The Quiet Power of Asking

0:00 The topics and opinions expressed on the following show are solely those of the hosts and their guests and not those of W four WN Radio. It's employees are affiliates. We make no recommendations or endorsement for radio show programs, services, or products mentioned on air or on our web. No liability, explicit or implied shall be extended to W four WN Radio. It's employees are affiliates. Any questions or common should be directed to those show hosts. Thank you for choosing W four WN Radio. This is Beyond Confidence with your host d W Park. Do you want to live a more fulfilling life? Do you want to live your legacy and achieve your personal, professional, and financial goals? Well? Coming up on Dvparks Beyond Confidence, you will hear real stories of leaders, entrepreneurs, and achievers who have steps into discomfort, shattered their status quo, and are living the life they want. You will learn how relationships are the key to achieving your aspirations and financial goals.

0:52 Moving your career business forward does not have to happen at the expense of your personal or family life or vice versa. Learn more at WWWA. You don't divpork dot com and you can connect with div at contact at divpark dot com. This is beyond confidence and now here's your host, div Park. Good morning listeners, It's Tuesday morning and it's wonderful to be here. So I want to share with you that we had some beautiful rain yesterday and just the droplets. As I was looking out through the window today, the droplets were like, you know, one, hundreds and thousands of diamonds just shining on that tree and it was so powerful.

1:38 So I want you to look for that diamond in your life, take that moment and ask yourself the question, where's my diamond? And today we are going to be talking about the power of questions and how you can bring that joy in communication and inner depth and the meaning in your life. So let's get the conversation started. And here's what I want to tell you is that if you've got our books, I really appreciate you, and if you have not, we would love for you to get a box because I promise you they will definitely impact your life.

2:23 If you're looking. To influence somebody's life, or if you're looking to build your business and also the part of profits from it. Goes to keyvot dot org. So let's bring in our guest. So, how are you doing? I'm good? How are you? I'm doing good? So tell us do you recall a moment from your childhood or youth that impacted your life and you still remember to this day. Well, my youth was brought up. We were brought up in a very strict household, and so we weren't allowed to talk. And if we ask questions, I often got soap, a very wet bar of soap slid right behind my front teeth for making any comment or asking any questions.

3:28 And if that didn't work, then I would be hit with a belt or wouldn't spoon or anything, any object that was going to change my attitude just from asking a question or asking why. But you know, I really worked for them. It was their wonderful way of disciplining. However, when I left home, I kept thinking to myself and meeting other friends and seeing their families, I kept thinking there must be a better way to communicate. And luckily I had some lovely friends whose parents were very kind to their children. So it gave me an opportunity to see that not all parents were as strict as mine.

4:15 The bad thing is when I went out into the real world, I had those skills. I had no interpersonal skills. I mean I was I could talk, and I could speak with people. But let me give you an example. When I was a stewardess. It was one of my ways of getting out of the house. And we were going to the Indian Necklace five hundred and we were rushing and this we were still using knives and forks that were metal. And as I was running down the aisle trying to finish my service, I knocked them mans to that with my hir My hip hit the fork, the fork hit his tooth and I knocked it out.

5:07 So as I was going to the back of the plane to pick up more trays, the man held out his hand and he showed me his tooth. I asked my flying partner what to do. She didn't know, So what did I do? I ran to the cockpit. This was a time when we still had the door that wasn't locked. I ran to the cockpit, flung the door open. Here we were on descent into the airport and I said, I just knocked this man's tooth. Thought, you can't land the plane yet. And he said, that's all right, honey, don't worry. So I went back collected the trays. We landed the airplane. Nobody died, and after everyone got off, there was an ambulance at the bottom of the stairs and he said, get in. It was just me. I mean, there are the other crew members. It was just a captain, the co pilot and me. I got in and I was I was just petrified. Imagine with my childhood, I was expecting somebody to put me in jail or something.

6:15 And he had a little twinkle in his eye and he said, you know, I radio down and said I have the only stewardess in the world that has such hips that she knocks men's teethelt. So they gave us a ride and the Goodyear blimp. So we went up in the Goodyear Blimp. Everything was fine. Everyone was on the airplane coming to come back to New York and we pulled up in an ambulance again and I said, well, you won't say anything, so oh yeah. I got halfway through the cabin and what did he say, Ladies and gentlemen, Please be careful with this young lady because she can knock your teeth out with her hips. I was just a young child. I was young. I ran to the back of the airplane, stayed in the galley, and I didn't dare make eye contact with anyone. So that was my route to how was I going to change my life to learn how to be a real person in the real world. So that was that's impulsive speech. And I had to learn how to how to change my life.

