Fewer Days That Suck: The Mindset Shift You Need Now

0:00 The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are solely those of the hosts and their guests, and not those of W four WN Radio It's employees or affiliates. We make no recommendations or endorsement for radio show programs, services, or products mentioned on air or on our web. No liability, explicit or implied shall be extended to W four WN Radio It's employees or affiliates. Any questions or common should be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing W four WN Radio. This is Beyond Confidence with your host d W. Park. Do you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do you want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional, and financial goals? Well? Coming up on ZVO Parks Beyond Confidence, you will hear real stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers who have steps into discomfort, shattered their status quo, and are living the life they want. You will learn how relationships are the key to achieving your aspirations and financial goals.

0:52 Moving your career business forward does not have to happen at the expense of your personal or family life or vice versa. Learn more at WWWA. You don't divpork dot com and you can connect with div ants contact dantsdvpark dot com. This is beyond confidence and now here's your host TV Park. Good morning listeners. It's Tuesday morning, and I'm so thrilled to be here with you all. So I have a beautiful kind of story for you. So in our neighborhood, we have two beautiful ladies expecting and so they are you know, in the heat. It is like really really hot and all of that. So as I was saying, like, you know, one of the ladies was walking down the street and she seemed, you know, it's very uncomfortable and just kind of waiting, and then one neighbor just brought out, like you know, a glass of water, so a little bit, and it was just fascinating to see, like, you know, one little act can go such a long ways, and the smile broke. And as the smile broke, the beauty of that was that human connection goes such a long ways.

2:20 So basically that's our story for the kind of story for this week. And another thing I want to share with you is that if you have got our books, think you think you thank you for supporting us. And also I'm excited to share. My next book is in works. There are there have been some tears and some tears sometimes of joy. But you know, every book that you write is like just having a different baby. So just excited to share. I'm writing a book on artificial intelligence and hoping to finish it off in the next few months.

3:03 I'll keep you posted. So for those of you who have got a boox, please know that you know we're very thankful. And for those of you have don't got a boox, do get the books and help us help this spread the kindness. Let's bring in our guest, Hi. Deborah, Hello, good morning, Hello everybody. Thank you for having me with join you, Daviyah. It's an honor. Oh, it's wonderful to have you on the show. So Deborah, share with us. Do you recall a moment or a person who infused you with sunshine?

3:46 Oh, there's so many people along the way that have done that. But I think making a tribute to my mom, who's ninety one years old, one years young, would be the sunshine in my life. She's such a support and so. Proud of me always that it just fills my heart with joy. And how did she created that? Impact on you. Interestingly enough, back in the day when it wasn't as common as it is today for women to start a business.

4:30 At twenty six years old, she started a business. She's a fashion designer. Was that was her career, and so was my dad. I grew up in a creative home and she was determined to make this work. My dad was working for a big company, he was a head designer, and she said, if I make this work, when your contract's up, you'll come join me and we'll do it together. And they did. And that's why when you ask about sunshine, to me, that's what sunshine is about is finding your purpose, your passion, lifting other people up, believing in yourself, that confidence.

5:12 That's what I love you. The name of your show, Davia Live Beyond Confidence. It's all about that, developing resilience. Life is messy, it will never be perfect. But we owe it to ourselves to say yes to our lives. And my parents said yes to. Their lives, and it's in me to say yes now too. And doing that for your children, for your friends, lifting them up, for all of us is so important. Making time to give yourself a hug and honor yourself, and what you want out of life. We can make it happen if we put effort into this.

6:00 Hmmm, love that say yes to life? Yes. Now, society has different definitions of success. So and then you know, as a child grows up, parents are teaching the child something. Then teachers and friends and what they observe and the heroes and movies, and you know, there's such a different layer upon layer that is being developed for this child and they develop their lens through that. So how can they find what is there? Yes? What are they going to say yes to? And you know, it's really. Different for each of us because everybody defines success in different ways.

