Redefining Work Conversations

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choosing W four WN Radio. This
is Beyond Confidence with your host d W

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park. Do you want to live
a more fulfilling life? Do you want

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to live your legacy and achieve your
personal, professional, and financial goals?

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Well? Coming up on Dvparks Beyond
Confidence, you will hear real stories of

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leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers who
have stepped into discomfort, shattered their status

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quo, and are living the life
they want. You will learn how relationships

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are the key to achieving your aspirations
and financial goals. Moving your career business

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forward does not have to happen at
the expense of your personal or family life

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or vice versa. Learn more at
wwdas don't divpark dot com and you can

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connect with vant contact at dvpark dot
com. This is beyond confidence and now

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here's your host, Dvpark. Good
morning listeners. It's Tuesday morning, and

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as you'll know, I love Tuesday
mornings because I get to connect with you

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and what can be more powerful than
that. So what I want to share

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with you today is something beautiful that
I saw. Like so currently I'm in

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New York visiting family and business.
It's a both a mix of business and

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pleasure. And what was interesting was
I was at Chelsea, New York City,

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and we were visiting. There's gym
and like you know that different areas,

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just kind of observing, and what
I saw was so beautiful. They

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have a children's gym around that area
and kids are going to play in the

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gym and a little probably two year
old fell down and there was another kid

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in front of her, probably four
or five years old, and he is

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going with his parents. She's going
with her parents, and what was beautiful

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was that he turned around and helped
her up. So, as we talk

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about the kindness circle, it's too
important to observe other people and learn from

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them. And I was so impressed
by that young child that he didn't even

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think twice and he extended his hand
to pull the goal up even before the

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parents could get to her. So
take a moment in that time, daily,

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busy time that you have and find
some time for somebody else and keep

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that kind of circle going. And
I want to thank each and every one

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of you who have got our books, especially Expert to Influencer and The Entrepreneur's

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Garden, because not only it's going
to help you become the influencer that will

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impact others, it's also going to
help you build those solid relationships with yourself,

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with money, with results, with
people, so that you can live

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the life you want and you deserve. And remember, partial profits from the

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book sales go to entrepreneurs across the
world, and being an entrepreneur, I

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am partial to entrepreneurs. So let's
keep that going. And let's bring in

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our guest. Welcome Tim, good
morning, Thank you, great to be

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here. Oh it's wonderful to have
you. So usually we start out with

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a question. In childhood, do
you recall a moment, whether it was

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an event, a person, or
a thing, anything that might have happened

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that you remember even to this day. I do, and I'm not sure

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why I remember these things, but
I actually was reminded of this with the

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story that you started the show with
today, with the little kid who turned

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around to help the other little kid. It's really it's quite a touching story,

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and I recall something like that happening
to me. I'm not sure how

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old I was, could have been
close to the same age at the range,

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and I remember something very similar.
And this actually I will get into

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the weeds with the story, but
I'll remember I did get hurt, and

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my cousin came over and my father
was holding me, and my cousin,

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who was two years younger than me, offered me a lollipop, the color

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lollipop that I wanted, and I
thought, now, why would I remember

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that. I don't know. It's
a seemingly meaningless story, but it's that

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just small echo of kindness that you
mentioned. For whatever reason, I remember

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it my whole life, and that
was a heck of a long time ago.

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So corny though it may be,
it sticks with me. It does.

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And it's amazing. As my Angelou
used to say, people remember how

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others make you feel, and that
this is such a perfect example that in

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that moment you wanted that lollipop of
that color and he offered that to you.

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And those actions a lot of people
get so caught up in, like,

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oh, I gotta buy you know, the exact gift, and I

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gotta do this, and I got
to do that. It's the gesture comes

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and Maya Angelou was absolutely right.
That's what's going to stick with somebody for

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sure. Yeah. So as you
grew up, did you have any specific

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I'm sure how little children think of, Oh I'm going to be a doctor,

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I'm going to be an engineer,
I'm going to be a firefighter,

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I'm going to be a cop.
So I was always a very innovative little

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kid, and I was always putting
on little shows for my family, and

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they were very encouraging of this too, And I actually did start doing some

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of that stuff through college and then
after I got married and have my own

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kids, and we would do that. We would put together this little show

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called Bees, Trees and Me as
a matter of fact, and it was

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just real good, wholesome, wonderful. My mantra was, if little kids

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can appreciate ciate nature and song,
they can appreciate life in general. And

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I guess you know again it sounds
a little corny, but that's been a

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quest of mine. And if I
could just mention today is my I have

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four grown kids. Today is my
oldest one's birthday, and I'm thinking how

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blessed I am to have mostly considerate
children. That was always so important to

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me. You know, could they
will they help other people? And you

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know, not to say you got
to help other people, but do they

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have that kindest gene or something like
that? And I think it is fantastic.

