May 19, 2026

Is Stress Running Your Life?

Show Notes
Transcript

Stress can either control you or be controlled by you. Join Divya Parekh and Dr. Ron Dushkin as they explore how stress impacts your body, habits, and mindset. Learn practical techniques to manage pressure, set healthy boundaries, calm your mind in stressful moments, and regain clarity and control in everyday life.

Beyond Confidence is broadcast live Tuesdays at 10AM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Beyond Confidence TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

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The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are

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solely those of the hosts and their guests and not

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This is Beyond Confidence with your host d W Park.

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Do you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do

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you want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional,

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and financial goals? Well? Coming up on Dvparks Beyond Confidence,

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you will hear real stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers

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who have stepped into discomfort, shattered their status quo, and

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are living the life they want. You will learn how

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relationships are the key to achieving your aspirations and financial goals.

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Moving your career business forward does not have to happen

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at the expense of your personal or family life or

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vice versa. Learn more at WWWA. You don't divpork dot

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com and you can connect with dvants contact dants divpark

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dot com. This is beyond confidence and now here's your host,

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TV Park.

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Good morning listeners, It's Tuesday, and I want to share

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a very quick story. So just recently I heard back

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from a reader from who got his copy of The

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AI Agency, and surprisingly what he did was he took

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one of the frameworks and dropped it in the cloud

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and said, like, you know, build a plan for me

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around that for his project management project. And he was

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able to build it out. So if you are in

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the cusp of anywhere in your profession where you are thinking, Okay,

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what is the newness I can bring? What are the

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thinkings that I need to bring in when I'm talking

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about AI? What are the metacognitive abilities? How to think

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about how we think about AI? How can I develop that?

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Then The AI Agency is the book for you because

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it keeps your soul while being able to tackle AI,

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which is now in most of the parts of our lives.

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So let's continue and bring in our guests.

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Welcome Ron, Yes, so thank you for having me.

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Absolutely So tell us what got you into medicine.

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You know, it's interesting after I graduated in college. I

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was accepted at law school and I was not for

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because of the active junior Military service, I was not

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able to actually go to law school. And when I

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got out before law school started, I need a job,

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so I work quite I worked full time actually on

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an environmental health study having to do with asbestos and

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working with the doctor who was in charge of it,

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and having a very good friend who was in medical school,

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I thought, you know, I think I want to be

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a doctor. So I had to actually had to go

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back to school for two years to be a pre

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med actually qualify for medical school. But my heart was

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always into wanting to help people. That's just who I am.

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And as you continued your medical journey, did you focus

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on any specialty?

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Well, people was my specialty. But then my second year

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of medical school, I got a friend of mine who

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had become a yoga teacher, woman named Carolyn, had invited

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me to take a yoga class with her. And it

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made no sense time wise. I was in a library

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in the hospital, I was studying, I was electrics. I

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had no free time, but she cojoled me at the

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taking a yoga class. And it is yoga class and

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the meditation that followed, I was able to actually notice

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all the stress that I was carrying in my body,

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in my mind that was interfering with my life, and

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that became opening the door for me to explore how

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does stress really affect our life and our well being?

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Not just for me personally, but also for the patience

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that I was seeing. And that opened things up to

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a whole new journey for me.

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So where did that journey take you?

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Wow, that's a great question. Through so many things, Through

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biofeedback for relaxation, through being a consultant to Johnson and

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Johnson and Westinghouse as they were setting up their employee

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stress management programs, providing the lectures and teaching webinars and

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seven because they weren't even webinars seven ars for people

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to learn how to actually first start with recognizing the

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stress they were carrying and then from there going on

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to how to address it. They'll let me take it

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to greater holistic medicine where I want to address the

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whole person, not just conventional medicine treats people, treats people

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like part mechanics. You get one person for this, one

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person for that. And I was always interested in who

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is this whole person is coming to see me? So

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that became my interest.

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I see. So a lot of organizations are either most

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of the organizations have some sort of wellness programs for

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their employees. So based on your experience, what would you

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say are some of the key things that people need

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to include either in their existing programs or if they're

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thinking of starting on their wellness programs.

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Certainly yoga is a way for ti shie or ways

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to get in touch with the body, because like it

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or not, we live in our body, even though we

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think with our mind or that we actually resign in

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our body. And I you know, I write about my

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book about how our body is our best friend. I

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mean think about this, who would else would put up

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with us? Twenty four to seven. A heart doesn't take

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a vacation, our loans don't taifaications. Our bodies are here

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at service. So something I have to do with body

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awareness would be a first step. And either relaxation or

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meditation as a way to learn how to integrate body

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and mind.

