Sept. 17, 2024

Authenticity is the New Authority

Authenticity is the New Authority

Global pandemics, technological revolutions, and seismic shifts in social dynamics have turned the world upside down, causing leaders to toss out the old rulebook. Join visionaries Divya Parekh and Lida Citroen as they dissect the DNA of modern...

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Global pandemics, technological revolutions, and seismic shifts in social dynamics have turned the world upside down, causing leaders to toss out the old rulebook. Join visionaries Divya Parekh and Lida Citroen as they dissect the DNA of modern influence and redefine what it means to lead in an era of radical transparency.

Prepare to challenge everything you thought you knew about executive presence and emerge ready to lead with authenticity, agility, and audacity.

Beyond Confidence is broadcast live Tuesdays at 10AM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Beyond Confidence TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

Beyond Confidence Podcast is also available on Talk 4 Media (www.talk4media.com), Talk 4 Podcasting (www.talk4podcasting.com), iHeartRadio, Amazon Music, Pandora, Spotify, Audible, and over 100 other podcast outlets.

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/beyond-confidence--1885197/support.

WEBVTT

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The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are

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solely those of the hosts and their guests and not

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those of W four WN Radio. It's employees are affiliates.

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We make no recommendations or endorsement for radio show programs, services,

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or products mentioned on air or on our web. No liability,

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explicit or implied shall be extended to W four WN Radio.

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It's employees are affiliates. Any questions or common should be

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directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing W

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four WN Radio.

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This is Beyond Confidence with your host w Park. Do

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you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do you

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want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional,

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and financial goals?

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Well?

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Coming up on voparks Beyond Confidence, you will hear real

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stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers who have steps into discomfort,

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shattered their status quo, and are living the life they want.

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You will learn how relationships are the key to achieving

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your aspirations and financial goals. Moving your career business forward

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does not have to happen at the expense of your

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personal or family life, or vice versa. Learn more at

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www dot divpork dot com and you can connect with

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Dvant contact Dants divpark dot com. This is beyond confidence

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and now here's your host div Park.

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Good morning listeners. It's Tuesday, and I love being here

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with you all, so thank you for joining us. And

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what I want to share is a beautiful story. So

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probably in some of our episodes back, I had said

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that about kindness. When I walk on one of our

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local trails, there's this wonderful person, Jennifer, and I can

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give her a shout out. She is usually on her

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bike and sometimes she has this wonderful music even going on,

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and every person she meets she brings on so much

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energy and enthusiasm and just greets good morning, and that

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good morning has such a power to it. So one

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day I just kind of waved at her her and said,

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you got a minute, and she said sure, and I

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wanted to share with her that I really appreciate your

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kindness in greeting me because after a couple of days,

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I'm looking forward to seeing you on the track. And

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she just started smiling and she was like, I did

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not know that it had such an impact, and I

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told her, yes, it does have an impact. So I

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wrote a blog about her and people really loved the idea.

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We took a picture, and now Jennifer and I are

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really good friends. So she showed one of her friends

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about just she talked about it, and she showed my

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blog to him and he has started saying good morning

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on his walk. So never underestimate the power of kindness,

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the little actions you can take, a small gesture, a smile.

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So keep that kind of circle going, spending hour a

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month and distribute it out throughout the days. Even if

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it's half an hour, doesn't matter. You can be kind

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from where you're at without spending any time, much energy

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or money. And I appreciate your kindness in getting our books,

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especially Expert to Influencer and Entrepreneurs got in because they

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will change your lives. And at the same token, you

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are helping us help them in entrepreneurs and Keywa dot org.

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So thank you for being part of our family. And

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let's welcome our guest today. Good morning, good morning, welcome Lyda.

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Well, thank you. I'm excited to be here.

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Excited to have you. So usually we start out with

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a question, do you recall a moment or a person

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from your childhood that left a positive mark on you?

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Oh? Wow, I mean there's a lot to mention, from

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teachers to caregivers to parents. You know, I think I

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would go to teachers, and I don't think there's actually one,

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but just a lot of teachers who just believed in

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me and gave me that little boost of confidence that

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probably I didn't know what to do with at the

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time but later drew upon. I think, going to your

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story about kindness, we don't know what we're pouring into

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someone and what a difference it can actually make, and

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sometimes we never hear about that. But I would have

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to say the teachers I grew.

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Up with, definitely, and we forget so many times, and

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especially I remember when kids were young, and you know,

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you would talk to teachers and they're like, oh, we're

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so tired, and I would tell them that thank you,

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thank you for all that you do. You don't know

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who you are shaping. These are the leaders of tomorrow

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and kind of going into it, you know, you talk

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about influence and all that, tell us what was your

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life journey like and what brought you to where you're

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at today?

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Oh, how much time do we have?

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No?

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You know, I spent twenty years in corporate right doing

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what I thought I was supposed to do, and I

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was very successful. I achieved the next level. I got

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to the next rung in the corporate ladder and had

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a wonderful career. It just wasn't very meaningful, but I

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was checking all the boxes. I was getting promoted, I

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was making money and then making more money. And it

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wasn't until two thousand and eight when the economy here

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in the United States crashed, and like many people, I

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found myself out of work. I started thinking about what

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do I want to do as opposed to what can

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I do? And I'd never really had that question before

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because I'd always gone from one thing to the next

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thing to the next thing. But because of where the

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economy was, it actually, looking back, it should have been terrifying,

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but it wasn't terrifying. I decided to start a business,

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and I at first going to take all of the

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experience I had working with these global brands and global

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companies and I was going to work with small companies.

