Aug. 27, 2024

Your Team, Decoded: Uncover Hidden Barriers to Effective Communication

Show Notes
Transcript

Assumptions can be a silent killer in the workplace, eroding trust and hindering effective communication. In this episode, Divya Parekh and workplace dynamics expert Ellen Patnaude uncover the hidden barriers that can hold your team back.

Discover how to break free from unproductive patterns, build stronger relationships, and elevate your team's performance through improved communication to create a workplace where everyone feels valued, understood, and supported.

Beyond Confidence is broadcast live Tuesdays at 10AM ET on W4WN Radio - Women 4 Women Network (www.w4wn.com) part of Talk 4 Radio (www.talk4radio.com) on the Talk 4 Media Network (www.talk4media.com). Beyond Confidence TV Show is viewed on Talk 4 TV (www.talk4tv.com).

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WEBVTT

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The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are

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solely those of the hosts and their guests, and not

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those of W four WN Radio It's employees or affiliates.

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be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing

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W four WN Radio.

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This is Beyond Confidence with your host d W Park.

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Do you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do

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you want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional,

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and financial goals? Well? Coming up on Dvaparks Beyond Confidence,

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you will hear real stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers

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who have stepped into discomfort, shattered their status quo, and

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are living the life they want. You will learn how

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relationships are the key to achieving your aspirations and financial goals.

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Moving your career business forward does not have to happen

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at the expense of your personal or family life or

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vice versa. Learn more at wwdas don't divpark dot com

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and you can connect with divant contact at divpark dot com.

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This is beyond confidence and now here's your host, div Park.

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Good morning listeners, and of course, as y'all know, Tuesday

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is fine favorite morning of the week because I get

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to be here with you. So talking about kindness, I

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want to talk about our guest Ellen. She was experiencing

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storm and she was very kind enough to reach out

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and kind apprise me of the situation. And here's what

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I want to share that so many times what happens

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is that people can be so caught up with what's

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happening to them and it's hard to remember their people

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in the moment. But she took that time to reach out.

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And that's our kindness story for the day.

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And it helps.

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Prepare the other person. So even when you may be

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in the of something, thinking about others can go a

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long way. And I want to thank each and every

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one of you who have got our books, especially the

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Entrepreneur's Got In an Expert to Influencer, amongst many of

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other books, because those two books will change your lives.

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And not only that, part of the proceeds goes to

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Kywa dot org. It's a win win situation all around.

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So let's welcome our guest.

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Welcome Ellen, Hi, good morning, Thank you for having me.

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Good morning. It's a joy to have you here. So ellmen,

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share with us. Do you remember a moment or a

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person that loved to positive mark on you when you

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were a.

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Child, When I was a child, boy, there are so many.

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Let's see, when I was a child, I think there's

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a teacher that really stands out to me. She was

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a world history teacher that I had in the seventh grade,

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and she was really really hard on me. And I

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didn't like that, right. I didn't like it. I didn't

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like being corrected or brought back into alignment with where

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I needed to be because I was a kid. No

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kids enjoy that. But she did it in a way

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that always felt like she expected better of me because

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she knew I could do more and be better. And

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I remember this one day, I actually got kicked out

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of the classroom. I don't remember why, but I was

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standing in the hallway just fuming. I was so upset

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and I had been there's a passionate argument going on

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in the classroom, from what I remember, and she stepped

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out in the hall and she really got in my

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face and she said, you know what, someday you're going

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to grow up and all that heart and all that

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emotion is going to help you. Oh I'm getting emotional

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thinking about this. She was right, it's at the center.

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It's at the center of why I do what I do.

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So she was right, Well, sorry about that.

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No, there's no sorry. We need this is a safe space.

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And our listeners.

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Are also wonderful because.

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Here's the thing that when you're wonderable, it takes courage

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to be vulnerable.

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And yes, it's all right.

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So so many times it again comes back to the

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little actions that we talk about.

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And as I talked about your.

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Action today in the morning, because it's a live show,

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we make sure whatever it's ready. So just kind of

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giving me a heads up, got me ready. And now, yes,

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your teacher was in your face, and look at the

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impact she left on you. So we don't realize it,

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but it's so important that our words and our actions

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and behaviors and even as smile as you're walking down

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the street can impact somebody for life.

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So it's important to take that responsibility.

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So, as you grew up, did you have any interests

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or any specific hobbies or areas that just jubile like, Yes,

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I gotta keep on pursuing this.