7:18 So you know, well, I think you know the rest of it. I I married someone, went to Argentina and that didn't work out. But I stayed in Argentina because we had a son. And I met a man from the United States who was a diplomat, and I became a diplomat, and I had to learn how to use my eyes, my language, and my cleverness to be able to attain the information that was required of me to do a good job in my work. So you mentioned that, like, you know, you became a diplomat.

8:01 So which country did you go to? Us? The diplomat that was even more into it was Argentina right at the time when it was called the dirty war, because they were if you did not agree or you were saying things against the government, they did that a lot with the newspaper, right, people that were working for the newspaper, they would kill you, I mean literally write out kill you. So some of my friends actually sent and and and college students. I mean if they said anything against the that country, they they were killed. So a lot of my friends sent their children to England and to get their education because they feared that they would definitely be dead. So yeah, so it was very difficult.

8:56 And there again, when I met the president before I had my clearance, he was so sweet. I remember coming back and saying to my husband, what a fun guy that, Oh, he had such a wonderful time. And my husband couldn't tell me anything until I got my clearance, and then he told me exactly what was happening. Mmm. I was devastated. And that that just tells you that the power of language, the power of the lance, how you use your eyes, how you use your words, can completely turn people around one way or the other.

9:40 Absolutely, So tell us about the time, like, especially in such difficult times that you couldn't speak anything, how did you do your job as a diplomat? Very clearly. That's that's when I put in my book. You know, when I got back from this from Argentina. I did twelve years of graduate school just to figure out how do we use our language. You know, our eyes are the electrical system of our body. We can make an impact by keeping our eyes down, listening and being very aware of the social nuances that are transpiring between us that we really don't talk about or even read about. But when I want to make my point, I look straight at you and I said, it impacts.

10:46 When I talked to graduate school, I did that just one evening and I said to one of the men, tell me more, and he profusely just apologized for answering a question. And so I put it out to a Hope class and I said, isn't it interesting how my interest in learning more from this young man caused Tim to completely break down. Yeah, so it's You're absolutely right that people at different levels and different cultures have different ways of communicating. You know, what we may be looking at, like, okay, direct that contact is seen as a sign of confidence in the US, it may be different in some other country that it may be a sign of disrespect. So after your journey in Argentina, what other I know you've done research? So tell our audience about that journey, and like, what were the learnings from your cultural differences?

11:52 Yes, well, from Argentina, I went to Mexico and that was a time when that country was having severe financial issues, and so we were we were again, we were diplomats, and we had to be very careful. Even riding in a motorcate you could have been killed. And so. We were approached on many sides by people who were desiring to leave the country and come to the United States. But they didn't have the background that one would can say consider pristine, and so it became very dangerous to work with people that put you in very uncomfortable situations.

12:51 And how did you handle that? Again, you opened your awareness. So it's almost it is it's like becoming a diagnostician. And people will say, but if I haven't had all of your years of experience in education and testing, how can I be a diagnostician? But tim, you know yourself. We are all diagnosticians. You walk into a room, what are we doing. We're looking at the people, We're looking at what they're wearing, We're looking at how they're speaking. That we're taking in all of the awareness that our body is giving us. What happens in this country, in the United States, is that we're so rushed for time that we often overlook the nuances between our personalities, and that often us is great strife even in marriages and in relationships.

14:06 In the workplace, you hit the nail on the head that we are so rushed. For example, like you know, so many of my plans will come and tell me, oh, you know, we if we take more time to do the work, like you know, we are questioned like, oh, why did you take two hours to do this job? This could have been done in an hour. So there is that culture not in all the corporations. I have seen in some of the corporations where they do bring in that work life harmony. So during these. Times, and especially like you know, so many people are working remotely, how can people use their awareness utilize the unique talents of others?