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Happy birday to your oldest one.
Her name's Elizabeth. I'll pass it

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on. Oh, so happy birthday, Elizabeth, and I'm sure our listeners

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will join in envisioning her happy birthday. So as you grew and you mentioned

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about that, you know, you
you were very innovative. So what kind

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of shows were those? They were
mostly silly songs, and they were about

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nature and a tie in a connection
to the outdoors. Like you know,

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it's a beautiful spring day here on
Long Island and it's still a little chilly,

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but I'm optimistic, and so these
shows really tied together the outside and

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trees and animals. I've always had
a thing for animals and in affinity and

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again pass that on to my own
children. And I can't help but think

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that I passed that on in my
workshops and seminars too, because I think

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business people in general, sometimes we
take ourselves too seriously. We think,

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you know, we've got to be
stuffy and hard nosed, and we don't.

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We can take it light and really
just appreciate those simple things in life.

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Yeah. Absolutely, what you're sharing
is so true. And to me,

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when a child is creative, there's
nothing silly about it. It's and

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I'm so glad that your family encouraged
you to keep on going on that journey

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because creativity is one of the things
that we try to squeeze out of people,

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unfortunately, and creativity and curiosity helps
us create innovations. As you grew

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up, which direction did your life
take? I was not sure what I

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wanted to do, but my first
jobs had to do with customer service.

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And I know, you know a
lot of people say, well, customer

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service is important, and I think
I really believe it, and believed it

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more than other people. So when
I was working in a deli, when

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I was working in a department store, I always kind of gravitated towards working

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with people and being a salesperson,
and then actually spent most of my life

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in the retail industry, had a
few businesses on my own and worked in

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department stores both big and small,
and actually have a sort of a consulting

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gig the past few years in the
local out here on Long Island, the

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pumpkin farms, the wineries, the
breweries, And I think to myself,

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why do I do that? And
it really is that disney esque almost people

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making people happy, and which makes
me happy too. It's just I really

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believe that that's what makes the world
go round. And absolutely, at the

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end of the day, what do
we remember. You can have gone through

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and made ton of achievements and all
of that. Yes, you can have

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tons of awards, certifications, accomplishments. At the end of the day,

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you remember, how did you feel? And that's going back to the beginning

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of our conversation today, Jim,
So you mentioned that you've been in retail

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all of your life, and now
you know we are in such a blend.

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People are coming back and yet moving
away from retail. So what do

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you see the future? Well,
retail has certainly changed, as you're alluding

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to there's no question about that.
And retail spaces in the local outlet mall

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out here on Long Island are being
reused for many different things. But I'll

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just go back to a quick story
on like the the in the pumpkin farming

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business and what that means is,
you know, in the fall, thousands

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of people come out to the North
Fork of Long Island and you know,

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for their big day of pumpkin picking. And it's called aggritatement, as you

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know. And I call it edutainment
as well, So I think it's a

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different kind of retail. You know, we spend a lot of time on

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our devices and I love the technology. I think it's wonderful. I remember

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the days without technology. I love
what we have. At the same time,

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speaking from my own perspective, my
own kids, and also dealing with

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lots of customers, families are still
looking for the same thing. They're looking

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for reasonably priced, a day in
the country, wonderful experiences that will make

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them feel good. It all goes
back to that wonderful quote from the beginning.

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Yeah, absolutely, And as you
mentioned, you know, experiential businesses

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are thriving because people get tired.
Yes, you want to you love technology,

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you can get those experiences, but
there's nothing like feeling that fresh air

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and having that actual touch and feel. So as we are talking about yes,

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you know, I love going to
pumpkin farms and especially Halloween, you

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know, going to maze, But
there's so much goes behind that. There

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are so many people working behind the
scenes. And of course, as you

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talk about, there can be several
different problems in workplaces. So can you

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share with us a few of the
work space problems that you have observed?

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Yeah, there's there's I think a
lot of the problems are similar. I'd

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like to go home challenges or opportunities, just to put it in a different

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spin light. But people are the
same, I believe. And for instance,

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in this particular business that we're chatting
about now, and many many small

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businesses, there's you know, starting
salary minimum wage in some cases, and

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a lot of people ask about motivation. You know, how the heck do

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you motivate people? And I believe
that you really can't motivate people. We

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as managers and owners can create an
atmosphere where hopefully people can motivate themselves and

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by helping them answer the question for
themselves, WIIFM like, what's in it

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for me? What am I really
going to get out of working here?

