Aug. 5, 2025

It's Time to Stop the Doubt

Show Notes
Transcript

Together, Divya Parekh and author of Mindset Unlocked, Mike Sealy explore how self-doubt quietly sabotages even the most talented leaders, learners, and dreamers—and what it really takes to break free. With practical wisdom, a dash of humor, and a whole lot of truth, Mike shows us how to shift our mindset, silence the inner critic, and step into the bold, capable version of ourselves that’s been waiting to lead.

Beyond Confidence is broadcast live Tuesdays at 10AM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Beyond Confidence TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

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The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are

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This is Beyond Confidence with your host d W Park.

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Do you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do

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you want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional,

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and financial goals? Well? Coming up on dvoparks Beyond Confidence,

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you will hear real stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers

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who have steps into discomfort, shattered their status quo, and

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are living the life they want. You will learn how

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relationships are the key to achieving your aspirations and financial goals.

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Moving your career business forward does not have to happen

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at the expense of your personal or family life or

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vice versa. Learn more at www. Don't Divpork dot com

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and you can connect with div at contact Dan Divpark

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dot com. This is beyond confidence and now here's your host,

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div Park.

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Good morning, listeners, It's Tuesday morning and it's great to

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be here with you all. So it's been quite a

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rough month for me. A lot of you know, oral pain.

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I'm sure you'll have gone through it too, some you know,

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oral surgery, and some a lot of things happening and

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you might be thinking, hmmm.

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Why am I bringing that up?

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So what I want to share with you is that

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that while I was kind of going through that, and

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there was this wonderful dental assistant and the dentist, like

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you know, contrary to I know most of us don't

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like going to the dentists, very kind and very nice.

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So the idea is that, you know, it's not just

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you can be kind while going out of the way,

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you can be kind while doing your job and bringing

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that kindness over there. So thank you to everyone for

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those who have got our books, and especially Expert to

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Influencer and the Entrepreneur's.

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Gotten And I'm excited, Yes, I'm.

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Excited to share I've finished my first draft of the

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Artificial Intelligence Playbook. So it's around ninety thousand words plus.

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It's super excited it's gone to the editors.

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It took me quite a bit of time.

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I started last year and it's today, So just super

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excited about that. And if you haven't got our books,

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just remember, like you know, to get our books because

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they will make a difference in your life and also

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they'll make a difference in an entrepreneur across the globe.

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Because here's what I'll share with you. We shared the

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profits from the book with keywa dot org. So help

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us help the entrepreneurs.

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Let's bring in our guest, Malcolm Mike.

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Hi there, Davia, How are you good?

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How are you? Glad to have you here?

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Thank you so much. It's a pleasure to be here.

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I'm really looking forward to the discussion.

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Absolutely so, Mike.

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Do you recall a moment then somebody left a positive

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mark on you, or you know, an event that happened

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in your life that stands out today as a positive

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memorable moment.

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Suddenly, Yeah, there's quite a few, but I think one

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of the most memorable moments was being mentored and coached

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for a year by a very senior executive in one

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of the previous companies. I've worked in and just watching

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him for a year and taking his guidance has really

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shaped my own career. So anytime I look back at

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what I've achieved, I look back at that particular a

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moment which was was really special for me.

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Mm And so many times we underplay the influence of

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our just being present and you are saying that you

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know and just watching someone shadowing them as guided your life.

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So tell us, I'm sure, like you know you come

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across this and you know we all here, we all

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have that self doubt and all that. So how did

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you get into the arena of the doubts area?

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Yeah, it really one of the things I recognized, particularly

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as I was in my early career as a manager

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and a senior manager. I always recognized these moments of

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fear and anxiety I had when it either came to

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presenting a meeting or speaking to a senior leader. I

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was selected by the company at the time I used

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to work for HP and I was selected on what

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was known as their Accelerated Development Program for High Potential Performers.

