Negotiate with Confidence

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Any questions or common should be directed
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choosing W four WN Radio. This
is Beyond Confidence with your host d W

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Park. Do you want to live
a more fulfilling life? Do you want

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to live your legacy and achieve your
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Well? Coming up on voparks Beyond
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leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers who
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quo, and are living the life
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or vice versa. Learn more www
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connect with vant contact at gwpark dot
com. This is beyond confidence and now

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here's your host w Park. Hello. Hello, Hello, so thrilled to

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be here with you. I love
being with you. So a couple of

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updates. I just want to share
with you that our books are doing great,

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and I want to thank each and
every one of you, especially for

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getting expert to influencer that is going
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meaningful impact and the entrepreneur's gotten that's
going to help you build wonderful relationships with

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yourself, with results, with money, and so many others. Thank you

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so much for getting those Because the
partial profits from our both of the book

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sales go to Kiva dot org.
V V are helping entrepreneur all across the

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globe because entrepreneurs is the species that's
going to drive change and keep that kind

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of circle going. As we always
talk about it, Remember to spend one

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hour of your time every month.
You can break it up anyhow you want

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it and do a kind act wherever
you can. And here's what I'm going

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to share with you today. We
have a wonderful guest. Welcome Alice.

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Hello, how are you doing well. So good to have you. Thanks

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for having me. I'm very excited
to be here. Fantastic, So,

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Alice, we usually start out from
the childhood. Do you recall a moment

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or anyone that has left a mark
on you and you still remember that.

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I absolutely do. I had a
fabulous drama teacher when I was in high

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school. She was my number one
cheerleader. She really saw my talent early

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on. She cast me. I
was like the very first junior to get

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cast as the lead in the senior
production because she thought that I was really

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talented. So she has left an
indelible mark on my heart. Hmm.

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And that takes us to celebrating our
teachers because you don't realize our educators have

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such an important role in shaping the
leaders of tomorrow. So, as you

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mentioned that, you know you had
interest in theater, but as you grew

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what for your interest and where did
your life take you? Yeah? So

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I started off really loving theater from
the time I was maybe seven, and

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I wanted to become an actress from
very very early on, so I,

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you know, continue that dream through
high school. I was on the speech

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team and then I was in the
theater department. My junior and senior year.

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I went on to get a degree
a BFA in acting, and then

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a few years after that, I
went on to work on my master's in

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directing. Oh and then yeah,
and then in two thousand and I moved

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to San Francisco to follow my dream
of becoming a director and very quickly became

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artistic director for a theater company called
three ys Monkey's Theater Company here in San

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Francisco, and I was also working
as a graphic designer for the American Red

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Cross. Then I did that for
several years and eventually did some freelance work

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as a graphic designer, and then
moved on to work in startups in San

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Francisco. That I worked for five
years in two different startups. And then

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alongside that last startup experience, I
started my business as a mediator and a

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negotiation coach. And here I am
today. Oh wow, So let's kind

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of rewind back and go back to
the days where you were directing and you

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were graphic designing. What was it
like because so many times, you know,

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people are curious that people know that
an artist life is can be full

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of struggles, and there is this
perception from outside, right like, especially

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if you're not an artist. I
mean, people can be artists in their

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own rights in different areas. But
since you were enacting, can you share

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with us what was that life like. When I was an actress, it

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was a theater, not film.
There weren't as many Asian actors, and

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they weren't you know, there was, so there weren't that many Asian roles,

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and there also was limited opportunity to
be cast, like where they do

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blind color casting and they might cast
an Asian person to play one of the

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main characters in a play. So
it was very, very difficult. It

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was in the early to mid nineties
that I was in the theater, so

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no matter how good I was,
a lot of times they would just be

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like, you're the wrong race.
And that was really difficult. And so

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that's sort of why I moved more
towards directing, because I felt like there

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were more opportunities. Now, mind
you, still at that time most directors

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were male, not that many female
directors. But I really enjoyed the craft

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because I had a wider control over
the entire production. As an actor,

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you only have control over your character
and that's it, right, So you

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don't have any other control over the
arc of the play or the scenery or

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the music and any of that.
So I was really able to explore my

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artistic passion in directing because I was
able to really work with a lot of

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the different designers on the production,
and I really dabbled in acting and directing

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and producing, and I did a
little bit of play writing. So I

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wrote one play and that play actually
made it from San Francisco. It got

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produced here first, then it went
to Hawaii and got produced there, and

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then it made it all the way
to Scotland to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

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So that was really exciting. Of
course, that is really really exciting.