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Very quickly realized I was better suited for big companies.

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So then I pivoted and instead of focusing on corporate

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or business branding, I said, what if we looked at people?

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Because who was really suffering in two thousand and eight

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were people. People were losing their jobs, worried about losing

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their homes, trying to make themselves relevant and hold on

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to what they had. So I came up with personal branding,

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which at the time nobody knew what that was. Nobody

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was talking about personal branding, but it happened to be

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with the market needed. And I wish I could say

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it was strategy. And I designed this and I thought

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it out on a cocktail napkin. I think there was

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a lot of divine intervention. But I launched this business

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on personal branding and it took off. And I had

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never wanted to be an entrepreneur. It was never my dream.

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But once I was there, I couldn't imagine anything else.

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Absolutely this day, sixteen years later, I can't imagine doing

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anything else.

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Well, that's powerful. So I like what you said that

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it's not about the people just being there and doing

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check boxing, because I've been in the corporate world too,

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and there was a lot of soul searching and all that,

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where you know, I would be like, okay, do I

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want to check the box? And while I was in

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corporate I went the way where I wanted to go

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rather than just checking the boxes. I mean, there were

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a lot of box checking that I could have done,

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and I still did it, and yet there was a

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portion of me and just that was feeling conflicted and

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not in alignment. So I'd been starting to pave my

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way through it.

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Now.

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That said, there are a lot of people over there, and

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not everybody can become entrepreneurs, because think about it, if

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everybody becomes entrepreneurs, it doesn't work right. So when you

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talk about people, they are the backbone of industry absolutely,

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so tell us that when people are in the thick

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and thin of their jobs, how can they bring that

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balance between checking the box and still doing what they

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want to do? Well.

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I applaud you for having the insight to know that

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there was a disconnect. I felt it. I felt that

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I wasn't showing up and being authentic and maybe living

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to my fullest potential. But I didn't know any different.

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I was doing what I had been raised to do,

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which was get a job, do well, get the next job,

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get more money. And I mean that was the path

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I had been taught. So I think when it first

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starts for people is when you know either their gut,

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their heart or their head starts to hurt and they realize,

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maybe my values are out of alignment with the customers

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we serve or the product that we're selling. Maybe my

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heart just isn't in this work anymore. And there's that

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disconnect as you talk about starts to form, and listening

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to that is powerful. I think today we do encourage

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people to listen to that. When I was growing up

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in the corporate arena in the nineties, that really wasn't

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That wasn't the mantra if you will, So listening to

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that and saying, you know, just because I can doesn't

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mean I should. I could do the work I was

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doing and I was good at it and I got

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rewarded for it, but it doesn't mean that's what I

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should do. It doesn't mean that's what I was capable of.

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And I think to people listening saying, you know what,

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if there is something more, I remind them that, in

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the words of Share, this isn't a dress rehearsal Right,

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we're on this merria go around until the music stops

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and then we're not. And taking advantage of your purpose

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and knowing why you're here and then leaning into that

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as scary as that can be, is a powerful thing,

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and you end up finding a lot of people support you.

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I was shocked when I started my business and I

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sent out an email to a whole bunch of my

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contacts and I said, Okay, I'm going to do this.

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I'm putting my name on the door and I'm going

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to start a business. I had so many people reach

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back out and say, well, it's about time. We've been

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telling you to do this for years. I'd never heard them.

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So I think you actually find a lot of support

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when you lean into what your heart is telling you

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to do and what you feel yourself post to do.

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Absolutely, and there is a lot of power. And at

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the same time, what happens is that it can take

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that time to transition out really well.

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Absolutely.

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So one of the things what I've seen with my

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clients is that people may have responsibilities where they just

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can't Okay, this is what my heart wants and this

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is what my alignment is. So tell us, like, let's

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say if somebody is in that situation.

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Well, you absolutely have to make sure the phone bill

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gets paid and the kids have access to medical and

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I mean there's responsibilities we have as an adult, and

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for some people it doesn't mean taking that leap of

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faith in a bold way. It might mean sort of

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staggering or stacking the opportunities. The first thing I would

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think about is, if you have an idea to start

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a business, do you have all the tools? Are you

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ready to do that? Maybe you need more education, maybe

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you need some certifications or credentials to make that business successful.

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It could also be you need more experience. I deal

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with a lot of people coming out of the military.

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That's a niche market that I work with, and they

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all want to just start their own business. But sometimes

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they don't have the experience. So get the experience first,

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learn what you need to learn, and then sometimes you're

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more ready to start. As well as a savings account.

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You know, there is that sense of grittiness that comes

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when you're hungry and you've got to make this work.

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I don't like that. I don't like I don't like panic,

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you know, but if there is an element of drive,

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I was just so convinced that I could help people

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in this way. That's what drove me. And fortunately I

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wasn't in a position where I had to worry about

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putting food on the table. But we have to be

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responsible to those who are dependent on us, and sometimes

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that means just pushing it out three or five year

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knowing that that's the end game, and then getting everything

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ready for that.

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Absolutely, and that is one of the reasons I wanted

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to bring this up, because all that we hear is

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that what is your why? If your why is bigger

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than your want, you've got to go after it. I

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completely agree with that, that you have to go after it.

