The Emotional Intelligence Upgrade: Your Guide to Better Connections

0:00 The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are solely those of the hosts and their guests, and not those of W four WN Radio It's employees or affiliates. We make no recommendations or endorsement for radio show programs, services, or products mentioned on air or on our web. No liability, explicit or implied shall be extended to W four WN Radio It's employees or affiliates. Any questions or common should be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing W four WN Radio. This is Beyond Confidence with your host w Park. Do you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do you want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional, and financial goals? Well? Coming up on dvparks Beyond Confidence, you will hear real stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers who have stepped into discomfort, shattered their status quo, and are living the life they want. You will learn how relationships are the key to achieving your aspirations and financial goals.

0:52 Moving your career business forward does not have to happen at the expense of your personal or family life, or vice versa. Learn more at www dot dvpark dot com and you can connect with Divant contact at dvpark dot com. This is beyond confidence and now here's your host, div Park. Good morning listeners, So thrilled to be here with you. It's Tuesday morning, and I'm excited to share a wonderful kind of story that one of you shared with us. So thank you Jenny for reaching out to us and sharing. So what Jenny shared was she was walking out of the gym and what she saw was that there was a fellow gym worker and he seemed in pain. It was almost like there was a muscle cramp or something like that. So what she did was she helped him become a little bit comfortable, took the phone, called a gym and had the trainers come out and they helped him in his car in What was interesting was that the person was not feeling well, and Jenny stayed with him and they took him to the hospital and what they found was that he was having a mindstroke. So just imagine if he would have been in the car and driving. So you never know what your little act

2:24 of kindness can do, how big of an impact it can have. So thank you Jenny, and you are our hero for this week. What a hero. We want to celebrate you and give you a shout out and thank you to each and every one of you who have got a box, because we are here to help you live the life you deserve and become that influencers and become that entrepreneur and leaders who creates impact in other people's lives. So books will definitely do that. And if you have not got a box to get our books there available everywhere. And remember that partial profits from our book go to Kiva dot org because we do believe that entrepreneurs can impact a lot of people. So today we have something very special in store for you. Well, let's welcome our guest, Welcolm Harvey.

3:24 Thank you, dear. I'm just excited to be on your. Show, excited to have you. So we start out from the initial part of our life journeys. What's fascinating is that children are so open and curious. So do you recall a moment or a person from your childhood that left a positive mark on you. Yes, there. Was a man that would come down and visit us all the time, and he was very funny and you like to tease me and play with me a child, And yeah, I was just I love to see him. I couldn't wait till he you know, and I heard he was coming to visit us. I was just so excited to see him all the time. And yeah, he would always have something funny to say to me, or he'd play with me. He'd notice me, he would really pay attention to me. And as a child growing up, a lot of times, you know, adults didn't pay that much attention. So this man was very special because he really noticed me, and he took time out to play with me, and he took time out to talk to me, and you know, like I mattered, it was important, like I was important in his life.

4:41 Yeah, and this is such a beautiful story that children offer. People for that matter, don't care about expensive gifts. I mean, of course, you know, it's awesome to receive gifts. That said, when you give the gift of time and undivided attention, you said, it made you feel important. You know this you that is so powerful. So as you travel through your life and as you grew Harvey, which direction did your life take? Well? I I grew up in a My parents were refugees.

5:23 They came over from Europe after the Second World War. Lost everything and had to borrow actually money from their church for passage. She had absolutely nothing, desperately poor. My brother was two when they left Europe. He was born, and then my older brother. And when they came over first twelve years, we're desperately poor, and my mother talked about feeding us for some days. My brother and I on an orange and I don't remember that. I don't remember ever going hungry or being without were even though we're poor, I didn't notice that as much because most people in the neighborhood were. We were probably a lot more than even But anyways, that wasn't the thing though.