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And I can't expect as a manager
or an owner or a consultant, I

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can't expect starting range people to say, hot dog, I'm going to get

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out there and you know, take
care of people and feel good. It's

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just that's not their motivation. So
it's a much simpler thing. It's a

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few bucks actually, but it's more
than that. It's how is this going

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to help you in your life?
We're really teaching you skills here that you're

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going to be able to take with
you and transfer to bigger and better jobs

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and to Again, that's just part
of trying to create this atmosphere that's positive

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and people are considerate. What goes
back to our conversation from the beginning,

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how do you make somebody feel and
when employees feel good about each other too,

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I think that can go a long
way. Absolutely, you definitely made

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a point there that you know what
you can do is create that environment and

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also give them the training and also
provide that value for them over that few

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dollars. And now what happens is
that yes they can provide, but then

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there are some sticky situations, as
you always talk about. So tell us

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about a few sticky situations that you've
encountered and how you've helped people overcome those.

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Well, I'm going to thanks for
asking. I'm going to go to

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the what I call the granddaddy of
sticky people issues if you don't mind,

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and then absolutely and that's you know, the prickly one is the personal odor

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problem. And the way that most
managers deal with this is that they don't

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deal with it. They really hesitate, They procrastinate, They wait for it

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to go away, They wait for
a review time. They might think,

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wow, maybe I should ask somebody
else to handle this. They hope the

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employee leaves that it's But that is
not the way to handle it from what

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I have found and gathered over the
years. So the I saw a lot

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of ways that it didn't work and
came up with this formula called PHP.

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It sounds corny, sounds pollyannish,
but it is very potent. Actually it

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stands for purity, humility, and
patience. And I thought, well,

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what goes into what has gone into
effective decisions where the outcome really came out

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pretty good? And I came down
to these things. So purity means purity

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of intentions. You know, we
talk till about integrity till the sun goes

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down, but we really have to
be pure of heart and have the intention

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that we really, you know,
give a fly and fish that we want

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this to work for our company,
for the employee, for everybody. Humility

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is a big one it. Confidence
is important, but not egotism. And

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there's a lot of managers that go
into things like this and try to be

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a tough guy and it just does
not work. And the patience means patients

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with the employee and with ourselves.
Do you mind if I take it through

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this formula? Please absolutely astely you're
a quick scenario. Say it's a person,

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say it's a young person. Let's
really paint the scenario. And his

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name is Roger and it could just
as easily be Helen or whomever, meaning

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that when we're using this formula,
you know, genders don't matter. And

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I know people talk about you know, well they have to be comfortable and

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all that stuff. If you have
people's best intentions at heart. I believe

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that this formula works all the time. It's never not worked from what I've

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seen it and used it. So
if Roger has a note of problem,

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to get them pretty quickly, you
know, don't let it fester, and

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say Roger, I'm not even sure
how to begin this conversation, but I

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just it's come to my attention that
you have an odor problem. And I

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want you to know, Roger,
that not everybody's talking about this. It's

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not being gossiped all over the place. I would want somebody to tell me

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if it were me. And I'm
not sure what we're going to do about

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it, but I wanted to bring
it to your attention. And it's as

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simple as that. Now, there's
a couple of things that happened here.

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One, there's an adage in management
that says, you know, never let

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them see a sweat. Well,
I believe you should let them see your

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sweat a little bit. Let him
in a little bit, Roger, I'm

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not sure how to start this conversation, and if I did, I might

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not be human. And you want
to let him know or her know that

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everybody's not talking about this, because
that's what happens a lot people, you

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know, gossip about things like this. You want to nip it in the

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bud, as we say. And
then the patience is you don't have the

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solution. As the manager, you're
bringing it to their attention, and I

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have found that ninety percent of the
time least it is an awareness thing.

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It's they really don't they're not aware
that they're bothering anybody with this. And

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then the patience is just waiting and
patient with yourself because you've done the right

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thing, even though as a manager
you might not think you did. And

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then the patients with them, give
them a little bit of time to fix

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their own issue. It almost sounds
too simple, but these ingredients make it

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very, very effective from what I've
seen and taught people. Well, I

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love how you broke it down.
First is that I don't know how to

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approach this conversation. So it shows
the human side, the humanity side of

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a manager that they are uncomfortable and
as you said that, you know,

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let them see you sweat. And
what happens is that it really sets the

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stage for the conversation that's to come, because now you have employees full attention

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that oh what is that's coming that
my manager is not comfortable talking about.

