:08:36.659 --> 00:08:39.000
then they get praised along the way for being that

137
00:08:39.080 --> 00:08:43.309
good girl. And so you get in the corporate world,

138
00:08:43.470 --> 00:08:48.029
and sometimes it's easier to shrink or make yourself smaller

139
00:08:48.049 --> 00:08:52.669
not to rock any boats. And so I think women

140
00:08:52.710 --> 00:08:58.350
just more than men They also say that if there's

141
00:08:58.389 --> 00:09:00.870
a job a man is applying for, if he meets

142
00:09:01.090 --> 00:09:02.629
one of five.

143
00:09:02.429 --> 00:09:04.279
Qualifications, he'll go for it.

144
00:09:04.330 --> 00:09:07.409
Whereas the woman will meet four and say, I don't

145
00:09:07.450 --> 00:09:10.070
have all the qualifications, so I'm not going to apply.

146
00:09:11.049 --> 00:09:14.340
And so sometimes we just have to have that courage

147
00:09:14.440 --> 00:09:17.519
to believe in ourselves and step forward.

148
00:09:18.799 --> 00:09:21.440
Yeah. And as a result, what happens is, and I've

149
00:09:21.460 --> 00:09:24.279
seen it in so many of my women clients and

150
00:09:25.049 --> 00:09:29.070
nowadays a lot of men clients as well, is that

151
00:09:29.649 --> 00:09:34.019
they do a great work. And yes, they're a high performer.

152
00:09:35.100 --> 00:09:41.779
They are praised for their performance. And yet they are

153
00:09:43.340 --> 00:09:50.159
not seen as the next potential leader. So there is

154
00:09:50.179 --> 00:09:54.879
that recognition gap. That, yes, there's a recognition for performance,

155
00:09:54.919 --> 00:09:58.669
but not recognition for that next tier or next promotion

156
00:09:58.690 --> 00:10:03.320
or that next next strategic career move so in your

157
00:10:03.379 --> 00:10:09.799
experience what have you seen so share some of your

158
00:10:09.840 --> 00:10:10.659
experience with us.

159
00:10:11.159 --> 00:10:14.779
Yeah so i think what happens sometimes you know you

160
00:10:15.000 --> 00:10:18.080
have different types of leaders some are much more um

161
00:10:18.419 --> 00:10:23.220
gregarious and outspoken and maybe the loudest voice in the room.

162
00:10:23.340 --> 00:10:28.799
And sometimes in leadership situations, you get a group of

163
00:10:28.899 --> 00:10:35.120
people together and some are fearful of speaking. And sometimes

164
00:10:35.179 --> 00:10:39.009
it's a culture thing where the culture kind of shows

165
00:10:39.049 --> 00:10:43.049
you that by speaking up, you might get made fun

166
00:10:43.169 --> 00:10:47.019
of or you might You know, somebody might come down

167
00:10:47.080 --> 00:10:49.620
hard on you. So I saw this a lot with

168
00:10:49.659 --> 00:10:54.700
leadership teams, men and women, where they five minutes before

169
00:10:54.740 --> 00:10:57.120
the meeting, they wanted to go into the meeting and

170
00:10:57.159 --> 00:11:00.830
have a voice and, you know, give their stance on something.

171
00:11:01.529 --> 00:11:04.289
And then you're in the meeting, the CEO walks in

172
00:11:04.370 --> 00:11:04.970
and he's got.

173
00:11:04.850 --> 00:11:05.789
A different opinion.

174
00:11:05.950 --> 00:11:08.490
And pretty soon you see this person who just said

175
00:11:08.529 --> 00:11:11.049
they were going to stand up and say their piece.

176
00:11:12.110 --> 00:11:16.330
put their head down and say, I 100% agree with you, CEO.

177
00:11:17.090 --> 00:11:22.110
And so I saw this way too many times in leadership.

178
00:11:22.149 --> 00:11:24.429
And it was really disheartening for me because I always

179
00:11:24.500 --> 00:11:28.259
felt like we can't be effective as a leadership team

180
00:11:28.360 --> 00:11:30.740
if we are just doing the group think.