6:11 That was difficult, But growing up was my father was very angry. He was a very angry man, and he would you know, we never knew, and he would lash out and be very very abusive, and it created a lot of conflict in the family. My mother and didn't actually want to leave Europe. She didn't want to leave all her family behind, but and she missed them. And when you grew up, my brother also became abusive. I wanted I wanted to see more of the world. I wanted to I was always a dreamer and I wanted to be see the big world out there and everything else. And so I went to university. I was the first one in my family to go beyond high school. And because I had, I had done fairly well in school, and that was my escape from then that I was in was getting an education. So luckily I did well in school, and it was very difficult in high school.

7:09 I remember one day my. Principal, who was sort of the most educated person that I knew that at the time, and he had traveled and said to me, Harvey, you have a good head on your shoulders. Don't let it go to your head. I remember those words, and after a life raft for me actually that you know, actually you know, I clung onto that. I remember it. Yes, you know, you're smart, you can do you can really do what you want in life. And then on a long in life and and because of all the you know, the strife at home, the negativity, I picked up a lot of a lot of things that were not serving you well, a lot of negative things. You know, be careful of people, you know everything you know, you had to you have to always be careful. And I didn't want that. And even though I was working as a professional and I didn't have the work I really wanted er, the you know, the people, the connections of friends that I wanted to. So I was trying to help myself and I read a lot of self help books and nothing really spoke to me. And then I read a book by the name of by the name of somebody by the name of Daniel Goleman wrote a book called Emotional Intelligence. Well it can matter more than IQ, And on page four something jumped out at me that changed my life. It said, you know, all of your intellect can come to not once your emotions hold sway.

8:33 And that's what That's what it was. My emotions were holding me back. I picked up a lot of negativity growing up and I had to I had to overcome this. I had to turn my life around so I could be positive and I could make better connections with people. So I started reading everything I cut on emotional intelligence. I took courses, I took training, and eventually I said, well, all the books the time where very academic and it didn't have any real real answers to what you could do to to to use emotional intelligence in your life. And I thought, somebody's got to write a book like this, because this is powerful. This is powerful, but but in those books you have to sort of pull out things and make up things on your own to actually improve your emotional tillagi. So that was a missing part, and I said, somebody's got to write a book to to show people how to do that. So I said, well, I'm somebody, and I had written actually a book years before that, which before I heard about emotional Coelogist and got a publicist. I said, I can do that too, I can write a book. And it wasn't it wasn't that easy, but I didn't manage to find a publisher, an agent and a publisher, and sort of it. It took over my life. And I guess it's like I say, the rest of history, I sort of been preaching, preaching about emotional intelligence, sort of sharing it with everybody I can, and through my writing, through my speaking and everything. Because it's it's totally turned my life around. I went and

10:06 I joined the Men's organization where it was a safe place too and you're supported in sharing your feelings and what you're going through. Men could get together and do. That, and so that that absolutely helped me, and I would very highly recommend it for any man that's going to call the Mankind Project. It's a wonderful organization. So and I've been on this wonderful journey ever since and it's it's turned my life around. And yeah, I just can't say enough positive things about what emotional intelligence has done for me and. What it can do for anybody if they use it. Mm hm. And you're absolutely right when you talked about Daniel Goldman and that page number four. And I have to say that your journey itself is very impressive that you had this fork in front of you and you chose to go in the direction of positivity and letting go of the past. And maybe sometimes we are not really able to let go of the past. So so many people know that emotional intelligence is a buzzword. If you were to explain it in simple laymen terms, how would you describe emotions?

11:27 Well, the simple the sort of the basic. Definition is it's our ability to recognize, to differentiate, and to manage our emotions in the emotions of others around it, around us, which I wasn't doing that a good job before, you know, But it's it's. Making our. Using our emotions to work for us rather than against us, because our emotions can be our best friend because I give us very useful information, but it can also be our worst enemy if we aren't able to manage our emotions.

12:09 You know, if they can, they can really make our life very, very difficult. So I had problems with some of it because a lot of the things that I grew up with would would trigger my emotions and not in a good way. So I learned to manage them, and I learned to experience more very positive emotions. So you know, it's it's it's to. Have our emotions work for us rather than than having because they can, they can really trip us up. They can cause us lots of problems if we're not if we're not recognizing what's happening within us, if we're not managing them the way we we could. And you know, the one thing I could say was that, you know, I'm not totally convinced that we can manage others emotions as well as we can manage our own. But here's a simple thing you can do if you don't believe.

