Finding Emotional Mastery in Your Finances

0:00 The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are solely those of the hosts and their guests, and not those of W four WN Radio It's employees or affiliates. We make no recommendations or endorsement for radio show programs, services, or products mentioned on air or on our web. No liability, explicit or implied shall be extended to W four WN Radio It's employees or affiliates. Any questions or common should be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing W four WN Radio. This is Beyond Confidence with your host w park. Do you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do you want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional, and financial goals? Well? Coming up on dvparks Beyond Confidence, you will hear real stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers who have stepped into discomfort, shattered their status quo, and are living the life they want. You will learn how relationships are the key to achieving your aspirations and financial goals. Moving your career business forward does not have to happen at the expense of your personal or family life or vice versa. Learn more at WWWA. You don't divpark dot com and you can connect with div ants contact at divpark dot com. This is beyond confidence and now here's your host, div Park. Good morning everyone, it's a beautiful morning. It's Tuesday, and I get to be here with you. We are already into summer for next ten to fifteen days, it's going to be in eighty five nineties. I'm sure you know a lot of people on the East Coast might be saying, what are you talking about? We would love to have those temperatures. So the reason I'm kind of coming to this story

1:34 over conversation is because so many times we forget what do we have in our lives, and we take so many things for granted. So it's important to take that moment and help someone out because we all have something that we can share with others. So find that moment, keep that kind of circle going and share your stories with us. And for those of you who've got our books, whether it's expert to influencer of the Entrepreneur's Garden, we thank you from our heart because without you, the show would not be possible. Without you, we would not be able to help other entrepreneurs because part of the profits go to kiva dot org because I do believe that entrepreneurs are a special species. Yes, and be sure to get our books and support us and spreading our message and helping entrepreneurs. And let's bring in our guests. Malcolm maren Hi, thanks for having me. I would, sir, just as you mentioned earlier, it's just a coffee chat, a conversation between two friends.

2:53 And let me ask you this, do you recall any positive moment? Are a positive person that left a positive mark on you that you even to this day, like you know, you think about that moment or that person and you are filled with positivity. I think there's a lot of people that any one specific person I think I want to go to where when I was kind of in that state of a little bit of struggling finding someone's podcast and listening to her and listening to her mindset and just kind of devouring her podcast for lack of a better word, and that was something that was really helpful in a time of like that, I you know, needed to hear the message. And I think that that was that was like a pivotal point for me. That's a powerful story, and it goes back to what I was saying earlier is that so many of us think, oh, I don't have anything to offer, and just listening to a podcast, and it can make such a difference in someone's life. And similarly, how you're showing up for yourself, how you're showing up for people and your sphere of influence, how

4:25 you're showing up for the humanity. It does make a difference. So when you were a young girl, what would you say were your interests? I loved to swim, And you know, one of the things is I've kind of like picked apart and taken time off and really slowed down and allowed myself to reflect, like there are parts in my childhood that you know, like we remember sometimes the painful parts, you know, and asking my parents or my like what did I really love? And I loved roller skating and I loved to swim, and the swimming and the ocean in all parts water is something that I still love to do every day. And that was something that like to reconnect to her during my time off, like what did I love to do and what do I love to do? And it's yeah, it's swimming in all forms, ocean, pool, water sports, all the things.

5:26 Yeah, water has a beauty of its own and especially ocean since you mentioned about it. It is just so vast and hold such an ecosystem within itself that it's just fascinating to me that what appears on the top is not it's what it all has. And similarly, be as human beings are like that. So as you grew up, what direction did your life take? I think, you know, as I was younger, like you know, five, seven, eight, something like that, I think, you know, little Aaron did all the things. And then there was a pivotal moment in life that I experienced with my parents in their financial situation around the age of ten, and I think that that had a profound impact on me in the way that I viewed money and things of that sort. And you know, after that it was very much So I think I was focused, Like I say that I've worked since I was like twelve, you know, Like I asked my mom the other day, I'm like, why did I work?

