The Neuroscience of Midlife Reinvention

0:00 The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are solely those of the hosts and their guests, and not those of W four WN Radio It's employees or affiliates. We make no recommendations or endorsement for radio show programs, services, or products mentioned on air or on our web. No liability, explicit or implied shall be extended to W four WN Radio It's employees or affiliates. Any questions or common should be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing W four WN Radio. This is Beyond Confidence with your host d W Park. Do you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do you want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional, and financial goals? Well? Coming up on Dvaparks Beyond Confidence, you will hear real stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers who have stemps into discomfort, shattered their status quo, and are living the life they want. You will learn how relationships are the key to achieving your aspirations and financial goals.

0:52 Moving your career business forward does not have to happen at the expense of your personal or family life or vice versa. Learn more at WWWA. You don't divpork dot com and you can connect with div ants contact dants divpark dot com. This is beyond confidence and now here's your host div Park. Good morning listeners, Happy Tuesday. So wonderful to be here with you. And I was in Washington, DC just recently, and what was interesting was that in the hustle hustle of the city. It's a beautiful. City, I saw an old lady just kind of waiting.

1:34 I was in the car and so an old lady waiting, like you know, she couldn't cross like really fast. And what was surprising was that all the drivers just stopped and they just you know, it was just beautiful. She was hesitant to cross, and even though the sign walk was not on, they let her cross and just so. Like we know, one driver all I needed was one driver. Yeh. Backed up a little bit, but she was able to cross the street. And that was a beautiful sign to watch. So thank you, thank you, thank you everyone for getting our books. For those who have not, please do get our books because they will change your lives, whether it is The Entrepreneur's Gotten Expert, to Influencer, your Mastery, or any of our books. And also I'm excited to share that I will be releasing a book this year. I'm writing a book on artificial intelligence and if you are interested in learning how we do the whole book launch, please email me to contact at debapardict dot com and happy to make.

2:46 You part of it. Lesson write our guest doctor Christina Leary. Welcome. Hi, How like you good? How are you so? Tell us? Are awesome? Good to have you? So? Do you recall a moment or a person in your life who left the pastor mark on you. Yes, I'm living with her now. My mom. How did she impact you? Well? She was born with a disability, walking disability, and that never stopped her. She never complained, only now because she's not that independent as she used to be, But she never complained. She always rose to the occasion. Interestingly enough, my father was a food doctor and that's the way they met. She could not be operated on, and he fell in love with her male formed feet, and that's the way they married. And they were together until my father passed in two thousand and nine. And so now I am in Argentina because she had a heart failure just a few weeks ago and I had to fly overnight from the United States to be here and take care of her. And even now she doesn't complain. Even now she is full of strength. So yeah, I'm living

4:16 the legacy of resilience, the legacy of acceptance, but not but not giving up. That is such a powerful thing and for her to and that's so beautiful that she doesn't let the external circumstances deter her from the person she is and becoming that person exactly right. So you have. Been working, you know, helping people with neuroplasticity. So how did you get into the neuroscience? Have you ever watched a movie Forrest Gump?

4:57 Oh? Yeah, that's pretty much my life. I never planned anything, It just fell on my lap. I just follow through. So I started my life as a linguist in fact here and I've seen as a translator and interpreter and teacher. And I taught at all levels elementary, high school, university level. Then life took me to the US where I did my masters in applay linguistics. And I sitting next to this lady when I was doing the masters, she said, oh, would you like to teach this bunch of people? They need to learn Spanish. I'm like, here, I just came to do my masters and go back home. Said, oh, you will love it. It's with Navy seals, and I this is nineteen ninety six, so I was like, what are seals like? Seals? I'm like, stop it. So I didn't even know what they were, and so I said, well whatever. Twenty five years later everybody was gone, but I was the one staying. And so I started from the very low, you know, teaching part time, then in full time, and then academic coordinator, and then I ended up on the government level as the product manager, leading Navy Seals to learn the language and cultural awareness of the countries where they were going to lead their missions.

6:15 And the beauty of that was that I had a chance to see the before and nature, the before going to their missions wars, the aftermath when they came back, and I found that we were we are our department with people from all over the world, refugees, foreign nationals, immigrants like me. We were all like their happy place to go because when they came with us, we sat together, we ate the meals of the different countries. They learned the language before going, but after coming back they still wanted to hang out with us. So I started getting intrigued about how you know, going to war and then went back how do you adapt to that? But again I was still a linguist.

