From Scroll Fatigue to Mental Fitness

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dvpark dot com. This is beyond Confidence

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and now here's your host, Dvpark. Good morning listeners. This is DIV

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and it's Tuesday morning, and I'll
love to be with you all because this

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is one of my favorite times as
I get to share the message of kindness.

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And I want to highlight Jamie who
reached out to us with her kindness

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story and I want to share what
she shared, what she did. It

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was a simple thing. So Jamie
is an avid bicyclist, and what she

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has started doing is that when she
goes bicycling in the she is a like

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a backcountry bicyclist. So whenever she's
going and anytime she meets fellow writers,

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she's waving to them, giving them
a smile and letting them know if there's

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a steep curve ahead or something like
that. And what she told me was

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that she frequents some trials that are
like you know, very very familiar to

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her, and she is going there
quite often, and that she has formed

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friendships just by saying hello. And
one very beautiful thing that happened was now

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they are sitting down. But she
has made a group of friends and ride

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outside the cars. They will sit
for like fifteen twenty minutes after they have

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finished their bike rides and they're enjoying
the camaraderie nature. So folks, you

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never know where the kindness will take
you and what can happen, So keep

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on circulating kindness. And here's what
I'll share with you, just one hour

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of your time throughout the month.
And I also want to thank you for

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your kindness for everyone who has bought
our books, especially the ones that you

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see behind the Entrepreneur's Garden that will
really help you unleash potential in your life

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and your personal life and your business
or your work and expert to influencer that

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will position you for meaningful impact just
not the likes, just not the numbers,

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but the interaction with your audience where
you can influence people. And why

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am I thanking you because not only
your life will be impacted. Also,

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we spend partial profits on global entrepreneurs
from different parts of the world through keywa

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dot org and we have seen entrepreneurs
go from taking loans to becoming independent.

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So think you think you thank you, and let's welcome our guest, Anthony

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An arena perfect, Anthony perfect,
you got it on the first try.

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Sometimes people just give up and they're
like, Anthony, well, no,

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thank you. You had shared with
me how to pronounce. It's appreciate that.

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So usually we start out from the
childhood. Do you recall a moment

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in your childhood or was there a
person or an event that you still remember

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to this day. I have a
very a very large set of stories here,

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So I will give you part of
that story. When I was about

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three years old, I lived in
Dearborn, Michigan, and there was a

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teenager that lived in the house behind
mine and I waved at him and he

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threw a rock and I still have
a scar over my eye where he hit

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me. And so when you're three, you know, that's a traumatic event

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that happened to me. And I
was bleeding and all that stuff. I

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could tell you a whole bunch of
stories. Not too long after that,

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I had an apendectomy. I've had. My dad left when I was six

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years old, left my mom with
four kids, actually six gigs because we

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had two of his other children.
And then that's when we had some more

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trauma, Like that's a trauma,
traumatic thing that happens when a family breaks

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up like that. My mom was
living with her four kids, and she

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was working for four dollars and fifty
cents an hour as a recruiter against her

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draw So that's where I came from. So fortunately I had a mom who

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was just unbelievably great about taking care
of her kids. And I couldn't understand

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at the time how she knew how
to do that. As I started to

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get older and I noticed like she
did a really good job. She became

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an auto orpreneur and she started a
staffing company. I helped her build it

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to fifty million dollars, So that
was what happened to her. And then

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at that particular time, it was
just we didn't have enough, and I

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started working very early. And the
reason that she knew how to do this

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is her mom raised five kids by
herself, so she had a model and

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that model. I wish it wasn't
necessary for to have that model, but

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that's the model that she had,
and she did a tremendous job. She

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is the most important person in my
life. She's been the greatest inspiration for

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me being able to go out.
And this was nineteen eighty when they started

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the business, and they went to
the bank and they tried to borrow money.

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Two single moms, once got four
kids, the others got two.

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And they went to the bank and
the bank said, if you can bring

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one of your husbands in to co
sign, we'll give you a our loan.

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And you're talking this is nineteen eighties, you're not talking late nineteen eighty.

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Yeah, So they didn't have any
husbands. Between the two of them,

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they didn't have one husband. So
they bought two twenty five dollars desks,

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pushed it together in a cheap office, and they just bootstrapped the whole

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way. So that's a part of
my story. Well, all I can

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say kudos to you your mom and
her mom and just going for it,

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not letting anything stop them. What
a role model to have. And I

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can't believe a teenager would just throw
a rock at a three year old raving.

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And that's sort of the more importance
it is that we spread whatever kindness

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we can. So when you were
growing up, Anthony, and as you

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mentioned, you went through really traumatic
times, how did that impact you and

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what did you learn from it?
I was a very fearful kid after having

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a lot of violence in my young
life. So I had some of that,

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some bullies, some things like that. At some point I read a

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book that my dad gave me.
I think he gave it to me on

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my birthday. I didn't see him
all that often, but he gave me

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a book called Will by g.
Gordon Liddy, who was the mastermind of

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the Watergate break in, and he
gave it to a twelve year old kid.