6:34 Like she was like, because you wanted money to be able to do the things that you wanted to do. And so, you know, reflecting and like having such compassion for little Aaron that maybe yes, had a childhood right, but like now being able to really do the things that I want to do, play the way that I want to play, and yeah, really really being intentional with how I spend my time now. And I think that that that probably was how I spend my time now is a reflection because I think of maybe how I did not get to do that when I was a kid. Yeah, and as a child, the way I see it is, you know, children are like open canvas and life paints their life experiences, just paints these memories and these pictures on their brain and that it can just go in different directions. So would you be open to sharing, Like you mentioned that at a very tender age of ten, you experienced something.

7:43 So what was that pivotal moment? Yeah, my dad is I mean, I would say my life right has been an entrepreneur, and I think that he made some you know, decisions that we know, he made some decisions that impacted you know, his his business. And I think in looking back now, he was doing it from he wanted to empower me, right, Like he wanted to teach me about money, He wanted to teach me about responsibility and those types of things. And also now that I'm a parent, like a ten year old just doesn't have the capacity right to understand all of that. And so I understand where the message was coming from, right, It was coming from love, it was coming from empowerment. And at ten years old, right, like you pick up on energy, you pick up on not just words. Right. And so the message, the overall message that I received was like money is a very serious thing, right, and so that is kind of what I took moving forward it and it did help me, right, It helped me, you know, with my career that I had. It helped me with saving and investing, and also now knowing like, Okay, money isn't serious, it's you know, it's meant to you know, we can have fun with it. We can circulate it.

9:07 We don't have to hoard it. We don't have to you know, scrimp and save and save all of it, you know, like it It's okay to circulate it and move it around. And it likes to be loved on. And so I'm grateful for that, you know, like I said, like, I'm grateful for the message and also now understanding like I can have a different relationship with money. M h. Absolutely, And what a beautiful way to put it. Erin that you took the message and rather than just taking it as it came, you evaluated it that how it would show up in your life. So you mentioned that, you know, you have had career and money. Tell us a little bit about that. Well, I mean, I think I absorbed the message that I received for a long time, right, Like the message that I changed, or the message that I received isn't the message that I live by now. And that's only been over the last you know, four or five years. But for a long time, it was like serious, right, Like I say, you know, like I loved a checklist life, right like you hear, like you go to college and you get good grades, and you make money, and you say for retirement, and you make sure your child's education is paid for, and you like, you know, working on paying off the mortgage, like all of the things that Western society kind of boasts about, like these are the things that will make you happy, right And I did all of those things, and I did them from a place of like inadequacy within myself.

10:39 I did it from a place of and not aware right like at the time, right like, I just did it from the place of like if I do this, then I'll fill X, right, and we know that like nothing will ever make you feel any way, and so I kind of had checked all the boxes and then I was like, well, wait a second, like I'm not very like the I'm not exactly happy. You know. I was just living for that next moment, and I think that you know, the illusion that like if you have X amount of money, then you're going to feel safe, or then you're going to feel fulfilled, or then you're going to feel happy like that. I totally bought into that until I got to that place, and then I realized like this isn't this isn't what I want for my life, and so really starting to pick apart what do I want? How do I want to live? How do I want to be with my money? And you know, for a long time, I say like I did not feel safe with money, right, Like I thought that if I could get to a certain point, then I would feel safe. But I kept moving that goalpost, right like we would get to a certain amount and then I would then I would save more, right, And then what I realized was like, oh wait a second, Like moving the goalpost isn't changing anything, right, like this is and I don't think I had language for it at the time, right, But like, this is an internal job. This is something I've got to because no matter how much money you have, if you continue to accumulate it and you still feel actually more fear is what I felt than less fear. And so really working

12:11 on that over the last several years to really be at peace with money, to have a different relationship with money, you know, knowing money can come and go like that's okay too. That kind of that has been definitely my growth of like using money, having fun with money, things of that sort. Yeah, No, definitely you pointed out a few good things, actually several that even though you reach the goalpost and you'll dive into that a little bit, it didn't change anything because that relationship with money was internal, not external. So tell us, like, you know, externally, when you mentioned that you reached a certain point in career, what did that look like?