6:43 I define success. As waking up in the morning and finding my happy's. Yes, that's stress, the cortisol spike that happens naturally. We have to work against that, and that to me is success. Just enjoying my life and going after the dreams and the goals that I cherish the most. That's in my heart, and I always encourage people for their children is most importantly confidence, giving them the confidence to believe in themselves, to make mistakes. It's okay, I don't like the word failure.

7:32 I call it I've renamed it education and growth and letting your children know that falling down is the way you're going to achieve what it is in your heart, and building them up and helping them along, not enabling them, not doing it for them, but letting them find themselves, who they are, find their sunshine. I think that's so important to via. You're absolutely right. So, Deborah, you have two great role models where they you know your parents said yes to life.

8:15 So my question too is what did you say yes to life? And tell us a little bit more about your life journey. Okay, sure we'll do, because I think it's a lesson in not letting yourself shrink, disappear, get caught up in the nonsense. There's so many things we can get caught up in, the worry, the fear, the negativity. And the reason I say this is that, for a while striving to be a number one sales rep, I've always wanted to be at my best, not compete with other people, but do my best. And with that I sometimes lost myself.

9:02 I lost the joy in life because I was always chasing my tail, so to speak, that hamster wheel. So there I was standing on a New York City subway platform. I was very emotional because I was on this hamster wheel, striving to be number one, negativity, the excuses, all the things, and not enjoying my life. And it hit me. And it's such a simple thing you say. People would say, well, there's nothing to that, but honestly, I said to myself, nothing will change unless I change.

9:44 And I urge everybody to find your balance, not overwhelm yourself and have to do everything all at once, but slowly small steps lead to big changes over time. So I took the time to find more balance in my life so that I could say yes not just to accomplishments and to career success, but say yes to living my life, enjoying, traveling, meeting new people, spending time, having an enjoyable dinner with a friend. And there's so much more to life and to ourselves and being just a well rounded person, exercising, sleeping well, eating healthily, all the things that make us feel better, because when we feel better, the saying goes, you do better. So I have come back, I have found my luster again, my sparkle, and I help other people do that, but I also encourage people to take a step back, to pause, to give yourself the grace to welcome your true self and enjoy life

11:16 more because we are the ones that can do that for ourselves. And it's easy to say that that's trite and to put it off and to get caught up in the negativity. But as I say, negativity and positivity are contagious. Each are contagious. It's our choice to pick which when we want to embrace, and I choose positive energy and spreading it around and lifting other people up and enjoying the moment, saying yes to being present in the moment, talking with you. It's just a joy. You feel it in your heart. It just makes you feel so much better.

12:05 M Yeah, definitely. So did you go back to the sales job? What did you do? Because a lot of fun listeners are listening and saying like, yeah, you know, Deborah, what you're saying makes sense, but you want to know, like, you know, how did you apply to your real life? And you know, for everybody, I understand, you can't necessarily just leave a job, and I didn't. I worked on changing making adjustments, but eventually I did because I had a bigger purpose that I felt I needed to. When I was able to do that, I worked on it and every But what we do is we have choices.

12:50 You hear about side hustles and making time. There's always time if you can't leave a job because it provides for yourself, for your family. Honestly, don't suort change yourself. Find the time. I get up super early, find the time in the day to start making a plan to work on it, because honestly, who. Is it for, It's for you. So what I did is I started writing what was my guidebook, all the things I needed to do to get back to, to bring my sparkle back, to say yes to a bigger life, a bigger version of myself.

13:38 And I started to write down commitments, quotes, questions I needed to ask myself. I did a lot of research the science behind why we act a certain way and tips, action items, mantras, all that stuff. It turned, as you know, into my books six Steps to Fewer that suck. But I started that initially for myself, and everybody can find the time if they choose to. Everything is a choice, and we have the choice to spend our time the way we choose our downtime, so to speak. And yes, we have commitments, we have families, we have jobs, we have everything, but if it's important enough to you, you will make the time because rather than fretting about it, procrastinating, worrying, thinking, just sit down and do it. Because, like anything, the more we do something, it's a positive habit that I'm suggesting.