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For a long time, I was a musician. I started

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playing the flute when I was seven, at the end

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of second grade. I grew up in Detroit and in

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the elementary school. At the end of second grade, the

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band teacher in the elementary school came around to all

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the classrooms showing people the different instruments, and I was

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absolutely captivated by the flute for some reason, and so

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I was so excited about it that the band teacher

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sent one home with me for the summer to see

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if I do anything with it over the summer, and

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I remember trying and trying and trying to get sound

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out of it, and finally managed to get some sound

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out of it, practically hyperventilating in the process. And I

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was so excited and so proud of myself for that.

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And I went on to play for many, many years,

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performing and studying it in college as a minor, and

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just really continuing to play into adulthood. It's really only

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about fifteen sixteen years ago that I sort of moved

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on from that, and I find music in my life

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in different ways. But I still have my flute and

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I still can play it when the urge strikes to

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to do that. So it's music has always been a

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really important and big part of my life.

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That's beautiful because you stuck with it. And as you

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said that, you know you're finding music in different ways.

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I'm just a listener. I've tried my hand in a

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couple of things and not being good at it.

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So thank you you who have musical intelligence.

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So you mentioned that you even had it as a minor.

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So what would you say, You know, music is such

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a universal language. It is so beautiful it doesn't matter.

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And sometimes I hear songs from another culture and other

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country and if it has got a good beat to it,

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even if you don't understand the lyrics or words, your

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body and soul just dances to it. So as you

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played through it, and what would you say that music

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has in commonality that can bring human beings together.

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Well, I think that it's exactly what you said, the

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visceral experience that we have in our bodies of listening

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to something in the way that the melody or the

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beat enters into our subconscious I think it just really

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has the power to move US. I had the opportunity

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and the privilege to go on tour with a symphony

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when I was in high school, and we toured around

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different countries in Europe. And in some of the countries

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that we visited, the host families we stayed with all

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spoke some level of English, but a lot of people

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that we encountered did not speak English. And yet they

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showed up at these concerts that we would give as

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a bunch of high school students from the US, and

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they didn't necessarily understand the words that our conductor was saying.

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There was always a translator on hand, but boy, where

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they moved by the music that we were producing together

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on stage. So that was an experience that I had

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that really showed me that firsthand of the way that

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it cuts across culture, it cuts across language. There really

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is something quite universal about the way in which music

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just touches people's souls.

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And that's beautiful. So what was the other major in

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your college? And that did your life take you in

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terms of career?

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On a very winding road?

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Deby So I say life is a straight road. You know, people,

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life is a straight road.

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Elementary school, middle school, high school, and then job. But

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here's the beauty of life that you know, if you're

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open to it and look at life as an adventure.

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Every day brings something new and sometimes I yesterday I

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was talking to it one of my clients that I

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just said, you know, let life come to you at times.

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M h. Yeah, absolutely well. And I also look at

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it as I mean, every step that I've taken has

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brought me to where I am today, so I certainly

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wouldn't go back and change any of it. I had

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a double major in college in biology and French. I

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think I thought I wanted to be Jacques Cousteau. I

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really liked, really liked marine biology. I really liked science.

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I After college, I worked in a clinical lab looking

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at people's chromosomes through a microscope ten hours a day.

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That was not for me. Then I had an opportunity

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to go to Central America and work in field biology.

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So I took advantage of that and went down and

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spent a year working in a very rural part of

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Nicaragua in Central America, and I was in charge of

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a reforestation project in twelve little tiny villages, very very

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remote part of the country, and so I learned to

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speak Spanish baptism by fire one. I spoke French already,

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so there was there's a lot of relationship between those

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two languages, so it was easier to pick it up,

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and being a musician helped I have a good year,

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So I was able to pick Spanish up and live

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and work there for a year. But I went through

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a lot that year. There were lots of unpleasant experiences.

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There was only was I was a female, a young

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female in a very muchiste machista kind of culture, and

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was not always well received and sort of got myself

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into some difficult situations because of it. So at the

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end of the year, what I realized as my biggest

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takeaway was it had nothing to do with science. What

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kept me there through all of this challenges and struggles

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during that year. It was the people. It was the

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relationships that I built, some of which literally saved my life.

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It was just the power of those connections and the

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way in which they looked to me and I looked

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to them, and we both both sides felt like our

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lives had been dramatically changed and enriched for each other.