181
00:11:30.539 --> 00:11:34.000
And going along or we're doing everybody a disservice.

182
00:11:36.320 --> 00:11:40.700
But it's easier sometimes to choose that comfort, choose the

183
00:11:40.779 --> 00:11:45.720
paycheck and the title and the comfort over our integrity

184
00:11:45.799 --> 00:11:49.490
or speaking the truth or doing the right thing. So

185
00:11:49.639 --> 00:11:54.929
I believe that courage is one of the largest pieces

186
00:11:55.049 --> 00:11:56.009
of missing.

187
00:11:57.250 --> 00:11:59.210
Competency in leadership today.

188
00:12:01.090 --> 00:12:04.769
No, absolutely. That courage is the piece because that's the

189
00:12:04.809 --> 00:12:10.110
hidden cost. You don't speak up. You want to be incongruent.

190
00:12:10.269 --> 00:12:14.879
And a lot of people take compliance as congruence, which

191
00:12:14.899 --> 00:12:18.960
it is not. And that's why it creates that exhaustion,

192
00:12:19.240 --> 00:12:23.120
whether it can be mental exhaustion, emotional exhaustion, physical exhaustion.

193
00:12:24.019 --> 00:12:28.370
And so it's costing them. So what other costs you

194
00:12:28.409 --> 00:12:33.179
have seen when people are not taking that little tiny

195
00:12:33.220 --> 00:12:35.419
bit of courage. And it can start out with one

196
00:12:35.440 --> 00:12:38.700
small step. It just doesn't have to be that if

197
00:12:38.740 --> 00:12:41.950
you have not been speaking up and now, oh, I'm

198
00:12:41.970 --> 00:12:45.129
in a meeting and I got to completely disagree. So

199
00:12:47.389 --> 00:12:51.090
what are some of the other costs that could happen?

200
00:12:51.690 --> 00:12:55.769
Yeah, so I think the cost is that it starts

201
00:12:55.809 --> 00:13:00.470
showing up physically for you. So the more you swallow,

202
00:13:00.690 --> 00:13:03.090
like what you really want to say, the more you're,

203
00:13:03.110 --> 00:13:07.210
you know, kind of not living to your values or

204
00:13:07.509 --> 00:13:11.590
in your integrity, then it starts showing up.

205
00:13:11.529 --> 00:13:13.259
Maybe in headaches, you know.

206
00:13:13.340 --> 00:13:19.980
Stress, shoulder pain, strange medical, you know, situations.

207
00:13:20.080 --> 00:13:23.299
I've seen many people, leaders go.

208
00:13:23.200 --> 00:13:26.360
To the doctor and be treated for things that there's

209
00:13:26.419 --> 00:13:30.179
no scientific reason for it. And then if the stress

210
00:13:30.240 --> 00:13:33.799
goes away one day, those things go away as well.

211
00:13:33.940 --> 00:13:37.960
So I think there's a real physical cost first, and

212
00:13:38.000 --> 00:13:41.549
then it takes the brain maybe longer to catch up

213
00:13:41.629 --> 00:13:45.450
and realize what's going on. And so people get very,

214
00:13:45.590 --> 00:13:51.100
leaders get very exhausted. Maybe they can't sleep, but they're

215
00:13:51.139 --> 00:13:55.690
not yet connecting it to, like, this isn't working for me.

216
00:13:55.850 --> 00:13:59.379
I'm feeling out of alignment with my own values.

217
00:13:59.440 --> 00:14:01.679
But to recognize that takes time.

218
00:14:03.059 --> 00:14:08.940
Absolutely. And so coming back to courage, what are some

219
00:14:08.980 --> 00:14:14.409
of the steps that people can put into their careers,

220
00:14:14.789 --> 00:14:19.230
starting out with small so that we are not seeing

221
00:14:19.269 --> 00:14:23.149
this gap? gap between what they have done and gap

222
00:14:23.169 --> 00:14:25.669
being recognized as that strategic leader?