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And it's a year long program that provides all types

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of coaching and everything, which is that previous coach I

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mentioned came through that program. But the very first week

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when we had the orientation, we had dinner in the

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evening and I found myself sitting next to the company's

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group CEO. He was also the chairman and the president

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of the company, and I found myself very fast shrinking

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in my seat, not knowing what to say, wondering why

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I was there. I was doubting myself, looking for things

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to say, with these messages in my mind saying be

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careful what you say because you may get found out

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being a fraud. You know, you don't belong here. All

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of these self limited beliefs were racing through my mind

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and causing me a lot of anxiety during its probably

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about a ninety minute dinner session, and it was probably

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the most significant imposter syndrome moment in my life, which

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really led me on too, I need to do something

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about this. I need to figure out how to overcome

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some of these fears. So that's that was probably the

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real start. But then it took me a number of

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years to really start to change how I am as

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a person. Yeah.

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No, and here's the thing. I don't think so anybody's untouched.

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I know I go through that even now. Sometimes like

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most of the times, you know you are at ease

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and you know how to relate to it, and there

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will be something. So I'll just give a quick example.

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While I was writing this previous like current book, which

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is in the draft format, so many times like I

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would literally scrap my chapter and drop it, like, hmm,

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I don't think so it fits here. I know, like

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I have written fourteen fifteen books and have done really

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good best selling books, and yet every time I write

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a book, it's a piece of you that you're putting

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out there, and whether you're writing a book or whether

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you're sitting with the CEO presenting, and it's almost like

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there's something that holds us back.

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And the key is so of course I have.

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Learned to deal with it in my own way, So

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tell us, like, you know, how did you deal in

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that moment? And what could somebody do as soon as

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that Gremlins raises its head.

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Yeah, it's very interesting because I think we are our

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own worst enemies when it comes to self criticism. It's

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always a difficult thing to get over and I had

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to do a number of different things. So I went

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on a speaking course. It was actually a Dell Carnegie

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Speaking program that I went on. It was for eight weeks.

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That was that was really interesting. But one of the

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main things that I did was I purposely try to

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put myself outside of my comfort zone as often as

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I possibly could. So if it came to doing a

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presentation in front of a large audience, I would put

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myself up for it. And it's about putting yourself outside

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your comfort zone and that brings you straight into a

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fear zone anyway. So it's how you do with that

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when you're in that fear zone, and if you can

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push through the fear zone, you get into a learning

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and a growth zone. If you can't, you easily retreat

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back into your comfort zone where everything is, you know,

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what you're familiar with. So there was a number of

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different things that I could do over the years. But

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you know, for anybody else who were out in their

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selves or limiting their beliefs, they just need to think about, well,

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what are the things that you've you've achieved, you know,

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it's almost like looking at your confidence bank. It's it's

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coming up with a number of things that you have

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been successful at in the past and you have achieved,

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and then keep telling yourself with positive affirmations that you

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know you can do this, You've got this, You've done

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these things in the past, so you know you have

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that confidence to push forward.

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Mm hmm.

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Absolutely. You know that's such a good point that you mentioned.

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And exposure therapy that has been known too. You know,

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we all have fears and folks, if you don't have it,

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kudos to you, you're blessed. But I haven't come across

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anyone like I still remember reading like you know so

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many I forget who it was. It was Angela markl

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she Jeremy's chancellor that I had read something about her.

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She's said that, like you know, even after being the

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chancellor twice or twice, that whenever she went she over prepared.

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So we all have that. That's basically so one thing,

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Like you know, a lot of people think that, oh,

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how could I have this self doubt or how could

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I have.

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This limiting belief?

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So can you share, like, you know, how can we

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let our audience know that it is very normal to

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feel and it's okay.

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Yeah, absolutely, And just coming back to what you said

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earlier on, I mean, absolutely everybody at some time in

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their life will have imposter syndrome, and some will get

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it quite regularly, you know, And it just depends on,

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you know, the situation you find yourself in. Normally, when

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it's in unfamiliar territory that you find yourself in, that

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that's when this comes up. But the way to get

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through it is to just have these self affirmations. Just

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say to yourself, you know why you're there, Like if

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you're at a meeting, for example, rather than questioning do

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you belong there, just say I know I belong there

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because there is value that I know I'm bringing. You know,

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when I was on this Accelerated Development program, I was

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chosen on merit because of my previous performances, but I

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didn't say to myself, look, I deserve to be here

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and I've proved it through performance. People are recognizing that

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that performance. So for anybody who is out there, you

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have to look at those things that look at where

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your strengths are and where you have things that you

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need to improve on. Don't just say I can't do this,

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or don't say you know this is not for me.