14:46 And the more you do it, because our brains love patterns, the more it becomes a pattern, the more you're prone. To do it. And that's the way to get started. Small steps lead to big changes over time. So the wonderful part about doing that, Divvy and I think you'll agree, is when we start to see those accomplishments. Put a note up on your fridge, on a mirror, I give yourself a goal star. Celebrate yourself. Celebrate these moments that gives you the courage to keep going. See what you can accomplish even in the downtime, the times early in the morning or late at night, or whenever you can find time to work on your goals, on your dreams. And then maybe one day you'll be able to leave that job, or maybe not, but.

15:49 Still you'll have this that's part of you to look forward to. And that's what I did, and now I'm proud to say I do this full time and it's joy. But again it's a choice, and it takes discipline and it takes effort, and that's what we need to do in order to accomplish our goals and to feel good about ourselves. Yeah, definitely. So tell us you talk about decluttering the toxic thoughts? How can people you go about that? Say that one more time, Diviya.

16:30 Yeah, so a lot of people experience toxic thoughts. Oh you can undo this, You cannot doing this choice in a critic whatever you want to call it. How can people get rid of those? And again I call that flipping the script because we all have these thoughts. It's our brain, just our mind just coming up with these thoughts and they're not always based in reality. So the best thing to do is pause and stop yourself from going down the rabbit hole. But if you get a negative thought, it's like saying I'm so stupid or I messed up again. Flip it to say something like I love learning something new. I'll make that work. Find a way to turn off the negative thought and flip it into something more positive.

17:31 And as I said, the brain loves patterns. The more we do something like that, the more we get used to it. The more we get comfortable with it, the more it becomes a habit. And yes, it's you might say, it's easy for me to say, but honestly, I was there and totally get it, and I chose a get a choice to look at things with a more positive spin to that script and make it more positive because it's easy to go.

18:13 Down a rabbit hole. And one of my favorite statistics is this is and it's a Penn State study. Researchers found the Penn State their study participants ninety one percent of what they worried about never happened. Okay, so we are worrying, we are being negative, we're going down rabbit holes, and what are the chances it's going to happen nine percent? Maybe, So it's time to take a pause before allowing ourselves to do it and flip the script, because who is this for.

18:55 It's for us, it's for you, it's not for somebody else. You owe it to yourself to enjoy more, worry less, and just make life a little easier. You can do it. We can do it. Absolutely. It's overcoming that negativity bias that our brains like to or favor negative events, negative information, over positive, which goes back to the early humans. But we're not in that situation. Now. We can choose to flip our script, to change our thoughts, to adjust, to reshape our thoughts, and reframe our perspective.

19:40 That's really what it's about. It's so simple. I'm a simple person. I look for simple. I try not to complicate things at all. And it works, it really does. This is not an act. This is me. I choose to feel good, not every moment of the day. Hey, you can't be happy every second, but I mean you can, But I mean, life happens, people die, things happen, but it's how we react to them. Yeah, now absolutely, So tell us a little bit more about your book. Oh sure, Diva.

20:20 As you know because you've seen it, look through it, read it. It's not a chapter book. What I wanted to do, because as I said, it was really written for me, is my guidebook all the things that get human beings down. Excuses, procrastination, negativity, circular thinking, all of that. And each topic is on a double page. And with that, I start with a title like walk Away from Negativity, and then there's a quote, there's the commitment to yourself, try to keep it very positive and upbeat, like a warm hug, but practical. This is not Pollyanna. I ask questions the questions that bothered me that I wanted answers to.

21:13 I give strategies, solutions, a lot based on science, but simple science, because again I keep things simple. I have a mantra that you can say, of course, create your own, be creative that works for you. I have tips, I have action items, and even a little story about different people, whether well known people that I don't know, or people that even that I know, and how they overcame whatever. The topic of the double page is. It's to inspire you little soundbites words that you could say to yourself, like revision is a decision or I bring the positive energy today, simple simple things. And it's just from the people that read it and read the reviews of the book.

22:06 It just went it published mid May. But interestingly enough to you and I feel so good about this is that people are starting to give it to their children after they read it, to their teens to read it to overcome all the things to have fewer days that suck is it's six steps to fewer days that suck, and that at the end of each step, eight double pages per step, then a summary page, and then aligne page for your aha moments. And I'm just honored that people are giving it to their teens and their kids to read because I think I believe when we develop confidence resilience, when we look at things more positively, and we developed this younger in life, life is so much simpler.