7:04 That's what I did. But in twenty twenty one the program, after twenty five years, the program was defunded, and I didn't want to look for another position that was a GS. I could have definitely looked for another GS position, but I felt like it was my time to go. But in the meantime, I had started to feel a lot of intrigue about neuroscience and the science of the brain. Now we're talking of twenty seventeen eighteen. Believe it or not, it was not a big deal neuroscience. Not many many people talked about that. In fact, when I told my mom that I wanted to go and do my PhD on on this topic, my mom looks like, you got to be kidding me to something tangible? What is that? So I'm like great, But I still did it. So that was the beginning, and I went back to school. When the problem was defunded, I found myself unplugged. My identity was gone.

8:04 I was invisible, so I had to reinvent myself and then I had to apply everything that I had learned about cognition, about how the brain works, about neuroplasticity to myself. So that is how it all started. I never planned on it. I just felt wrong and I just followed my my intuisue. Yeah, so it sounds like, you know, you followed what we're showing up for you. So a lot of people. Who follow the they're like, you know, you go to good schools, get a job, and you know, all the societal expectations, and they may have a definitive path and people are not very much open to.

8:52 Like okay, because as. They're kind of growing through their lives, you know, there are responsibilities. But then sometimes what happens is that are in their midlife and then they start feeling that age like you know, leet did my life go? What is happening? So what could they do during those times? So midlife happens to all of us, and that is a very fortunate thing because the other option is that we are not on earth, and so the good news is we all get old. That is a fantastic news. Doesn't mean that we are useless, doesn't mean that we lose purpose. It means that we have to grow with the age. Where we are, we have to accompany the evolution of our body, of our soul, of our spirit.

9:51 So in midlife, many times people are urged by society to stay where they were when they were twenties or thirties, and it's like running against the wind. You know, it's going to be quite a painful path to do that. So when that happens, and it happens in different ways to people, right, we don't all age at the same pace, and it's fine, it's supposed to be like that. But when it happens and it touches us, we need to just start slowly saying, hey, wait a second, I used to do this maraphon. Now I cannot do it. So instead of saying, if only start saying, at least I can do a short term maraphon. And when you cannot do that, Matophon and said, at least I can jog.

10:55 And when you cannot jog, well, at least I can walk. And like my mom when she can a walk, and she said, at least I can get out of bed. There is always an at least. And I think that midlife is about that, which is different from letting like, it's different from giving up it's about letting go. Let's just let go of the whold of what is old and believe it or not, sometimes the younger part of us is old. We need to let go of that and then embrace the next level. And that is really when the magic starts to happen, and that is the invitation for those in midlife now. It's very easy to say like that in abstract terms. We all go through it differently, but in the end it's the same. It's like everything, right. We are all humans. We are different, but we are the same. So this is the same.

11:57 The experience of midlife is different, but it's the same. Now. When you have a mid life crisis that comes with a divorce, or with a bad diagnosis, or with losing your job, now things start getting even or the advent of AI at your job, then things start getting more and more complicated, and that is the time when you have to take a good introspection at your own. At some point, we all have to do that. Either it's in the morning or in the evening. At some point we have to stop and say, wait a second, what am I heading to Because it's happening. The divorce happened, or the diagnose happened or the laid off happened. And at some point, if we don't want to go downhill, we need to stop. We need to just stop and say, hey, this happened. So now I have to dream invent myself, which is a word that is very very used and soon to become a cliche, but it's really a beautiful word green bed right, but soon to be. Yeah.

13:17 So you talk about symbolism, tell us a bit more about that. Well, symbolism is something that goes very much to the heart of my life. In fact, my thesis was based on the study of symbolism how we use religious symbols to cope in terms of adversity, not because of the religiosity of the symbols, but because symbols go bypass our analytical mind, so it speaks directly to our deeper level of our identity. So symbols is metaphors, archetypes, affirmations, and if like, and and again. The symbols are in the five or six senses. Right, you have the when you have some incense, a symbolistic of you know, elevating your brain, your mind, your thoughts to the high above. When you play music, sacred music or any type of music that elevates your spirit. It's another type of bypassing the analytical mind and going to that part of the subconscious that tells you all is well, you're fine. That is what symbols are about. It's a way to tell you all is well. You cannot understand that, but always well, So

14:48 why is it that when we are going through something really difficult, we don't want to sometimes talk with anybody, but it's just play the music, or you just go for a walk, or you just said, I mean I love threes. I just sit with the back on. My So definitely symbolism, I think. So it's the rituals and thinking about you know, as doctor Christina will join us back, is that think about even when we look at the holidays, we look forward. To it because.