13:01 I know, we can influence emotions. We can others emotions to a great degree. And if you wonder about that, go into any mall or you know, supermarket and and look at people, and first of all, have a very sort of a stone face, don't you know, don't don't show any emotions or anything to look at people, or even sort of a grouch. You look on your face, notice the reaction you get from people. Then smile, put on the biggest smile. You're able to. And then look at people and watch how they react to you. You know, they react to the most. The energy that you're sending out, the emotions that you are sending out, that's what you're sending out is what you're going to get back to a large degree. So yes, it's important to be aware of how you're coming across all the time. That's self awareness is the most important.

13:56 The first, the first and most important part of emotion intelligence is to be aware. Because I wasn't aware of how I was I was coming across the people, and many people aren't there and if they were aware, they they would they would make an effort to come across differently probably than they are. Mm hmm. You're absolutely right about emotional intelligence. It's about managing our emotions and scoping how others are doing and navigating it, influencing to the best of your ability as you can. And I love your social experiment because several years back I did that in New York because I've heard from so many people, Oh gosh, New Yorkers are always in a rush, They're rude, and they don't have time.

14:48 So of course, because I was there on vacation, I didn't have anywhere to be as is, and I love practicing mindfulness wherever I can, decided to do an experiment. I just walked around and I was just smiling with a slight smile on my face, and it was very interesting that some people were kind of taken aback because when you're walking and I feel that every city has its own rhythm, like they're in this pace, going fast, pace fast. And this is before pandemic, of course, But what was surprising was that most people, if the eyes connected and if I smiled, they would smile back. And that again goes back that yes, there's a reputation of New Yorkers, and yet people are people. So as you talked about, let's take it into different scenarios. So now so many times what happens is that there is a shift in leadership. Before there used to be authoritarian leadership and now we're more about collaborative leadership, servant leadership, more about influencing people. And yet just recently one of my clients came in saying that she's doing everything she can, but her boss is micromanaging her and is very, very toxic.

16:17 So her boss has two different faces her boss. When she is talking to the stakeholders and to the leadership team, she is just a different person, very pleasant, and when she is coming and talking to my client and my clients reports, it's like the literally dread her being in the meeting. And of course this is all on Zoom being the whole remote culture, at least for this company. So now when this happens, do you have any tips for our listeners or for my client?

16:58 Yeah, that's it's a difficult situation. But I did actually write an article one time about how to teach your teach your boss emotional intelligence without them them them knowing it, sort of sort of doing it. Uh. The one thing we can do is try to not prepare ourselves. And even though we know what our boss is going to come across as we're not in control, but we we we're in control of how we react, So we smile if we're pleasant to our boss, regardless of you know, if if if we expect them to be uh, not very nice to us, be nasty to us, and and and and you know, but if we put on we say, well, okay, you know, I'm going to I'm going to smile. I'm going to be very very pleasant nice. There's things that we can do. We can we can, you know, notice things about them if we know anything about them, say something that they like.

18:04 Okay. For example, they have a you know, somebody in their family. You know, they have a pet that they really love, and stuff like that. We can see if we could somehow bring that into the conversation, ask them about that, ask them about something that they know we know something about them. The more we can find out about their their their life, their background, the more information we will have to try to get them onto a positive note. For example, they have this this dog that you know at home, that the pet that they're really fond of, you know, or something has happened. That really they really enjoy. If we can somehow bring that in and let them know, try to turn them into a way.

18:48 That's that's more positive. And if they do anything, if they do anything at some point that you really appreciate, enjoy them for, let them know that, Let them know that because maybe see, we don't know, we don't know what are our boss is going through, we don't know the pressure under We have no idea what's going on with them in their in you know, their work life, and we don't have any idea of what's going on at home with people like people are going through things we don't know anything about. So instead of starting off with with a play with you know, with the mindset that this is a miserable person, you know, and and and and we we just really don't want to be anything to do with them. Come from the places they are maybe going through a lot of difficulties we know nothing about a lot of pain, and and and try to see if there's any way you know that that we we we could we could help them with that, say by showing some appreciation for something that they've said or anything they're doing. Look for things to be positive about. It'll make it will make it easier for us if we do that for our own well being as well as maybe helping them.