13:00 I don't necessarily know if it was careers. Much like at the time, I was working in my family's water and wastewater construction business, so I was helping them, you know, run you know, a forty plus year business, you know, with plenty of employees and all of that. It was more so the dollar amount and like assets and things of that sort, and realizing like, oh wait, like we have more money now than we did five years ago, and I still actually I feel more insecure, I feel more scared, I feel more fearful. And so it was actually when my husband and I we lived in Texas at the time, and we were flipping a house and I think I had I never went to the doctor, but I think I had a panic attack like I was having and even though we had money, we were making money, like my body didn't feel that way right, like that fear of like exchanging large sums of money and things of that sort. And so that's when I really realized, like I've got to do something with my relationship with money because as I can't continue like I think it was thirty I don't know, thirty eight, thirty nine, I can't continue to like live my life for the next forty fifty years in this feeling a state of stress and fear and worry. And yeah, it felt like sometimes all consuming is what it felt like. M Yeah, that's very telling that if you're okay, I'd love to do it. Little exploration of what you said that you had large sums of money and that brought on more

14:33 fear. And what do you think was behind that? Yeah, I think subconsciously, I think a lot of the things the messages that I received as a kid, right, like holding on to money, like money is something to be you know, like it's a serious thing. And I don't know, like at ten, like I don't remember having those conversations, right, I remember certain events that occurred. I remember how I probably I felt when my parents would fight about money, right. And so for me, it was realizing that, you know, and this takes slowing down, right, Like, I think that I've talked to a lot of people that Workoholism isn't something that really like has talked about. I don't think a lot like in Western society, right, but we use working a lot. It's as a way to, you know, cover up some of those things that we feel about ourselves, whether it's in adequacy, whether it's fear around money, right Like, And so I was able to slow down, and I was able to like start peeling apart this onion and realizing like, oh, this is this goes deeper than like you know my when I say, when it goes deeper. What I mean is like it's it's not just like oh, me and money, you know kind of need to like do some you know, thought work around it. Like this is like in my box, my body does not feel safe, like being hyper vigilant around money. And so yeah,

16:07 really starting to do some somatic work with money and things of that sort, because I was already doing the mindset work, but things weren't shifting. And so then that's when I really started to get into the body and really start to, yeah, feel what I probably had suppressed for many, many years by working a lot, by saving, because that was like the easy way to cover up all of the feelings that I had suppressed for so long. M So was this like this is you mentioned that you know you were feeling in the body. So let's save one of our listeners or one of our audiences as they're watching us, they're thinking about it and exploring their relationship with money. So what are the pointers? What are the some of the things that they can get started on to figure out what kind of relationship do they have? Yeah, I think just by you know, slowing down and asking yourself questions like how do I feel when I look at my financial statements?

17:07 How do I feel if you're a business owner, how do I feel when I look at my P and L or my balance statement? Or you know, how do I feel if you you know when it comes time for payroll? How do I feel when you know the market if you're invested? You know, Like how do I feel when the market goes down? Do I like tense up and I'm all scared or I'm like, you know what, this is just the way that the markets go. Like how are you feeling in your body when you know when your kid comes to you and asks you for something or it's considered a large purchase, right, Like how do you feel when money is coming in? And how do you feel when money is I don't say coming in and going out, but's circulating right? And this takes this takes some slowing down, right. I think we're where we live in such a fast paced society. So really asking yourself some questions like how you know when I am I appreciative that I have the money that I have, or do I think that it's not enough? Am I you know, wanting more from a place of like where I'm at isn't good enough?

18:08 Or do I want more because I want to be able to circulate more, have more, give more, share more. You know, So asking yourself some questions and getting curious is I think always the first step. Yeah, that definitely makes sense. And here's what I'll share that I remember like one of the times in my childhood where my father had been caught in some family business and we had gone through some hard times, and during one of those times, I remember how the situation had changed, ye how they were interacting, and then how it impacted my perspective. And you are absolutely right, Like, you know, it's finding about like doing that little research, being that journalist and investigating how your relationship is with money. And so once let's say people find out what is the relationship with money, what do they do after that? Yeah? So I think one celebrating that, right, Like I think sometimes we are like okay, now we know, now what do we need to do. It's like, okay, that can just be for a little bit, right, Like we can just celebrate like, oh, we've noticed what our relationship has been like, and then how do we actually want to be with money? Right? Like? And I think, you know, I have lots of thoughts around the self development world of like,

19:41 you know, we want to fill abundant we want to but like if our body doesn't feel safe, we can't think, you know, like mantras and you know, constantly repeat things if in our bodies it doesn't feel that way. And so you know, I always say with everybody, like you're going to have to play with different ways, right, Like maybe it's meditation, maybe it's breath work, maybe it's you know, just sitting there and being with when the feeling comes up, right, Like, we aren't taught how to be with our feelings, and if we are just sitting with our feelings, right like, literally an emotion passes they say within like ninety seconds, but a lot of us feel it for much longer because we resist it.