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And so I thought, you know, I've got to figure

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out what to call the kind of work I was

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doing here because it wasn't about reforestation, it was about

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community and it was about community building. I've got to

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figure out what to call that when I go back

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home to the States so I can do that kind

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of work. And so I came back to the United States,

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and this was back in nineteen ninety eight. I came

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back to the US and found my way into community

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organizing and I did that for a number of years,

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and that was very much wrapped up in people and

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relationships and understanding what's important to people in communities and

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how those people can come together and be a united,

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strong voice to have an influence and an impact on

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how decisions are being made in their communities. And that

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was amazing work. But the part of it I loved

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above everything else was just the transformation that would take

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place with someone standing up for the first time and

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learning how to tell their story and a power telling way.

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And I loved that. So when I left community organizing

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in two thousand and five, sort of accidentally started this

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company that I still have today because the people that

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knew me from that national network started calling me and

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asking me to come back and help with leadership training

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and help with board development and things like that. So

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that's how my company began nineteen years ago.

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That's beautiful. So let's take a look at the time.

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You said that you were in a country where the

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culture was different, and yet it was the relationships that

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saved your life and you went through a lot. So

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if you were to reflect back upon that journey, what

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would you say were your top two to three lessons

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that you still carry with you.

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I mean, above all, I would say, never underestimate the

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power of of one relationship. The people I was working

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with were what they call peasant farmers. They most of

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them had no education, they had no reading and writing ability,

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and yet they were incredibly wise, incredibly smart, and they

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really carried me through that year. So the power of

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relationships above all, I would say, is the number one lesson. Second,

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I would say, to remember that we aren't in this alone, right,

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and it stems from the power of the relationships, but

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the power of community beyond the individual relationships, the power

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of that community to lift you up when you're struggling,

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to carry you, to help you, to walk through life

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with you and be there as an accompaniment that enriches life,

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that makes it better. That you know, have people to

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celebrate with, have people to cry with, the power of

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community is incredibly strong. So that would be my second takeaway.

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And then I think the third takeaway is that it's

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really important that we speak our truth even when your

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voice shakes or even when it feels really scary. The

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importance of speaking your truth and living in an aligned

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way with that truth, making sure that your walk matches

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your talk. It's really central as a lesson that I

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pulled from that experience, and one that really guides another

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one that really guides how I live my life and

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do my business today.

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Yeah, no, those are very powerful.

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So coming to.

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Let's say, if you're going to look at people's assumptions

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and people's behaviors from top down, usually from most fields,

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different sectors, different industries, people expect that leadership begins top down.

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So when you talk about the boards in nowadays, you

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know there are so many other titles as well, like

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they've got chief creative Officer and chief research Officer. They've

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come up with wonderful titles. And so let's assume that

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there is this make of the board. So what would

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you say that what's happening now is like these are

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people with a lot of different expertise, experience, they're bringing

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in value, they've got different skill sets, and so many

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times egos are also involved. And because egos are involved,

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if let's say somebody has made one decision, they stick

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to it and the whole team can fall apart. So

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let's say if a new board were being formed, what

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would you say is a good process to bring that

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board together? And what are the skill sets needed?

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It's a huge question, let's see. I mean, first of all,

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I'm not somebody who believes that there's a one size

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fits all solution for pretty much anything.

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So I.

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Sort of struggle with having a you know, blanket solution

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that would match every situation. So saying that as a

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disclaimer upfront, I would say that any new group of

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people that are coming together, their first order of business

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needs to be to learn about each other. So finding

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ways to learn each other's styles of communication and decision making,

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learning learning about one another as whole people, as human

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beings that have multi dimensional lives, that have lots of

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experiences that matter. So, you know, looking at ways to

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accelerate a process that organically would take years to accomplish.

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There are great tools you can use to help accelerate

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that process. There's a million assessments in the marketplace. There's

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one in particular that I use that's very simple that

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allows people to understand each other's hardwired nature very quickly,

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from communication style to how we accept ideas, how we

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come to trust, etc. That can be enormously helpful in

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letting people know each other from that perspective more quickly,

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and then also engaging in some intentional relationship building and

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trust fostering. I would say, you can't really build trust

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directly in my experience, but you can foster the conditions

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where it has the opportunity to grow and develop. And

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there's work you can do with a group of people

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to just help them understand that trust is most often choice,

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that we extend it by choice, and having a framework

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that they're all in alignment around about how they're going

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to operate together, how they're going to handle difficult conversations

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that come up. Aside from the logistics of you know,

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board governance and the specific kinds of rules. From that perspective,

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I think the human interaction ground rules are just as

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important for any new group of people coming together because

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that provides the roadmap for how that group can approach

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one another, how they can interact most successfully together. So

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that's probably the place I would get started. And then

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based on the individuals that are part of that collective,

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their temperament, their collective energy, would really guide from there

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how to build on all of that. You're muted, Divia,

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You're muted.