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How did you feel about that?
It was really special. It's kind of

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like having your baby grow up and
then your baby starts traveling by himself or

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herself and you're like, oh my
goodness, I hope it's okay. So

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I didn't get a chance to go
to Scotland to watch this show, so

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I just heard about it. But
it really was like your child had grown

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up and you know, flown the
coop. So that was really really cool,

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and it was really interesting to see
the life of its own with the

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play because I had produced it in
San Francisco and then forgotten about it.

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And then a friend of mine went
to a conference and she knew about my

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play. So when they were talking
about the World War two history, she

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chimed in and said, oh,
I have a friend who wrote a play

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about this particular part of and she
told these people about it, and one

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of the ladies at the table set
I would like to meet her because I

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would like to get a copy of
her play to use for my high school

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students as just academic you know,
practice right. And so initially when I

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was contacted by this person in Hawaii, she wasn't looking to take it to

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Scotland. She was looking to use
it for school purposes. And she read

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my play fell in love with It, went to Scotland a year earlier,

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and said, I wonder if this
will be a good play for the Fringe

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Festival, and then she determined that
it was. So they spent one year

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raising money and performing it throughout the
island of Oahoo so that they could get

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all the kids all the way over
to Scotland to perform the play. So

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it was really very interesting to see
a play take a life of its own

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and sort of jump up and go
and meet people, and then all of

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sudden get produced with zero to no
effort on my part. Oh nice,

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And see that's the beauty of that. In seeds of today lies the possibilities

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of tomorrow. And what's amazing is
that you wrote it and then it took

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a life of its own, and
you described it so beautifully about seeing your

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baby grow and letting it go.
So as you were writing, I'm sure

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you had your assumptions and perceptions as
to how the characters need to act and

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all that. So when as you
mentioned that actors can only control their character,

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and I'm sure that all actors want
to give their own twist, So

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how did that play out as you
were producing that play? So I actually

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did not direct it, so you
can direct your own planes, but in

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the theater world it's really encouraged you
as a playwright. You don't direct your

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own play specifically because of what you're
talking about, because as I'm writing it,

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I have my own thoughts and ideas
of how the characters should be.

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Want to give the actors a bit
more freedom so that they can interpret the

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characters on their own. And sometimes
it can like cause friction if they're not

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doing it the way that I envisioned
it, and so you're just too close,

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right, it's too close. It's
your baby, so you want to

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step away. So, as a
playwright, even though I produced it,

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I did not direct it, and
so I released the reins. That is

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something that is very difficult for a
lot of playwright directors to do, to

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be able to say, Okay,
I've written it and I'm going to step

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away and let someone else direct.
But I felt like it was the right

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thing to do for me because I
did not want to clash with the actors.

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You know, they might not perform
it the way I have it in

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my head, but to me,
that was part of the process. It's

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part of the process to let it
go, let it have a life of

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its own. And even if some
of the people are, you know,

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performing it differently than the way I
envisioned it, it's okay, it makes

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perfect sense. And so as you
mentioned that, you know you directed.

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Also after that, what were the
lessons you learned and what was it that

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made you leave the theater area.
Well, the easy answer to the second

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question is I had two kids.
I actually spent the first three years of

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my older son's life still directing,
so I was directing with a newborn,

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I was breastfeeding him. On set, I would just cover myself with a

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blanket and just be directing with a
baby who's breastfeeding. But when you have

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two babies, that becomes like an
impossibility. I literally would bring the like

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the little playpen, and put the
playpen down in the corner of the stage,

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put my one year old, two
year old, three ye old,

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you know, as he got older, I would put him in there and

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I would direct. But you know, in the theater, people love what

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they're doing and so they're dedicating whatever
time they can. And so you're in

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a small theater. Most to the
people have full time jobs, and so

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the rehearsals take place in the evenings
from like six to ten or seven to

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ten, and so once you have
kids and you're supposed to spend time with

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them, that is not possible anymore. So that's the quick answer to why

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I left the theater. And in
terms of what did I learn as a

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director, I learned really how to
communicate in a way that I could get

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the actors to give me the performances
that I wanted without giving them a line.