223
00:14:26.929 --> 00:14:30.470
Yeah, so I think the first thing is just an

224
00:14:30.529 --> 00:14:35.139
awareness and kind of an awakening that I think a

225
00:14:35.320 --> 00:14:37.860
lot of times we think we're alone, right? And we

226
00:14:37.899 --> 00:14:43.500
think nobody else is experiencing this. And so then, therefore,

227
00:14:43.620 --> 00:14:46.259
I must just work harder and harder and harder and

228
00:14:46.320 --> 00:14:51.000
exhaust myself and increase my competency and then it'll come.

229
00:14:51.519 --> 00:14:54.220
But the problem is it never comes if the courage

230
00:14:54.279 --> 00:14:58.919
doesn't follow. So the next step is having the courage

231
00:14:58.980 --> 00:15:03.080
to start speaking up, to have a voice, to be

232
00:15:03.179 --> 00:15:06.659
okay with, you know, I always said, if, if I

233
00:15:06.899 --> 00:15:10.029
have something really important to say and the organization doesn't

234
00:15:10.070 --> 00:15:13.570
want to hear it, then I'm okay if that doesn't

235
00:15:13.610 --> 00:15:17.509
work out well for me because it's, because my voice

236
00:15:17.570 --> 00:15:21.190
needs to be heard. And so getting that courage is

237
00:15:21.250 --> 00:15:26.379
that second step. And then, and then that can start

238
00:15:26.460 --> 00:15:29.659
to address like, okay, it's not, you know, maybe it

239
00:15:29.720 --> 00:15:30.419
wasn't me.

240
00:15:32.080 --> 00:15:35.340
I do, I can speak up. And then that leads

241
00:15:35.379 --> 00:15:36.100
you to peace.

242
00:15:36.710 --> 00:15:39.029
Peace in that, you know, that you're living in your

243
00:15:39.070 --> 00:15:43.000
integrity and, You might be redefining your own definition of

244
00:15:43.539 --> 00:15:46.649
of success because we're taught that success looks like a

245
00:15:46.730 --> 00:15:51.529
certain path, you know, a certain title or paycheck promotions.

246
00:15:51.909 --> 00:15:56.350
And to to end in with peace, sometimes you have

247
00:15:56.409 --> 00:15:59.669
to make some changes in your in your life and

248
00:15:59.769 --> 00:16:03.629
career to follow your true passions and your and redefine

249
00:16:03.669 --> 00:16:07.340
what is success for you. And that will bring peace

250
00:16:07.419 --> 00:16:12.200
and it'll reduce that stress and give you much more fulfillment.

251
00:16:14.370 --> 00:16:18.049
So one thing that definitely stood out as you have

252
00:16:18.070 --> 00:16:26.509
been sharing is that having that courage and courage is

253
00:16:26.850 --> 00:16:30.809
standing up for your values, aligning with yourself and speaking up.

254
00:16:31.490 --> 00:16:35.299
And you said something very profound that the organization may

255
00:16:35.399 --> 00:16:38.409
not be the right place for you because they may

256
00:16:38.470 --> 00:16:44.629
not be ready to listen to you. So if that's

257
00:16:44.769 --> 00:16:48.690
not the room for you, have you experienced any of that?

258
00:16:48.950 --> 00:16:50.190
And if you did, what did you do?

259
00:16:51.450 --> 00:16:55.909
Yeah, well, I was the HR leader for many, many

260
00:16:55.950 --> 00:17:00.120
years in different organizations. And so I had the opportunity

261
00:17:00.129 --> 00:17:04.500
to see many times where maybe the organization wasn't ready

262
00:17:04.559 --> 00:17:06.319
for the talent that we brought in.

263
00:17:06.920 --> 00:17:08.680
And so, you know, I.

