WEBVTT
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The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are
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solely those of the hosts and their guests, and not
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those of W four WN Radio It's employees or affiliates.
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We make no recommendations or endorsement for radio show programs, services,
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or products mentioned on air or on our web. No liability,
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explicit or implied shall be extended to W four WN
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Radio It's employees or affiliates. Any questions or common should
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be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing
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W four WN Radio.
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This is Beyond Confidence with your host d W Park.
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Do you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do
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you want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional,
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and financial goals? Well? Coming up on Dvaparks Beyond Confidence,
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you will hear real stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers
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who have stepped into discomfort, shattered their status quo, and
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are living the life they want. You will learn how
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relationships are the key to achieving your aspirations and financial goals.
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Moving your career business forward does not have to happen
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at the expense of your personal or family life or
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vice versa. Learn more at wwdas don't divpork dot com
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and you can connect with div at contact at divpark
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dot com. This is Beyond Confidence and now here's your host,
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div Park.
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Good morning listeners. It's my favorite day of the week
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because I get to be with you and today has
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we are talking about kind of story I want to share.
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One of her guests, Laura Read, is from Hawaii and
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it's four am for her and I.
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Want to share her story.
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So we were in a summit and Laura and Jocelyn
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were pitching their stories to me so that they could
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get on our show. And when I said that, like.
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Yep, I'd love to have both of you.
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And when I told Laura that, like, this is a
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live show and she was just so Perkin said, yeah, yeah,
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it's all right. I'll get up and I want to
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be here. So it's about showing up. And today that's
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our show going to be about, like you know, empowering
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you voice. So if you want to empower your voice,
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get a book. Entrepreneur has gotten other expert to influencer
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because both of them will help you not only empower
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your voice, but also empower other's voice. So let's bring
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in our guests. Welcome Laura, I welcome.
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Jocelyn, Hello, good morning. So great to be with you, Devia,
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thank you for having me on.
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Oh absolutely so, Jocelyn, share with us a moment from
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your childhood, and Laura, that'll be for you as well.
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There there was a positive moment or a positive person
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who left a remarkable impression on you.
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Well, because we're going to be talking about speaking, I
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was thinking about one of my earliest memories. I grew
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up in southern California. I live in Silicon Valley now,
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but I grew up in a Hollywood family and the
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one that particularly loved live theater and live performance, and
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I remember being encouraged. It's funny, one of my best memories,
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one of my worst memories are the same thing. It's
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getting up on stage. But I remember my best memory
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of getting up. It actually started as what I thought
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was going to be horrible. We were at a very
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large theater room and my dad called me up on
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stage to sing, and I did not want to go.
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I wasn't prepared. I mean, of course knew songs and
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I could do that, but I didn't know I was
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going to be doing it, and I was terrified. And
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I'm about twelve years old, and I got up and
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I was so nervous that I actually kind of blacked
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out and did not remember actually singing the song. And
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I came to in spotlight to a standing ovation and
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what was and what I got out of and I
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got so I had this adrenaline rush of fear right beforehand,
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and then I had this rush of a orphans after
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from being from having done well, and unfortunately I wasn't
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there to experience it. But because I literally came to,
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I just went into a spot of just being in
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the song and singing. But what I learned from that
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was that there's not a correlation between fear and doing well,
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and if anything, especially when you're on stage or performing,
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I learned that that fear is actually an energy and
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it's just like having a very powerful horse, you know,
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you if you have the reins, it's actually energy. Because
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if I'm not nervous at all, I'm not going to
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be I'm not going to be animated at all, and
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I'm going to be boring. So I've learned over the
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end of my career has taken me through right version.
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I learned that early on, and I'm so grateful I
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learned that and had that wonderful, wonderful yet terrifying experience.
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How about you, Laura.
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I love that story, Jesslyn. Going from fear to endorphins.
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What a feeling for me. You know, I grew up
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with a stutter, and you know, speaking, I was just
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terrified of speaking. But I found so much solace in writing,
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even as a very young child. I think I was
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like five or six when I wrote my first little story.
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It was a little horror story. I think I always
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loved ghost stories since I was a little girl. And
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my mom she'd loved to write, and she had this
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old typewriter, and really she was the one I'm realizing,
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just really in this moment when you asked that question,
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that used to type out my stories. And I remember
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when the first time she typed it out and I
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held it in my hand and it felt like it
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had been published, even though she just pulled it from
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her typewriter. And you know, she really empowered me to
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be creative, to keep writing, because when I wrote, I
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found that I could express myself however I wanted. And
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it isn't like in speaking, where I had all these
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things in my head, but they would get stuck in
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my throat when I would try to speak them out.
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So I think, you know, it's my mom, who I
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actually just lost in the end of Mark And so
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I really when you asked that, I'm like, oh, yeah,
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I got I gotta honor mom. And the typewriter I
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have behind me is you know, it kind of reminds me,
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reminds me of her as well. I think that maybe
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that's why I've always loved typewriters and they never crash,
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you know, it's it's kind of great.
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Sorry for your loss. And at the same time, as
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you mentioned that, you know you're honoring her memory. So
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beautiful stories. So, Jocelyn, you went from taking that energy
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of fear and transforming it into power, and Laura, you
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took it in form of writing. And here's the thing.