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Reading. So for those of you
who are not in the theater world,

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a line reading is saying, hey, div you can you say the

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line like this and you want someone
to exactly mimic your intonation the way you're

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saying it. But it's really not
a good way to direct, because you

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want the actor to really create an
inner life and an innermotivation and objectives so

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that the lines come out the way
you want to hear them. But you

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have to really work hard because is
just giving them a line reading is a

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shortcut, and it really erases all
of the rich inner work that they have

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to do for themselves as an actor. And so as a director, you

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want to be able to communicate you
know, hey, imagine this or imagine

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that and how would you feel?
And so you really want to help them

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craft the inner life of that character
so that the lines come out authentically and

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they come out the way that you
want to hear them. M So helping

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them step into the character. And
it's a beautiful form of negotiation where so

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many times we don't understand that piece. But it's about influencing others without pushing

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them or without sore directing. But
you're not directing exactly and being directive exactly

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exactly. You're not being directive,
but you're directing a show so that the

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performances come out the way you envisioned, without you telling them how to say

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the lines. H that's beautiful.
It's about creating that space so that that

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actor can grow, that character can
come to life. Because as you mentioned,

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that actor have actors or actresses,
you know, they have that area

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only of control, so you have
to let it go and then have still

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have that balance where you can share
your vision with them and so that your

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vision is coming to life. Would
that be fair? Yes, yes,

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definitely. And I also learned that
I was very good at casting. I

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feel like I missed my calling in
this life as a casting director. I

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really was able to cast even unusual
combinations of actors. Sometimes the playwrights that

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I worked with questioned my choices early
on, saying are you sure what are

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you doing? For example, I
had one it was a very fantastical play

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where one of the characters was a
spider, and so the playwright was envisioning

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someone with like really thin body and
dark hair, you know, so that

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when they walk in you kind of
they look like a spider. And so

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I cast someone who looked like an
angel. It was a wrote, you

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know, round woman, and she
had fair skin and blonde hair. And

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he was like, she doesn't look
spider like whatsoever? What are you doing?

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And I said, trust me,
she's going to be fantastic, and

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he said, she looks more like
an angel than a spider. And then

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I directed it and then he came
back and he said, Wow, you

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picked the right person. She made
that character come to life. And so

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I'm really able to see like the
potential of the actors early on when I'm

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doing a lot of the auditions,
and so that's something that I learned there.

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Yeah, that's so beautiful. And
did any of your kids pick up

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any of your acting or directing or
any of those artistic talents in the theater

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area. So my kids did not, but my nephew actually is interested.

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And it's funny because my brother is
not a theater person, so I believe

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it just jumped over to my nephew. Well, jeans have a really fantastic

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way of just kind of showing up, and you don't know where what shows

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up. And yeah, between dominant
and recessive genes, of course, we're

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not going to go into genetics.
One oh one. Now that said,

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you mentioned that you know you had
kids and you wanted to spend time with

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them. So how was that phase
the phase? Let's see. So I

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was very lucky so early on,
before I ever became a negotiator, before

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I ever studied how to negotiate,
I was already very passionate about the things

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that I wanted, and so I
sort of figured outout much education in the

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world negotiation, how to negotiate.
So around the time that I was transitioning

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from leaving the theater world and really
trying to raise my children, I had

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a full time job and they laid
everyone off. They laid the entire company

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because they were moving everyone to the
East Coast where the real estate was cheaper

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and the personnel were cheaper. Right, So at the time, I felt

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like, Okay, so I have
one client who is remote, like while

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I was working for that company,
so already, even though I'm going into

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the office, I'm on the phone
with my client and doing graphic design for

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this client far away, right,
And so I thought, why don't they

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just hire me to work from home? Because there are many benefits they don't

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have to pay for an office space
for me. They don't have to retrain

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someone. The current client is already
happy with my work. So I had

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a long list of reasons why it
was a good idea. And this was

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the time that I was having small
children. I had two small kids,

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and so working from home would be
ideal for me, right because then I'm

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at home with my kids all the
time. And so I made the pitch

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to the new boss, and the
new boss said, no, nothing personal,

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but I want to hire everyone I
know all my people. I don't

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know you. So the answer is
no. And so most people probably would

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say okay. I tried, but
I did not feel like that was good

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enough of an answer. So I
went and got a meeting with her boss,

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the VP. He again was a
new VP who was going to be

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on the East coast, and I
pitched the idea to him and he said,

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I think it's a great idea.
I'm all for it. However,

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I'm going to let her be the
final decision maker. I'm not going to

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force her, but I'll put in
a good word for you. So I

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thought, Okay, this is still
not satisfactory to me. So then I

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went and talked to the client and
I said, do you want me to

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continue working with you? And they
said absolutely, we love you, we

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love your work. And I said, please put in a good word because

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the word on the street is that
she is not going to retain me,

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so please let her know you would
like to keep me. And I had

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one more VP that I went to
and I said, you like my work,

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don't you You think i'm a good
you know, designer done? And

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she said yes, and I said, please put in a good word for

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me. So I got another meeting
with the boss and she said, Okay,

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I'm not really happy about this,
but I'm getting so much pressure.