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And what happens is that when you're
bringing it to their veness, like you

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said, nobody wants to have a
bad breath, Nobody wants to have be

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smelly. Because I still remember one
of our one of my colleagues during my

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ex corporate days, there was a
person who used to smell and people would

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call the gentleman smelly nelly, and
he had no clues like what was going

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on. People would just kind of
like, you know, excuse themselves in

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the conversation. During conversations and this
person, like you said, you know

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that people think it will go away, and in the meetings it was just

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interesting nobody would bring that up.
And what you're sharing is so important that

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nobody wants to be that person.
Nobody wants to be that smelling nelly or

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be call names or have people gossip
about them. So it's simple and yet

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very effective. Yeah, have you
seen any other issues when it comes to

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besides oder in terms of the employees, Yeah, there's a lot of If

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I could just comment on one thing
that you said, if you don't mind,

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you said, it gets their attention
after you've established humility, and I've

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never heard of put like that.
You're absolutely on the money there and I

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just wanted to mention that. So
the other other issues there there are alcohol

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related issues that come up. I
mean that that also is about a smell,

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but it's also a behavior, you
know, slurring of words and things

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like that. That's a pretty common
one, as a lot of our fellow

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entrepreneurs know, unfortunately, and and
something that is very tricky to to deal

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with. And the there was there
was one case in point, if you

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don't mind me sharing a story that
in the retail business, the the there

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was an employee who came back from
lunch slurring her words and wreaking of what

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alcohol. And people were telling me. I was the manager at the time,

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and people were telling me, Tim, you got a fire. You

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know you can't you can't tolerate this
behavior. The security people were telling me

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that, the other managers were telling
me that, and the the some of

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the customers even said, you know
that this is I don't shop here to

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look at this, even though I
think it's kind of a show. And

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people, you know, inherently liked
things like that. But the so I

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didn't know what to do if you
and I was young, you know,

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I had a management degree, figured
I you know, I should oh how

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to deal with this, But I'm
thinking to myself in my heart of hearts,

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man, I don't know what to
do. And so what we did.

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We took her off the sales floor. She was really like, you

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know, throwing the F bomb around
and really yelling and so out of character

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for this employee. And we took
her to you know, an office,

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and I asked a male and female
security people to take her home. Drive

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her home. I called her emergency
contact, which was her sister, and

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the sister wasn't surprised, and she
said to me, thank you for calling.

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No explanation, you know, I'll
take it from here. I said,

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Okay. Day goes by, people
are asking me, Tim, what

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are you going to do? My
boss two days later is saying, you

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gotta do. You know, what
are you going to do? You got

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to make a descision here. Three
days later, the third morning, she

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shows up at my door, my
office door, and she said to me,

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very calmly and succinctly, I'm sorry. I have a diabetic condition.

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It exhibits itself like I'm intoxicated.
I don't drink at all, she said,

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I can control it. I did
not that day. With medication,

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it won't happen again. I'm very
sorry. I hope I can come back.

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And I thought to myself, not
had I jumped at this decision and

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not really used my own pure intentions, of good intentions, my own humility,

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like what the heck do I do
here? And patience. Of course,

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we took her back. She came
back, She went on to be

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promoted in this company. And I
keep thinking to myself, what if I

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had jumped and listened to other people? The book cover says your inner sense.

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You know, we don't have the
right decisions, but our inner sense

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does. The forward writer for solving
to keep your the problems Barbara Latrelle,

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who left us a few years ago. She was the editor of Working Woman

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and Working By the magazine that she
said, it's a shortcut to management sanity,

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like it can really help us make
decisions when we don't know what the

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heck to do. So that definitely
is a story that stands out in my

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mind as well. Well, that's
a very powerful story because so many times

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we make assumptions and we assume that
people are who they are as it appears

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on the surface, and so many
times what appears on surfaces, they say

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in Iceberg theories that what you're seeing
is just the tip of the iceberg,

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and there is so much more beneath
the surface that if you come to the

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table with curiosity and openness, you
can figure it out. And power to

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you. As you mentioned that,
you know, she went ahead and God

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promoted. And this brings a story
to my mind about one of my clients.

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So one of my clients had come
to me and said that he had

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a very problem employee would not deliver
the work. And my client was very

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very strong leader in the sense that
not a manager. He was not a

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person who would manage her. He
was a person who had tried to accommodate

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everything like she had ADHD and figuring
things out, providing everything, and this

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person would just not perform. And
this had gone So when he came to

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me, he had done whatever he
could have done, and he said that

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I'm ready to put her on PIP, which is performance improvement plan, and

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yet I feel that there is something, as you mentioned about in her sense,

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there's something I'm missing over here.
So we sat down, we talked,

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and as we were going through our
coaching, he came to the realization

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that he would just sit down and
talk to her face to face before he

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put her on the PIP performance improvement
Plan and just tell her, like exactly

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what was going on without making it
official. So he sat her down and

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said that, listen, this is
what we have been doing for past several

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months were I've been giving you opportunities
after opportunities. It seems that you're not

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ready to take it on, and
now I just want to kind of give

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you a heads up so it does
not come to you as a surprise that

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you will be going on performance improvement
plan. And she just broke down and

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held and said that her husband was
going through a terminal cancer and she just

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could not afford because the layoffs were
happening, and she was thinking if she

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took the family leave to take care
of her husband, she might get laid

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off. And it was not that
she didn't want to perform, it was

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that she couldn't. So he sat
down and talked with hr and got her

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that f Emily, sadly her husband
passed, but she was able to give

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time to him and spend time having
spend time with his family, and then

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she came back and came back so
much stronger because she had faith in him.