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You talk about body, so let's explore when you can

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be in a difficult situation. So many times, specially in

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today's day and age, people are faced with uncertainty all

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the time, whether it is geopolitical or talking about artificial intelligence,

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or getting laid off or rising prices. I mean, it

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can be from any number of things. Life is uncertain.

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What happens in the first what happens to the body

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then stress.

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Well, people have different kinds of reactions to stress in

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the moment as you're talking about, And I call them

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first reactions because I've come to recognize that we're not

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all the same, we are different, and to say that

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here's what happens to everyone is not accurate. So for

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some people it will happen in a psychological way where

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it will start, Oh, I'm stressed about that, it probably

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will work out. They go into their negative thinking and

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they spiral into the not okayness that I call it.

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The second level tends to be at an emotional level

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where people can get impatient and then irritable. That's my

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usual first reaction, and God bless my partner who points

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it out to me when I'm having a first reaction,

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and rather than getting upset with her, I say thank

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you because I wasn't aware that I was having in

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the first reaction, and I want to be able to

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move out of it. So psychological and emotional in the

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first two. The third one is physical in the body.

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People's shoulders will get tight, their back will hurt, their

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tommies will get upset. And the fourth category is behavioral.

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People will start to eat, they will start to talk

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too fast, or they might withdraw. So it's a combination

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of those things. So you know, you talk in one

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of your talks, and it was a ted talk. You

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talked about the cake baking, the cake of life. And

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the first step is awareness. So for me, the first

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reaction or noticing how do we react? What is our

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awareness about how we react? Unfortunately, for human beings we

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tend well we notice our reactions. We tend to then

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add on a judgment, Oh I'm doing that again, or

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I shouldn't have that. Well, you can become aware of

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your judgments. Okay, so right now judgmental. Okay, it's just

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a first reaction. Let's be aware of it and then

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move on from that.

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Mm hmm No. And you laid it out very powerfully

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that it is happening at different levels and it's important

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to be aware of what is triggering you and where

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is it happening.

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I remember a story from many years ago. I used

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to have a staff meeting before my office hours open,

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and we're talking about something. I don't remember the context

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of it, but it triggers something in one of my assistants,

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and she said stop, and she held up a little

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sign that said I'm having a first reaction, and like

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she was honest enough to admit it, and we all

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kind of laughed at it, like it wasn't a big deal.

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At least she was honest about having a first reaction.

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We take a breath, and we've got to move on.

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I interrupted you, so I'm sorry, go ahead.

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No, it's completely fine. It is having an organic conversation here. So,

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as you mentioned, being honest with yourself is also important,

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and that is part of being awareness. That was an

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important layer that you shared. So now as we are

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talking about one is aware. But that said, our brain

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operates on so many default modalities, which are our habits.

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So how can our habits feel our awareness or take

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us to its wellness or put us into detriment.

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Well, I talk about how to create stress management habits.

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It's so perfectly to use the word. So much of

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our system is habitual, and you can't change a habit

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until you become aware of it. You know, as I

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said earlier, one of the things that human beings are

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masters in self judgment and being self critical, so be

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known as a habit. We don't like that automatically we

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throw judgment on it, okay, So that to me is

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a first reaction to where it is. And if we

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can just simply labeled as oh, that's a first reaction,

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it's not that big a deal. We can then begin

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to create new habits. Now, in the moment, there's two

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levels of stress reactions that happen. One is in the

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moment and the second one is the chronic things that happen.

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But in the moment, we can use what I initially

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called stress management breath, but I since we labeled it

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called the Goldilock's breath, which it's not too deep, it's

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not too shallow, it's just right. And if we take

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that Goldilock's breath, what will happen is our body and

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mind will physiologically begin to de stress. You know, we're

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often taught, oh, take a deep breath. There's two problems

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with that. One is, first of all, people don't know

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how to do it. They will stress their body out anyway. Secondly,

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if you're in a situation where other people you don't

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want to bring attention to yourself by taking a deep breath,

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people are gonna go, oh, what's wrong with you? The

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Goldilocks breath? Kind of you sneak in a little breath there,

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nobody notices, and you kind of begin to quiet down,

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so you can be more attentive to what's going on.

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Mm hmmm, that's that's very powerful. Now. So many times

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what happens is people are so caught up in the

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moment that they even forget to sneak in than Goldilock's breath, right,

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So how what can they do so that the outcome sticks?

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So this becomes developing stress management habits. And the habit

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is such an important word because we already have. We

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all all developed stress habits, so no one needs to

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teach us how to be stressed. We're really masters of that.