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It could be I can't do this yet or you know,

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just just set yourself some small goals that will help

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you to get to where you need to. So if

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you're trying to learn a new skill, for example, that

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you don't have in place yet, just through practice and determination,

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you can get there. And it's and it goes for anything,

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any any situation. You can learn how to you know,

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develop that strength within you. And it might be just

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an internal strength that you're looking for. It might be

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a physical skill. But you know, with with practice and

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determination and the power of positive thought, you know, having

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that what's known as a growth mindset, that will really

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believe it or not, that will that will get you

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to where you need to get to.

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Absolutely, So.

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Some of our audience may be thinking like hmm, I've

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thought about self doubt, but maybe in them listening about

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the imposter syndrome for the first time. So can you tell,

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like you know, sometimes what happens is that that little

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angst before speaking is good because you know it keeps

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you a lot. But how can they tell the difference

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if they do have them past your syndrome or if

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they don't.

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Well, certainly imposter syndrome. Will you can tell if you've

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got imposter syndrome because you start to already question whether

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you can do something or not. You know, you start

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to add these self limiting beliefs that you know, oh,

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I don't feel ready or I don't feel like I'm

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good enough, and you end up doing things like comparing

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yourself to other people who you may view as somebody

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who is a lot more capable than you are. So

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you're doing all of these things, you're comparing yourself to others,

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you're limiting.

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Your own beliefs.

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That that's really imposter syndrome really playing out in its

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strongest way. You know, So someone who don't who does

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not have imposter syndrome, And I do add that everybody

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has at some stage, even the most successful CEOs and

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sportsmen of the world have it.

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You know.

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It's just about really looking, as I mentioned earlier on

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at the things that you have achieved in the past,

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or just having that growth mindset that says, you know,

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every opportunity is a learning and a growth opportunity for you,

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so you can get better at something until you know

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it becomes almost normal behavior for you.

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So yeah, yeah, no, that's.

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A really good point.

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And I want to go back to what you had

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said that you felt like a fraud and that like

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you know, they feel like a fake. They feel like

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I'm not good enough. So these are, like, you know,

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the key things also to know, like, you know, besides

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what you have showed that you are experiencing imposture syndrome

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to some extent. And one thing is to like also

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to know that it's completely okay. Like you said that,

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you know CEOs are experiencing and so so many times

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what happens is that when people receive compliments, it's almost like, oh,

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you know what, fine, I'm getting this positive comment, But

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next time I might get found out and they're not

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taking that compliment.

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What could they do in that moment?

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I would say, take that compliment and celebrate it. Also

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also make a note of it, because the more compliments

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that you receive, the more moments of recognition and praise

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that you receive, are really helping you to increase your confidence. Now,

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many people may get praise and confidence and things like

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that and then forget about it and move on. And

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then they completely forget about those things because they're only

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looking at the here and now. But it's always good

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to look back at the things that you have done,

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the praise that you have received, the recognition that you've

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received in the past. It's almost like building that up

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as a I would call it a brag file or

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a confidence bank to always help you moving forward. These

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little things will make such a significant difference. And you know,

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coming back to you saying earlier on about the imposter

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syndrome that everybody gets, you know, sometimes that starts as

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early as childhood. You know, it starts maybe at school

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if you you know, your homework was wrong and you

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had a big red F put across it. Some of

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these things, do you know, I guess affect people for

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quite some time, or being you know, being told you

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can't have something by your parents. It's almost like we're

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brought up in a world that really does not accept failure.

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Although everybody right, but failure is almost something that you

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cannot do. It's wrong, but you can learn from failure.

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Failure is not the opposite of success. It's one of

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the things I always say, it's actually a prerequisite of success.

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It is that point when you've failed at doing something

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is a learning opportunity for you to look at, Okay,

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well I felt this time, what can I do differently

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for next time to be successful next time?

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And everybody goes for it.

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Sports people go for it, you know, learning to maybe

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throw a football or take a penalty or whatever it

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might be, until they get really good at It's about

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practice as well.