335
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That again, it goes back to
the purity of intentions and turns out

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that she has jumped to promotions,
he has left the company, and they're

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still in touch. So it goes
long ways to what you're talking about.

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That's an incredible story on so many
levels. There's a quote I can't credit

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it. I forget where if we
knew what was going on in the minds

340
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and hearts of other people, we
would never criticize. We really don't know.

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That story that you shared. That's
really a perfect apple cation in my

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mind of purity, humility, and
patience as you as you've inferred the and

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the humility really can go a long
way. I love that story. I

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think that's terrific. That's a success
story big time. Oh thank you.

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And so we have talked about some
of these problems. What are some of

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the other problems that you have seen
between managers and employees? So the when

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I'm at a trade show, oftentimes
people will come up to my table and

348
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say, hey, Tim, do
you have a seminar on teamwork? And

349
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I do, and the I work
for skill Path in Dunn and Bradstreet,

350
00:29:45.599 --> 00:29:49.880
traveling across the country doing seminars,
and I will tell you that one of

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the biggest things that would come up
in the seminars. This is no surprise

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00:29:53.880 --> 00:29:59.319
to you, I'm sure is you
know, teamwork, How can my people

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work together better? And they're really
not so much wanting teams to work productively.

354
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They want people to get along.
It's what they're saying. And CEOs.

355
00:30:12.720 --> 00:30:18.400
There was just something released here locally
Long Island Business News perhaps that said

356
00:30:18.480 --> 00:30:25.599
something to the effect that CEOs know
that newly minted college graduates are very good

357
00:30:25.640 --> 00:30:30.759
at technology, wonderful at it,
but lack a couple of things. One

358
00:30:30.519 --> 00:30:34.240
is what they call playing nicely in
the sandbox, you know, getting along

359
00:30:34.920 --> 00:30:44.000
and critical thinking. So when I'm
teaching college courses, management courses, I

360
00:30:44.079 --> 00:30:51.599
often will ask questions and I'll tell
the students please ask questions too. You

361
00:30:52.279 --> 00:30:55.759
mentioned this in your in the story
that you just shared. You know,

362
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just ask questions. The person who
is asking questions is in control of the

363
00:31:00.119 --> 00:31:03.720
situation, and that's good control.
If you have people's best interest at heart,

364
00:31:03.880 --> 00:31:10.039
you want to have control of yourself
and the situation, not to be

365
00:31:10.160 --> 00:31:15.200
controlling, but just to have it
go, have it flow flow well.

366
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So teamwork, people getting along I
think is probably one of the biggest challenges

367
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in the workplace. And sometimes it
comes it's cause the problems are caused by

368
00:31:26.519 --> 00:31:32.000
bosses like us trying to force people
to work together to you know, and

369
00:31:32.240 --> 00:31:37.359
like each other almost. And I
could digress quite a bit here. You

370
00:31:37.400 --> 00:31:41.000
know, we sometimes we have mixers
on icebreakers, and people don't feel all

371
00:31:41.039 --> 00:31:48.839
that comfortable in a lot of those
situations. We almost try too hard as

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managers. I do some work with
a guy who used to run a big

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part of Disney's name is Lee Cockrell, and he has ruled them at thirty

374
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nine. Managers. Don't try too
hard, let it, let things flow,

375
00:32:01.559 --> 00:32:07.079
ask people questions, be patient with
people. Don't pretend like you have

376
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all the answers because we don't.
And again that's where the humility comes seeping

377
00:32:12.799 --> 00:32:19.119
right back in that over and over
again. I keep feeling that great word

378
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from the beginning of the show.
You know, how do you feel?

379
00:32:22.200 --> 00:32:25.759
We want to feel good as managers. We want to feel like we're doing

380
00:32:25.759 --> 00:32:31.279
the best for our people. So
whether it's delegation, motivation, scheduling,

381
00:32:32.319 --> 00:32:38.119
teamwork, which is working together better
this formula, I believe, this feeling,

382
00:32:38.160 --> 00:32:45.160
this way of living can be applied
to any situation. And if I

383
00:32:45.359 --> 00:32:52.119
could just add I've found an incredible
similarity among raising children, being a dad,

384
00:32:52.200 --> 00:32:55.839
being a grandfather, teaching students,
taking care of customers, and managing

385
00:32:55.880 --> 00:33:00.599
employees. It's a I don't know, communication, respect kind of thing or

386
00:33:00.640 --> 00:33:07.519
something that it really helps us feel
good about life and not be looking over

387
00:33:07.759 --> 00:33:13.359
our shoulders you know who's trying to
get us, and just keep doing the

388
00:33:13.400 --> 00:33:20.920
next best right thing. M very
powerful. Let's flip the situation a little

389
00:33:20.960 --> 00:33:27.160
bit. So many times what happens
is that bosses have favorites and there can

390
00:33:27.200 --> 00:33:35.039
be this employee who's doing everything right
but just doesn't get noticed by their bosses.