15:30 It could be for example, Christmas is symbolic of love, peace and joy and season of giving and similarly, like you know, it could be the Wali, which is symbolic of light of festivities, which is spreading the light through darkness. So having those symbolisms, having that symbolism in your life can be very very powerful. Now when you're thinking about all right, how can I bring symbolism in my life. I invite you to think about not bringing it in, but recognizing what you already have in your life that you can use. And so I'm going to share a few of the transformations that you can bring in your life with symbolism. So, for example, I will share with you that for me, nature is symbolic of rejuvenation, of the beauty and eternal nature, of the permanency.

16:41 And yet of the change. So just for example, just want to share, Like, you know, today it was so beautiful. There was this I'm sure you've seen it a thousand times, but it's about taking that pause and looking at it. As we are going through the summer, what's happening is that the squirrels and birds, everybody's getting ready to prepare for the winter. So I see this beautiful squirrel, you know, holding that black walnut and her mouth and just kind of going and acorns and like hiding it somewhere. So finding that symbolism in your life can be very powerful.

17:22 So yeah, please continue. It's beautiful what you said. Because symbols are simple. We don't have to go to Tokyo to the most beautiful shrine place to feel like we are one with the symbolism. You can live in a little apartment and you can find symbolism in like you know, holding us I'm doing now. You know a little cup that my grandmother used to drink from that is symbolistic of as well. My grandmother made it, my mother is making it. So symbol is the message is everywhere and is so simple, and that is the thing. Sometimes we over complicate where is the symbol here? And we think about and then we become well, symbols are not supposed to be, which is we cannot go through the beauty of symbols when we analyze it, when we go through our analogical brain to say, okay, let's seek no, just shut up, be still, like the Bible says, right, be still and the waters come. That is what symbols are about. Be still, contemplate. Sometimes it's you know, it's funny, I aren't in the US. I wake up with classical music, and I go to sleep with classical music. Well, I turn it off at night.

18:54 Was my husband would stangle me. But that is what I need throughout the day. But here in Argentina, my mom, my mom doesn't like to have anything in the background, so I'm like, okay, because I need my music, but I'm in Christina. Be still. Really the message here is the symbol of silence. Be still, be silent, and I am gaining another beauty of silence. So that is symbol. It's where you are, what you have next to you. That is the power of symbols. Absolutely. So let's say as people are going through the tough times you mentioned about a few instances, and there can be thousand instances which can immediately push a human being from a place of calm to a place of chaos, and all of them, what rituals or what symbolisms or what symbols can they find to help reframes so that they're able to transform themselves from that place of confusion to clarity.

20:04 So as a beautiful question or comment, I would say it depends on the person. Like if someone is not very much connected to their spiritual life, so if you tell them go, you know, and do contemplation in whatever demnomation of faith you have, they will look at you like, now, thank you. That doesn't work for me, and they go back to their darkness. So I would say for something to be more comprehensive for everybody, the first thing when you're going through a big unplug of comfort, right you lost your job or back diagnose, or a divorce, that happens all of a sudden, someone files for the worce. Okay, So I would say the first thing is silence, because that is what I did when I lost my job of twenty five years, and eight days later my husband lost his corporate job of twenty six years. So twenty five and twenty six in eight days. You cannot make this up. You cannot make this up. It's twenty twenty one.

21:17 We survived COVID, and we were both saying, wow, we kept our jobs twenty twenty one, both of us in eight days. Now. My husband also had gone through some health, very serious health issues. So all of a sudden, you know, health insurance, and me like, oh my god, and now what because in this time and era, working for the same place for twenty five years is no longer an asset liability. It's like you don't have much diversity anyway. So going back to your question, what do we do? Honestly, I didn't go back to church or temple or whatever faith you have. No, I didn't do that. I felt like angry at the beginning. So I's silence. So that is the first thing I would say, go to silence.