20:22 Right, So breath work or tapping, which is like emotional freedom technique where you can tap, there's lots of different ways to get into the body and to release some of that because you know, it's it's emotions are just energy and emotion, and sometimes they get stuck in places. I don't want to say stuck, you know, because that feels a little disempowering, but it just the energy hasn't moved, right, And sometimes we just need to move the energy. And so really, I always say too is like being really kind and compassionate with ourselves, right because a lot of a lot of our relationship with money was formed at a at a younger age, right by our caregivers or our parents, or by you know, society, and so some of our beliefs around money aren't even ours. And so asking yourself like what do I want my relationship to be like? And then how do I actually want to feel on a daily basis when it comes to money? Mm hmmm, Yeah, that's very powerful. So what I'm hearing is checking in with yourself and also going back to what are your core values? And it's so important to look into how you want to live your life by yep, and when you have your core values, not the definition of success as it has been outlined by your family, by society, by your mentors, or by your peers. Because I have so many clients who come to me and say that I feel so behind, I feel unsuccessful, And when we dig in

21:57 we find out that are not even peers who are in there well working with them. These are people who they study doing it. Oh now they're VP the director and I'm only manager, okay, So it's almost like you're not even comparing apples to apples. It's comparing apples to oranges. And then that comparison can take the joy. As they say, comparison is the thief of joy. I like what you mentioned about having that compassion. So in your career, I recall you sharing that you had been a financial planner at one point in time. So tell me what led you to get into that and what led you to getting out of it. I think obviously, you know, like my upbringing, like I wanted to be empowered with money. I liked it. I liked the finance part of it. When I say it was easy, like I thought I wanted to go to meta school and so I was kind of going down that path. And then I, you know, the sciences weren't necessarily like I didn't enjoy that, but when I got into the finance part, like business, it was very I loved all of my classes. And so, you know, empowering people obviously, you know, with their money and being able to make decisions and all of that.

23:18 And you know, when you when you know how to manage your money and grow your money and all of that like that was that was also a desire of mine, and so yeah, I mean I've always had, I think, like a servant's heart and wanting to help people and empower them, and so financial planning, you know, was was I really liked when I got into my courses and started taking them and I enjoyed it. And so what you know, a lot of business building, right is sometimes can be and it's different, right, I think it's different for me now, but like back then, right, I totally subscribed to like work hard, and I was working a lot of hours, and even after five or six years in they had made some changes and with like where the company was going, and I didn't know if I wanted to continue to work sixty or seventy hours a week. Now Aaron now knowing what she knows now, right, like she could have made a lot of different choices, but I kind of had burnt myself out, you know. And I think because I was at that place of like getting to the like sufficiency was not even in my vocabulary, right.

24:40 It was always like when I get to this place, then I can actually relax, then I can write. But as I already said, right, I kept moving the goalpost and so that is probably one of the reasons where I just was like, I'm tired of working this much. I'm tired of it became for me like obviously my awareness now right, like this was all internal, like it wasn't fun anymore for me, and so making a change in wanting like what do I want to do? Like here we go back to evaluating your life, right, like valuating what success was like and not looking outside of myself of like I mean in the financial industry, right like you were, we're teaching all of these people how to you know, save and all of these things, and then yet like a lot of us are going to the bar on Friday, Like there's something you know that is not matching up here, right, Like why aren't we like happy or content?