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So many of us think that speaking is the only
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way to express your thoughts. So that showing up and
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empowering your voice can be through so many different mediums.
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It can be through writing, It can be thrown so
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many different phases. So that's very powerful. So, Laura, tell
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us a little bit about your life journey as to
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what were you interested in and how did you get
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to be where you're at.
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I love you know what Jocelin said too about being
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on stage being like the worst moment and the best
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moment at the same time. And I think eventually that
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happened for me. I even though I went through years
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of speech therapy to help me be a more fluid speaker,
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the feeling of just this shame and embarrassment and humiliation
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of being bullied for having a stutter, and just feeling
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like even into my adult years, you know, that really
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stayed with me. And every once in a while I
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would still get stuck on words and that made me
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feel like I was living, you know, this imposter kind
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of life. I wasn't really who I thought I was
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because I was always trying to hide that part of myself.
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And it wasn't until it was about fifteen years ago
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and I was in a staff training and was a
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teacher at the time. My son was just two years old.
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It was my first job back after being home with
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him for a bit. I really needed that job, and
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we were in a staff training going around the room
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introducing ourselves. You know, I saw that word that I
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dreaded so much on any agenda at work, which was introductions,
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because I knew exactly what that meant. I would have
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to speak in front of people, and anytime I was
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put on the spot like that for whatever reason, that
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it made it so much worse. Like I might be
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fine speaking in regular conversation, but in those kind of moments,
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I had a lot of anxiety around it. And as
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I got closer and closer for my turn to speak,
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I started having all these symptoms. I got really nauseous,
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I got dizzy, the severe back pain, and I didn't
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really know it then, but I was having a panic
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attack just from the thought of having to say my
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name and introduce myself. It was about two people before
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it was my turn, and I couldn't take it anymore.
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I got up and I ran into the bathroom and
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I ended up going home sick, but really I went
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home ashamed, And I remember telling myself that day, like
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looking in the mirror, just kind of hating myself and
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realizing something really has to change. It was exhausting, like
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to live in that kind of fear. It's true, its energy,
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but I had made that choice to make it be
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this villain, you know, this huge negative energy in my life.
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And then one day I'm walking by, you know, walking
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downtown walking by a little, you know, outdoor mall, and
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there's a flyer for a storytelling competition, and it was
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just one of these serendipitous moments where I happened to
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notice it, and forever reason, I was just like, I
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have to do that. I have to enter that competition,
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even though it was like the scary thing in the
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world for me. So I entered that storytelling competition and
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I found this place of refuge that I never would
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have expected, which was on a stage in front of
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a microphone, sharing my story. And I won that competition
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and that did boost my confidence. But really I think
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the most impactful thing that happened from that experience was
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everyone that came up to me afterwards and said, Oh,
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because of your vulnerability, you know, you sharing your story,
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I'm inspired to share mine. I'm going to get up
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there and do the same thing. And because I'd gone
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through years of training myself to speak and tell stories
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and a million techniques to overcome public speaking fear, I
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realized I kind of had this obligation then to help
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other people. And that's when I really started, you know,
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leaning into the idea of helping people, coaching people, getting
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up on more stages and becoming a speaker.
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And Jocelyn you said something just kind of picking up
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back from Laura La. You said that your fear compelled you, like,
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you know, you had those one of those moments and
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then you face the fear. So we're hearing one strategy
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right here that if you're facing the fear, face it,
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and then you found refuge on public stage and in
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public speaking. So which is very interesting. So coming back
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to you, Jocelyn, you've talked about fear, tell us like,
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what are the reasons behind the fear of public speaking?
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Oh, that's a great question. And I love this because
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I've studied. I've coached a lot of you know, executives,
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CEOs of large fortune companies and founders of startups on
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taking the stage. And I've i ran pr for two
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years in Silicon Valley where I also prepped people for
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just when I won interview is like with the Wall
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Street Journal or or local television shows and what happens,
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fear comes up, and so I've not only experienced it
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personally looked at overcoming it, but I've helped coach people
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through it. And I think so much of the fear is,
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of course fear of failure. And I think as human
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beings we straddle, you know, these these two sides of
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the coin. One is we want to fit in and
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the other is we want to stand out. And so
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I think that a lot of the fear is we
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want to stand out in a good way. When you
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stick your neck out, take a stage, take a mic,
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take a typewriter or a pen, you are putting yourself
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in the arena to stand out, and the fear of
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failing comes up. And also I work with a lot
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of people as a coach where it's actually a fear
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of success, and that's that's even a little more interesting.
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But I think that fundamentally the fear comes from fear
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that something negative is going to happen. And I'm a
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certified neurosculptor, which is a fancy way of saying that
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I've studied a lot of neuroscience and how our and
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you know, when we get into fight or flight in
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our mid brain or a freeze reaction, Like personally, I
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learned that I was a freezer. I would just you know, freeze.
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But when you freeze or want to you know, fight
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or flight, what you are no longer in your prefrontal cortex.
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Your higher level thinking, the one that has the positive
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outcome is looking strategically, is thinking about, you know, what
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you can add value to And what I learned that
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I think would be great for your listeners to know
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is you can only feed one part of your brain
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or the other. It's a toggle. And so if you
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want to get out of fight or flight, you just
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need to engage your prefrontal cortex, or if you want
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to get into your prefrontal cortex, you just need to