14:57 Uh? The first after we open our way fareness, I look for some basic differences. One is specialists versus a generalist. If we talk too much and give too many details, a generalist only wants the bottom line. Otherwise you start to see them drifting. And that's one cue that I have. He's a generalist or she's a generalist. And then we have the other who wants to expand on all of the commentary, or if you give them, you ask them to do something. Please bring mister Smith's file in the next ten minutes. Then you start getting the details. Mister Smith, do you want his wife also? Do you want to file on your desk or on her desk? You know it goes detailed, detailed detail detail. Now, in a workplace, it can be very frustrating to put a generalist with a specialist because they will feel like one person is not giving enough information where the other feels that they're over doing it. But if you have a big project,

16:28 you can. And the other thing that we do is we tell them. You tell them I love the way you give me a wonderful overview that sets the picture, that sets the stage. Ah, now he becomes valuable or she becomes valuable. Then to the specialist, I say, but you love details. And then of course everybody in the room rolls their eyes, but we bring out the happy and the good in them. That is wonderful. You now can take my wonderful basic idea and you can make it even more beautiful because you look for all of the little pieces or reading a client's paper or materials.

17:20 Generalists usually don't like to read all of those little details, but specialists will go in all the way down to the last comma and he feels so excited. I found five theirs. Yes, I need that person, but we didn't know we needed him until we realized this person had value. Now the whole office sees each other as a working whole. That's a powerful way to kind of understand.

18:00 I'm sure that you know there are people fall into the mixed category as well. Then we are talking about the journalists and specialists, So how do you communicate with those people? That's really interesting. When we teach new teachers, we ask them to do a personality profile and we will find out, you know, if they're generalists a specialists, and then all the little details and then a lot of times I'll have these same teachers come back to graduate school and to do a master's degree or a doctorate, and we'll test them again and they're mixed. So the lovely thing about having these unique differences is that when we start to work together, our brain starts to make new neural connections so that we change the way that we speak and the way that we work with the individual with whom we are now engaged with based on their profile.

19:09 And it's not a contest, it's just what you've learned to pick up throughout the time of working with a generalist a specialists. Then you become a mixed. So okay, so now you know you know what type of a person there are you have gaged a Can you incorporate different strategies to help others become more self sufficient? Yes? Well, that's one of the issues that I'm glad you're bringing up today. Being a college professor, I'm noticing that my students are coming into the classroom and I'm not just saying undergraduates. I'm bringing you all the way up to graduate level self awareness. One day, I was teaching special education law, and I said, I don't want your name.

20:12 I don't know where you're from. I don't want to know that. I want you to tell me who you are. Do you know that not one person in that class could tell me who they really are? What are your attributes? Deficits? Define self? No? I can't do. So I suppose that starting way back at two years old, that we start getting young children to start defining self. Where do the blocks go in the box. No, you can actually teach reading and math at the same time. What color is the box? The box is blue? Can we put red blocks in with blue?

21:10 And then they define that, and then you may say you're a really good detective. And that defines that this child now has is becoming more aware of their ability to process information, decode it and define mm hmm. And then as they start growing up, you do the same thing. As they become might say seven to ten years old, that's when the age of reason because ben comes in and they'll tell you something that happened in the playground.

21:53 And then I'll listen and say, you know, you're really good at giving people advice. If that child came up to you and wanted to be your friend and ask for advice, what advice would you give him? Now that person is beginning to listen to themself. As you hear your self talk, you start to become self aware. Self awareness builds self confidence. Self confidence then prevents open conversation. In open conversation, you can say you can discuss positive things or impeding things, and you are able to express yourself and receive the commentary because you know who you are.

22:51 But when you don't know who you are, you get self doubt, and self doubt is defeatest. M hm. So you've talked about self awareness and death. Why would you say that self awareness is so critical to having that confidence. Well, when I actually proved this because when I was teaching this one of my graduate classes, and I asked the young man to tell me more. He wasn't that young, as I think he was in his forties, I said, tell me more. He immediately felt that I was demeaning him.

23:42 If you have self awareness and you know that you have the power within you to define whatever comes at you, you wouldn't feel that way. So then I started working on with that class on self awareness ninety one forty two. How do you know that blog is going to work with this group of individuals? Tell me more? I use it my linguistic classes. The first day of class, I said, we're going to be talking about social linguistics. By the way, where did your nose go when you hug someone? Now this is first day of class and I say, would you please hug each other? Oh, they're ready to faint.