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You're absolutely right, Ellen that there is no one size

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that fits all, because let's say, if it is a startup,

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then you need people who are ready to take fast

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and quick decisions, versus if somebody is coming to replace

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a couple of people in an established fortune fifty company,

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or if it's a nonprofit organization.

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And again it depends where it is at in.

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The global framework, so very relevant points. You mentioned that

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you can accelerate it. So what is the tool that

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you use?

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The tool that I use is called the Aqumax Index.

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It's not a super well known tool, although it should

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be because it's great. It's another Michigan based company, and

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I met the creators of it about ten years ago

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at a conference local to the Detroit area where I

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was at the time. And you know, there really are

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00:22:11.839 --> 00:22:14.480
just hundreds and hundreds of assessments out there and they

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00:22:14.519 --> 00:22:18.319
all have value, they all have different aspects that are good.

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But the thing I love about the Acumax index is

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two things. First of all, it consists of two questions

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and it takes literally five to ten minutes to complete,

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so its ease of use is just unbeatable. And then secondly,

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from those two questions, it is astonishingly accurate and insightful

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in terms of what it can tell you. I have

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a group going through the introductory process with it right now.

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I did one of their debrief sessions earlier this morning,

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and just over and over again. The woman that I

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was talking to, I've never met her, but I have

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00:22:58.440 --> 00:23:01.079
her Acumax and I'm looking at it and I'm saying,

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you know, these are probably some of your tendencies when

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it comes to communication and how you like to show

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up in a room and what you think about process

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and structure. And she just sat there shaking her head

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and said, finally, I don't understand how you've I just

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checked off some words. How are you getting all of

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this from that? So you know, of course, that's a

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fun part of it for me, is that that reaction.

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But it's it's astonishingly accurate. So that's the main tool

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that I use.

356
00:23:31.160 --> 00:23:33.839
Well, thank you for sharing, and you're absolutely right about

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the assessments. I have some of my own favorite assessment tools,

358
00:23:38.839 --> 00:23:42.880
and when they pulled that information out, it's just fascinating

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how human beings and a little bit of their inner

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thought process can be unraveled. Yeah, so now you have

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mentioned about the assumption. So let's say there's so many

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teams that different types of teams. One is one team

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that's working towards the same goal, and they could be

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working to it's the same goal, but they are coming

365
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from different departments. So let's talk about a team that

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is just let's say it's an engineering production department or

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it could be manufacturing. It doesn't matter. So for a

368
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team to be successful. You already mentioned about the board,

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00:24:18.480 --> 00:24:20.240
like you know, understanding each other and a lot of

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principles apply over there too. Now the role changes, and

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based on the roles, it does impact the behaviors and

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believes of individuals.

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So do you.

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Address it differently or do you think there's commonality across.

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The board.

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In terms of it being different than how I would

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manage the board. So I think I mean, oftentimes my

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go to starting place with any group of people that

379
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want to understand one another better and lay the ground

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00:25:00.400 --> 00:25:04.720
for working toward, for maybe establishing common goals. Working toward

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common goals, I often go to the acumax index as

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a first step so that I understand them better, but

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also so that I can help shed some insight for

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00:25:16.000 --> 00:25:19.319
them about one another and about the team dynamics that

385
00:25:19.359 --> 00:25:24.079
are likely to grow out of their profiles. From that tool,

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00:25:24.559 --> 00:25:28.400
that's often a starting place for me. But then moving

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00:25:28.480 --> 00:25:34.799
from that, I think that assumptions really are I mean,

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I wrote a whole book about assumptions. Assumptions really are

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00:25:38.680 --> 00:25:42.440
at the heart of every way in which any kind

390
00:25:42.480 --> 00:25:46.680
of communication breaks down. I have yet to find an

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example of communication breaking down where an assumption was not

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at the root cause of why it happened. So I

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think we just have so much opportunity to lean in

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and engage and ask more questions rather than stepping away,

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00:26:04.400 --> 00:26:09.400
leaning back, and just relying on our own assumptions about

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Your Team, Decoded: Uncover Hidden Barriers to Effective Communication

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