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I'm going to give you a three
month trial period to give you home now.

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I still wasn't happy because I thought
three months is nothing like it'll be

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done right away. And the client
told me, just relax, let's see

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what happens. Let's do these three
months and let's work it out. Well.

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Because I was out of sight,
out of mind and getting the work

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done, she's sort of like forgot
about me. Like I'm getting the work

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done and she doesn't have to supervise
me. And those three months turn into

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eight years of working from home so
that I could do work get paid and

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still raise my kids while they were
little. Oh a perfect option for a

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mom and no supervision. So that's
even better and your client is happy.

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What more could anyone want? Exactly
as you mentioned that you were going through

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these good eightears, your kids are
grown up. What made you go into

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the field of negotiation and how did
you learn the art of it? Yes,

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so about eleven years ago, I
started a part time job where I

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was managing O pairs and host families. And for your listeners who are not

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sure what an O pair is,
they are live in caregivers for your children.

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And typically they're from a different country. So Americans can be OH pairs,

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but just not in America. They
would go to a different country and

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be an OH pair there. So
you live with your host family, you

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take care of the children, and
you earn a stipend. And so I

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was an area director for a group
of O pairs and host families. So

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what that means is I'm managing them, I'm answering their questions, I'm their

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support person. And so part of
that job included mediating between the host families

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and the O pairs whenever they're was
any kind of conflict. So It could

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be that the family's not washing the
dishes ever and the O pair is not

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happy about it. It could be
that the O pairs coming home late past

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curfew. It could you know,
there's so many different things that could be.

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And then if they break the match, it means that they're no longer

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going to be working together and the
agency has to find a new family for

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this opening. But before breaking the
match, we always try mediation. So

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I kind of like started that way. They didn't train us, They just

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threw us into the deep end,
and they said go mediate with these families.

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And I recognize at that time,
well, first of all, my

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very first mediation, I was terrified. I'm like walking up to their door

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because it's happening in the host family's
home where the conflict is taking place,

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and you're knocking on their door,
thinking, oh my gosh, these people

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are fighting. I'm going to go
in the middle of their fight and I

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hope this doesn't blow up. And
so I went and started doing it,

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and several mediations in I realized,
okay, a, no one ever gets

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mad at the mediator, because I
was afraid people would start blaming me for

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the conflict. And two I was
usually able to get it resolved. And

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three, both sides were usually very
grateful for my support, Like, no

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matter what the outcome was, both
sides say thank you so much. I

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really appreciate you being there. And
so I started to realize, Oh,

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I have like a secret power here
that I did not know that I had,

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which is the ability to mediate and
mediate successfully. So in twenty sixteen,

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I went and got certification and I
started my own business. And as

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I began to do more and more
mediations, I also became more interested in

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negotiation because it's similar, right,
it's communication. Yeah, And so I

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took a lot of classes. I
took online classes through Harvard, through Yale,

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through University of Michigan, took all
the classes I could find about negotiation,

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and then started my own negotiation Academy
where I teach entrepreneurs how to become

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better communicators and negotiators. Very powerful. So tell us, since you have

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had so much experience, practical and
experiential, So what skill sets does a

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good negotiator need? And I'm not
talking about having a career like a negotiator.

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All of us, whether we are
in our personal life, whether it's

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with her family, our kids,
or with her friends, or with your

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colleagues. You know, if you're
an entrepreneur, as your clients, regardless

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where you are at, we are
negotiating at a certain point in time.