20:05 Absolutely and as you shared that sometimes people are going through pain and actually not in this case, but there was another client who could not get her employee to be engaged, and she tried everything under the sun, as you're mentioning being nice to her figuring it out. And then later down the road, as we had talked about, what I and her came up with a solution is just having a safe space where she could just open up without any fear of retribution, without any fear of like, oh, if I divulged this, then my career is going to get impacted. My job's going to get impacted. So she took her, took her out for lunch, and then she found out that her employee had been going through IBF and couldn't get pregnant. Oh yes, and that just changed the scenario. And going back to the previous example of my client, she tried everything, as you had mentioned, you know a lot of people and things couldn't change where they were not able to pull her in. And then sometimes, as you're talking about, there's only our emotions we can control and our response or our reactions. So they kind of come to terms with it, and they didn't expect anything.

21:33 So rather than going into the meetings or into the conversation to the mindset, oh, this person is going to be nasty and then this is going to impact me. It's more of a place that it's okay, they are going to be who they are. I'm going to be who I am. Yes, just don't let your don't let your emotions get get sucked into where they're coming from. Just manage your own emotions and whatever you can too if you know, if you're able to help them at the same time to become more more positive, and do that. But manage your own first and foremost. That's the most important thing, so you don't get become part of part of what they're going through.

22:19 You're absolutely right. So there are so many people, whether they're in the boardrooms, where in the meeting rooms, whether you're walking down the street, whether you're an entrepreneurial, I mean, in so many different area you just see that there are some people who just have this ability to influence others and they form close relationships without even trying. Yes, So can you share what are some of the well I ure that you can know whether you have any of those qualities and what people can do to implement that to bring it. Even even if we even if we don't have those qualities, we can develop them, you know, make a conscious effort.

23:05 I never had those qualities at one time at all, but I learned them. And uh yeah, I mean I'll just give you, you know, example of yesterday. There there's there's I go to the pool. I go to acquisize four times a week, and there's a man that comes. He doesn't do acquisize, but he comes there and he goes into the pool when when people are are out, and he goes you know, in the steam room. And I tell you and and he's blind. He has a white cane. Yeah, yeah, he can be. He can be at times grouccy. Actually, if I encountered him one time in the steam room is just after COVID and and he berated me for apparently I was breathing too heavy and he thought he was going to become ill. But anyways, I decided I was going to you know, reach out to this man.

24:02 And uh yeah. So we had we had some fun because he was trying to find his locker and of course he has to go by by feel, and he was, you know, he was in the wrong locker and he was going to put on somebody else's pants. We had a real joke, you know, a joke about so wouldn't it wouldn't it be funny if I went on with wearing somebody else's pants, And you know, we we shared a real good joke. And since then, you know, I've been talking to him, you know, all the time, and he's quite he's quite pleasant. And when you talk to him, he loves to talk and he uh, you know, he'll ask you, oh, did you come in just for your for your exercise, your work on everything. And and yesterday morning he was he was just getting changed, he was getting dressed when I came into the locker room and he had his brush and he was combing his hair. He had very little hair, but he was he was brushing his hair and I said, Joe, you look very handsome, and he's just he just burst out with a great big smile. He was so happy, you know, that somebody because because he couldn't see himself, he didn't know even how you're looking. You're looking very handsome, Joe, And oh he was. He was just and he was talking and he was just so so happy that somebody had had had paid attention to him. And you know, I talked to him. So, Yeah, if we if we reach out to people, and sometimes I'm a bit of an extrovert. I have to make the effort. I have to be conscious of it and make the effort to

25:32 reach out. But since I've been been doing that, you know, I'm feeling so much better. And at first, he got sometimes it's it doesn't come natural. It didn't come natural to me to sort of reach out and start conversations with people. But I'm doing it now, and the more I'm doing it, the more comfortable it becomes. And it's becoming almost like now it doesn't cost me very much discomfort to do it. It's almost like it's becoming more natural and becoming more more outgoing. So so the more we push through our comfort zone, the more our comfort zone in large expands, and the more comfortable we will be doing things that we're uncomfortable with before, and our old way of doing things sort of vanishes, it melts away as we become more comfortable in our new in our new space.