25:45 You know? And so really just deciding like what do I want My husband and I were thinking about, you know, maybe having a kid, and so like did I want to work that many hours? So it was really a point where like what do I want my life to look like? And working that amount of hours was not the it was not the goal or I did not want to do that. So yeah, so it sounds like it was a turning point in your life. And as a result, what did you decide to do? I think I for like maybe a week or two, I did nothing. I just quit and I did nothing. And then that's when my dad approached me and said, in a very like nonchalant way, like, do you want to come and help me? I have some you know, I need some help with and you know, as a business owner, like there are things in your business that you kind of like hold close to your vest right, and so the he was like, you know, I want someone that I can trust, that I can you know, have someone look after some of the things. And it started as very I say innocent in the sense of like, hey, come and like help me with a couple of things. And then I got in there and started diving in and really, okay, there's lots of changes that need to be made. And so yeah, part time turned into full time because here again I hadn't you know, sat with and dealt with any of the internal stuff for myself, and so kind of diving in and really helping. And it

27:18 was during the two thousand and nine and construction and all the things, so diving in and really, yeah, making a lot of changes in there, got it so you helped your father and then post that what helped you kind of get into the place where you are at right now? Yeah, like you at the very first question you asked, like right, like what you know? I started listening to a podcast and just devoured her and started and I enrolled in her group program and just started getting coached and changing because the real estate that flipping the house, that was a pivotal moment for me, like I don't want to live like this, and so getting coached and working on that, and then over the years, then deciding I wanted to quit my family's construction business, and then building up my coaching practice, and then deciding I just want to take some time off because I had never really not worked, and so that was that was what started as three months ended up being two and a half years, I guess. And so during that time off is probably has been my most profound because it has given me the time to reflect, It has given me stillness, it has given me I've gotten so much clarity because I've had this space to really like what do I want?

28:48 You know, I knew I wanted to help people financially in coaching, but like, how did I want to do it, and what did I want it to look? I can just allowing myself that time to play, like you said, you know, you're asking you when I was a kid. So being able to travel and spend time with my kid and do things that I had always had on the like at some point in the future list you know, doing that over the last two years that has probably gotten me to where I am now. So you mentioned about said something like, you know, rather than wait for the future, why not implement it today?

29:30 Because even in the future, all you have is present. So you talk often about three D and five D. So can you tell us a little bit about what is three D aspect of the finances and five D? And how can you blend the two together? Yeah, the three D, Like I just made up the term because I'm like, people keep coming to me with these things and I'm like, okay, So the three D like the three dimension right, like what we can see and I know, like you know, like you think about your money or your taxes are investing, and I know that you know you can't necessarily see the stocks, but like those are the things that you do on the material plane right on planet Earth. But then the five D is like how you feel. And so old Aaron was really good in the three D, but her five D muscle was not built up at all, right, Like she still felt a lot of fear.

30:19 She still felt you know, insecure and inadequate no matter how much money she had. And so when I talk about like blending the two, like I mean, I'm sure we've all met somebody who has millions and millions of dollars and they still are either really unhappy, unfulfilled, or you know, fearful right to let go of some of their money. And so when I say blending those, what I mean is having a healthy relationship with your money, like how you feel with your money, and also being a good steward right of your money in your and being knowledgeable about your finances. And so those are what I mean when I say the two together. Okay, so now you know, let's say somebody has done the checklist in the sense that like they know what is their value in their lives, how do they want to live so and they know what kind of relationship it is. So can you give a little few tips around how can they have a strong relationship with money where they're not feeling insecure where they're feeling secure with what they have along with because and to feel that security, you need a couple of things.

31:37 So it's not just having like, Okay, I'm good with money money circulating. It's also important to have a certain amount of money that helps you live your life absolutely and at the same time be secure with that. It's okay if I'm circulating it, if I want to go on a vacation, doesn't matter what kind of vacation. It depends on the style you want to live. You're okay with spending that, then you're not coming into this nervousness or anything like that, because now you're seeing that credit card bill, So how can you achieve that? Yeah, I think, well, a lot of any money is just a reflection of us, right, Like that's what I've really had to learn. Right, So you're feeling inadequate about your money, there's some inadequacy that you feel within right, Like you're feeling like money isn't good enough. There's some not good enoughness that you feel within right, And so I always go back to, like, how do you actually feel about yourself? Have you nurtured and taken care of that inner child? Right?