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But then again, it's also important to bring in that

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element of responsibility because I've seen so many of my

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clients who just kind of said, yep, I'm jumping in,

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I'm taking that leap of faith, and then they found

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that within two years they were going back to work,

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and that was even more disappointing and disheartening, versus putting

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in a dash of decision making criteria, putting in a

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dash of reality with that why what it does is

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it crafts it. Maybe it's one of the books. You know,

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I'm a fan of books. It's slow productivity. There's a

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book called slow productivity. So it doesn't mean that it

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needs to happen down. As you mentioned, it could be

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stacking or staggering there you are planning your things out

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and then putting it. So now let's say that is

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the route four business owners. But what if people want

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to stay in the corporate world, how can they align

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their values along with what they want and where they're

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working well?

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And I have a lot of respect for people in

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the corporate world. They're my clients, so of course them.

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I work with entrepreneurs too, but primarily corporations. Know your

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values start with you, and corporations put forward values. I

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was in marketing for many years and I know how

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we wrote those values. But an individual's value is sometimes

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look a little different. They can sometimes be more personal

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or more heartfelt that a corporate value which is going

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to be promoted to shareholders and media and all of that.

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Aligning those usually isn't that right. I believe in community.

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My company serves a community I'm passionate about. We've got alignment.

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Where it gets challenging is I believe in caring for

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people and my company just wants to take and doesn't

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really care about the clients. That's a disconnect, and that's

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usually not endured for a long period of time. We're

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not that good at faking it. We can usually start

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to reveal that we're out of alignment. But when there's alignment,

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it doesn't have to be word for word, but there's

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an alignment in philosophy, alignment in values. Then it's really

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about looking at what the company is set forth as

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a mission, and what you're setting forth is a mission.

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You talk about the why. I think the why is

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absolutely the foundation. I agree with you, But then comes

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the who, right, who do you want to serve? I'm

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a big fan of influence. It's what I'm talking a

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lot about these days, because influence doesn't come from rank.

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And if you want to become CEO because you think

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that will give you more clout or sway or influence,

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I'd ask you to check that because we see people

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at lower levels in the organization have way more influence

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than the C suite. So kind of rethinking who you

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want to serve and how you want to serve them

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as well as why. When that all comes together, it

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makes this beautiful soup and that's what we feed off of.

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That's what motivates us and inspires us and keeps us

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going through the challenges and allows us to really celebrate

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during those successes.

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Definitely, that's very powerful, and I really would like to

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highlight the point that you made is that you don't

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have to be a CEO or a manager or leader

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to have cloud right you can have a cloud right there.

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And kind of rewinding back a little bit when you

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said that if you're not in alignment, it doesn't have

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to be one for one or for everything for everything,

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and that's what happens is that people so many times

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are caught in the absolutes. Then they forget to live.

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And one of the things that recently happened was one

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of my clients was not happy, not aligned, and as

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two young kids could not leave his wife, they decided

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that his wife would be a stay home mom. But

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he felt like he was literally dying. He could not

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live in this company anymore. So as we were talking

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and coaching is more towards helping them get those aha moments,

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and he said, huh, what's there to stop me to

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go work for another company that aligns a little bit

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better than yeah, And he was able to negotiate more

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time where he could work remotely rather than going in

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person with the time flexibility, and then his wife took

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on a part time job. So even though he took

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a paycut, he was still able to align himself. And

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I really like what you mentioned about is that influence.

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So tell us how can people be authentic in the

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leadership and start out influencing others?

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So I love that question because authentic leadership is the

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term now right in the book that I wrote, the

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New Rules of Influence, I actually one of the rules

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is to be real, and I considered using the rule

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be authentic, but I kind of wanted to push back

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on all the hype around the word authentic, so I,

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you know, being me, I had to go a different direction.

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Here's how I define it. Being authentic or being real

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means if I ask you a question and you choose

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to answer it, you'll give me a genuine answer. You

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will speak from your heart and your head, and you

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will give me an answer that's truthful. But you also

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reserve the right to say I'm not comfortable answering that. Now,

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if you're in a leadership position, that gets trickier because

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if it's a question you should be able to answer,

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then you've got to wrestle with that. But if it's

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a really personal question, I'm not a fan of transparency.

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I think we should be authentic. We should be real,

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but we shouldn't be We shouldn't be transparent. And here's why.

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There's an aspect of reputation management that I do, which

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is reputation repair. And a lot of people get into

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trouble because they feel this social commitment, if you will,

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to share their opinion on everything, and sometimes they're not

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even real opinions. They're just jumping in. You know, a

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Supreme Court announcement comes down, it's all over social media,

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and these people don't want to miss out, so they

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jump into the conversation. That's challenging because once you put

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it out there, you can't pull it back. And some

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of my clients have real trauma around certain conversations and

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they would prefer not to talk about things. And I

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think as adults specifically, and as human beings, we can

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be real. We can speak our truth. We can look

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people in the eyes and show empathy and compassion and

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let them see who we are. But I don't feel

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that we need to reveal everything. We are allowed to

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keep some things private, and I think authentic leadership can

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navigate that beautifully.

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I totally agree with you because a lot of people,

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again kind of going back into absolutes that authentic means

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I got to air everything. And yeah, you know, there

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used to be a saying that you don't have to

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air your dirty laundry. Nobody wants to see it. So,

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for example, if you have a statue of dirty clothes,

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so that just by not showing it does not mean

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you're not being authentic, right.