26:25 Mm hmmm, No, absolutely, So what would you say are some of the characteristics of emotionally intelligent people, especially when you are seeing people in the professional organizational space. Yeah, the emotional intelligent people are interested in other people. You could if you The first thing you. Can tell somebody's emotional intelligence is if they're having a conversation with you in a conversation, I mean, they're asking you about yourself, they're listening to you, they're actually listening to what you're saying. Because most people, well a lot of people, you know, most people when we're speaking, they're thinking of a response, they're not really listening.

27:10 But emotional intelligent people. They really listen and they want to they want to understand, they want to really hear what you're saying. And because we so off, we so seldom are really heard when we're we're speaking, because people are thinking response. Somebody who actually listens and asks us questions, we really feel connected to them, and then remember things about people you know, you know, and after in later conversations bring those things, they'll say, Wow, somebody's remembered this about me. Mhm. They you know, I feel special, I feel important, I'm important for that person. There's so many conversations that it's it's not a conversation, it's a monologue. Somebody speaking about something and they don't even have any idea if you're interested in that, or don't seem to be conscious of the fact that you may have no interest at all.

28:07 And what they're saying. Emotional intelligent people want to talk about something that that that that that that we both want to talk about. We want to make a connection. Emotional intelligence they remember people's names, they remember things about them. They don't get themselves upset very quickly. You know. They they're able to really really monitor their their moods, their emotions. They're they're they're able to push their boundaries. They're always trying new things. They're not afraid to make mistakes when when when they when they. They'll you know, they'll say the sorry they make mistakes. But they're they're they're very conscious of where they are, where they're, where they're coming from. They're conscious of how they influence other people, how other people react to them.

28:56 So you won't have to sit there and listen to them talk about something that you have absolutely no interest in. Won't carry on, it won't be a monologue. When you speak to them, they will actually you'll have a good back and forth conversation where you can both feel very connected. That definitely makes sense, And I know you have written that book that you had talked about where you talk about simple things that we can do in a day to day live. So would you be sharing with us a few of those that our audience can take away and put it into their lives immediately.

29:40 Yes. Well, the first thing that we can do is what I like to is get up and I like to start life the day on a very positive note. So I write at least ten things and it's called a gratitude book that I'm grateful for that allows me to start off from a part positive place. Okay, a place where you know the world is a good place. You know, like we a lot of people, the world is not a good place. A lista it starts. It starts me off on a place of positivity. If I do that, I know my day is going to go better because if something happens, I can always think back to, oh, you know, there's so many good things that I have to.

30:22 Be grateful for. Yeah. Go out there and when you're talking to people, remember remember things about them, ask them questions about things that are important to them. Names, remember their names, and remember how to pronounce their names. Because there's so many people with names that are difficult for us, maybe because from different cultures learn how to pronounce that name. There's nothing more important to us than our name. So somebody remembers our name and also takes the time and effort to learn how to pronounce it properly. That that makes a strong impression. Little things like that all the time, and just just do little things to to to to.

31:10 Make people's day. If you see something about the person that you really like, Oh, you know, that's really a nice shirt. Say that if somebody's ever said that to you. You know, when you just some stranger you're walking past says that to you, Remember how you feel, you feel so good. You just it makes your day, You feel good. Try to do that for people. You'll not only will they feel better, but you'll feel a lot better. You your day will go much smoother, You'll feel a lot better. So very simple things like that. It's always look look for the positive. Don't don't there's negative that's going to happen. You know, you're you're going to see the news it's it's mainly negative. But look for the positive. Try.