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So what are some of those skills? So number one skill is the ability

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to listen deeply. It's almost like
an art. I feel like it's a

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bit of a lost art. Especially
with devices now, people are like half

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listening to you while they're looking on
their phone or they're texting someone. Like

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how many of us have been in
a situation where you're talking to someone and

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then they just like get a ding
on their phone and so while you're talking,

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they look down and they're like responding
to someone else, and then they

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continue listening to you, Right,
I feel like it's sort of like a

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normal thing, except the few minutes
that are seconds that they're responding, they're

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no longer listening to what you're saying, and that just seems to like,

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you know, get ignored. So
people really need to listen deeply in order

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to become good negotiators because you have
to really hear what is going on,

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not just the words, but what's
the motivation of the other person, what

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is their emotional life right now,
what's happened with them emotionally so that you

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know how to approach them properly.
So you really want to be able to

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do that. And the other very
necessary skill is to be able to control

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your emotional like life. So if
you're getting really heated, you should have

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self awareness to know, Okay,
I can't have this conversation anymore because I

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no longer can listen because very heated
emotions stop you from listening. You might

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still be able to hear something,
but I would say it's somewhere between zero

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and twenty percent of what is being
said, And I'm saying this from personal

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experience as I help people when I
mediate. If I sense that someone is

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not listening because they're super upset,
I will say something like, can you

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let me know what it is that
you heard? And the person will think

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about it and they will repeat back
everything they heard, and it's usually between

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zero and twenty percent. It's literally
been zero. Sometimes where someone has spoken

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for five minutes and I say,
what did you hear? A person thinks

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about it and they go, nothing, I didn't catch any of it because

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they're thinking about stuff in their mind. They're thinking about how I'm going to

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respond right or they're thinking about I'm
just really mad. So so those two

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are critical. The ability to self
regulate and have self awareness of when you're

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getting upset and the ability to listen
are very very critical. If you lose

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either one of those two, you
should like shut down the entire conversation the

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negotiation because you're you don't have the
tools, like they're now not available to

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you because you aren't listening, and
you also are feeling very emotional. Yeah,

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so what I'm hearing is that be
aware of the other person's story,

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how they're looking at the situation,
what is their emotional condition, and how

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they're identifying that. Are they taking
it personally or what's happening? And then

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similarly, look at how you're looking
at the situation, what's your story,

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what's your emotional level? And then
third is like, you know, what

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is it at stake? Because what
are you identifying it as? Is it

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an ego battle issue or is it
just you know you're coming to the table

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to prove somebody wrong. It's about
when you talk about that self emotional regulation,

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it's like, calm down, You'll
get the situation objectively and listen to

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what the other person is saying yes, And so if you have the strategies

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to be able to calm the other
person down, if you have the strategies

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to be able to calm yourself down, you'll have more success at listening deeply.

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You'll have more success at getting through
a negotiation successfully because you'll have kept

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all the tools at your disposal.
But the minute that listening stops, you

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suddenly aren't able to negotiate as well
as you could if you remain calm and

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you listen deeply. So how can
you prepare to share it? With this

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a story or an example that shows
how can somebody prepare for negotiation and walk

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us through one of the examples.
So you really want to think about what

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does the other side want. So
in the earlier example, I thought about,

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okay, so maybe the company would
not want to pay, like it

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would behoove them not to have the
expense of an office space, right,

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And I'm also thinking it would be
whove them not to have to pay to

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train a new person, and so
all these different things. I'm thinking about

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what are the benefits for the other
side. So in order to prepare,

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this can be for anything, This
can be a job offer, salary increase

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anything. You want to think about
what does the other side want, And

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also you want to think about what
things are easy for you to give them,

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and what things are easy for them
to give you but are valuable.

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Right, just for example, for
jobs, I always use this because it's

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an easy example. But it might
be super easy and cheap for a company

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to offer one two or five days
of remote work, and it might be

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extremely valuable to me to get remote
work. It doesn't cost them anything,

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but it's like huge for me.
It might save me commute time, gas,

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money, time that I can spend
with my family, right, And

379
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so it's not necessarily financial, it's
quality of life. So for me,

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if I'm negotiating a job offer and
I ask for oh, can I work

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from home and they say yes,
all of a sudden, there's like a

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tremendous value in just that piece of
the negotiation. So you really want to

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think about what it is that you
want very very specifically, Like don't fall

384
00:29:25.200 --> 00:29:29.400
into the trap of walking into a
negotiation feeling like you've prepared by saying I

385
00:29:29.440 --> 00:29:33.039
want what's fair, because that is
not like fair is subjective. What's fair

386
00:29:33.079 --> 00:29:37.920
to you and what's fair to me
is completely different. So neither one of

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00:29:37.000 --> 00:29:41.039
us should walk into a negotiation saying, Hi, I'm just here to get

388
00:29:41.039 --> 00:29:45.359
what's fair. Okay, So that's
number one. So you want to really

389
00:29:45.400 --> 00:29:49.960
have hardcore numbers or ideas of what
you want in the negotiation, so that's

390
00:29:51.000 --> 00:29:53.599
part of your preparation. And then
think about what are the interests of the

391
00:29:53.599 --> 00:29:59.200
other side, and what do you
think they want, what is interesting and

392
00:29:59.359 --> 00:30:03.680
important to them, and write a
list. So then once you have a

393
00:30:03.720 --> 00:30:07.519
list, it's easier to trade back
and forth. Sometimes people go in.