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And we saw a lot of people make that mistake

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during the pandemic. You know, we were all looking for connection.

359
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We were all looking the whole world was hurting, the

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whole world was confused, and we came together, which was

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the most beautiful thing to see. You know, we cheered

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for healthcare workers at the same time, we shared our

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experiences whether you were in India or Holland or the

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United States. But some people took it too far and

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then they wanted to take it back once everybody went

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back to work, and it just doesn't work that way.

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So I'm always telling, you know, clients to be intentional

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about what they want to bring forward and when you

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have a good filter for you know, this is this

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is my conversation, this is where I play. This is

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how much I'm willing to share of who I am

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and my life and my history. Then you embrace that

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and you play in that space, and if you're challenged

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to go outside of that, you make a decision to

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do it, rather than feeling a pressure in person or

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online line that you have to weigh in or you

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have to have an opinion or comment. There are topics

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I don't talk about. I don't talk about politics. For instance,

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I have very strong political views, but it's not your

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maane to my brand or my business. My clients are

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all different political persuasions. It's not what I do, So

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I don't feel I need to be transparent in that way.

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It doesn't affect who I.

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Am, absolutely So. Now we have talked about the settings,

385
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and you did say that that once you post, you

386
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are leaving that footprint. Yeah, that you could linger forever.

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And it's possible, even though you may be thinking, oh,

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it's just a post, but if somebody takes a screenshot

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of it and shares it out, it's there forever. And

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that's one of the things for our young millennials and

391
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Gen zs to kind of like think about it. Now,

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Let's say you are in a setting where you could

393
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be working with your boss or like where you are

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working with cross functional group. Now in that setting, not

395
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only talking about authenticity but building that influence, what are

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some of the practical aspects that people could take and

397
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use it today?

398
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Well, and I love that question because what we're talking

399
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about when we talk about influence is not an American notion.

400
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I work in over thirty countries and being of influence.

401
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Having influence transcends culture. It works differently in the nuances

402
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of different cultures, but people in different cultures also want

403
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to have influence. So I think to someone listening, it

404
00:23:39.880 --> 00:23:43.079
means showing up right. If you're going to have influence,

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you don't sit in the back of the room every

406
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time and expect to be noticed. Maybe you need to

407
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sit in the front of the room. Maybe you raise

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your hand and offer an idea, knowing that you could

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be judged or worse even ridiculed, But you take that

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chance because that unwavering commitment you have to being heard,

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which we should all be heard, is more powerful than

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the risk that you're willing that you would take that

413
00:24:12.000 --> 00:24:15.920
somebody might say that's not a good idea. We all

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have to be heard, and if we're not all heard,

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decisions don't get made right. So having influence means a

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00:24:21.720 --> 00:24:25.279
commitment to being visible. It also means a commitment to

417
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being agile. These are some of the rules I talk about.

418
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We can't just always do things the same way and

419
00:24:32.400 --> 00:24:35.880
expect they're always going to turn out. When somebody tells

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me that they're more rigid in their structure, I ask

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them to think about where they were in March of

422
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twenty twenty when all the best laid plans were thrown

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away and we all had to pivot or we didn't survive.

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We have to be agile in our thinking and in

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our approach. And the other thing I think if you

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want to have influence is you have to be inclusive.

427
00:24:56.240 --> 00:24:58.799
And inclusivity the way I define it is to make

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sure all voices are in the room. If you want

429
00:25:01.599 --> 00:25:03.839
to represent a community, or you want to speak on

430
00:25:03.920 --> 00:25:07.480
behalf of your team, or you want to advocate for

431
00:25:07.880 --> 00:25:11.440
an idea, you need to know all the stakeholders who

432
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were involved in that. I had a wonderful conversation recently

433
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with a client who shared a great story and it's

434
00:25:17.759 --> 00:25:20.680
really short. She had brought an idea to her team.

435
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They were all sitting in the room. She shared the

436
00:25:23.480 --> 00:25:26.359
idea and one of her team members raised his hand

437
00:25:26.599 --> 00:25:29.720
and kind of nervously said, that doesn't work for me,

438
00:25:30.240 --> 00:25:34.680
that doesn't fit my community and what we care about.

439
00:25:35.000 --> 00:25:38.400
And everybody panicked. Everybody looked at my client like he

440
00:25:38.559 --> 00:25:41.119
was going to be in trouble, and instead she said,

441
00:25:41.480 --> 00:25:45.359
thank you, thank you for raising that concern, thank you

442
00:25:45.400 --> 00:25:48.160
for bringing that to my attention. We have to start

443
00:25:48.160 --> 00:25:52.119
thinking that way that we want to hear why this

444
00:25:52.160 --> 00:25:55.599
wouldn't work or why this may not fit that ideal.

445
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When I started working with the military, I knew nothing

446
00:25:58.559 --> 00:26:01.799
about the military, didn't have any background or any family

447
00:26:01.839 --> 00:26:04.960
members who had served. But I asked questions and I

448
00:26:05.079 --> 00:26:09.160
listened to learn not to judge. I checked my own biases,

449
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and I practiced that inclusivity mindset and that service mindset

450
00:26:14.480 --> 00:26:17.240
to really understand the community I was going to go

451
00:26:17.279 --> 00:26:20.880
out and advocate for. And that was fifteen years ago,

452
00:26:20.960 --> 00:26:24.200
and I'm still learning and I'm still asking questions. But

453
00:26:24.279 --> 00:26:26.480
it's because I care and I want to have influence

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in that community. And I think that's where influence becomes

455
00:26:30.359 --> 00:26:33.160
a little bit harder for some people. There's no shortcut.