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I read the whole book, but
the beginning of that book, Gordon

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Liddy decided that he was going to
face every fear that he had. He

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was afraid of blimps, he was
afraid of thunderstorms, he was afraid of

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rats, and he just methodically addressed
every one of those things. And after

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I read that, I thought,
if you could do that, I could

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do the same thing. I could
face all my fears and I could do

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them one by one and start to
change. And just because of that book,

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I started to address all my fears
and I became not afraid anymore.

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I don't know if you are familiar
with the enneagram, Yeah, I am,

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What are you well? I will
tell you I have taken so many

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personality tests that I have forgotten because
Strengths Builder, Inni A. Graham and

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Colby Index and done all of them. Yeah yeah, because you know,

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I've got two sites to my business
as an executive coach, I'm helping people

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take it and ultimately, what I've
found is that it's all about uncovering and

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discovering yourself and keep on working on
oneself. Right for me, after being

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bullied for some period of time,
I wasn't afraid of bullies anymore, and

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then I started to intervene when other
people were being bullied. So this is

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what happens when you're in Enneagram eight, is that when somebody tries to bully

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you or they bully other people,
you step in front of them and do

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that. So that's what happened to
me, and I started to get the

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courage to push people back and not
let people get hurt. So that was

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what happened to me in my young
time, between like maybe thirteen and fifteen.

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That's when I started to realize I
had to do something to help not

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only myself but other people. So
you went from being fearful to becoming the

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protector. And that is a very
empowering place to be for a young teenage

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boy and as you continued through your
teenage journey, that did you land?

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I landed in Los Angeles, California. I started playing rock and roll when

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I was fifteen, and by the
time I was twenty, I was moving

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out to Los Angeles. Now don't
laugh to play as the lead singer in

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a hair metal band. Now you
don't see any hair now, But at

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one time it was down to my
waist. And I went out to Los

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Angeles and I got a job.
I started taking care of myself, and

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then one day, walking up to
my Brentwood apartment, I had a grandma

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seizure. The interesting thing about having
a grandma seizure is you're the only one

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that doesn't know that you had a
grandma seizure. So the people that saw

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me have that seizure, they knew
exactly what was going on. They called

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the paramedics for me, and I
refused to go to the hospital with the

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paramedics because I had just had a
grandma seizure. But the paramedics didn't give

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up on me. They followed me
into my apartment and they said, you've

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had a grandma seizure, which didn't
mean anything to me at that time because

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I was still shaken up right,
And my neighbor came by and said,

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if you won't go with them,
I'll take you to UCLA, which is

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only like five minutes away from where
I lived. So I made the great

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decision of getting in a nineteen eighty
Chevy Chavette instead of an ambulance. And

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they took me into the emergency room
and I was immediately taken into a cat

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scan, and then after the cat
scan, they gave me an MRI.

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So I would say, if that
ever happens to you, you're probably in

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deep trouble, like if they go
for the MRI. Right after that,

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the doctor came in and he put
up pictures of my brain, you know,

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on the big light board, and
he said, you have cancer on

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your front right lobe and we're going
to need to remove that lobe to protect

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the other lobe from getting cancer.
And I again was now somebody who's not

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afraid. So I said, could
I have not cancer? I didn't have

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another way to say it, like, could I have something that's not cancer?

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And he said, you could have
something that's called an arterial venus malformation,

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but it would be the largest one
we've ever seen. And I said,

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well, how do we know if
I have an arterial venus malformation an

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AVM? And he said we'll check
in the morning, and so I just

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waited, and then the next morning
they took me in and they said,

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if you have an AVM, it'll
look like somebody took the map of the

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United States and they smashed it into
like a giant knot. And so they

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gave me some medicines. I was
awake the whole time they did this,

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and then I noticed that all of
a sudden, on one of them hiteboards,

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I saw the giant knot and I
said, that's an AVM and the

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doctor said, yeah, it's a
big AVM. Well, the two neurosurgeons

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were not very good salespeople, by
the way. They said, let us

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take that AVM out. It's going
to be so good for us, and

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I'm like, oh, for you? I thought was my surgery. They

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said, we'll have a whole bunch
of people here. We're going to record

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it, we're going to use it
to train other people in the future.

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And I said, we'll be okay
if I called my parents and let them

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know where I'm at, because they
had had me busy that whole time,

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and I called my family and they
said, we'll get on a plane and

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go out and I'm like, don't, don't do that, don't don't come

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out here yet. I need to
figure out what we're going to do.

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My aunt happened to work for a
neurologist and he said, there's only one

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person that you need to go see. You need to see doctor John two

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at the University of Cincinnati. So
I flew back to Ohio, went down

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to Cincinnati. And the difference between
God and John two is that God doesn't

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think he's John two. So now
give you a measure of the man like.