31:52 You have to be aware of the negative. But things that are going on in the world, but you have to you don't have to inundate. Yourself with it. Just try to look for the positive all the time. Yeah. No, definitely very insightful tips. And I agree with you that if you're sitting down and watching news, it's always the negative spin. Well that's a hyperbolieve that said, like you know, most of the times it is a negative spin. So I've gone on news fasting and what I do is, I'll just look at the feed headlines. I'm still aware of it. As you mentioned, it's important to be aware of it. Now if we shift the scenario, so let's say an individual contributor is becoming a manager the first time, and what happens is that individual contributor are so much ingrained into their day to day lives and they are used to working on the tangibles where that Okay, this is the project I have to take and I have to finish it and I have to submitted it got to be done really well. And now they have become a manager or going from manager to technically whatever it is, and now they may have a few people reporting into them. Mmm, what advice would you give them so that that transition is a smooth one with and not keeping that individual contributor mindset. But stepping into the leadership rule.

33:20 With emotional intelligence, yes, well, well there's there's a danger of of if you know you're stepping into that leadership role, there's a danger if you don't make the switch into the leadership that you could be micromanaging expect you know, looking at everybody's work over their shoulders and and do the micromanaging just a good thing. You have to let go of the day to day needing to sort of do it all yourself, and you have to trust your people that they're they're they're they're they're going to do they're going to do the work. So the other thing is is to to get to know your You're going to have to get to know your people better and is to form form connections with them, talk to them, find out more about them than just what's going on in their work life. Find out, you know, if you can about the you know, the personal life, what they like, what sort of things they like, and get to know them, all of these people on a more personal level so you can actually support them and in that way you know emotionally, uh, and trust them, learn to trust them. And of course you know you're going to have to if something goes wrong, you're going to have to, you know, confront them with it. But but also let them know that you trust them and and that you believe in their abilities. That's very very important because and that they can come to you with anything,

34:51 any concerns, that they don't have to when something's going wrong, they have no need to hide it. They can they can depend on you. If they make a mistake, it's okay, they can come to you. Just build those relationships with people, because you're doing it. It's a whole different role now you have to you have to depend on them and they have to depend on you. So yeah, just focus on forming those relationships instead of looking at every detail of the work that they're doing. Mm hmm definitely, because as you mentioned that, there's that danger of falling into micromanagement now versus if you're sitting down with your reports and asking them what is their vision for the coming year, where do they see themselves growing into the role or what could they bring to the team. And when you're inspiring people, then what happens is that external motivation shifts to the internal inspiration. And when you're doing that, you're also creating that safe space where they're able to fail, as you mentioned, because it's okay to make mistakes, it's okay. You're there for them to support them. Yes, and when people know that you have their back, then there's a shift where they start trusting you. And when there is trust, then that's what forms the foundation of the relationship.

36:18 Yes, And it's important to get to know them all as individuals so that you can show you can show your appreciation for you know, when they're doing good work in ways that you know, one size doesn't fit all with all your people. Some people like to be shown appreciation in front of a large group or you're doing such wonderful. Some people don't want that. Some people like it. It's sort of more introverted. They like individuals sort of attention things like that. And that's where it's important to get to know your people as well. You know very well and know what they're like, know how they like to be shown appreciation, and be very generous with your appreciation.

36:59 That who is it that said Andrew Carnegie? Find them, catch them doing something right instead of looking for things, Instead of trying to find things that they're doing wrong, try to catch them doing something right. That's always the first thing you should do, is you know, look for things that they're doing right instead instead of focusing what they might be doing wrong. Yeah, have that focus, absolutely, and that's very powerful. That catch them doing things right. And as you're giving them real time feedback, the power in that is so powerful because that's only going to enhance their performance and it will help them continue building there. Yeah, yeah, continue building their confidence. And when they continue building their confidence, it's helpful to Yeah, so tell us, like, you know, where can people find your books?

38:05 Well, they're available on my website, the other kind of smartsmart dot com, that's one word. Or they can find them on Amazon, sells them in a lot. Of other bookstores, book Boom, just all of them. They would carry my book the online stores and you might find it in your local bookstore. But if it's not there, they would be able to order order the books in. But yeah, and it's available in my latest is available in hardcover. It's also available an ebook format and I'll leave it's available in an audiobook format as well.