456
00:26:33.519 --> 00:26:35.720
I know they'd like one, but there is no shortcut.

457
00:26:37.960 --> 00:26:45.039
Yeah, our social media and instant gratification, right, because we've

458
00:26:45.079 --> 00:26:50.480
got emails and sometimes I'll be sitting with let's say

459
00:26:50.480 --> 00:26:52.519
one of the collaborators or one of the clients and

460
00:26:52.519 --> 00:26:54.720
they sent an email or I've sent an email and

461
00:26:54.759 --> 00:26:57.920
it's not even a minute it didn't come through. So

462
00:26:58.000 --> 00:27:03.119
because of technology, we all have the comes so attuned

463
00:27:03.240 --> 00:27:06.279
or even addicted. And I don't use that word likely

464
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that we become slaves or we have become Oh the

465
00:27:12.799 --> 00:27:14.720
phone rings I got to get or even if you

466
00:27:14.759 --> 00:27:18.119
don't get it, your attention will be caught by it.

467
00:27:18.279 --> 00:27:22.200
Or is that something important, something like there's a pinion

468
00:27:22.200 --> 00:27:25.440
in my inbox, if there's a Slack or Microsoft teams

469
00:27:25.480 --> 00:27:26.279
or whatever it.

470
00:27:26.119 --> 00:27:28.279
Is you're describing my life.

471
00:27:30.319 --> 00:27:34.839
Yes, So you're absolutely right that influence is not something

472
00:27:34.880 --> 00:27:39.079
that you can build in a day, right, And it's

473
00:27:39.079 --> 00:27:42.759
about showing up what you said very powerful, showing up

474
00:27:43.480 --> 00:27:48.400
and also creating that culture. Because when you talk about inclusivity,

475
00:27:49.440 --> 00:27:51.480
let's say if your client had shot down the idea,

476
00:27:52.880 --> 00:27:56.319
then that person would not have had the courage to

477
00:27:56.359 --> 00:28:00.440
speak up again, versus she created that culture. So what

478
00:28:00.559 --> 00:28:04.599
can people do when the leaders are not inclusive? How

479
00:28:04.599 --> 00:28:08.640
can the build their influence during that period and in

480
00:28:08.680 --> 00:28:09.359
that environment.

481
00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:12.599
That's a tricky one, right, because when we talk about

482
00:28:12.640 --> 00:28:16.759
managing up or leading up, there's all sorts of nuances.

483
00:28:17.240 --> 00:28:20.720
One of the techniques I use with an international client

484
00:28:20.759 --> 00:28:24.359
of mine who is really struggling with that leading up.

485
00:28:24.759 --> 00:28:27.079
You know, how do I I believe these things, I

486
00:28:27.200 --> 00:28:31.599
practice these things, but my boss doesn't is to put

487
00:28:31.599 --> 00:28:35.359
yourself in their position first. Is there a reason they're

488
00:28:35.480 --> 00:28:40.000
not right? Instead of assuming we know that or believing

489
00:28:40.079 --> 00:28:43.039
we know why this person isn't bringing the right people

490
00:28:43.039 --> 00:28:48.119
into the room, is there perhaps another reason? It's remarkable

491
00:28:48.160 --> 00:28:50.440
what can happen when we turn the lens around and

492
00:28:50.480 --> 00:28:54.119
we start to imagine something from someone else's perspective. And

493
00:28:54.160 --> 00:28:56.839
if you can't do that by yourself, get a friend

494
00:28:56.839 --> 00:28:59.759
to do it with, grab your spouse or your partner,

495
00:29:00.160 --> 00:29:02.160
and just say, you know, here's what I'm dealing with.

496
00:29:02.640 --> 00:29:06.240
What's another scenario that could be happening beyond the one

497
00:29:06.279 --> 00:29:09.920
I'm telling myself? And then once you have that, start

498
00:29:10.000 --> 00:29:13.720
to see if there aren't ways to make inroads. You might,

499
00:29:13.759 --> 00:29:16.680
for instance, say, you know, dear boss, I see that

500
00:29:16.759 --> 00:29:19.599
we have this meeting set up for Friday. I noticed

501
00:29:19.960 --> 00:29:23.720
you know, John and Nimesh and and Diva are not

502
00:29:23.880 --> 00:29:26.079
on the are not on the meeting. I think it

503
00:29:26.119 --> 00:29:29.839
would be important to have them there and see if

504
00:29:29.880 --> 00:29:34.279
you can't show or lead your boss to understanding why

505
00:29:34.319 --> 00:29:38.720
inclusivity matters, why those voices will contribute. And they may

506
00:29:38.759 --> 00:29:41.319
say all they're going to do is complain. I don't

507
00:29:41.359 --> 00:29:44.079
want to I don't want to hear the complaints. There

508
00:29:44.079 --> 00:29:46.359
could be something in there. So let's set up a

509
00:29:46.400 --> 00:29:49.680
second meeting with them so we don't distract from the

510
00:29:49.720 --> 00:29:52.599
first meeting. So we make sure that we consider what

511
00:29:52.640 --> 00:29:55.880
they might tell us. We can't know unless we ask.