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Absolutely, I really like the way you put it. Failure

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is a prerequisite of success. So if you've talked about

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at the individual level, then you also mentioned about you know,

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you were selected for the high accelerated performance. So let's

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look at it from a leader's perspective, from a man

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in your perspective. Yeah, and it could be a parent,

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it could be a coach, it could be anyone. What

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can people do so that I'm not saying that they're

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responsible for anybody else's confidence, but what kind of environment

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we can create as a society regardless. And let's if

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you have a couple of examples and the managers or

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other of your clients, that would be great where you're creative,

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like you know, safe space where you are able to

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give that feedback, but it is given in a way

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that you're not dripping a person apart.

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Absolutely.

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I mean, you know, as a leader, and I've been

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a you know, a leader managing people for many years

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in my career, giving feedback is important for sure, because

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if you don't give any feedback at all. Then the

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individual may not know whether they're doing good or whether

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they're doing bad. But it's also how you give the feedback,

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you know, and if it's really and negative, make sure

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that that is also backed up with some of the

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positive things the individual has done so that they will

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feel right, well, I can see the things that I'm

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good at, and now I know some of the things

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I've still got to improve on.

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But you're right.

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As a leader, you've got to create that safe space

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where people can be open and honest. But as a leader,

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you have to have a level of what I call

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emotional intelligence. You have to be empathetic with the individual.

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You know, everybody is different. You know, you may have

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five people in your team, all doing the same job,

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but all doing it differently. They have a different approach

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to how they solve a problem. Some may take longer

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than others. Some people have neurodifferences, for example, which may

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have an impact on how they work and the conditions

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that they work in. So as a leader, you have

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to really get to know each individual and not just

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treat them like they're a number in your organization. Get

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to know their backgrounds, who they are, where their strengths

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are where they need to improve, where's the best place

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for you to position them in your organization that will

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maximize productivity. So all of these things, will you know,

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are what well I say good leaders should be doing,

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because there's a lot unfortunately that don't. But I think

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as well, having what I call a continuous learning mindset

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is also very very key to anybody. You know, there's

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a lot of people that may come out of college

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and university and think, wow, you know, four or five

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years in education, I'm done with it now. But to

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be honest that that's only the beginning. It's only the beginning,

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and you just have to keep learning and moving forward.

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And that's how you can remain you know, more confident

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in your own abilities and have that, you know, have

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that growth mindset as opposed to having what's known as

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a fixed mindset.

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Absolutely learning never stops. So do you have, like, you know,

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a couple of experiences from your personal leadership, whether you

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were either on the receiving end or on the giving

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end of a good constructive feedback.

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Yeah, I mean I can do both.

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I can take you back to a story when I

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used to work for HP as a manager and we

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were going through this huge change with our call centers,

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and one of my managers who reported to me, was

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running that particular project and she had said, like, we're ready,

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you know, to go live, and I said, right, have

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you know, checked everything and done everything you've needed to do,

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and it was all, yeah, we're confident, we're good to go.

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Flick the switch and you know, turned on that new

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system and it fell down immediately, causing so many issues

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with customers not being able to get through and having

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you know, a major impact to you know, customers and

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their equipment not being fixed. I had from my own

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peers people having a go at me because it had

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gone wrong and it had affected their client base without

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them even understanding what went wrong and why it went wrong.

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It was just my fault. You're the responsible person for

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screwing everything up. Okay. I took that on the chin.

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The individual was, you know, distraught, she was really concerned,

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and I said to her, listen, this is a learning experience.

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Don't worry.

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What we need to do as quickly as possible is

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get this fixed and turned around. That's that's the most

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important thing first. We can talk about everything afterwards. But

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I said to her, listen, I trust you, and I

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trust we'll get this right. And just simple words like

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that can make a significant difference to an individual. It

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could be the difference between breaking someone's career or breaking

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their confidence completely to giving them hope knowing that you know,

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it's a learning opportunity, they'll get it right next time.

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She turned out to be an amazing manager going forward.

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And it's funny. It's a really strange thing because I

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only spoke to her two weeks ago. I'm not you know,

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seen her for a long time, but she actually said

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to me the way that she manages her team was

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It's Time to Stop the Doubt

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