391
00:33:35.519 --> 00:33:40.559
Any tips for them. This is
the number one one on the top

392
00:33:40.640 --> 00:33:45.599
list that you you hit it hard. Favoritism one of the biggest complaints.

393
00:33:45.160 --> 00:33:50.880
So we want to talk about from
the employee standpoint, what can they do

394
00:33:51.000 --> 00:33:58.200
right? Managers do things that employees
want of managers. They want fairness and

395
00:33:58.319 --> 00:34:05.599
consistency, and so oftentimes managers being
you know, the human inherent condition is

396
00:34:05.599 --> 00:34:09.960
that we do with favorites and we
but we don't want to show that,

397
00:34:10.039 --> 00:34:14.360
but many managers do. There's no
question about it. So what does an

398
00:34:14.360 --> 00:34:17.880
employee do if it weren't a student
there's a lot of students that say,

399
00:34:17.880 --> 00:34:22.840
you know, I was I was
always the kid that the teachers never liked,

400
00:34:22.679 --> 00:34:27.039
you know, which is terrible.
And some other students say, yeah,

401
00:34:27.039 --> 00:34:29.400
I was always the one that you
know, I was the teacher's pet

402
00:34:29.440 --> 00:34:34.239
that teachers love me. So that's
not a feather in the cap of the

403
00:34:34.239 --> 00:34:39.039
teacher or the manager. But what
do we do when we're favored or not

404
00:34:39.199 --> 00:34:45.440
favored? And I think that the
it's a really valid question that you're asking.

405
00:34:45.519 --> 00:34:51.719
It's a tough question too, because
it makes one go inside themselves and

406
00:34:51.840 --> 00:35:00.199
really reflect, why are we giving
this vibe that we're not favored? And

407
00:35:00.280 --> 00:35:04.199
I'll go back to rule them at
thirty nine. Sometimes we try too hard,

408
00:35:04.320 --> 00:35:07.039
you know, we have names for
people like that, don't be a

409
00:35:07.079 --> 00:35:10.480
kiss up and you know, don't
be an apple polisher, et cetera.

410
00:35:12.679 --> 00:35:16.280
And I believe that I think that's
valid advice. Don't try to At the

411
00:35:16.320 --> 00:35:22.360
same time, try to be useful
and helpful. And these are two different

412
00:35:22.400 --> 00:35:30.760
words, meaning we can be helpful
or friendly. I should say friendly,

413
00:35:30.840 --> 00:35:34.320
like in customer service. You know, if we're in a job where we're

414
00:35:34.320 --> 00:35:38.320
taking care of customers or serving other
employees, we can be friendly, and

415
00:35:38.360 --> 00:35:42.880
a lot of us are, but
we're not helpful and useful enough. And

416
00:35:42.920 --> 00:35:47.800
what that means is my advice to
the employee who maybe is not favored and

417
00:35:47.840 --> 00:35:52.679
they would like to be is to
be useful. And what does that mean?

418
00:35:52.760 --> 00:35:57.719
That means emerge think like a manager, what really needs to be done,

419
00:35:58.000 --> 00:36:01.400
Like what's a what's a crummy job
that people don't want to do that

420
00:36:01.559 --> 00:36:09.039
has to be done? Maybe think
about doing that and immediately employ this PHP

421
00:36:09.239 --> 00:36:15.079
concept, which is maybe to the
manager say even to have this conversation.

422
00:36:15.159 --> 00:36:20.719
This is a tough conversation to have
with your manager. But boss, I

423
00:36:21.440 --> 00:36:25.320
feel like sometimes you you know,
you don't like me, and maybe you

424
00:36:25.480 --> 00:36:30.440
favor some of the other people.
That alone is going to stop that boss

425
00:36:30.440 --> 00:36:31.920
in their tracks and they're going to
go, oh, no, no,

426
00:36:32.079 --> 00:36:37.119
that's not the case. But and
even if that employee says, okay,

427
00:36:37.239 --> 00:36:40.360
now, I'm just saying, boss, if there's anything that I can do

428
00:36:40.599 --> 00:36:44.519
to you know, to do better, please help me know because I want