23:03 And when you have the confidence, the resilience, when you believe in yourself, chances are you're going to be a kinder person this because and you'll be kind to yourself because when we're kind to ourselves, it's more likely we're going to be kind to other people. And man, this world needs more kindness. So I'm like really excited about that as well. Then it's a generational kind of book for adults and also for the tweens and teens.

23:43 Fantastic. So tell us, So what are the double page is? So it's just double pages of everything, all the things we struggle with, Like I mentioned, no more excuses, walk away from negativity, fear, limits outcome prevention, perfection, prevents progress. It's all of those things that get in our way and stop us from saying yes and really living our life. But it's practical because as you know Edive you chatted, I am not about forcing positivity. It's not toxic positivity, I promise you. It's all about approaching life differently, flipping that script.

24:31 So that we are, yeah, flipping the script, reframing. So what are a couple of the practical steps that you can share with your audience. Practical steps is and I mentioned this before going down a rabbit hole because anger it got in my way, and something like anger is before reacting, before letting the frustration take all. For is to pause, to breathe. I know it sounds trite, but honestly, if you don't react right away and you think about it first, and you stop yourself and you bring some calm into the moment, you deal with it so much better. You're not hot headed and you can actually think calmly about a possible solution.

25:28 It's all about problem solving and not making ourselves anxious or stressed. So that's one of the things that I talk about, is those kind of strategies. I also talk about being around toxic whether it's people's situations, and sometimes yes, we have that in our lives, but it's how we choose to deal with it, and to be able to limit that person in our lives or that situation, to rework it, to deal with it in a better way so that it doesn't make us feel badly because it's all about other people's agendas or other people's issues. We can't make other people's problems ours. I'm not saying don't be apathetic never, I would never say that, or no, don't be nice to people. But I'm saying that we have to protect our dignity and honor our value, and we can't let other people stop us from doing that.

26:47 And that's all about confidence and everything that you share, Divia in all the guests that you have, it's all about that. So those are some things that I talk about, but it's of course so much more, and it's just helping helping us, and it was helping me value myself to add that self worth, that confidence. I love your show name beyond confidence. It's all about that. You're like my role model too. Oh thank you, thank you, thank you. So where can people find your book and where can they connect with you?

27:27 Oh? Thank you. That's so nice for you to ask. So my book is on Amazon. Six Steps to Fewer Days that suck gets there and I would love if you pick it up write a kind review. It's also on other platforms as well. It's an ebook, it's a paperback and a right now and a hardcover. Will be an audiobook soon and my website where you could find it connect with me is the Daily Decisions Decision with an s dot com. And if you go to the Daily Decisions dot Com Forward slash Inspire, you can join my Positive Energy Club. It's complementary free and you can get biweekly newsletters.

28:17 Just little things that we could do just to. Feel better, and download my happiness and motivation worksheets and my feel Good Simple Activities to make us feel good. Because it's really all about that, right Tavia is finding the way that we could say yes, not just to our work life, but to our entire life, to be present when we're with our families, when we're with our friends, not to be worrying and stuck in negative thoughts, but to enjoy more, worry less, and make life just that much more enjoyable.

28:59 Absolutely well, thank you for joining us, and thank you listeners for being part of our show. Let us know how we can support you to live the best life you deserve and thank you one for making the show technically possible. Thank you for being part of Beyond Confidence with your host, v Park, we hope you have learned more about how to start living the life you want. Each week on Beyond Confidence, you hear stories of real people who've experienced growth by overcoming their fears and building meaningful relationships. During Beyond Confidence, Dvpark shares what happened to her when she stepped out of her comfort zone to work directly with people across the globe. She not only coaches people how to form hard connections, but also transform relationships to mutually beneficial partnerships as they strive to live the life they want.

29:50 If you are ready to live the life you want and leverage your strengths, learn more at www dot dvpark dot com and you can connect with dvat Contact a at dvpark dot com. We look forward to you're joining us next week. Hmm