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He's amazingly confident, confident, And
I asked him just one question when

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we sat down, I said,
how many AVMs have you done? And

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he said just a little over three
thousand, And I said that's a good

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answer. Wow, that's a really
good answer. Yes, it was not

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his first time. So I had
two surgeries, one where they glued the

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AVM shut within a POxy, and
then the next day they cut that out

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and my brain was only bruised.
I didn't have cancer. It was bruised

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on the back temporal lobe and they
had to remove that piece of my brain,

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which was never discussed before they did
that. But afterwards when they came

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in, they said, if you
would have kept the brain that was bruised,

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you would have seizure for the rest
of your life. So they removed

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it. And then after that,
after trying to drop out of high school.

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For every single year I tried to
drop out of high school, I

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wasn't allowed to do that. My
mom would threaten me that she'll sit with

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me at school if I didn't show
up there. I went to college at

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twenty six. I graduated summa cum
laudie. I won the Dean's Academic scholarship

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to law school, and then I
went to Harvard Business School for their OPM

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program. So nine years of education
as an overreaction to losing a piece of

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my brain, but I wouldn't change
it. That's amazing, Anthony. You

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know the story just you have told
me has inspired you. I can definitely

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share that. And when you're talking
about fear, you went from fear to

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fear to fear and making the decisions
and just trudging along. So there are

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a lot of people who are hesitant
and to take even full step. What

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would you tell them? Because there's
so much. You know, there is

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a whole science behind as you talk
about as to why you're negative and how

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does our current environment cause us to
be negative? So can you shed some

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more light on that. Fear is
one of the ways that prevent us from

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doing the things that we should be
doing and that we could be doing and

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that could make our lives better.
At that particular time, for me,

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I can remember I was more afraid
of having it in my head than having

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it out of my head. So
for me, I was ready to do

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this as soon as I heard the
number three thousand surgeries. That gave me

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the confidence to do that. But
there's something that is important to know,

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like that fear is there to protect
us. So it means that we need

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to take care of ourselves and we
need to be protected, including protecting ourselves.

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So I think one of these things
is my opinion, Sometimes we fear

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the wrong thing. We fear getting
the surgery instead of not getting the surgery.

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So we do that in all kinds
of parts of our lives. We

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don't address this problem that we have
with people because we think that that's scary,

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but then living with it is even
scarier to people. And I think

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that that's something that you have to
do a lot of work on to have

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that courage to do this. And
as I was doing the research for the

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Negativity Fast, trauma is a big
deal and there's a couple of ways that

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people think about trauma, and there's
one of two things that generally happened.

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So there was Freud, and Freud
believed if you had a trauma that you

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can never come back from it,
You'll never have your goals. That's what's

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going to stop you from being successful. That was what Ford thought. But

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there was another guy at the same
time named Alan Adler, and I don't

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know if you know who he is, Yes, so he was at a

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contemporary He had exactly the opposite belief
as Freud. His belief was, once

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you get through the trauma. Now
the trauma is bad, it doesn't feel

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good, it can be really really
horrible, but after that it can have

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no power over you, and you
can go on and live your life the

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way that you want, as long
as you find some meaning in the suffering

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that you had in the trauma.
That's one of the things that causes people

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to have what's called post traumatic growth
syndrome, and that is something that there's

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not that much literature about in the
science. So there's some science, there's

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maybe three significant papers, but outside
of that, there's not that much.

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And they're really interested in this right
now because they think that you could help

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people not suffer and get over trauma
a lot better if you could figure out

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how to reverse engineer that growth for
them instead of the PTSD that a lot

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of people get from trauma. Right, that's very powerful. So then you

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know, most of the people talk
themselves into a negative state. So well,

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let me comment on that. You
don't really have to talk yourself into

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a negative state, because we have
this thing that scientists call negativity bias.

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And so negativity bias is just something
that has been put into us as human

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beings because we were at one time
Paleolithic people. And if you were positive

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and optimistic about going after a sabertooth
tiger for dinner, you might have a

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problem because that saber tooth tiger is
inviting you to dinner in another sort of

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way. Right, So we have
this negativity bias, and we're more concerned

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over negative than we are over the
positive. And all of the research on

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negativity bias is that no matter how
good and positive something is it doesn't register

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anywhere near as high as negative things
do. They're way way overpowered. Even

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when you have something good happen and
something bad happen, like connoments exercise,

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you lost fifty dollars and then you've
you've found two hundred dollars, you're still

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mad about losing the fifty dollars even
though you're up one hundred and fifty dollars.