512
00:29:56.559 --> 00:30:00.359
So sometimes leading your boss gently right so they don't

513
00:30:00.400 --> 00:30:03.720
feel threatened is a powerful way to do that. And

514
00:30:03.880 --> 00:30:11.319
understanding anger, for instance, is often disguised. Resistance is often

515
00:30:11.440 --> 00:30:15.319
fear disguised. So what are they afraid of? Have they

516
00:30:15.440 --> 00:30:18.839
done this before and it didn't go well? Consider from

517
00:30:18.880 --> 00:30:22.920
their point of view what they might be experiencing. It's

518
00:30:22.920 --> 00:30:24.720
often better to show than to tell.

519
00:30:26.119 --> 00:30:31.319
Absolutely Really a powerful point over there that stepping into

520
00:30:31.319 --> 00:30:39.000
their shoes and understanding them versus making assumptions, Because as

521
00:30:39.119 --> 00:30:42.039
it goes, each and every one of us has our

522
00:30:42.039 --> 00:30:45.720
own biases and it's always interesting whenever I'm doing some

523
00:30:46.920 --> 00:30:51.319
team coaching or something like that. What happens is that

524
00:30:51.839 --> 00:30:54.000
people will be like, no, that person is like that,

525
00:30:54.000 --> 00:30:57.079
that person is like that. Especially I have always like

526
00:30:57.119 --> 00:31:00.200
a pre check or pre assessments that you know, what

527
00:31:00.599 --> 00:31:03.480
are the team dynamics and what is happening, and then

528
00:31:03.559 --> 00:31:09.440
it's always somebody else's fault. So we start out with

529
00:31:10.400 --> 00:31:14.160
simple bias exercises and they're like, oh, I didn't even

530
00:31:14.200 --> 00:31:17.720
realize it that my brain thinks in that way. And

531
00:31:17.759 --> 00:31:21.799
what you're sharing is that leave those assumptions at the

532
00:31:21.839 --> 00:31:25.039
door because you don't know what they're experiencing.

533
00:31:25.400 --> 00:31:28.279
Yeah, if you can, and it's a tall order, it's

534
00:31:28.319 --> 00:31:31.519
a big but we don't know until we consider.

535
00:31:31.799 --> 00:31:36.559
Yeah, absolutely no very powerful point over there, like how

536
00:31:36.599 --> 00:31:41.079
to lead up. So now as we're talking about that,

537
00:31:41.279 --> 00:31:45.759
sometimes what happens is that, unfortunately, as the stats show

538
00:31:46.200 --> 00:31:50.559
that ninety percent of the people leave their jobs because

539
00:31:50.559 --> 00:31:56.839
of the boss, And what message might you have for

540
00:31:57.160 --> 00:32:00.599
people who are the boss and sometime times can be

541
00:32:00.680 --> 00:32:03.799
toxic or sometimes in their transition from IC to being

542
00:32:03.839 --> 00:32:05.839
a boss, they're micromanaging.

543
00:32:07.880 --> 00:32:10.759
It's not easy being a boss. Let's face it, yeah,

544
00:32:11.319 --> 00:32:14.680
but I think there's a difference between being a manager

545
00:32:14.720 --> 00:32:17.559
and a leader, and the way I describe that as

546
00:32:17.559 --> 00:32:20.880
a manager is responsible for getting things done right. A

547
00:32:20.960 --> 00:32:23.920
manager checks the boxes, make sure things are on time,

548
00:32:24.440 --> 00:32:26.559
make sure people are doing what they're doing, and they're

549
00:32:26.559 --> 00:32:31.400
performing at or exceeding expectations. A leader has a different philosophy.

550
00:32:31.680 --> 00:32:35.400
So you mentioned earlier authentic leadership, right. A leader is

551
00:32:35.440 --> 00:32:37.960
going to make sure work gets done, but also have

552
00:32:38.079 --> 00:32:41.400
the big picture and be able to inspire and motivate

553
00:32:41.480 --> 00:32:45.200
their team because they're showing them where they're headed. Right.

554
00:32:45.240 --> 00:32:48.559
It's not just about getting to Friday. It's about making

555
00:32:48.720 --> 00:32:53.759
this customer experience better or making this product launch more successful,

556
00:32:54.039 --> 00:32:56.359
because this is what it will mean to the community

557
00:32:56.400 --> 00:33:00.319
we serve. So a leader has a very different attitude.

558
00:33:00.640 --> 00:33:03.880
And what I find is a lot of people leave managers,

559
00:33:04.559 --> 00:33:08.119
but leaders, if they do it right, will have people

560
00:33:08.200 --> 00:33:11.160
follow them. We don't have to like our leader, but

561
00:33:11.279 --> 00:33:14.920
we should have credibility with that leader. We should trust

562
00:33:15.039 --> 00:33:19.759
that leader. They're consistent in how they show up. So again,

563
00:33:19.839 --> 00:33:22.960
we have examples in this country of leaders who are

564
00:33:23.000 --> 00:33:26.039
not liked, but we know what we get with them,

565
00:33:26.519 --> 00:33:29.200
so we can do business with them, we can transact,

566
00:33:29.240 --> 00:33:32.720
we can support them because there's a consistent behavior, we

567
00:33:32.759 --> 00:33:35.319
don't feel it's erratic. We're not going to get surprised.