429
00:36:44.559 --> 00:36:47.400
to I want to be a good
here. And then the employee can stop

430
00:36:47.440 --> 00:36:52.119
talking. I can almost guarantee that
that boss is really going to think about

431
00:36:52.159 --> 00:37:00.239
that conversation and it might truly change
the relationship because most people don't talk their

432
00:37:00.239 --> 00:37:06.280
bosses like that and they don't ask
for that kind of real helpful, you

433
00:37:06.320 --> 00:37:08.840
know, advice, how can I
do a better job here? So,

434
00:37:09.159 --> 00:37:15.440
again, at the risk of oversimplification, most people don't do this, and

435
00:37:15.480 --> 00:37:17.800
that's why it seems like, wow, this is at a left field.

436
00:37:20.119 --> 00:37:23.239
Yeah, you're absolutely right. What
happens is that there is a little bit

437
00:37:23.239 --> 00:37:29.199
of resistance. I'm doing better than
the other people, I've got more experience,

438
00:37:29.599 --> 00:37:34.199
and why is the other person getting
more attention? So when you're coming

439
00:37:34.400 --> 00:37:40.119
into that conversation, it's more about
defending yourself. And sometimes what also happens

440
00:37:40.199 --> 00:37:46.880
is that it can come across as
blame and people's walls go up when the

441
00:37:46.960 --> 00:37:52.079
experience blame especially and as you mentioned, that's the reality of life, you

442
00:37:52.119 --> 00:37:55.639
know, if they're your boss,
Okay, I am your boss, I'm

443
00:37:55.679 --> 00:38:00.599
the manager, and you're telling me
what to do, versus the approach are

444
00:38:00.639 --> 00:38:05.559
saying that is this is what I
feel and what could I do better?

445
00:38:06.199 --> 00:38:09.400
And the willingness to do even the
crummy jobs that needs to be done,

446
00:38:09.559 --> 00:38:14.880
and bringing that humility and I'm sure
you know a lot of our listeners will

447
00:38:14.880 --> 00:38:17.800
not agree with it. And here's
what I'm going to share with you listeners,

448
00:38:17.880 --> 00:38:22.280
is that what we share here our
perspectives. There's no right or wrong.

449
00:38:23.280 --> 00:38:29.960
You have to see what's your situation, what's your thing is. In

450
00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:35.559
most cases these principles are applicable,
but at the end, it's your discretion.

451
00:38:37.039 --> 00:38:44.800
Then what's most pertinent to your situation
and your problem. So tell us

452
00:38:44.880 --> 00:38:47.920
if you were to summarize one or
two things that our listeners could walk away

453
00:38:47.920 --> 00:38:55.719
with, what might that be?
Is to you alluded to a lot of

454
00:38:55.760 --> 00:39:01.000
these things already, he could definitely
be open minded to this. As a

455
00:39:01.039 --> 00:39:07.480
student, I didn't learn I didn't
learn any of this in college. I

456
00:39:07.480 --> 00:39:10.159
even tried. I used to ask
questions of the professors like you know,

457
00:39:10.199 --> 00:39:14.440
well, how do you And they
couldn't answer the question. And then I

458
00:39:14.480 --> 00:39:19.599
started working part time jobs and I
would ask the the you know managers,

459
00:39:19.760 --> 00:39:22.119
how do you do this when this
comes up? I asked a lot of

460
00:39:22.199 --> 00:39:27.599
questions. And then I started teaching, and I thought, well, you

461
00:39:27.639 --> 00:39:34.280
know, the instruction manuals they got
to have these prickly issue situations, wasn't

462
00:39:34.280 --> 00:39:37.119
there? And then I started working
for the seminar companies done in Bradstreet all

463
00:39:37.199 --> 00:39:43.320
good material, but I couldn't find
it in there, and I thought,

464
00:39:43.760 --> 00:39:50.440
well, what really has helped me
answer these questions? And I came up

465
00:39:50.480 --> 00:39:54.280
with my own stuff, like what
for me felt right? So when you

466
00:39:54.320 --> 00:40:00.360
said, when you mentioned to the
listeners, you know, if this really

467
00:40:00.440 --> 00:40:05.119
doesn't feel right and don't do it, it's it's you. We got to

468
00:40:05.159 --> 00:40:07.000
make our own good time. We
have to come up. We have to

469
00:40:07.079 --> 00:40:10.599
let our own inner sense kick in. And I don't think people do that.

470
00:40:10.639 --> 00:40:16.159
I think we as managers and owners, we listen too much to other

471
00:40:16.199 --> 00:40:22.400
people that we consider to be experts, me and you included, and the

472
00:40:22.400 --> 00:40:29.320
Many things do work, many things
don't work. But we have to be

473
00:40:29.360 --> 00:40:31.840
our own person and make our own
good time. And all the way back

474
00:40:31.880 --> 00:40:36.639
to the Maya Angelou quote from the
beginning, it has to feel right.