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And I don't know why we're like
that, but that is how we've

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developed. And you will have negativity
bias. Everybody does. But you can't

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do something about it. You can
try to keep it in check. The

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other reason that it's really easy for
me to for people to be negative of

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is because of our environment. We
have an environment that has a change rate

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that is beyond anything that we can
keep up with now. Alvin Toffler in

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nineteen sixty five in a magazine called
Horizon this is before Future Shock, he

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said, if we don't figure out
how to control the rate of change in

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our environment, we're going to have
a massive adaption ad adoptional problem. Like

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we're going to have it. We
can't adjust enough for the speed that we

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have in our environment. Right now
and then when you think about where we

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are right now today, we've got
a hot war in Europe. Who would

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have saw that coming? Now we've
got one in the Middle East. We've

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got the highest interest rates we've had. We've got the highest just about everything,

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like on everything, whatever you want. Groceries up twenty percent, hard

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for people to do that, housings
up, everything's up so and we still

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have this inflation that's plaguing us.
So if people are negative, you can

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get a sense because of all these
things going on. And if you watch

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televisions, especially if you watch television
news, you will be even more fearful

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and you'll be even more negative because
of the things that we do now on

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television. So we have Fox News
for the conservatives, we have the MSB

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for people who are more liberal,
and for some reason, we're not allowed

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to like each other even though we
have different politics. And that's what we've

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been doing, has been being pulled
apart from each other, right when we

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need to be trying to get back
together. But when that is so,

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you have mentioned about how the environment
is changing, and that's going to continue

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to change, because it's not only
the actual environment that we are talking about

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not only the news but social media
in itself. Oh yeah, and the

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Health Surgeon General, like you know, said that isolation and loneliness is an

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epidemic in the teens. So a
lot of things are happening. People are

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experiencing inner critic and that inner voice
is not there. So what are some

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of the ways that people can,
as you mentioned, you know, lie

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to themselves, use empathy and get
out of a negative state. That was

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my brother that taught me about lying
to yourself as a way to be empathetic.

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And he's a comedian and he drives
all over America to go from one

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gig to the next gig. And
I will tell you if you go to

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see him, I'm not responsible for
anything that might offend you because because that

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might might happen. He was always
unhappy about how people drive, and he

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complain about it all the time.
And then one day somebody pulled up next

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to him and it was like trying
to get in front of him, and

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he looked at this guy and he
thought, this guy needs to get to

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a rest stop immediately, like that's
why he's driving that way. And when

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he told me the story, I
said, how could you tell that that

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was why he was driving that way. You have no way of knowing that.

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And he goes because it happens to
me all the time, and I

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know, like when you're too far
away, it's stressful. And I thought,

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that's an amazing thing for him to
do, is to say, just

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let everybody go. So now his
whole thing is like, if you want

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to go in front, go in
front. He just lets everybody go,

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and he's a lot happier with this
decision that this person's driving bad because they

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have a sick child at home.
They really need to get them to the

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doctor. Like he'll make up all
these lies, and now it's kind of

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a game like who's going to have
the best lie about somebody's motivations. And

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if you do that, I mean
you can always if you look at like

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the four Agreements where they say don't
assume, we do assume. Assume that

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they are really under pressure right now
and they need to get moving. And

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I think that that's one of the
easiest things for us to do. We

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think that people trigger us, We
trigger us, And so that's Albert Ellis's

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work, who said you just need
to remember abc A, there's an activating

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event be your belief about that and
then see the consequences when you react in

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a certain way, and all you
have to do is change the belief.

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This person who is a problem for
you has other problems themselves, and you're

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seeing that when they're not on their
best day. But you can still forgive

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them and say they're under some sort
of pressure, they would do better if

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they could. And that's as easy
as it has to be for you.

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You don't have to get wrapped up
in other people's stuff. So I think

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that's one of the easier things that
you can do. Some of the things

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that I have in this book are
not quite so easy, And that's a

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great way to get started, because
for the audience, it's like, Okay,

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what can I take today and walk
away and take some action. So

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coming back to the political devices,
the political division that if you are with

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this party or this party, for
me, it's all about human beings because

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the way I see it is,
you know, we all have aspirations,

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we all experience pain, and we
all want to be happy at the end

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of the day. So with all
these things going, do you have any

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tips how could people still be positive
despite all of that? That is one

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of the most important things that we
could talk about. If you keep ingesting

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political content from one side or the
other side, or if you're watching one

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of the shows where they get two
people together to argue on TV. I

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don't know why you want to argue
with people on TV, but I must

335
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keep people tuned in. The best
thing that I could tell you is to

336
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give it up. So that was
the first thing that I gave up.

337
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I gave up all political everything,
no television for me. I don't read

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political books or magazines, and people
say, how do you know what's going

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00:28:30.279 --> 00:28:33.359
on? Whenever any bad thing happens, people are going to tell you.

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They're going to want to tell you
that. So I know what's going on

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in the world. I read The
Economists because it's not divisive. It's a

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00:28:41.279 --> 00:28:47.640
British publication, so they're not worried
about trying to split us apart. So

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you can get something that's some semblance
of normalcy in your news instead of having

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this thing where we have to try
to split everybody apart from each other.

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It breaks my heart that we see
these things. During the pandemic. I

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00:29:02.839 --> 00:29:10.000
watched a friend of mine unfriend his
mother and father over politics. Now those

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00:29:10.119 --> 00:29:15.480
people gave you your life, they
took care of you, and you're unhappy

348
00:29:15.559 --> 00:29:18.920
about a difference in politics. As
far as I've been able to tell,

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I get a vote, You get
a vote. We each get one,

350
00:29:22.920 --> 00:29:27.279
right, Okay, so that's it. There's nothing to argue about. I

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would tell you the best decision that
I've made for myself and my happiness is

352
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to become post political. I'm not. I'm just not going to be political.