264
00:17:08.559 --> 00:17:11.619
Saw a pattern at times where you bring in really

265
00:17:11.720 --> 00:17:18.470
talented individuals and they don't survive in the organization. And

266
00:17:18.710 --> 00:17:22.210
quickly it turns to, you know, they don't have the

267
00:17:22.250 --> 00:17:25.490
skills that we thought they have. And I think sometimes

268
00:17:25.569 --> 00:17:30.180
the reality is that maybe the organization doesn't wasn't ready

269
00:17:30.519 --> 00:17:34.190
versus it being a misfit for the per that the

270
00:17:34.230 --> 00:17:39.190
person wasn't misfit and um and so I saw this

271
00:17:39.269 --> 00:17:45.150
pattern over over and over again and um and so

272
00:17:45.289 --> 00:17:50.039
sometimes I think we have to recognize that not every

273
00:17:50.299 --> 00:17:53.420
every organization is going to be right for us and

274
00:17:53.460 --> 00:17:57.470
that's okay It really is okay. And I like to

275
00:17:57.549 --> 00:18:01.190
say that you take your title, you take your skill,

276
00:18:01.210 --> 00:18:03.049
you take your competency with you.

277
00:18:03.210 --> 00:18:03.609
So the.

278
00:18:05.730 --> 00:18:08.990
Answer isn't always to have to leave either. I want

279
00:18:09.009 --> 00:18:13.029
to make that clear because sometimes it's just a matter

280
00:18:13.130 --> 00:18:15.829
of making sure you speak up, ask for what you want,

281
00:18:15.890 --> 00:18:18.529
and see if changes can be made. And then if

282
00:18:18.569 --> 00:18:21.170
they can't and you're still unhappy, then it might be

283
00:18:21.230 --> 00:18:24.400
time to leave. And when you do, just know that

284
00:18:24.460 --> 00:18:27.839
you're taking all your skills and abilities with you to

285
00:18:29.140 --> 00:18:33.009
go do something else. So it's not like you're leaving

286
00:18:33.049 --> 00:18:36.289
it all behind. You get to take everything that got

287
00:18:36.329 --> 00:18:37.990
you there in the first place with you.

288
00:18:38.009 --> 00:18:40.009
Yeah.

289
00:18:40.210 --> 00:18:42.529
And that's something nobody can take it away from you.

290
00:18:42.609 --> 00:18:46.559
Because so many times what happens is I have several

291
00:18:46.619 --> 00:18:51.460
clients saying that, that I did all this work. I

292
00:18:51.539 --> 00:18:54.599
did this, but it's not being recognized. And then they

293
00:18:54.720 --> 00:18:58.849
feel that loss of control, lack of power, and that really,

294
00:18:58.900 --> 00:19:02.930
really eats their soul. And that's exactly what you said

295
00:19:03.029 --> 00:19:08.369
is that whatever time, whatever experience that they have gained,

296
00:19:08.430 --> 00:19:12.890
nobody can take that away from them, that competency. So

297
00:19:12.930 --> 00:19:16.819
it comes back again to defining the success, having that

298
00:19:16.880 --> 00:19:22.099
internal validation first. And of course, external validation is important.

299
00:19:22.160 --> 00:19:26.450
External recognition and reinforcement is important as you climb the ladder.

300
00:19:28.329 --> 00:19:32.910
But creating that mark, hallmark of success for yourself, that

301
00:19:32.930 --> 00:19:37.930
is so crucial. So as you continued in your career,

302
00:19:39.359 --> 00:19:46.279
how did you see that rising up the ranks was

303
00:19:46.319 --> 00:19:47.099
the career for you?

304
00:19:48.579 --> 00:19:49.099
I loved.

305
00:19:49.849 --> 00:19:54.509
I've loved working in corporate I actually love working and

306
00:19:54.769 --> 00:19:58.630
I loved leading a team being on a leadership team

307
00:20:00.170 --> 00:20:04.470
but it was hard it's hard work and there's so

308
00:20:04.519 --> 00:20:10.660
many dynamics and all of that going on And I

309
00:20:10.839 --> 00:20:15.220
would say throughout my entire career, no matter what organization

310
00:20:15.319 --> 00:20:18.380
I was in, there were those moments of feeling of

311
00:20:18.420 --> 00:20:19.779
values misalignment.