568
00:33:36.480 --> 00:33:40.359
They have a service mindset. They really care about doing

569
00:33:40.400 --> 00:33:43.359
the right thing for who they serve. They're specific and

570
00:33:43.400 --> 00:33:47.200
they're vocal about that. Going back to our earlier conversation

571
00:33:47.319 --> 00:33:51.119
about values, if your values don't line up, if you

572
00:33:51.319 --> 00:33:54.039
believe fundamentally in a set of values that is so

573
00:33:54.200 --> 00:33:58.599
different from your leaders, it's probably going to be short term.

574
00:33:58.880 --> 00:34:01.440
But if you can find a way to understand theirs

575
00:34:02.000 --> 00:34:05.279
and understand what they what they believe in in, why

576
00:34:05.519 --> 00:34:09.760
and where they're headed, and you like that idea, tolerate

577
00:34:09.880 --> 00:34:14.280
maybe some personality quirks that that aren't your favorite cup

578
00:34:14.320 --> 00:34:17.840
of tea. I have a client who has weird body language,

579
00:34:18.360 --> 00:34:21.679
just really off putting body language, and mostly the women

580
00:34:21.760 --> 00:34:25.360
on his team find it distracting. But this person is

581
00:34:25.440 --> 00:34:29.719
leading an organization to a much better future and taking

582
00:34:29.760 --> 00:34:32.760
a community with them, and people can put up with

583
00:34:32.800 --> 00:34:36.800
body language. So you know, ask yourself, is it the

584
00:34:36.840 --> 00:34:40.079
manager side or is it the leader side? And maybe

585
00:34:40.079 --> 00:34:42.400
you're better off working with a manager and you are

586
00:34:42.440 --> 00:34:45.280
looking for a leader maybe you're better off looking working

587
00:34:45.320 --> 00:34:47.840
for a leader and instead of a manager.

588
00:34:49.599 --> 00:34:53.800
Very relevant points. And what I really like that you

589
00:34:53.920 --> 00:34:58.280
said was you don't have to be liked. Yeah, earn

590
00:34:58.400 --> 00:35:03.480
that trust on that so people know that you and

591
00:35:03.519 --> 00:35:06.880
when you talk about that trust and building that reputation,

592
00:35:07.079 --> 00:35:11.119
people know that, Yes, my boss or my leader or manager,

593
00:35:11.199 --> 00:35:14.400
whatever we want to call the title may tell me

594
00:35:14.480 --> 00:35:17.320
something that I don't like, but they will not lead

595
00:35:17.360 --> 00:35:20.800
me in the wrong direction. And that's huge. So that's

596
00:35:20.880 --> 00:35:25.239
very powerful. Are there any quick tips that you can

597
00:35:25.320 --> 00:35:29.000
give to our audience that they can run with it?

598
00:35:29.960 --> 00:35:32.199
Well, I would say, you know, and it's not an

599
00:35:32.239 --> 00:35:35.199
easy thing to say. I care more about being trusted

600
00:35:35.239 --> 00:35:38.960
than being liked. They say, we all want to be liked, right,

601
00:35:39.000 --> 00:35:42.559
we don't want people to not like. Yes, we've got

602
00:35:42.559 --> 00:35:46.320
hearts beating in our chest. But I would say, when

603
00:35:46.519 --> 00:35:49.559
if you're a leader, if you are the boss, and

604
00:35:49.679 --> 00:35:53.280
you want to make sure your your team understands why

605
00:35:53.360 --> 00:35:55.360
you do what you do, you've got to share them.

606
00:35:55.559 --> 00:35:58.480
Share that with them. It doesn't mean crying at every

607
00:35:58.519 --> 00:36:01.760
team meeting, but it might means sharing with them your

608
00:36:01.800 --> 00:36:04.599
origin story, how did you get here? It was one

609
00:36:04.599 --> 00:36:07.599
of the first questions you asked me. That sets the

610
00:36:07.679 --> 00:36:11.440
stage for understanding what comes next. So, if you're a boss,

611
00:36:12.280 --> 00:36:14.920
share with them, Share with the people around you how

612
00:36:15.000 --> 00:36:17.559
you got here, Why it means so much to you

613
00:36:18.079 --> 00:36:19.800
to do the work you do and to have the

614
00:36:19.880 --> 00:36:22.440
team in place that is supporting you to get there.

615
00:36:23.000 --> 00:36:27.519
Let them see the emotion behind that story. Storytelling is

616
00:36:27.599 --> 00:36:31.480
so powerful. If you work for the boss and you're

617
00:36:31.480 --> 00:36:34.679
in that position, maybe you're junior in the company or

618
00:36:34.719 --> 00:36:38.519
you're just a new hire, let them know why. Tell

619
00:36:38.559 --> 00:36:42.559
them your story. Why did you take this job, Why

620
00:36:42.679 --> 00:36:46.760
is this company attractive? Why is their leadership style or

621
00:36:46.840 --> 00:36:51.119
their backstory something that draws you in. We connect with

622
00:36:51.239 --> 00:36:55.599
human beings at the story level, and I think sometimes

623
00:36:55.719 --> 00:36:58.519
using more story. You have to share data, or you're

624
00:36:58.559 --> 00:37:02.519
proposing a new project, put it in a story. Talk

625
00:37:02.559 --> 00:37:06.880
about a customer experience that really drove this need home

626
00:37:06.960 --> 00:37:11.199
for you, from the boss down, from the employees up.

627
00:37:11.320 --> 00:37:13.480
I think stories are really powerful.