353
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I have people in my life that
would like to argue with me.

354
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I'm not going to argue with you. I will just say whatever you say

355
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is true to you, it is
fine by me. I'm not going to

356
00:29:48.000 --> 00:29:52.119
argue with you about it. It's
there's no reason to I'm not going to.

357
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It would be like trying to turn
a Catholic person into the Church of

358
00:29:59.640 --> 00:30:03.160
Satan, Like that's too far of
a leap for them to go, right,

359
00:30:03.200 --> 00:30:04.240
They're not going to go. Well, I was a liberal, but

360
00:30:04.279 --> 00:30:08.039
then I had this argument, now
I'm a conservative. That's not going to

361
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happen. So we should just leave
that where it is and let people make

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their own decisions because that's what they're
going to do anyway, right, right,

363
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No, And I really love that
because one of the things that I

364
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do is also news fasting most of
the time, and sometimes it does happen,

365
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you know, is that you may
have other people in the family,

366
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like you know, the news is
playing, you kind of get sort of

367
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sucked into it. You sit down, but I do make an effort,

368
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like you know, I'll kind of
get up, move away, or change

369
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the channel because as you mentioned that
they may have things going so that people

370
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can stay tuned in. And definitely
agree that news fasting or staying away from

371
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it and social media to less people
can make a huge difference. Absolutely.

372
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This is why I like this.
At the kids table on Thanksgiving, they

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don't really want to talk about politics, so that's always good. But a

374
00:31:07.720 --> 00:31:10.960
lot of people in my family do
want to talk about it, so I

375
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try to just avoid it as much
as I can. That's the best that

376
00:31:14.400 --> 00:31:22.359
you can do. So you mentioned
about kids table and talking about teenagers bringing

377
00:31:22.039 --> 00:31:27.359
the topic back to the perils of
social media. Do you have any recommendations

378
00:31:27.359 --> 00:31:32.880
around that? The one that scared
me the most. So there's all kinds

379
00:31:32.920 --> 00:31:37.160
of things like cyber bullying. And
I'm going to say this because I have

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twin daughters and I have one son. Boys are more likely to have a

381
00:31:44.200 --> 00:31:48.559
scuffle, you know, and get
into a little fight and then after that

382
00:31:48.559 --> 00:31:55.960
that'll be over. But teenage girls
they go with psychological problems like that's what

383
00:31:56.000 --> 00:32:01.279
they do. They try to have
a psychological bullying instead, and that's really

384
00:32:01.319 --> 00:32:08.000
really terrible. They do that constantly, and I saw it with my girls,

385
00:32:08.000 --> 00:32:13.240
so it was just always bullying.
They have this thing called a finsta,

386
00:32:14.039 --> 00:32:16.960
which is the fake instagram that your
parents don't know about, so you

387
00:32:17.000 --> 00:32:21.759
can bully other people. Oh I
did not know about that, Thank you

388
00:32:21.799 --> 00:32:27.279
for sharing. But that. Yeah, So they have one that their parents

389
00:32:27.319 --> 00:32:30.599
can see, and then they have
one that only their friends can see.

390
00:32:30.680 --> 00:32:34.960
So they have a second, a
count that allows them to bully without their

391
00:32:35.000 --> 00:32:38.440
parents seeing what's going on in their
instagram. The worst thing that I noticed,

392
00:32:38.440 --> 00:32:49.680
though, was a CNN a report
that they did from thirteen fourteen twelve

393
00:32:49.720 --> 00:32:52.720
thirteen fourteen fifteen year old boys.
The first thing that happens to them when

394
00:32:52.759 --> 00:33:01.640
they get on TikTok is that they're
shown content to ask them something about do

395
00:33:01.680 --> 00:33:06.720
they want to take their life.
That's the first thing that they get,

396
00:33:06.880 --> 00:33:09.039
and then after that, the second
thing they get is a body shaming.

397
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That's how the algorithm works for those
young boys. And when you see something

398
00:33:15.720 --> 00:33:23.240
that it's it's incredibly scary because that
once that algorithm starts, you know the

399
00:33:23.279 --> 00:33:28.000
algorithm is going to show you what
you already saw and so show you more

400
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of what you've already looked at.
That's why they keep people on theirs,

401
00:33:30.319 --> 00:33:35.160
because they keep the algorithm running and
showing them more of the things that they

402
00:33:35.200 --> 00:33:40.759
already like or that they've already seen. I don't think any teenagers should be

403
00:33:40.799 --> 00:33:45.119
on TikTok at all. I don't. I don't think that it's a good

404
00:33:45.160 --> 00:33:49.720
thing. I think it will harm
them over time. And when you see