475
00:40:37.119 --> 00:40:42.199
If we're like being a tough guy
manager, for instance, and it doesn't

476
00:40:42.480 --> 00:40:45.239
feel right, it makes us a
little sick inside. There's a problem with

477
00:40:45.320 --> 00:40:52.519
that. That's that's riding the horse
in the wrong direction. And things have

478
00:40:52.599 --> 00:40:57.760
to feel right again. I know
this sounds cornball to a lot of my

479
00:40:58.119 --> 00:41:00.559
colleagues. You know who's say you
know you're the boss. Just tell them

480
00:41:00.719 --> 00:41:07.679
which ends up it doesn't work.
And again sorry to oversimplify, but people

481
00:41:07.760 --> 00:41:13.000
have to try it. They've got
to keep trying things that feel right.

482
00:41:13.079 --> 00:41:15.320
The words that come out of our
mouth really have to come out of our

483
00:41:15.360 --> 00:41:22.039
heart and our gut. Basically,
it's got to make sense to us.

484
00:41:22.159 --> 00:41:30.360
That's our inner sense. Beautiful time, and I'm sure listeners are seeing your

485
00:41:30.440 --> 00:41:36.599
book and maybe even thinking about they
want to get in touch with you.

486
00:41:37.440 --> 00:41:38.840
How can they get in touch with
you? How can they connect with you?

487
00:41:38.960 --> 00:41:45.960
Where can they find your book?
So Stickypeopleproblems dot Com is my sight

488
00:41:46.719 --> 00:41:52.920
and would welcome anybody to sign up
for my Sticky updates Get it Sticky Updates.

489
00:41:53.480 --> 00:42:00.199
And the book is available wherever books
are sold, including Amazon, and

490
00:42:00.639 --> 00:42:05.760
it's a challenging read. I will
tell you the formula in it is spot

491
00:42:05.800 --> 00:42:12.440
on, but it will help people
immensely. And I would welcome any of

492
00:42:12.480 --> 00:42:17.519
your listeners Debt to connect with me, happy to help anybody out. I

493
00:42:17.559 --> 00:42:22.519
really believe this stuff and to help
propagate the good word as you as you

494
00:42:22.599 --> 00:42:28.840
mentioned well, thank you so much, Tim for sharing your wisdom with us.

495
00:42:29.039 --> 00:42:35.199
In the knowledge, I'm sure people
will learn a lot from it and

496
00:42:36.639 --> 00:42:39.280
it will make their lives better,
and it will also help them make other

497
00:42:39.320 --> 00:42:44.719
people's lives better. So thank you
for joining us my pleasure, and thank

498
00:42:44.760 --> 00:42:47.119
you listeners for being part of our
family, because here's what I can tell

499
00:42:47.199 --> 00:42:53.920
you. Without you, things would
not be possible. This show would not

500
00:42:54.000 --> 00:42:59.000
be possible. You are the heart
of the show. Reach out to us,

501
00:42:59.079 --> 00:43:04.039
share your story and anyway we can
serve and support you, do let

502
00:43:04.159 --> 00:43:07.079
us know and we'll bring you the
experts that can help you lift the life

503
00:43:07.119 --> 00:43:13.119
you deserve and want. And thank
you on for making the show technically possible.

504
00:43:13.960 --> 00:43:16.679
Be well and take care till next
time. Thank you for being part

505
00:43:16.719 --> 00:43:21.239
of Beyond Confidence. With your host
v Park, we hope you have learned

506
00:43:21.239 --> 00:43:23.920
more about how to start living the
life you want. Each week on Beyond

507
00:43:23.920 --> 00:43:29.599
Confidence, you hear stories of real
people who've experienced growth by overcoming their fears

508
00:43:29.639 --> 00:43:35.119
and building meaningful relationships. During Beyond
Confidence, Divpark shares what happened to her

509
00:43:35.199 --> 00:43:37.880
when she stepped out of her comfort
zone to work directly with people across the

510
00:43:37.920 --> 00:43:43.039
globe. She not only coaches people
how to form hard connections, but also

511
00:43:43.119 --> 00:43:47.440
transform relationships to mutually beneficial partnerships as
they strive to live the life they want.

512
00:43:47.840 --> 00:43:52.079
If you are ready to live the
life you want and leverage your strengths,

513
00:43:52.239 --> 00:43:57.760
learn more at www dot dvpark dot
com and you can connect with vat

514
00:43:58.079 --> 00:44:01.679
contact at dvpark dot com. We
look forward to you joining us next week.

515
00:44:08.199 --> 00:44:08.639
M hmm.