312
00:20:20.769 --> 00:20:23.630
And, and then when you get.

313
00:20:23.789 --> 00:20:28.069
Into your later career, you start to really, you know,

314
00:20:28.089 --> 00:20:29.930
I think I see a lot of people get that

315
00:20:30.029 --> 00:20:33.690
pull for like, is there something more for me?

316
00:20:34.089 --> 00:20:37.630
Is this really what I want to do? And so while.

317
00:20:37.410 --> 00:20:40.400
I loved it, At the later part of my career,

318
00:20:40.420 --> 00:20:43.660
I was starting to really get pulled to leadership development

319
00:20:44.420 --> 00:20:48.369
and really wanting to have an impact on the lives

320
00:20:48.730 --> 00:20:52.089
of leaders, especially those that were coming up through the

321
00:20:52.130 --> 00:20:55.130
ranks that I kind of wanted to save them from

322
00:20:55.210 --> 00:20:59.470
some of the things I had experienced and no one

323
00:20:59.559 --> 00:21:03.940
shared with me how to navigate and And that is

324
00:21:04.039 --> 00:21:07.809
really how I found, you know, I always had a

325
00:21:07.880 --> 00:21:12.890
calling to own my own business. And but I never

326
00:21:12.930 --> 00:21:14.170
knew what that was going to be.

327
00:21:14.190 --> 00:21:17.650
I love babies. So I thought maybe I'll open a daycare.

328
00:21:17.670 --> 00:21:21.369
I love home decor.

329
00:21:21.410 --> 00:21:24.880
So I thought, well, maybe I'll open a retail decor store.

330
00:21:25.220 --> 00:21:28.549
I had all kinds of ideas. Throughout the years, whenever

331
00:21:28.589 --> 00:21:32.470
something didn't feel quite right, I had that pull to

332
00:21:32.549 --> 00:21:36.210
own a business. Well, then I had the opportunity to

333
00:21:36.250 --> 00:21:41.119
be in a peer group with the founder of Next Monday.

334
00:21:41.339 --> 00:21:45.779
And she created this group of women where we got together.

335
00:21:45.900 --> 00:21:48.779
And I was in the group from 2012 to now

336
00:21:48.920 --> 00:21:51.920
I'm facilitating the group. And we still have women that

337
00:21:51.940 --> 00:21:55.029
were in that original group. So I found a group

338
00:21:55.089 --> 00:21:57.869
of people where I felt safe and where I could

339
00:21:57.910 --> 00:22:02.500
say out loud anything that I thought maybe had some

340
00:22:02.579 --> 00:22:07.920
shame behind it or trusted these women with all of

341
00:22:08.059 --> 00:22:13.109
my heart and just the guidance and started to realize

342
00:22:13.170 --> 00:22:15.829
that this is the work I want to do. This

343
00:22:15.910 --> 00:22:18.309
is the impact I want to have. I want to

344
00:22:18.490 --> 00:22:23.279
have a place for women to really come together and

345
00:22:23.480 --> 00:22:28.140
feel completely safe, not judged, and to be able to

346
00:22:28.200 --> 00:22:30.880
say out loud, I'm exhausted and I don't know what

347
00:22:30.920 --> 00:22:34.910
to do. I've worked, you know, I can't do any more,

348
00:22:34.990 --> 00:22:37.529
but I'm giving it all my all and it's not

349
00:22:37.589 --> 00:22:41.690
working out and, and feeling like they have some people

350
00:22:41.750 --> 00:22:44.890
that can lift them up and help them navigate through that.

351
00:22:45.789 --> 00:22:51.319
Yeah. Now, congratulations on creating a space. for women, because

352
00:22:51.519 --> 00:22:55.869
as you said, having that safe space. And then as coaches,

353
00:22:55.920 --> 00:22:59.069
we do that. We hold that safe space for others.