405
00:33:49.720 --> 00:33:58.519
something like that and it's cited by
CNN, it's credible. Well yeah,

406
00:33:58.599 --> 00:34:02.160
I think so this is what you're
sharing with me. It is scary,

407
00:34:02.200 --> 00:34:07.279
and it's important for parents to kind
of keep an eye on it and see

408
00:34:07.279 --> 00:34:12.960
how they can support their kids.
So as these moving beyond what we have

409
00:34:13.079 --> 00:34:17.119
talked about, as people go into
the corporate world and as they're talking about

410
00:34:17.199 --> 00:34:22.280
sales, how can they bring this
empathy because so many times what happens is

411
00:34:22.320 --> 00:34:28.599
that there may be customer complaints,
there may be some negativity and there's a

412
00:34:28.639 --> 00:34:32.840
lot of negativity in that corporate jungle
as well, and especially in the sales

413
00:34:32.880 --> 00:34:37.880
area, Like Anthony, because you
do come from sales, do you have

414
00:34:37.960 --> 00:34:45.119
any tips for entrepreneurs or sales professionals
that can help them see the other person

415
00:34:45.199 --> 00:34:52.760
as a human being, not as
aching chitchain, and not feel rejected And

416
00:34:52.880 --> 00:34:59.199
how can they handle that negativity because
every now is a closer step to it.

417
00:34:59.480 --> 00:35:05.519
Yes, I think that's true.
One of the things that young people

418
00:35:05.559 --> 00:35:08.079
always ask me when they get into
sales is how do you deal with the

419
00:35:08.239 --> 00:35:12.639
rejection? And then I have to
tell them. When I was seventeen,

420
00:35:14.280 --> 00:35:19.320
Jennifer Deritis, my girlfriend broke up
with me and she said, I want

421
00:35:19.360 --> 00:35:22.000
to tell you why I'm breaking up
with you. I didn't really need the

422
00:35:22.039 --> 00:35:25.159
explanation, but she decided to give
it to me too. She said,

423
00:35:25.639 --> 00:35:30.360
you're a loser. You're always going
to be a loser. My mom thinks

424
00:35:30.360 --> 00:35:32.960
you're a loser, my sisters think
that you're a loser. And I think

425
00:35:32.960 --> 00:35:37.559
that you're a loser. Okay,
so that's actual rejection, right, that's

426
00:35:37.599 --> 00:35:43.639
like personal She knows me enough to
reject me. But when somebody says no,

427
00:35:43.840 --> 00:35:46.840
when you ask for a meeting,
or that the proposal isn't right for

428
00:35:46.920 --> 00:35:52.280
them. That's not a personal rejection
of you. It's just simply we didn't

429
00:35:52.320 --> 00:35:55.880
get something right and we can try
again. So I don't think that you

430
00:35:55.920 --> 00:36:01.280
should walk around thinking that you were
personally reject unless somebody said I would buy

431
00:36:01.320 --> 00:36:06.039
from anybody but you, Anthony.
I mean, if somebody else was selling

432
00:36:06.039 --> 00:36:07.079
this, I would buy it.
I just not buying it from you,

433
00:36:07.559 --> 00:36:13.159
and that never ever happens. They're
not interested in any conflict on that anything

434
00:36:13.239 --> 00:36:15.159
like that, so they're just trying
to do the best thing. When you

435
00:36:15.199 --> 00:36:20.400
ask for a meeting, that person's
worried only about one thing. I think

436
00:36:20.440 --> 00:36:22.920
you're going to waste my time,
and that's why they say no. And

437
00:36:22.960 --> 00:36:27.000
if you don't say, I promise
this is going to be worth your time,

438
00:36:27.039 --> 00:36:29.280
and I'm going to leave you with
something that you're going to be able

439
00:36:29.320 --> 00:36:32.159
to share with your team. I'm
trading value for their time, but people

440
00:36:32.199 --> 00:36:38.440
don't know to do that. I
practice something in what I teach salespeople that

441
00:36:38.559 --> 00:36:47.719
I call an extreme other orientation.
So nobody who buys from me knows the

442
00:36:47.800 --> 00:36:52.280
name of my company until they get
an invoice. We will never say the

443
00:36:52.400 --> 00:36:55.519
name of the company. We never
show them a list of clients. We

444
00:36:55.760 --> 00:37:00.360
never we never show them anything about
versal. Also we've gotten for other people.

445
00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:06.119
All we do is to have a
laser focus on this person's trying to

446
00:37:06.159 --> 00:37:09.800
get a result that they can't get
unless we help them. So my job

447
00:37:09.920 --> 00:37:15.000
is to be the person who helps
them figure out what they need to do

448
00:37:15.079 --> 00:37:17.760
to get the better results that they're
not getting right now. So there's nothing

449
00:37:17.800 --> 00:37:22.599
about talking about me that's going to
solve that for them. It's understanding what

450
00:37:22.679 --> 00:37:27.039
kind of problems they're having, and
what solutions are available to them, and

451
00:37:27.119 --> 00:37:30.639
which is going to work the best, and how are we going to get

452
00:37:30.639 --> 00:37:32.840
their team to go along with these
things. So all of those things are

453
00:37:32.840 --> 00:37:38.760
what are really important. There there's
no part about talking about us ourselves that

454
00:37:38.840 --> 00:37:44.559
causes the client to be able to
solve their problem. So it always has

455
00:37:44.599 --> 00:37:47.599
to be, in my opinion,
an extreme other orientation. So I'm only

456
00:37:47.639 --> 00:37:52.599
focused on that person, and I
will tell you no one ever complains.