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00:30:07.720 --> 00:30:11.960
Let's say I used to do mediations
for small claims, and they would talk

395
00:30:11.000 --> 00:30:15.000
about, like a landlord and a
tenant are negotiating the security return of the

396
00:30:15.000 --> 00:30:18.440
security deposit. Right, Let's say
it's five thousand dollars, so it's worth

397
00:30:18.480 --> 00:30:22.960
going to court over. The landlord
says, yeah, you destroyed my apartment.

398
00:30:22.359 --> 00:30:26.079
You like hung up your paintings and
this, that and the other,

399
00:30:26.160 --> 00:30:29.440
and there's holes all over my wall. So I'm keeping your security deposit.

400
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And the other side might say,
no, I don't think you should keep

401
00:30:30.960 --> 00:30:34.640
all five thousand. So now they're
just arguing money. But it's a lot

402
00:30:34.720 --> 00:30:40.920
easier if you also add in time, yeap. So maybe you can say,

403
00:30:40.960 --> 00:30:44.200
okay, well if I give you
more money, now can I give

404
00:30:44.240 --> 00:30:45.839
you less? But if you want
more of the money, I'll pay it

405
00:30:45.880 --> 00:30:51.200
over, you know, like a
payment plan for example, or what are

406
00:30:51.240 --> 00:30:53.559
other things that you can throw into
the mix in order to get what you

407
00:30:53.640 --> 00:30:59.039
want? If you happen to be
able to do handyman work, maybe you

408
00:30:59.039 --> 00:31:02.240
can say, hey, how about
I go in and I fix all the

409
00:31:02.319 --> 00:31:04.440
walls the holes that I made,
and then you return, you know,

410
00:31:04.599 --> 00:31:10.359
a large portion of my security deposit. So really think about what can you

411
00:31:10.519 --> 00:31:14.839
offer in order to get what you
want. So I have a really good,

412
00:31:15.279 --> 00:31:19.279
a fun example. So I had
a couple that were divorcing, and

413
00:31:19.799 --> 00:31:22.640
at the very beginning, the woman
said, oh, we both have a

414
00:31:22.680 --> 00:31:26.160
car and both of our names are
on it. So I would like you

415
00:31:26.240 --> 00:31:29.319
to, you know, take your
name off of my car and I'll take

416
00:31:29.400 --> 00:31:32.039
my name off of your car.
And he said, oh, not so

417
00:31:32.279 --> 00:31:34.559
fast. I kind of want to
hold onto that until we figured out what

418
00:31:34.599 --> 00:31:37.240
this whole thing is. And she
was very upset because she thought that that

419
00:31:37.319 --> 00:31:41.799
was a no brainer. So I
said, okay, hold on, let's

420
00:31:41.799 --> 00:31:44.599
just pause. Let's just put that
one off to the side because you're not

421
00:31:44.599 --> 00:31:48.559
in agreement, and let's continue.
So we continue for another hour, and

422
00:31:48.599 --> 00:31:52.400
then about an hour in they started
talking about the outdoor patio furniture and he

423
00:31:52.640 --> 00:31:56.160
said, well, I would like
to keep the whole thing, and she

424
00:31:56.240 --> 00:31:59.720
said, no, I would like
half because it's half mine. And he

425
00:31:59.759 --> 00:32:04.440
said, what is the point of
having mismatched furniture? If you take half

426
00:32:04.480 --> 00:32:07.720
and I go buy some more to
replace it, now they're not going to

427
00:32:07.759 --> 00:32:09.519
be matching, So what is the
point of that? And so I said,

428
00:32:09.680 --> 00:32:15.160
hold on, would you be willing
to like, I asked the guy,

429
00:32:15.680 --> 00:32:20.920
if you want to keep the whole
patio furniture as a set, would

430
00:32:20.960 --> 00:32:24.519
you be willing to sign your take
your name off the title of her car?