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But creating new habits. So periodically during day and I

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write and I write prescriptions for patients to say, periodically,

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stop and take a Goldilock's notice, what's going on with you?

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If you're doing well, keep going, if you're feeling stressed.

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Interrupted with a few more GOLDI express. But the awareness

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is not something that happens just once because you and

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I are talking about it. It's cultivating a new habit.

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It's like being a cake. As you've talked about. You

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may not do it right the first time you practice,

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and as you practice, you get better at it, that's all.

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And life is a practice, you know. Meditation is called

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the practice of meditation, not the perfection of meditation, the

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practice of medicine not the perfection of medicine. Life is

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we just continue the practice to do better and better.

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Absolutely, And you said I really like how you said it.

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Life is a practice. You implement it. And if you

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take a look at any sportsperson, even though they may

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be at the height of their excellence, they are going

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through the same drills. They are working on it consistently.

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So that's the key.

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I agree with you. Yeah, the practice. Practice doesn't bring perfection.

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It brings improvement, that's all. I used to joke with friends.

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I used to say, we're all whips works in progress.

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And my mother had a great phrase that I picked up.

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She used to say, you don't have to be doing bad,

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you want to do better. You can always go from

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good to Gooder. I love that phrase. You can always

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want to do better without creating too much stress.

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Absolutely, And you also talk about humor in your book.

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Yes, who doesn't like to laugh? And that's it's a

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great it's a great physiologic phenomena and affects the body,

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you know, the mind body connection is so powerful. If

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we are something sad, we frown or maybe even cry.

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Our body reac really quickly. If we hear something funny,

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we smile. So there's a great body mind connection. One

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of my favorite quotes is a woman named Estra Hicks,

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and she says, sometimes we are limited in our choices

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of foot, in our choice of action. However, we are

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never limited in our choices of thought, and any particular moment,

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we can think whatever we want. No, we can interfere

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with that. So if for something's going on, it's like

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we're framing things. Oh that happened. One of the funny

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things that I've developed for myself is when something that

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when I drop something, I always go, oh, that just

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proves gravity still working. How great it's like to find

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some humor in things.

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Yeah, and that's powerful. So what are some of the

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ways to develop humor? Because I respect comedians and the

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material that they bring and the writers in it. You

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want in the human industry.

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So can I tell a short joke here now?

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Absolutely? Go ahead.

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So this man goes to see the doctor and he says, doctor,

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my wife's got a hearing problem. I asked great question.

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I don't hear an answer back. Doctor thinks about it.

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To try this, Go home, stand ten feet away from

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your wife, asks her a question. You don't hear a response,

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go five feet away. If you stilln't get a response,

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ten three feet away, and if you still don't get

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a response, whisper or hear. So the guy goes home

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and he asks ten feet away from the doctor, and

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he goes to his wife, goes, honey, what's for dinner.

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Doesn't hear anything? Five feet three feet nothing. Finally he

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whispers in her ear, goes, honey, what's for dinner? And

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she says, I already told you three times. So the

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problem is the problem wasn't her hearing, was his hearing.

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And it's funny. It's also a metaphor for me about

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how we often assume the other person is at full

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He was assuming his wife was having a hearing problem,

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and he wasn't owning up to the fact the problem

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was his. And then how we go through life it's

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the other person's, other person's fault. It doesn't work. That

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doesn't work out very well, particularly in relationships.

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Yeah, no, I think somebody need to have more doctions

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like that.

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Yeah, I agree. I agree.

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So we have talked about humor, and you also talk

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about the stress model. Shed some light on that.

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Okay, So the stress model is something I developed over time.

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Where there's some external event or some stress or whatever

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it is that occurs, then we have our where I

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quote of mentioning the first reactions and they're coming for

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categories psychological, where we start to worry, we start to

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get upset. We've got yourself judge ourselves. We're emotional for example,

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in patience, or you are to build. This is where

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I show up. And as I mentioned earlier, God bless

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my partner disease she points it out to me. Or

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we have physical problems tommy aches, headaches, back pain in

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the moment, or we have behavioral things. And you can

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see people reach for food, people reach for a cigarette,

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people get distracted by something. So the trick there is

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to notice our first reactions. And I can't say without judgment,

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because none of us is without judgment, with less judgment,

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and let's lave. Oh, I'm having a first reaction. It

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doesn't mean anything more than that about a bad person

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because I'm having a first reaction. I'm human. Human beings

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are first reactions. And then if we use some Goldilocks breath,

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it kind of moves us out of that and back

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into the moment, so we can pay attention to what's

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happening in her life at that time. So one of

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the interesting things is that people have different first reactions

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and people react differently. For example, if someone is make

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some comment about something, I might take it as a

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judgment about me. The other person goes, what's the big deal?