457
00:37:52.639 --> 00:37:57.920
They never say, could you tell
me what years started your business? They

458
00:37:57.960 --> 00:38:01.599
never ask, They never say where's
your office, They never ask, They

459
00:38:01.639 --> 00:38:06.199
never ask for any of these things. They just want help. So I

460
00:38:06.239 --> 00:38:09.719
think if you want to be a
really good salesperson, let me say it

461
00:38:09.760 --> 00:38:16.360
this way. Salespeople say selling is
really hard, wait until you try buying.

462
00:38:16.880 --> 00:38:22.760
Like if you have to buy for
a big company, it's incredibly difficult.

463
00:38:22.000 --> 00:38:25.400
First you have to make a change
initiative. You got to get a

464
00:38:25.400 --> 00:38:29.639
sponsor, you got to get a
budget, you got to get consensus from

465
00:38:29.679 --> 00:38:31.559
all the people on your team.
I mean, all of these things are

466
00:38:31.599 --> 00:38:36.960
so hard. A lot of times
they just give up trying to buy because

467
00:38:37.000 --> 00:38:39.920
they can't get it done internally.
And I think the best salespeople know how

468
00:38:39.920 --> 00:38:45.599
to help them with that internal conversation
that would allow them to get their people

469
00:38:45.639 --> 00:38:49.760
on board and then actually go make
the change that they need to be successful

470
00:38:49.800 --> 00:38:57.000
in the future. Very powerful.
So you've talked about a lot of value

471
00:38:57.000 --> 00:39:01.960
today and you have given our audience
a lot of practical tips that they can

472
00:39:02.039 --> 00:39:07.400
take and walk away with it.
So can you share more about your book?

473
00:39:07.480 --> 00:39:10.840
Where can people find you? Where
can people find your books so that

474
00:39:12.280 --> 00:39:16.119
they can do a deep dive and
do that? And can I can I

475
00:39:16.280 --> 00:39:20.679
give them one thing that they should
do If you want one thing, maybe

476
00:39:20.760 --> 00:39:23.079
the most powerful thing that you might
be able to do. Can I give

477
00:39:23.119 --> 00:39:30.199
them that one? First? Of
course, Marty Seligman is known as the

478
00:39:30.280 --> 00:39:32.960
father of positive psychology, and you
know that, right, but other people

479
00:39:34.039 --> 00:39:38.360
might not know who he is.
When he went to college, there was

480
00:39:38.440 --> 00:39:45.519
only negative psychology, and that means
you need a pharmaceutical or a psychoanalyst.

481
00:39:45.159 --> 00:39:49.559
And Seligman didn't think that was the
right thing to do. He's like,

482
00:39:49.599 --> 00:39:52.800
we should be able to flourish,
we should be positive, we should have

483
00:39:52.840 --> 00:39:57.800
a positive psychology. At one point
he was on the cover of Time magazine

484
00:39:58.559 --> 00:40:02.840
and he had an entrepreneur that was
working with him and they built out an

485
00:40:02.880 --> 00:40:08.400
app online on the internet and they
ask people to do an exercise that he

486
00:40:08.519 --> 00:40:15.679
calls three Blessings, and the three
Blessings exercise works like this, At the

487
00:40:15.800 --> 00:40:19.599
end of your day, before you
go to bed, you write down three

488
00:40:20.119 --> 00:40:23.480
good things that happened to you during
the day and why they went well for

489
00:40:23.599 --> 00:40:27.840
you. You do that so three
of them. At the end of the

490
00:40:27.920 --> 00:40:30.880
day, you have to have three
things that went well for you. It's

491
00:40:30.880 --> 00:40:34.920
not a gratitude journal. I love
my wife, I love my kids,

492
00:40:35.320 --> 00:40:39.119
I'm grateful for these. It's not
that this is what actually happened today.

493
00:40:39.719 --> 00:40:45.880
That was good. And he says
if you do this for two weeks,

494
00:40:46.079 --> 00:40:50.639
you will not have the anxiety,
the stress, or the depression that you

495
00:40:50.719 --> 00:40:57.239
have for probably six months. He
believes it's more powerful than both a psychoanalyst

496
00:40:57.519 --> 00:41:01.920
and pharmaceuticals, and that's from his
own research in a book called Hope Circuit.