431
00:32:25.200 --> 00:32:29.559
And he said done, like he
didn't think about it, and she

432
00:32:29.680 --> 00:32:31.799
said the same thing. She said, I'll give you the whole patio furniture

433
00:32:32.319 --> 00:32:37.319
if you sign my car back to
me. And so this is where you're

434
00:32:37.640 --> 00:32:44.200
negotiating across different issues. But something's
important to one person and another thing's important

435
00:32:44.200 --> 00:32:47.200
to another, So you can trade
it equally because each like for him,

436
00:32:47.559 --> 00:32:51.839
the patio furniture is more important for
her, the title is more important,

437
00:32:51.839 --> 00:32:55.359
So they just switched, right,
they traded. It's again goes back to

438
00:32:55.480 --> 00:33:00.799
the first scale that you mentioned,
is about lessening deeply and understanding what's important

439
00:33:00.799 --> 00:33:07.880
to them. So now let's say
entrepreneurs, right, not every entrepreneur is

440
00:33:07.000 --> 00:33:15.480
killed in handling objections when they are
speaking to a potential customer or even an

441
00:33:15.519 --> 00:33:22.799
existing customer. So, especially on
a sales call, can you share,

442
00:33:22.880 --> 00:33:25.880
like, you know, how entrepreneurs
can negotiate from a place of integrity.

443
00:33:27.440 --> 00:33:30.160
Sure, so, you know,
I really do a lot of sales training,

444
00:33:30.200 --> 00:33:32.160
but I don't want people to think
like, oh, yeah, sales

445
00:33:32.200 --> 00:33:36.559
training is really uncomfortable, I don't
want to do it, or you know

446
00:33:36.680 --> 00:33:39.680
these like scripts that I get.
I don't work off of scripts. I

447
00:33:39.680 --> 00:33:45.079
don't think people should work off of
scripts, mainly because you stop listening because

448
00:33:45.079 --> 00:33:47.920
the ideas you don't want to go
off of a script, because what you're

449
00:33:47.920 --> 00:33:52.319
going to ask next should be determined
by the answer that just came to you,

450
00:33:52.440 --> 00:33:55.839
right, And so if you're like
anticipating to ask the next question,

451
00:33:57.279 --> 00:34:00.240
you're not really listening deeply. So
I think really the main thing to do

452
00:34:00.279 --> 00:34:05.000
if you're trying to sell is you're
trying to understand what are the other person's

453
00:34:05.079 --> 00:34:07.880
pain points, and then you're trying
to determine are you able to solve their

454
00:34:07.920 --> 00:34:12.800
pain points? So really ask a
lot of questions. And I always tell

455
00:34:12.840 --> 00:34:15.360
people, if you're trying to sell
something, you should be doing the least

456
00:34:15.400 --> 00:34:19.880
amount of talking. The other side
should be talking, because you should be

457
00:34:19.880 --> 00:34:22.320
asking a lot of questions. So
if you're trying to sell your service and

458
00:34:22.360 --> 00:34:27.440
you find that you're talking a lot, you need to be like, wait,

459
00:34:27.519 --> 00:34:29.840
I need to stop, I need
to stop talking, and I need

460
00:34:29.840 --> 00:34:34.199
to need to listen more. Sales
calls should be about eighty or ninety percent

461
00:34:34.320 --> 00:34:37.920
listening and ten percent talking, right, And so you really want to ask

462
00:34:37.960 --> 00:34:43.679
a lot of questions about what do
they need, what is their ideal,

463
00:34:44.000 --> 00:34:46.719
what would they like, what is
their budget? Really just dig very very

464
00:34:46.719 --> 00:34:52.360
deeply into what they want, what
they need, what solutions are they looking

465
00:34:52.360 --> 00:34:54.679
for, what kind of budget?
And you want to think of a sales

466
00:34:54.719 --> 00:35:00.400
call as really just a deal negotiation. So it's not about like me trying

467
00:35:00.400 --> 00:35:05.320
to sell you my services. It's
about what how can I help you?