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So it's in and of itself, it's not a reacty,

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it's not something bad. It's just something we react to.

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And then as we build on our stress management habits,

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we can begin to build in some other self awareness tools.

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Practicing the Goldilocks bread, practicing yoga, practicing, meditation, practicing, relaxation,

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practicing exercise, practicing eating slower. A funny thing patients often

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tell me, oh, you know, I just overeat because I

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don't have a lot of time as really, had you

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ever considered about eating less in that shorter amount of time? Oh?

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What a what a novel concept as opposed having is

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shove it all in you? In the book, I talk

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about you know, a lot of a lot of things

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are worried about mind body effect, and there's so much

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documentation about that, and it's about managing stress. It's about

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as an adjunct to healing using the mind body effect.

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But rarely if I read people talking about the body

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mind effect. And the example that I use is if

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we overeat and we get a tummy a Now I

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know you and I don't do this, but we probably

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know people who do this because they got a tummyate.

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That's our body reacting, but that our mind feels stressed

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because we have a tummy ache. So it goes in

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both directions. The mind and body are so intimately connected.

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And as I said, as you and I both said earlier,

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life is a process. It's a practice. You can only

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do better, and if you're doing better, give yourself a

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pattern the back for doing better, as opposed to oh

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I'm still not good enough.

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Mm hmm. Yeah, the body mind effect. And you talked

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about people overeating it, and sometimes it's just a habit,

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and sometimes it's a trigger where people are experiencing discomfort

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and to distract themselves, they may suit themselves using food

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or binge watching or alcohol or smoking, as you mentioned right,

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Because so when we are talking about, you know, people

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seeking comfort in those they get rewards, and can you

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talk to us about that. When people are leaning into

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those habits, what is it that they're getting out of it?

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Well, they're getting release from the stress. The habits we

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talked about tend to diminish the sensation of stress. It

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doesn't diminish the stress, the physiologic stress in the body,

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but it's somehow numbs the sensation of the stress. So

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we feel like it's helping ourselves out, but in fact,

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when stress perpetuates itself, it will often show up into

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areas my blood pressure. The habits of overeating convene to

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adult onset diabetes. There's a lot of other things that

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00:22:10.160 --> 00:22:15.400
are chronic digestive problems or chronic shoulder problems. So just

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by nubbing the sensation doesn't get rid of the effects

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of stress long term, and the work that I do

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with patients, I try to teach them Okay, let's go.

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Let's not. We can't wave a magic wand it's still backwarder.

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00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:32.599
I don't have it yet. We can't wave the magic

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wand to get rid of it all. But we can

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chip away at your reactions. We can chip away to

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how you're feeling. We can chip away on noticing more

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what you're doing and with less judgment and the less

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00:22:49.279 --> 00:22:53.440
judgment that's there, the easier is to change a habit

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and create a new habit what I call stress management habits.

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Mmm, how you said it? Let's chip it away? That

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is so powerful because that judgment is what keeps people

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in that spiral and in that loop. Because as you

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00:23:11.279 --> 00:23:15.559
mentioned that, let's say, you know, if they're drinking alcohol

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or if you're just going for chocolate or doom scrolling.

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And I go for chocolate all the time.

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I like chocolate. Also, oh, all kinds you don't have

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to make?

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00:23:32.359 --> 00:23:36.200
Yeah, I know all kinds. And of course it's yeah,

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00:23:36.359 --> 00:23:40.799
it's I'll bring different kind of chocolates. That's that's good.

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00:23:42.079 --> 00:23:45.799
How should I call my cheating time? So what happens

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is like if you think about in the long run, right,

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a lot of people will come back and feel guilty

385
00:23:51.880 --> 00:23:54.000
about it. Oh, I shouldn't have done that.

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You know. I try not to get into over that phenomena.

387
00:23:59.440 --> 00:24:01.799
That's so what is doing stuff, and it's really destructive

388
00:24:01.799 --> 00:24:05.920
for them if they're over drinking or over smoking, telling

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00:24:05.920 --> 00:24:09.920
them to stop doesn't doesn't end it. For the smoking

390
00:24:09.960 --> 00:24:13.680
in particular, someone So many people have said, you know,

391
00:24:13.680 --> 00:24:16.160
there's smot how much are you smoking? Well, I'm smoking

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00:24:16.200 --> 00:24:20.000
about sixteen six today. So I say, okay, can you

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cut down to eight a day? I think I can

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do that. So now we've already cut smoking in half

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or any so we're making progress. But to tell someone

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Is Stress Running Your Life?

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