38:51 Now that's fantastic, And as we bring our show to a close, are there any last one or two tips that you would like to share with our audience. Well, the the the become a better listener is the best way we can make connections with people, and it's just just to try to. The one way thing we can do is actually we can We can practice becoming better listeners by you know, somebody in our family or a good friend that we trusted, sitting down with them and having them speak for three minutes and then us feeding back to them what we heard them say. That way, we won't have the urge to respond to whatever they're saying.

39:42 Our only job will be just to listen and feedback. We can practice listening, active listening, become an active listener. That is one of the most powerful tools we have of making stronger connections with people, becoming more emotionally intelligent. Just practice active listening and and asking more questions when they're when someone's speaking, Oh, tell me more about that or something. Don't ask close any questions like okay, but open end and tell me more about that. So how do you feel about that? You know, what what made you, what made you decide on on that type of thing, So they can they can get into the story a little more. They'll really appreciate that.

40:23 Mm hmm. Yeah, absolutely, because when you learn about the other person, there's always this beautiful thing that something will stand out to you about them. And then when you keep that in mind, it's not even about trying to remember it, because if it stands out for you, and if you have been listening to understand, listening to get to know the other person, you will remember it. Yes, and yeah, go ahead, sorry, no, that's. Okay, and then it just becomes the foundation of a start of a strong relationship. Right, yes, Because we all as humans, we have the need to be heard, you know, feel heard. And you know, it's important for our managers to know that even though the situation there's nothing we could do to change it, perhaps, but the person that's coming to us with a concern, how's that need to be heard and if we hear them, they're going to walk away a lot happier than when it came to us, even though they know we can't do anything to really change that. You know, they're aware of that, but they need to feel heard, and we all need to feel hurd And when somebody hears us that percution becomes we form a connection with that person because it's a rare thing to really be hurt, and we all have the need for that to feel heard, because when we were heard, we feel we're important and we all need to feel that.

41:54 And that brings us back to our circle of the story where you started, Yes, when you had shared that when you were a little boy, and you felt important because there was this person who gave you his full attention. And that's the key, is that when you're in space with someone else, create that space for them. Just be there for them. So I'm sure our listeners would love to find out where they can connect with you social media. What's your preference? Well, I'm on LinkedIn. Yeah, I'm on LinkedIn quite a bit. That's the main place.

42:38 I'm on Facebook too. I'm not on Facebook much, but LinkedIn is the best way to connect with me. Just find me, wander my name and yeah, I spend a lot of time on that platform. Absolutely. And they can also reach out to you on your website, which is the other kind of smart Yes. On my website. There's a free emotional intelligence quiz that I have. It's fifteen questions one quiz. It won't take long, it's self scoring. The idea is not to take it seriously, but it will give you a good feeling of what emotional intelligence is more than actually I could you know, I could talk about what it is, but these questions will give you a much better feeling of what it actually is. So have fun with the quiz and you can learn more about.

43:29 Me on the site. Well fantastic, Well, thank you for joining us, Harvey. It was. Wonderful to have this conversation with you about emotional intelligence and making people's lives better, because that's what the life is about, creating impact and helping others live the life they can live beautifully and just keep on spreading the joy. So thank you for joining us. Thank you very much of you for having me on. I really I really enjoyed it, had a great time. Thank you awesome. I enjoyed it too, And thank you wonderful audience because you know that without you the show would not be possible.

44:15 Reach out to us, tell us your kind of stories and let us know how we can support you. Who else can be brawing so that you have a wonderful life. And thank you one for making the show technically possible. Until next time, be well and take care. Thank you for being part of Beyond Confidence with your host via Park. We hope you have learned more about how to start living the life you want. Each week on Beyond Confidence, you hear stories of real people who've experienced growth by overcoming their fears and building meaningful relationships. During Beyond Confidence, Diva Park shares what happened to her when she stepped out of her comfort zone to work directly with people across the globe. She not only coaches people how to form HERD connections, but also transform relationships to mutually beneficial partnerships as they strive to live the life they want. If you are ready to live the life you want and leverage your strengths, learn more at www dotwpark dot com and you can connect with vat contact at dvpark dot com. We look forward to you joining us next week.