22:04 Allow yourself to turn off the volume from outside. I didn't talk to friends, I didn't talk to anybody. I just went to my cave. I needed to hear my voice. So that is step one. Go to silence. Turn off the volume of the outside because everybody will say, oh my god, what are you going to do? And he also locks his top and now what are you going to lose your house? And come about the car and this that it's insurance. So turn the off, turn off the radio, turn off everything. Allow yourself to step two, which is cry shout to whatever you have to do. Allow your emotions to emerge because if you don't do that, then your genes will show up in like some cancer regional cell. No things will start going wrong if you don't allow the emotions to express So without going to hit someone or doing something stupid, it revers consequences like drink and drive and then you get a dui, which is even worse, or go into drugs and then you cannot get out of that, which is even worse. So stop digging. Just cry, just you know, punch your bed, do what you have to do. I did all of that, by the way, do all that. So that's number two.

23:18 But then once you went through that, and don't give it too much time, because we love the victim, things like oh poor me. So if you let it go through a lot of a long time, it festers and it becomes ingranted. You Let's keep being crying. Let's keep being the poor me that lost the job and my husband too, Let's keep being there. No, at some point you have to say enough, And that is what I did with myself enough. So I let myself probably like that like two three weeks because I need It's twenty five years, it's a long time, and then twenty six years with him, it's a long time. So I needed to process that. So two three weeks of that silence and crying and ah angry. Then after that I'm like, okay, so now I need to do an inventory of what I still have. It can still walk, I still have?

24:15 Yeah, and now definitely, So picking up where doctor Christina left it is it also depends you know what works for you. So these are what these are the steps that work for her, and then you can pick and choose what works for you. So when she's talking about not staying in the area of the victimhood, because that can be a slippery slope. It's important to. Acknowledge your emotions. It's important to validate them, and it's also important to walk to them, because if you don't process those emotions and if you don't walk through it, it's very easy because the brain loves to fester.

24:59 In the comfort zone. So right, yes, So. So the key is that moving beyond it. So go ahead. So yeah, So after you have the silence and then the punch in, not the walls, because then you still have to you know, call someone to fix the walls. Don't do anything that will make it worse. So punch your bed. Put something that will not have long lasting or worse consequences. So select where your anger will be directed to. And then after that start doing an inventory and an inventory of what you still have. You still have legs, you still can walk, you still can breathe and go to a slow because I do have a dear friend of mine who had a huge accident and lost both legs. Right, speaking of resilience, but at some point when he started to recover, he said, but I still can breathe, but I still can smile, but I still can move my arm. So go to the at least exercise, at least exercise at least I can. So it sounds like very small steps. I tell you, when you're going through the worst of the worst times, we can only take tiny steps. And it's fine, that's correct.

26:33 Tiny steps, you know, as they say, and I'm sure you've heard this quote a thousand times that the journey of a mile begins with a single step. So taking those tiny steps really helps. And then the key is that sometimes you may feel that you need support, so it's okay to seek out the support and you'll be surprised that. So, for example, for business owners, there is a small business associations, there are if you're looking for a job, there are networks out there. So for example, like you know, in one of my local communities, there is a triangle tech network. So as you're.

27:13 Moving through this journey, it's important to know where you can find that support as well while you are taking those single steps, because that social support. Can mean a lot. Any other thoughts on that As you were walking us through the steps. I could not can you repeat the question? Please? Sure? Sure? The question is that you talked about taking the small steps, any other additional steps you'd like to. Add to it, So sounds like we may be having a connection problem. So what.

28:05 You are going to do is like as we talk about, yes, we can hear you, and we are just going to go ahead and kind of like bring it to a closure. So here's the thing. Remember that finding the resources. In your neighborhood is very important and also there are so many and if you are looking for resources, to reach out to me or reach out to doctor Christina like you know you can. Her email is info at doctor Christina Leira dot com. And we thank you so much for joining us because I'll tell you, like you know, without you, the show would not be possible. And the few things I'll share with you is that that there.

28:59 Are sources out there. There are books that you can get, there are networks that you can connect with, there are meetup groups that you can find, and also we're here for you. You can reach out to me anytime, happy to support you. So thank you for joining us, and thank you doctor Christina, and thank you one for making the show technically possible. Take care and be well. Thank you for being part of Beyond Confidence with your host, dv Park, we hope you have learned more about how to start living the life you want. Each week on Beyond Confidence, you hear stories of real people who've experienced growth by overcoming their fears and building meaningful relationships. During Beyond Confidence, Vapark shares what happened to her when she stepped out of her comfort zone to work directly with people across the globe. She not only coaches people how to form hard connections, but also transform relationships to mutually beneficial partnerships as they strive to live the life they want.

29:59 If you are ready to live the life you want and leverage your strengths, learn more at www dot wpark dot com and you can connect with wants contact at dwpark dot com. We look forward to you're joining us next week.