32:37 That feels not good enough that you're comparing you know, you mentioned earlier about like we are comparing ourselves too, and the brain naturally wants to do that. But what I always suggest is like compare yourself to how you were yesterday, to how you were two years ago, to how you were ten years ago, right, like are you evolving? Are you? Have you grown? In most always the answer is yes, right, and so with your with the it's it's not a sexy answer, but it's like, how how do you feel about yourself? Have you done some of that internal work and of you know, loving yourself unconditionally? Right like because a lot of us grew up with parents that that loved us conditionally. If you do good in school, then you get X or you know, and so have you given yourself the love? Have you allowed yourself to play and enjoy? Like we were sent here to have fun and enjoy ourselves. Life does not have to be a struggle. It doesn't have to be hard. Yes, there's effort right in anything, but we're not here to like trudge through and get to some point and then we're done. And so how much you know, how much fun are you having? How much goodness? I think it's also like what is our capacity to receive? Right? Like we we have a you

34:07 know, in the in the somatic world, like they talk about window of tolerance, right like, there is a window of tolerance that we also have for receiving, right like how good can we allow it to get? So those are those are things that I would start with of asking yourself like something is simple. You know, people always say like you, I don't know if you've ever noticed, you go out to dinner and someone they're like fighting over the bill, right like, I'll pay all. But it's just like why can't you just you know, like even just something something as simple as that, if your friend asks you and they want to pay, then stop fighting, like receive that. I think a lot of us have some difficulty with receiving. Yes, I think some most of us do. And that is very true. And that brings us back to what we started out that starting out with the kindness circle. And what happens is that then you open your heart up and you open up yourself to life and very quick story like yesterday, what happened was I had a lot of a couple of systems breaking down. You know, a lot of clients demanding attention. And what I've done is packed in intentional breaks throughout the day. I took them, even though I was sweating it, but I took it. And it's about being intentional about it. And sometimes it may not play out as you want, but if you do it. And then at the end of the day, I decided I'm going to call it today. Yes, I've got a meeting.

35:37 I'm going to have it over the phone. And guess what I heard this bitter pattern of rain. The skies had opened up, and I wanted to feel some rain drops on my face. I opened the door, just walk out and there was this beautiful rainbow that I haven't seen in such a long time. So what a beautiful way to end the day. So, as you're saying, erin opening ourselves to life, and you'll be surprised what life can bring for you. So Aaron, share with us. You know how you are helping entrepreneurs now, how people can connect with you. Yeah, they if they want to work with me one on one, I definitely invite that. And or I am currently having a small group cohort where I talk about like the three D and the five D of money, where I bring in, you know, a bookkeeper and a CPA and financial advisor so that you can ask questions and you know, really understand that part of the of the money as well as you know, the the five D part, right, like how we feel with money, and we didn't talk too much about it, but I do. I do help with you know, human design and like how we actually are meant to move through the world. And so those are those are the two ways that if someone wants to work with me, they can do that and then they can you know, on my website or they can find me on Instagram. I'm there some times at the Aaron Gray And could you share with as your upside please? Yeah, it's generate a life well lived dot com And what would you say is your vision

37:14 for the coming years? Two? Oh, that's a good one because it's like multifaceted. I think, you know, to help as many entrepreneurs really change their relationship with money and feel safe in their bodies. I think the world could use more people that have money, have fun with money, give money, share money, and so helping entrepreneurs have a lot of fun and have an amazing relationship with money as well as bringing in as many facilitators as I can within the cohort to help them and you know, grow their business and yeah, collaborate. That's beautiful. Thank you for joining us erin you know cleally enjoyed our conversation and dear audience, our listeners, we cannot do anything without you. Thank you so much for your love and support that you shower on us because I love hearing from you. Reach out to us and share with us how we can serve and support you to live the life you deserve and want. And thank you one for making the show technically possible.

38:22 Thanks Tibia and one, thank you. Thank you for being part of Beyond Confidence with your host did Via Park, we hope you have learned more about how to start living the life you want. Each week on Beyond Confidence, you hear stories of real people who've experienced growth by overcoming their fears and building meaningful relationships. During Beyond Confidence, Vapark shares what happened to her when she stepped out of her comfort zone to work directly with people across the globe. She not only coaches people how to form herd connections, but also transform relationships to mutually beneficial partnerships. As they strive to live the life they want. If you are ready to live the life you want and leverage your strengths, learn more at www dot wpark dot com and you can connect with W at contact at dwpark dot com. We look forward to you joining us next week