628
00:37:14.079 --> 00:37:19.880
Oh absolutely. I love stories and stories is what creates

629
00:37:19.920 --> 00:37:23.360
the fabric of the culture of any organization. And when

630
00:37:23.400 --> 00:37:26.480
you connect at the storytelling or when you are sharing

631
00:37:27.360 --> 00:37:29.920
a bit about yourself, as you mentioned about the origin

632
00:37:30.119 --> 00:37:31.920
or it can be anything. Like you know, when you're

633
00:37:31.920 --> 00:37:34.519
sharing your why, going back to that why, which is

634
00:37:34.559 --> 00:37:38.599
so powerful, it forms that deeper connection. And when there

635
00:37:38.679 --> 00:37:45.599
is that deeper connection, than that trust will automatically either

636
00:37:45.639 --> 00:37:48.159
bring the respect or liking. And you know, in some

637
00:37:48.239 --> 00:37:51.000
instances you may like your boss, in some instances you

638
00:37:51.039 --> 00:37:54.280
may not because as a leader sometimes you have to

639
00:37:54.320 --> 00:37:57.480
make decisions that may not be popular. So it's bringing

640
00:37:57.519 --> 00:38:02.079
that balance that's very powerful. So share with our listeners

641
00:38:02.079 --> 00:38:05.159
where they can connect with you. How can they contact you?

642
00:38:06.559 --> 00:38:09.800
Well, I'm pretty much on every social media platform out there.

643
00:38:10.599 --> 00:38:14.039
I'm very active on LinkedIn, under Leada three sixty or

644
00:38:14.119 --> 00:38:17.480
Leada citro in, and my website is really where we

645
00:38:17.599 --> 00:38:21.960
hang all the new exciting announcements. We just published the book.

646
00:38:22.719 --> 00:38:25.760
Have a lot of exciting things going on on Leada

647
00:38:25.840 --> 00:38:28.400
three sixty which is my website and that's l I

648
00:38:28.639 --> 00:38:30.440
d A three six to zero.

649
00:38:31.559 --> 00:38:34.000
Well, congratulations on you in your book. Where can people

650
00:38:34.039 --> 00:38:34.639
find your book?

651
00:38:35.480 --> 00:38:39.719
Anywhere books are being sold and interestingly, the book is

652
00:38:39.760 --> 00:38:43.480
doing really well internationally, So if you have listeners or

653
00:38:43.519 --> 00:38:47.840
people watching that are overseas, definitely check out local bookstores.

654
00:38:48.400 --> 00:38:51.199
We haven't gotten it translated yet, but that's hopefully on

655
00:38:51.280 --> 00:38:55.440
the agenda. And of course there's Amazon. We love it.

656
00:38:55.639 --> 00:39:01.559
Absolutely, absolutely well. Congratulations on the success of your new

657
00:39:01.599 --> 00:39:05.320
book and I'm sure with your powerful insights, it'll be

658
00:39:06.679 --> 00:39:10.960
helping a lot of people. So thank you for joining us.

659
00:39:11.280 --> 00:39:13.320
Thank you, I really enjoyed the conversation.

660
00:39:13.519 --> 00:39:18.559
Thank you absolutely and thank you listeners for being the

661
00:39:18.599 --> 00:39:23.760
heartbeat of our show because without you, the show would

662
00:39:23.760 --> 00:39:26.239
not be possible. Thank you for being so open and

663
00:39:26.280 --> 00:39:30.159
sharing your thoughts and asking us you know, what do

664
00:39:30.159 --> 00:39:33.280
you need next? So we are here to serve and

665
00:39:33.280 --> 00:39:36.679
support you. So let us know keep on reaching out

666
00:39:36.719 --> 00:39:40.599
to us and letting us know how we can be

667
00:39:40.760 --> 00:39:46.840
there for you. So also want to think one because

668
00:39:48.000 --> 00:39:51.760
he is the bane of oire all technical stuff, and

669
00:39:51.880 --> 00:39:54.679
technical stuff is not that easy. So thank you one,

670
00:39:55.559 --> 00:39:57.159
be val and take here until next time.

671
00:39:58.280 --> 00:40:01.679
Hi, thank you for being part of Beyond Confidence. With

672
00:40:01.719 --> 00:40:04.519
your host Dvpark, we hope you have learned more about

673
00:40:04.519 --> 00:40:07.159
how to start living the life you want. Each week

674
00:40:07.199 --> 00:40:10.239
on Beyond Confidence, you hear stories of real people who've

675
00:40:10.280 --> 00:40:14.440
experienced growth by overcoming their fears and building meaningful relationships.

676
00:40:14.800 --> 00:40:18.199
During Beyond Confidence, Vapark shares what happened to her when

677
00:40:18.199 --> 00:40:20.639
she stepped out of her comfort zone to work directly

678
00:40:20.679 --> 00:40:23.719
with people across the globe. She not only coaches people

679
00:40:23.760 --> 00:40:27.239
how to form hard connections, but also transform relationships to

680
00:40:27.320 --> 00:40:30.679
mutually beneficial partnerships as they strive to live the life

681
00:40:30.760 --> 00:40:33.119
they want. If you are ready to live the life

682
00:40:33.119 --> 00:40:36.880
you want and leverage your strengths, learn more at www

683
00:40:36.960 --> 00:40:40.559
dot dvpark dot com and you can connect with vat

684
00:40:40.880 --> 00:40:44.440
contact at dvpark dot com. We look forward to you

685
00:40:44.519 --> 00:40:45.639
joining us next week.