497
00:41:02.000 --> 00:41:05.920
If you want to go look that
up, that is one of the

498
00:41:05.960 --> 00:41:10.960
things that you could do. And
I would tell you the real power in

499
00:41:12.000 --> 00:41:16.159
this is you're writing these things down
in a journal and then at some point

500
00:41:16.320 --> 00:41:20.800
you start looking back over your journal
and you're like, a lot of good

501
00:41:20.800 --> 00:41:23.199
things happen to me all the time. I have all kinds of good things.

502
00:41:23.559 --> 00:41:28.239
Now we're pushing back on that negativity
bias and thinking, well, I

503
00:41:28.239 --> 00:41:30.280
have all these problems. No,
you have good things happening to you all

504
00:41:30.320 --> 00:41:35.480
the time. And if you don't
capture those things, and if you don't

505
00:41:35.920 --> 00:41:38.400
go back and look at them,
you don't realize how good your life is.

506
00:41:39.480 --> 00:41:44.599
One of the things about the complainers
is that it's really good here.

507
00:41:44.960 --> 00:41:47.719
Have you ever had ice cream?
Oh? Yeah, pretty good, isn't

508
00:41:47.719 --> 00:41:52.400
it. Oh yeah? How about
coffee? You like that? And dogs

509
00:41:53.360 --> 00:41:57.760
of course, yes, I mean
it's a good place here now, all

510
00:41:57.800 --> 00:42:00.400
your people that you love are here, and to complain about I mean,

511
00:42:00.440 --> 00:42:05.920
you're here, you got four thousand
or so weeks. Make the most of

512
00:42:05.960 --> 00:42:12.159
it. Okay. So this book
is called The Negativity Fast and it is

513
00:42:12.239 --> 00:42:16.239
available at many Barnes and Nobles,
but you better check that first. You

514
00:42:16.280 --> 00:42:22.519
can definitely get it at Amazon dot
com and if you buy it, if

515
00:42:22.519 --> 00:42:27.320
you go to the sales blog dot
com, you'll find a place where you

516
00:42:27.320 --> 00:42:30.800
can send me a contact And if
you do that or you go to LinkedIn,

517
00:42:31.239 --> 00:42:35.719
I'll send you the workbook for free. So you can get the workbook

518
00:42:35.760 --> 00:42:39.519
to go through the exercises with yourself
or with your family if you want to.

519
00:42:42.440 --> 00:42:46.239
Yeah. No, definitely sounds like
that people would benefit from it,

520
00:42:46.559 --> 00:42:53.599
and especially in this era of negativity
and people complaining, it's a good way

521
00:42:53.639 --> 00:42:58.679
to get on the other side and
be positive, especially with the holidays coming

522
00:42:58.760 --> 00:43:05.679
up. So Anthony, thank you
for sharing your wisdom and your knowledge.

523
00:43:05.960 --> 00:43:12.840
Really appreciate it. Thank you for
having me absolutely, Thank you listeners for

524
00:43:12.880 --> 00:43:16.039
being with us and for sharing your
stories. I cannot tell you how grateful

525
00:43:16.079 --> 00:43:20.960
I am that you keep on sharing
your stories. And what we do is

526
00:43:21.079 --> 00:43:23.840
we take we write down the names, and then we pick one name and

527
00:43:23.880 --> 00:43:28.760
we share your story in every of
our episodes. So keep those stories coming

528
00:43:28.800 --> 00:43:32.119
and let us know who can we
bring so that you can live the life

529
00:43:32.320 --> 00:43:37.119
you deserve and we can be there
to support you. We are here to

530
00:43:37.239 --> 00:43:40.199
help you, serve you and support
you. Thank you, Thank you,

531
00:43:40.280 --> 00:43:45.760
thank you, and thank you on
for making the show technically possible. Be

532
00:43:45.920 --> 00:43:51.159
well and be strong until next time, take care. Thank you for being

533
00:43:51.239 --> 00:43:53.559
part of Beyond Confidence. With your
host d v Park, we hope you

534
00:43:53.599 --> 00:43:58.119
have learned more about how to start
living the life you want. Each week

535
00:43:58.159 --> 00:44:01.679
on Beyond Confidence, you hear story
of real people who've experienced growth by overcoming

536
00:44:01.760 --> 00:44:07.559
their fears and building meaningful relationships.
During Beyond Confidence, Vapark shares what happened

537
00:44:07.559 --> 00:44:12.119
to her when she stepped out of
her comfort zone to work directly with people

538
00:44:12.159 --> 00:44:15.159
across the globe. She not only
coaches people how to form herd connections,

539
00:44:15.360 --> 00:44:21.639
but also transform relationships to mutually beneficial
partnerships as they strive to live the life

540
00:44:21.719 --> 00:44:24.199
they want. If you are ready
to live the life you want and leverage

541
00:44:24.199 --> 00:44:30.400
your strengths, learn more at www
dot dwpark dot com, and you can

542
00:44:30.400 --> 00:44:35.760
connect with vat contact at dvpark dot
com. We look forward to you joining

543
00:44:35.840 --> 00:44:36.599
us next week