24:36 I mean, you don't pass that social barrier and touch someone. We do? That is the opening of self awareness, self esteem and self. Confidence definitely, And as people are making conversations right, like a lot of things are deemed as positive, negative or impulsive type of communication. So give us a little bit more insight in that, and like how can people blend all three of them? So it's a small and clear and concise communication.

25:17 First of all, you, when it's like you and I today, we are diagnostic. We are becoming diagnosticians. You're looking at what I'm saying, you're listening to it, You're looking at my body language, and you're defining my cyan who is dian. I'm doing the same with you. And as we're looking at each other, our awareness is expanding and we're defining at what point is this relationship comfortable? Or if I throw something out there that would make it uncomfortable, would that person react. So, as I'm meeting you in our first encounters, I am also thinking about how to make you comfortable. And usually in my first conversation with a new client that will come into my office for private work, they often end up saying, how do you know me?

26:25 When you've never met me? Teenagers think I'm a witch. It's just you're just aware of them. Yes, but it's lovely. And if you are overseeing a group of workers, if you're the boss and you have this talent, it's innate. We all have it. Imagine how comfortable your workplace will be because you're utilizing the time interacting.

27:09 The other piece is once you define rules, are you elie is? Everyone needs to be there when we're defining bottom line, this is what we're going to do. These are the rules. What would happen if we cross that line? You talk about that also, and then what would be the repercussion of crossing that line? Talk about everybody knows the bottom line. So then when something happens where an action a word breaking confidence is happen with that happens in the workplace, all you have to do is you look at that person and say, what could you do differently?

28:08 Or where does that need to be instead of that that file needs to be on missus Jones's desk eight eight o'clock in the morning. If file isn't there, you go up to that person you say, where does missus Where does that file need to be in miss on missus jones desk? So where is it right now? Oh, it's in my hand, where should you put it on the desk? Thank you? That's it. That's it. You don't demean the person, you don't do it with an angry face. You smile and say thanks, yeah, and they're respective for that mm hmm. And it's about embracing the differences.

28:51 And we all know different regardless, regardless, and of course the culture and different countries and even kids from the same family. You know, people look at the experiences differently with the different lens of the world. That's what makes our lives rich, that's what makes our humanity rich. And celebrating those differences can make a huge huge impact on how we communicate and receive each other. So that's being kind of continue our communication piece. Are there any last thoughts you want to share with our audience? Yes, open communication. When I left the United States and my communication obviously was very close, and so I got off the airplane and people were hugging me, and people were telling me to my face things that they liked about me and things that they didn't like about me.

29:54 And at first I felt very uncomfortable, but then I thought, they love me, they care for me, They're telling me what will make me more adaptable. And not be the ugly American in their country. And so rather than take offense, I learned that I also can be open in my communication. When we are open in our communications, we are now able to accept the negative and the positive and become one whole, cohesive whole because we're doing it together.

30:39 Absolutely, So where can people learn about deeper communication? Where can they get your book? How can they connect with you? Yes, my web page is doctor Diane Olvera one word, but it's the I A N N E and then OVEROLB E r A dot com. That's our web page. And my book is the Power of Connection and it's understanding individual differences to uplift and empower. H Yeah, and I'm very powerful and I'm sure your book will bring a lot of value to people. And so yeah, definitely check out Dr Dan and doctor Dan Olvera dot com.

31:25 And thank you for joining us. Well, thank you so much. It was a wonderful conversation with you, very kind and patient. I appreciate that, oh absolutely. And we all have our moments when when we also get frazzled, and it's also part of recognizing ourselves and others. So thank you for joining us, and thank you wonderful listeners for being with us and being part of our show. Please reach out to us, let us know as you always do, and a love that as to how serve you and support you, What stories and what expertise we could bring for you so that you can live the life you deserve.

32:07 And thank you on for making the show technically possible? Did you all next time? Thank you for being part of Beyond Confidence With your host v Park, we hope you have learned more about how to start living the life you want. Each week on Beyond Confidence, you hear stories of real people who've experienced growth by overcoming their fears and building meaningful relationships. During Beyond Confidence, Vpark shares what happened to her when she stepped out of her comfort zone to work directly with people across the globe. She not only coaches people how to form hard connections, but also transform relationships to mutually beneficial partnerships as they strive to live the life they want. If you are ready to live the life you want and leverage your strengths, learn more at www dot dvpark dot com and you can connect with dvat contact at dvpark dot com. We look forward to you, joining us next week