354
00:22:59.950 --> 00:23:02.769
And so many times women hold that space for their family,

355
00:23:02.809 --> 00:23:06.289
for their children, for work. So it's important that they

356
00:23:06.349 --> 00:23:10.660
have that space for them to come home to. So

357
00:23:10.680 --> 00:23:15.160
you mentioned that you had a calling to help emerging

358
00:23:15.200 --> 00:23:19.799
leaders in the succession planning, talent development space. so that

359
00:23:19.900 --> 00:23:24.910
they would not experience some of the things you had experienced.

360
00:23:24.930 --> 00:23:28.750
So what might those be? And as our audience is listening,

361
00:23:29.829 --> 00:23:33.130
what could they do to not fall into those traps?

362
00:23:34.130 --> 00:23:36.349
Yeah, you know, I think one of the things I

363
00:23:36.369 --> 00:23:39.920
get asked a lot is how do you navigate as

364
00:23:39.960 --> 00:23:46.740
a woman in a male-dominated environment? And so, you know,

365
00:23:46.920 --> 00:23:50.910
that's one of the I will call it the traps

366
00:23:51.109 --> 00:23:55.230
of women sometimes tend to, maybe they get promoted from

367
00:23:55.250 --> 00:23:57.519
a individual contributor to a.

368
00:23:57.680 --> 00:23:59.420
Manager or leadership role.

369
00:24:00.240 --> 00:24:03.460
And when the meeting happens and notes have to be taken,

370
00:24:03.480 --> 00:24:08.579
they're kind of assigned the note taking, um, And so

371
00:24:08.880 --> 00:24:12.220
women often ask, how do I navigate that without.

372
00:24:12.059 --> 00:24:14.440
It feeling rude? Because we want to please, right? We

373
00:24:14.480 --> 00:24:15.769
want to take care of people.

374
00:24:16.390 --> 00:24:18.890
And so, you know, I say, well, the way to

375
00:24:18.950 --> 00:24:21.910
navigate that is to say, yeah, I'd be happy to

376
00:24:21.970 --> 00:24:24.069
take the notes for this meeting. And then next time

377
00:24:24.130 --> 00:24:27.279
someone else can take the notes, you know, so it's

378
00:24:27.319 --> 00:24:31.599
not threatening. It's just stating a fact. So sometimes we

379
00:24:31.640 --> 00:24:33.740
do it to ourselves. We have to be careful sometimes.

380
00:24:34.630 --> 00:24:38.579
to not fall into the traps of doing things because

381
00:24:38.640 --> 00:24:43.759
we're caretakers and, but, but recognizing and believing that we

382
00:24:43.779 --> 00:24:46.240
have a place at the table and we deserve to

383
00:24:46.279 --> 00:24:48.140
be there and have a voice just as much as

384
00:24:48.200 --> 00:24:49.180
anyone else does.

385
00:24:50.529 --> 00:24:50.970
Yeah.

386
00:24:50.990 --> 00:24:54.369
And that's one of the things Sheryl Sandberg talks about

387
00:24:54.470 --> 00:24:55.529
in her Lenin book.

388
00:24:56.849 --> 00:24:57.170
Yeah.

389
00:24:57.289 --> 00:24:59.089
Finding that place at the table.

390
00:24:59.109 --> 00:24:59.930
Yeah.

391
00:24:59.950 --> 00:25:03.500
So important. And yeah, what would you say, what are

392
00:25:03.660 --> 00:25:09.539
some of the obstacles that you faced as you stepped

393
00:25:09.599 --> 00:25:10.339
into leadership?

394
00:25:11.289 --> 00:25:14.490
Yeah, well, I was, uh, um, you know, I feel

395
00:25:14.529 --> 00:25:19.250
like I had a few strikes and one of those

396
00:25:19.309 --> 00:25:22.970

The Success Trap Nobody Talks About

Listen On

Featured Episodes

Recent Episodes

Support On