468
00:35:06.880 --> 00:35:10.639
Do I have the services and products
to be able to solve your problem,

469
00:35:10.880 --> 00:35:15.920
and if so, can we work
out a deal so that it makes me

470
00:35:15.079 --> 00:35:20.679
money and is also within your budget, right, And so it's really the

471
00:35:20.719 --> 00:35:22.840
back and forth dance to find out
are we a fit? Are we a

472
00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:28.599
fit? Are we a fit?
And you can always like fine tune that

473
00:35:29.159 --> 00:35:31.239
by asking more and more questions so
you can determine, oh, okay,

474
00:35:31.480 --> 00:35:35.719
we are a fit or or maybe
not quite close of fit. But let's

475
00:35:35.719 --> 00:35:37.440
see if we can both move a
little bit so that we can become a

476
00:35:37.440 --> 00:35:42.960
better fit for each other. Yeah, So becoming curious and being adaptable and

477
00:35:43.000 --> 00:35:49.400
flexible, keeping other parties interest,
keeping your interest because a lot of people

478
00:35:49.440 --> 00:35:53.039
think that when you're keeping other parties
interest at the forefront that you have to

479
00:35:54.039 --> 00:35:58.639
for sick your interest. It's not
the case. You can still have a

480
00:35:58.639 --> 00:36:04.840
win win situation and move through it. So this is great. And as

481
00:36:04.920 --> 00:36:09.360
we near to wrapping up our conversation, where can people find you? Where

482
00:36:09.400 --> 00:36:15.480
can they connect with you? So
they can find me on LinkedIn and they

483
00:36:15.480 --> 00:36:21.519
can also connect with me at Shaquina
Negotiation Academy. So my last name is

484
00:36:21.519 --> 00:36:29.599
spelled s h iki na Shaquinanegotiation Academy
dot com and they can also shoot me

485
00:36:29.599 --> 00:36:32.000
an email or a message on LinkedIn. I'll have all of that in the

486
00:36:32.000 --> 00:36:39.000
show notes for you. Okay,
fantastic, So it was wonderful having you

487
00:36:40.199 --> 00:36:46.119
on the show. Any last words, this was lovely. Thank you so

488
00:36:46.199 --> 00:36:51.800
much for having me. I always
I am very happy to share my passion

489
00:36:51.880 --> 00:36:58.039
and knowledge for negotiation and mediation in
the hopes that it can empower people to

490
00:36:58.119 --> 00:37:00.760
go after what they can get.
And I think the last bit of wisdom

491
00:37:00.760 --> 00:37:06.760
I'd like to offer to your listeners
is always ask for it right You can't.

492
00:37:06.920 --> 00:37:08.519
You're not going to lose anything by
asking for it. You've got to

493
00:37:08.559 --> 00:37:13.360
ask for what you want. And
you know you're not going to get a

494
00:37:13.400 --> 00:37:15.719
discount or you're not going to get
a deal if you don't ask for it.

495
00:37:15.280 --> 00:37:21.599
So always ask and everything is negotiable. Yeah, so true, so

496
00:37:21.679 --> 00:37:24.480
true. So thank you Alis,
it was wonderful having you on the show,

497
00:37:24.599 --> 00:37:29.840
and thank you listeners for joining us
because you know that without you,

498
00:37:29.880 --> 00:37:32.599
the show would not be possible.
You are the life and soul. Reach

499
00:37:32.639 --> 00:37:37.360
out to us, let us know
how can we help you. Who else

500
00:37:37.400 --> 00:37:42.320
can be growing so that you can
live the life you deserve and want.

501
00:37:42.719 --> 00:37:46.840
And thank you one for making the
show technically possible. So be well and

502
00:37:46.960 --> 00:37:52.880
take care until next time. Thank
you for being part of Beyond Confidence with

503
00:37:52.920 --> 00:37:54.880
your host, d v Park,
we hope you have learned more about how

504
00:37:54.920 --> 00:37:59.559
to start living the life you want. Each week on Beyond Confidence, you

505
00:37:59.639 --> 00:38:04.719
hear stories of real people who've experienced
growth by overcoming their fears and building meaningful

506
00:38:04.760 --> 00:38:08.920
relationships. During Beyond Confidence, Vapark
shares what happened to her when she stepped

507
00:38:08.920 --> 00:38:13.719
out of her comfort zone to work
directly with people across the globe. She

508
00:38:13.800 --> 00:38:17.440
not only coaches people how to form
hard connections, but also transform relationships to

509
00:38:17.559 --> 00:38:22.119
mutually beneficial partnerships as they strive to
live the life they want. If you

510
00:38:22.159 --> 00:38:25.800
are ready to live the life you
want and leverage your strengths, learn more

511
00:38:25.960 --> 00:38:32.760
at www dot dwpark dot com and
you can connect with vat contact at dvpark

512
00:38:32.840 --> 00:38:36.840
dot com. We look forward to
you joining us next week.